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nitole111
nitole111 Posts: 45 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi, I need advice from someone possible older than me, since teenagers (my friends: 19,20) aren't usually that good at giving advice (besides me, of course ;) ). But my best friend is a guy, and I am a girl. I think I am a pretty good friend, but I feel like he always treats me less than perfect. Every time he has a problem I always talk to him and try and offer decent advice, and I'm always there for him. I've lent him a decent chunk of money (1,500) so he could put a down payment on a truck. I've picked him up and drove him home at 2 in the morning when he was too drunk to walk.
We talk (text) pretty much all day, but when we do it's usually just me talking and him giving me one or two word responses. It makes me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me, which is whatever--but if you don't want to talk to me...don't talk to me. It's also really weird because we text all the time but he never has time to actually see me, and I've brought it up two or three times about hanging out but the conversation goes something like this: me "hey, when do I get to see you, I miss you..tell your friends to stop hogging you all the time" him "haha". And that's the end of that, so I've stopped asking.
Also anytime I need him to tell me everything is going to be okay, or if I'm feeling sad he never says anything except I'm sorry or he makes it about him. I'm getting tired of him treating me like this, and I'm about ready to just tell him that whenever he decides to want to make a contribution to our friendship and stop being so mean then he can just talk to me then, but until then, don't talk to me.
What do yall think? And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and putting up with my petty teenage drama (not for too much longer, I turn 20 in two days! :) )
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Replies

  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
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    I think you're over sensitive and reading too much into it...but that's just from what I read.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
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    It doesn't really sound like you need advice. :smile:
  • maz504
    maz504 Posts: 450
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    He may be your best friend, but you're clearly not his.
  • andibenoit
    andibenoit Posts: 71 Member
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    I agree with Maz... You're not his best friend, even if he's yours... But he doesn't sound like much of a friend to me at all.
  • ethompso0105
    ethompso0105 Posts: 418 Member
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    Chica, I dated a guy like that about 6+ years ago. He ended up being bad news for me. If he's not going to put effort into your friendship then he's not worth your time. I'm sorry you're stressing about it. Let him go--you'll find someone so much better down the road! Good luck!!
  • emilyGPK
    emilyGPK Posts: 83 Member
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    To be honest, he sounds like a male of the species :)
    If you would like certain things from him I suggest asking point blank.
  • SconnieCat
    SconnieCat Posts: 770 Member
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    It sounds like you're putting more effort into the friendship than he is. I would invest your time and certainly your money somewhere else. Good luck!
  • HotAshMess
    HotAshMess Posts: 382 Member
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    You're clearly not his best friend. I know I don't know everything but it doesn't even sound like he treats you like a friend... it sounds like you pursue him for friendship or whatever and he just goes along when it is convenient. I would strongly suggest you stop "doing" for him. Friendship isn't about what you do for another person. Don't go on some crazy "pay attention to me or get out" rant. Just... stop initiating contact for a few days and see what happens. People who want you in your life will make time for you and will notice when you're not around. I think maybe you need some more friends, honey. Like the real kind who enjoy your conversation and not your money for their downpayment on their truck. Good luck.
  • jwooley13
    jwooley13 Posts: 243
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    If there's one thing I learned in my twenties, it's to put your time and energy into relationships that give back. After college I realized that some of my friendships were a little one sided, and we gradually grew apart. I'm not saying to ditch your friend, but maybe it's time to branch out and find some people that give and much as you do to the relationship.
  • 19kat55
    19kat55 Posts: 336 Member
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    I agree with the advice being given. This guy sounds like a user. You don't need that. Cut the ties before you are out more than $1,500. And please don't allow people to use you that way. I have a son that does this. People walk all over him and use him. Makes me nuts.
  • JGonzo82
    JGonzo82 Posts: 167 Member
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    There's some old saying that goes something like, "don't make someone your priority if you're only their option"
    Sounds like that's what's going on here...
  • nitole111
    nitole111 Posts: 45 Member
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    Thanks everyone! I do have a problem with letting people use me, and it's something I need to work on.
    However, aisgreen said I should stop initiating conversation...that's the thing, I don't text him first, he always texts me first. But I feel like he just does it because he feels obligated to because he'll say hey, and then he won't have anything to talk about.
    And Lifting2Lose haha I would, but I'm a virgin and I don't want to lose my virginity to teach him a lesson hahahah
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Is he making payments or something to pay your back?
  • nitole111
    nitole111 Posts: 45 Member
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    Is he making payments or something to pay your back?

    He's paid some of it back
  • laurenawolf
    laurenawolf Posts: 262 Member
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    I would just ask for your money back and ditch him asap.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    He's just not that into you.

    Seriously, demand your money.
    Stop texting dude. Find better friends.
  • lniber22
    lniber22 Posts: 29 Member
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    i think you are trying to turn a friendship into something more whether you realize it or not. He is treating you like a guy who isn't that interested in you and knows that he can use you when he needs to. Don't waste your time. If a guy is sincere in offering a good friendship or relationship then he will make the effort without having to be prodded. This gets easier to recognize as you get older but do yourself a favor and stop wasting your time.
  • kendall916
    kendall916 Posts: 4,222 Member
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    He doesn't sound like a friend to me at all. He's just taking advantage of your good nature. I definitely agree with the other posters that he can be a acquaintance/friend but he's not the one for you. I've played that route before in college and got burnt in the end realizing the guy I thought I could be more than friends turned out he wasn't into me. So I'd say if he still uses you to HIS advantage, drop his *kitten*!

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