Finding Happiness as an Adult

Looking for the good in people. Most people are doing their best and face their own struggles. We're too quick to judge, and too slow to just accept that everyone is trying their best.

Being responsible for my own happiness. No one can make me happy. That comes from my own efforts and choices.

Having a greater purpose than just getting and spending. It doesn't have to be religion, but feeling connected to a great cause makes my life bigger.

As I get older i find myself becoming more and more nostalgic, reminiscing about my childhood and my teens, early twenties, remembering all the fun memories and laughter I used to have.

Now in my thirties I enjoy time with family and have a few select good friends but I have definitely become someone who now enjoys time on my own away from people, just being me.

I believe it's all in the person. I find happiness doing simple things. Always making people laugh around me at work even though I see a lot of death in my career. Working out is a great stress relief for me and helps me daily. As far as true happiness it's at the dinner table with my family. My daughter. Snowboarding, golfing, fishing, camping, anything up in the mountains. I am always smiling or looking at the better side of any situation. I blame that on hitting severe rock bottom when I was younger. I appreciate everything now. I really do believe happiness is as simple as focusing on the positives of every day.

IMO...

I think you are ignoring a calling, and that is why you haven't found happiness with the success you have obtained.

Happiness is simply the state achieved when the perceived positives in one's life outweigh the perceived negatives.

I say perceived, because reality is irrelevant. One can be unhappy as a billionaire on a yacht in the med surrounded by beautiful people that love you, and one can be happy living alone in a hovel eating cabbage soup. Sure, working to improve your reality is always smart, but if you fail to improve your perception, it will be for naught. In the same way, improving your perception can make you happier without improving your reality one jot - and is much easier.

Unfortunately in my experience many actively seek out the negative for multiple reasons -

> to appear 'deep' or thoughtful (the faux philosopher)
> to excuse perceived failures in their life (I coulda been a contender)
> to elicit sympathy (inability to differentiate between positive and negative attention)

At the same time, they miss or dilute all the positives.

Watch a child playing for a couple of hours to learn a bit about pure unbridled happiness. They aren't bogged down by years of perceived negatives. They can truly live in the moment, and envelope themselves in the joy of what they are doing right then. They are unbound by thoughts of what they should do, and completely free to do what they want to do. Of course, the inverse is also true. In the presence of negative stimulus, a child will be pure misery, unable to draw on past positive experience to outweigh the negative. Unable to hypothesize a positive future that may unfold from this negative experience. A child can find rapturous joy in an empty cardboard box, and soul destroying despair in a dropped cookie.

As adults, we can choose how we perceive and react to stimulus. For negative events, focus on what is required to overcome them, and choose to not fall into despair (an evolutionary device to attract assistance, back when negative events were often lethal). We can remember that hard times have come in the past, and been overcome. If an unpleasant task is necessary to obtain future happiness, then take joy in that task as earning the future happiness.

When there is a positive event, no matter how small, celebrate it. Wrap yourself in it. Celebrate not just your own successes, but those of the people around you. Be truly proud of yourself, your achievements and the achievements of others.

Being happy isn't hard. You just need to give yourself permission.

King Solomon said that he had done a great many things in pursuit of happiness - got knowledge, huge masses of wealth, lots of women, horses, built gardens and buildings, had the best entertainers, alcohol - and all of it amounted to chasing wind. The conclusion he came up with was that men are happiest when they obey God, enjoy the work God has given him to do, and enjoy his food and drink.

I agree with those three things.

So, when I'm washing dishes, which was my least favorite task, I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means we had something to eat. I can enjoy the least pleasant aspects of my job. I had a fulfilling career with respect and prestige and ended up homeschooling my kids because my kids needed it. And God gave me the work and grace to truly enjoy this season of life with them. It's very fulfilling work.

The other is to stop trying to get people to understand me. Everyone has a different way of viewing the world, different life experiences, etc. So they probably won't "get me" all the time. That's ok. God understands me, and is kind to me anyway.

And, along that vein, being understanding of moods. When you're in a bad mood, it's like rain - it will pass, and its ok to have them. Plants need sunshine and rain to grow. Winter helps the ground to rest in order to be productive in Spring. So smile and cry and slow down if you need to. Be relaxed about mood changes in yourself and others.