Sexual Assult Prevention Week

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

Thank you, I was going to say something along the lines of this (most likely not as eloquently though). In my own experience being more aware would not have prevented it from happening. Having self defense skills may have deterred him but there still would have been an attempt. The attempt needs to be prevented along with the act itself and victims have zero responsibility for that.

While culture may play a role I think its safe to say that no matter how many people you reach, how zen-like the world may become through higher understandings, there are people who are just not born wired right. Not every serial killer is the product of being fed dog food in a cage while there parents had orgies watching Barney videos in front of them. Know what I mean? (Sorry I have a tendency to over complicate my comparables).

So while 99.9% of the population may one day be perfectly harmless, there is still the .1% that I will continue to warm my kids about.

So to prevent it. I can do exactly what I do now. I have two daughters (18 & 15) and I CONSTANTLY warn them of the dangers of the world. The same as my mother did with me.

Be aware of who/what is around you.
Look under your car while you approach.
Check your back seats before getting into your car.
Lock your doors immediately.
Get your face out of your phone and pay attention.
Who cares if you hurt someones feelings if you get a bad feeling. Cross the street or run the other way.
ETC...

I walk frequently in the evening and usually take at least one of my daughters. A few weeks ago all three of us went. We saw the same van pass us three times with two men inside. My daughters picked it up immediately. My advice? In this OR ANY SITUATION SIMILAR that you don't feel right about. Dial 9-1 and keep your phone in your hand and be prepared to fight, kick, scream, scratch, bite, ripe, tear, shred....you get the point.

I think all of this is right. That being said. I think respect and boundaries need to be taught.

For ourselves we need to respect ourselves enough to stay out or get out of situations that may become hairy. We need to respect our bodies enough to protect them and ourselves enough to report a violation. Many of us do not feel safe or that anyone would even believe us. Part of that is from false accusations and some of that is from societal misconceptions. No matter what someone looks like or who they are they can be raped, you do not have to be beautiful or thin or even a woman because rape rarely has to do with physical attraction and has more to do with power.

Then we also need to know boundaries and respect for others. I honestly believe that there are plenty of boys and men out there that do not even realize that what they are doing is rape. I know that sounds silly but it's so true. I've seen these terrible videos of guys having sex with a drunk girl who has passed out and they all think it's some sort of joke and somehow cannot even concieve of the depth of their violation to the body, and then proceed to blame the girl for either A.) Dressing/being provocative B.) getting sloppy. Just because a girl is coming on to you drunk does not mean you get to violate her body. I personally cannot understand the appeal of sleeping with someone unconcious...

I personally do not do drugs, I do not drink in to excess unless I am around people that I 100% trust and even then... I still don't like it. Never be out of control of your body because you generally cannot rely on anyone else to defend your body for you. I realize this is putting some of the responsibility in the hands of the victims but we are the only ones we can truly depend on to defend out bodies and we cannot do that when incompaciated. There are some people who will come in and save the day but we cannot hope or expect for that to happen. We have to be prepared.


Last but not least is knowing that we are worth the fight and we did not deserve what happened. No matter what anyone says or thinks or beats us down to believe. We did not ask for or want that violation of body. The only person who gets hurt by this denial and coverup is ourselves. The victims, and by hiding it and tucking it away as a secret we deny ourselves the chance to heal and overcome.

While I believe that situational awareness and self defense are important to people in general, I think that implying that a woman has to do her part to prevent herself from being raped is a subtle implication that she bears partial responsibility for her own rape if it should happen.

A woman dressed provocatively is not asking for it, neither is a woman who enjoys flirting, and neither is a woman who happens to walk on a dark street at night. She should be able to freely do these things without the fear of being assaulted.


The responsibility rests SOLELY on the shoulders of the person who initiates force against another.

Absolutely! I think the point though is that we have to do our best to protect ourselves as well. Knowledge is part of prevention.

I think you may be missing the point, just a little. Having self awareness and self defense skills isn't actually preventing the assault from occurring -- it just might make the attempt be unsuccessful (while is pretty vile to even write).

Self defense/awareness have a place in the conversation, just not when you're talking prevention because it is always going to place a level of blame on the victim. If you were stronger/faster/more aware this wouldn't have happened to you. Which is not true.

Thank you, I was going to say something along the lines of this (most likely not as eloquently though). In my own experience being more aware would not have prevented it from happening. Having self defense skills may have deterred him but there still would have been an attempt. The attempt needs to be prevented along with the act itself and victims have zero responsibility for that.

I am not disagreeing with either of you at all. I am not saying that being aware, trained in self defense, etc would prevent attacks all together. I would never ever say that without these tools a victim has a role in responsibilty. I am simply saying that it may give us more of an edge in prevention. An attacker is going to attack no matter what.

I am sorry, but if you are saying an attacker is going to attack no matter what, your agenda isn't prevention. I have tried to choose my words here very carefully, because I don't see a malicious spirit in your post or your words.

But the idea that an attacker is going to attack, no matter what, is effectively saying that rape is an unavoidable part of our society. What I can do to prevent rape is to call bullsh*t on that. Access to mental health care, as well as the stigma that comes with receiving mental care are part of the problem. The other part of the problem is our society as a whole has normalized sexual violence to the extent that it is seen as an inevitable part of society, so we have to find ways to "cope". Self defense, self awareness -- those are coping strategies. They are super important. But they do not have a place in prevention. Period.