Finding Happiness as an Adult
Replies
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the same thing that has always made me happy
being myself and food
also my mom0 -
the child playing example reminded me of something my Sifu often tell us. Strive for zero, for nothingness.
As a baby we start at 0. We then learn a few things and try to up our value, become a 1 a 2 a5 and so forth. As some point we find the value is not an add on, but a realizing we alone are enough, a zero. And we start to drop value on things, events, people, and such in our lives.
It is when we are really just a 0 at best, pure, true, and enough, that we have achieved full circle and find enlightenment
I sorta like that.... it may take me a few trips around the horn, but I want to get there.
Right now, I like ot so stuff with people, and it makes me happy. At least I have started to learn a loose grip.
see ironically that is what I have such a problem with - I not only intellectually know, I can feel the fact that we are all zero - nothingness - ironically "less than zero" as Brett Easton Ellis would have said years ago. I don't know how one can find enlightenment in that.. it's sad to look out at the cosmos and realize we are really temporal beings leaving no lasting effect on even our own planet.0 -
My son, when he was born I had a sort of rebirth of my own... Life seemed good again, their was purpose, a reason to want happiness and to strive for it!!!0
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King Solomon said that he had done a great many things in pursuit of happiness - got knowledge, huge masses of wealth, lots of women, horses, built gardens and buildings, had the best entertainers, alcohol - and all of it amounted to chasing wind. The conclusion he came up with was that men are happiest when they obey God, enjoy the work God has given him to do, and enjoy his food and drink.
I agree with those three things.
So, when I'm washing dishes, which was my least favorite task, I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means we had something to eat. I can enjoy the least pleasant aspects of my job. I had a fulfilling career with respect and prestige and ended up homeschooling my kids because my kids needed it. And God gave me the work and grace to truly enjoy this season of life with them. It's very fulfilling work.
The other is to stop trying to get people to understand me. Everyone has a different way of viewing the world, different life experiences, etc. So they probably won't "get me" all the time. That's ok. God understands me, and is kind to me anyway.
And, along that vein, being understanding of moods. When you're in a bad mood, it's like rain - it will pass, and its ok to have them. Plants need sunshine and rain to grow. Winter helps the ground to rest in order to be productive in Spring. So smile and cry and slow down if you need to. Be relaxed about mood changes in yourself and others.
Omg. Ecclesiastes has to be one of the most brilliant books every every written hands down - easily would be found in my top 5 - Solomon is so relatable despite living so many years ago previous to us - it is frankly shocking.
I recently came to the conclusion that material goods do not bring happiness - It aided me in getting my life in order - but yeah it is a mute issue - women, entertainers, alcohol - fun for a season - but it is just a season so it does indeed pass.
I don't know if there is a God or not - but if there is I certainly don't understand why the worlds most brilliant mind would have left his convictions with him - particularly after receiving his blessing from him. My only conclusion is he came to the state of realization that God, and I say this totally respectfully, not bitterly - but that a God that allows the pain in the world, and the state of uncertainly and suffering can't be a perfect God for making such an imperfect creation - one wouldn't call an artist perfect if their art was riddled with mistakes. Likewise - being omnipotent, why not create a world void of the pain, yet still enable mankind to live with free will - being all-powerful would certainly allow this possibility - and prior to the fall in the garden I'm sure this was the case, so earth would have only needed a minor tweak. I just don't understand this.
^briefly compounding on this point - I don't know why an omniscient God - and once again I say this respectfully because deep down in my heart I want there to be a God so that life has some sort of purpose/meaning - but why would an omniscient God - who would be able to obviously see the future - or perhaps be a separate being from time entirely, why with hindsight being 20/20 bother to create lucifer to begin with - or even plant the tree of God and Evil in the garden of Eden - with his hindsight we would be required to live up to his will - in that case we truely have no free will because we must live up to his expectation of our acts - just as he foresaw adam would take a bite outta the apple - why plant that tree to begin with?
I just don't understand this - Christians will say he planted that tree to give mankind the ability of free will - but paradoxically with God's all-knowing attributes why would he plant it then?
Even with God being immutable - how is it that an immutable being could have his mind changed from talking to a mere mortal (Moses in regards to sparing the Israelite)? - once again I'm respectfully baffled. ..and that doesn't bring happiness0 -
I'm content. I used to think content meant boring and not happy - not unhappy but not happy.
Now I know it means peace and fulfillment.0 -
you gotta find your "WHY"....in all that you do....Relationships, work, working out.....then once you decide why your doing or liking something commit to it and hit your goals.....having fun is a choice or mental mindset0
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the child playing example reminded me of something my Sifu often tell us. Strive for zero, for nothingness.
As a baby we start at 0. We then learn a few things and try to up our value, become a 1 a 2 a5 and so forth. As some point we find the value is not an add on, but a realizing we alone are enough, a zero. And we start to drop value on things, events, people, and such in our lives.
It is when we are really just a 0 at best, pure, true, and enough, that we have achieved full circle and find enlightenment
I sorta like that.... it may take me a few trips around the horn, but I want to get there.
Right now, I like ot so stuff with people, and it makes me happy. At least I have started to learn a loose grip.
see ironically that is what I have such a problem with - I not only intellectually know, I can feel the fact that we are all zero - nothingness - ironically "less than zero" as Brett Easton Ellis would have said years ago. I don't know how one can find enlightenment in that.. it's sad to look out at the cosmos and realize we are really temporal beings leaving no lasting effect on even our own planet.
leaving an impact is ego
being zero is humility
humility leads to gratitude
being grateful = happy0 -
you gotta find your "WHY"....in all that you do....Relationships, work, working out.....then once you decide why your doing or liking something commit to it and hit your goals.....having fun is a choice or mental mindset
but the 'why' is simply a case of 'good, better, best' - either way it makes no difference on the grand scheme - we seem to all be just. killing. time. - and relationships, work, and working out make it easier to kill the time.
:laugh:0 -
0 -
the child playing example reminded me of something my Sifu often tell us. Strive for zero, for nothingness.
As a baby we start at 0. We then learn a few things and try to up our value, become a 1 a 2 a5 and so forth. As some point we find the value is not an add on, but a realizing we alone are enough, a zero. And we start to drop value on things, events, people, and such in our lives.
It is when we are really just a 0 at best, pure, true, and enough, that we have achieved full circle and find enlightenment
I sorta like that.... it may take me a few trips around the horn, but I want to get there.
Right now, I like ot so stuff with people, and it makes me happy. At least I have started to learn a loose grip.
see ironically that is what I have such a problem with - I not only intellectually know, I can feel the fact that we are all zero - nothingness - ironically "less than zero" as Brett Easton Ellis would have said years ago. I don't know how one can find enlightenment in that.. it's sad to look out at the cosmos and realize we are really temporal beings leaving no lasting effect on even our own planet.
leaving an impact is ego
being zero is humility
humility leads to gratitude
being grateful = happy
'humility leads to gratitude' - I'd appreciate some clarification/elaboration towards that point - I really am thankful for your input - I have a great deal of respect for it - I just can't understand how one would feel gratitude in a state of humility - it is humbling to know we are all zero - and intellectually no matter how much we scream and cry and wave our arms wildly with frustration and anger at the stars that we still as a planet mean nothing - and even more so on the personal level - how and why would one feel gratitude concerning that? -- or do you mean it is easier to reach a state of gratitude once the realization is made evident, because respectfully I came to the conclusion that the post-modern views of nihilism are unfortunately about as spot on about our existence at age 13-14 reading that butt - Friedrich Nietzsche.0 -
King Solomon said that he had done a great many things in pursuit of happiness - got knowledge, huge masses of wealth, lots of women, horses, built gardens and buildings, had the best entertainers, alcohol - and all of it amounted to chasing wind. The conclusion he came up with was that men are happiest when they obey God, enjoy the work God has given him to do, and enjoy his food and drink.
I agree with those three things.
So, when I'm washing dishes, which was my least favorite task, I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means we had something to eat. I can enjoy the least pleasant aspects of my job. I had a fulfilling career with respect and prestige and ended up homeschooling my kids because my kids needed it. And God gave me the work and grace to truly enjoy this season of life with them. It's very fulfilling work.
The other is to stop trying to get people to understand me. Everyone has a different way of viewing the world, different life experiences, etc. So they probably won't "get me" all the time. That's ok. God understands me, and is kind to me anyway.
And, along that vein, being understanding of moods. When you're in a bad mood, it's like rain - it will pass, and its ok to have them. Plants need sunshine and rain to grow. Winter helps the ground to rest in order to be productive in Spring. So smile and cry and slow down if you need to. Be relaxed about mood changes in yourself and others.
Omg. Ecclesiastes has to be one of the most brilliant books every every written hands down - easily would be found in my top 5 - Solomon is so relatable despite living so many years ago previous to us - it is frankly shocking.
I recently came to the conclusion that material goods do not bring happiness - It aided me in getting my life in order - but yeah it is a mute issue - women, entertainers, alcohol - fun for a season - but it is just a season so it does indeed pass.
I don't know if there is a God or not - but if there is I certainly don't understand why the worlds most brilliant mind would have left his convictions with him - particularly after receiving his blessing from him. My only conclusion is he came to the state of realization that God, and I say this totally respectfully, not bitterly - but that a God that allows the pain in the world, and the state of uncertainly and suffering can't be a perfect God for making such an imperfect creation - one wouldn't call an artist perfect if their art was riddled with mistakes. Likewise - being omnipotent, why not create a world void of the pain, yet still enable mankind to live with free will - being all-powerful would certainly allow this possibility - and prior to the fall in the garden I'm sure this was the case, so earth would have only needed a minor tweak. I just don't understand this.
^briefly compounding on this point - I don't know why an omniscient God - and once again I say this respectfully because deep down in my heart I want there to be a God so that life has some sort of purpose/meaning - but why would an omniscient God - who would be able to obviously see the future - or perhaps be a separate being from time entirely, why with hindsight being 20/20 bother to create lucifer to begin with - or even plant the tree of God and Evil in the garden of Eden - with his hindsight we would be required to live up to his will - in that case we truely have no free will because we must live up to his expectation of our acts - just as he foresaw adam would take a bite outta the apple - why plant that tree to begin with?
I just don't understand this - Christians will say he planted that tree to give mankind the ability of free will - but paradoxically with God's all-knowing attributes why would he plant it then?
Even with God being immutable - how is it that an immutable being could have his mind changed from talking to a mere mortal (Moses in regards to sparing the Israelite)? - once again I'm respectfully baffled. ..and that doesn't bring happiness
First of all, I can see that you are intelligently seeking the answers to your questions. High intelligence comes with its own set of problems, like great beauty or wealth. We have a tendency to not be content with simple answers. Having wrestled with these issues myself, I hope I can assist you, because faith in God is truely awesome, and provides joy even in times of great distress.
In regard to your desire to believe in God - it is my thought that you already believe in God, you just need to understand better - the why's to the hard questions in life. The book of Job was written for this purpose. Job was a God fearing, righteous man, rich in all blessings from God. Then suddenly, calamity visited him and within a matter of days, his wealth, health and children were gone. He felt it was unfair, because he'd served God faithfully. If only he could plead his case with God, he thought, God would see the "mistakes." God grants him an audience, and God begins to question Job - do you know the depth of the sea? Can you measure it? Or do you know what treasures God put in the snow? Or put bravery in a horse? Or stupidity in ostriches so that others could eat eggs? And on and on he went.
Let's pause here. It would be many thousands of years after the writing of this book that someone would invent a microscope that could see the jewel like beauty in a snowflake, and years after that to understand that each snowflake is a unique design.
You are a thoughtful man, a thinker, so I will not present the entire case at once, but allow you some time to pray, read, and ponder a while.
Thank you. :flowerforyou:0 -
King Solomon said that he had done a great many things in pursuit of happiness - got knowledge, huge masses of wealth, lots of women, horses, built gardens and buildings, had the best entertainers, alcohol - and all of it amounted to chasing wind. The conclusion he came up with was that men are happiest when they obey God, enjoy the work God has given him to do, and enjoy his food and drink.
I agree with those three things.
So, when I'm washing dishes, which was my least favorite task, I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means we had something to eat. I can enjoy the least pleasant aspects of my job. I had a fulfilling career with respect and prestige and ended up homeschooling my kids because my kids needed it. And God gave me the work and grace to truly enjoy this season of life with them. It's very fulfilling work.
The other is to stop trying to get people to understand me. Everyone has a different way of viewing the world, different life experiences, etc. So they probably won't "get me" all the time. That's ok. God understands me, and is kind to me anyway.
And, along that vein, being understanding of moods. When you're in a bad mood, it's like rain - it will pass, and its ok to have them. Plants need sunshine and rain to grow. Winter helps the ground to rest in order to be productive in Spring. So smile and cry and slow down if you need to. Be relaxed about mood changes in yourself and others.
Omg. Ecclesiastes has to be one of the most brilliant books every every written hands down - easily would be found in my top 5 - Solomon is so relatable despite living so many years ago previous to us - it is frankly shocking.
I recently came to the conclusion that material goods do not bring happiness - It aided me in getting my life in order - but yeah it is a mute issue - women, entertainers, alcohol - fun for a season - but it is just a season so it does indeed pass.
I don't know if there is a God or not - but if there is I certainly don't understand why the worlds most brilliant mind would have left his convictions with him - particularly after receiving his blessing from him. My only conclusion is he came to the state of realization that God, and I say this totally respectfully, not bitterly - but that a God that allows the pain in the world, and the state of uncertainly and suffering can't be a perfect God for making such an imperfect creation - one wouldn't call an artist perfect if their art was riddled with mistakes. Likewise - being omnipotent, why not create a world void of the pain, yet still enable mankind to live with free will - being all-powerful would certainly allow this possibility - and prior to the fall in the garden I'm sure this was the case, so earth would have only needed a minor tweak. I just don't understand this.
^briefly compounding on this point - I don't know why an omniscient God - and once again I say this respectfully because deep down in my heart I want there to be a God so that life has some sort of purpose/meaning - but why would an omniscient God - who would be able to obviously see the future - or perhaps be a separate being from time entirely, why with hindsight being 20/20 bother to create lucifer to begin with - or even plant the tree of God and Evil in the garden of Eden - with his hindsight we would be required to live up to his will - in that case we truely have no free will because we must live up to his expectation of our acts - just as he foresaw adam would take a bite outta the apple - why plant that tree to begin with?
I just don't understand this - Christians will say he planted that tree to give mankind the ability of free will - but paradoxically with God's all-knowing attributes why would he plant it then?
Even with God being immutable - how is it that an immutable being could have his mind changed from talking to a mere mortal (Moses in regards to sparing the Israelite)? - once again I'm respectfully baffled. ..and that doesn't bring happiness
First of all, I can see that you are intelligently seeking the answers to your questions. High intelligence comes with its own set of problems, like great beauty or wealth. We have a tendency to not be content with simple answers. Having wrestled with these issues myself, I hope I can assist you, because faith in God is truely awesome, and provides joy even in times of great distress.
In regard to your desire to believe in God - it is my thought that you already believe in God, you just need to understand better - the why's to the hard questions in life. The book of Job was written for this purpose. Job was a God fearing, righteous man, rich in all blessings from God. Then suddenly, calamity visited him and within a matter of days, his wealth, health and children were gone. He felt it was unfair, because he'd served God faithfully. If only he could plead his case with God, he thought, God would see the "mistakes." God grants him an audience, and God begins to question Job - do you know the depth of the sea? Can you measure it? Or do you know what treasures God put in the snow? Or put bravery in a horse? Or stupidity in ostriches so that others could eat eggs? And on and on he went.
Let's pause here. It would be many thousands of years after the writing of this book that someone would invent a microscope that could see the jewel like beauty in a snowflake, and years after that to understand that each snowflake is a unique design.
You are a thoughtful man, a thinker, so I will not present the entire case at once, but allow you some time to pray, read, and ponder a while.
Thank you. :flowerforyou:
^I'll re-read Job.
Appreciate your response - certainly food for thought.0 -
being humble is to realize you've got nothing coming. You are special, but you ain't no big deal.
when you got nothing coming, whatever you do get- like food, friends, and interaction on the internet, you can feel grateful for it = happy
or you can lack humility, and think you are owed and deserve things = ungrateful, dissatisfied and there is never enough = unhappy0 -
for the Christian deali-io I think they put it this way--
the greatest among you will be the least
they stole that from hinduism though, many will say.
ok, I'm out
not a religious person at all, but I do strive for spirituality0 -
i am trying to learn how to find my own happiness and not depend on realtionships or people or any other outside being to "make me happy."
He makes me happy:flowerforyou:
She makes me happy
Having a puppy makes me happy
My job makes me happy :glasses:
i mean you want to enjoy the people in your life, your pets, your coworkers, but you cannot depend on them...for your happiness.0 -
being humble is to realize you've got nothing coming. You are special, but you ain't no big deal.
when you got nothing coming, whatever you do get- like food, friends, and interaction on the internet, you can feel grateful for it = happy
or you can lack humility, and think you are owed and deserve things = ungrateful, dissatisfied and there is never enough = unhappy
Ok, I see your reasoning - I am sincerely working on becoming more humble - I have a mountain of work to climb though before I get anywhere close to being humble - I can infact be very cocky at times crossing the lines greatly of being simply confident.
Appreciate your insight - once again great for me to reflect, and think on, and one of my next goals will be to aspire towards adapting humility.
And I likewise am not a religious man, but I have read a great deal concerning it - and Christian, Judaism, Hindu, Muslim -one thing is certain, they all correspond in their lessons of humility and a spirit of meekness being of paramount importance.0 -
i am trying to learn how to find my own happiness and not depend on realtionships or people or any other outside being to "make me happy."
i mean you want to enjoy the people in your life, your pets, your coworkers, but you cannot depend on them...for your happiness.
Agree 100%. I am trying to follow this same philosophy. I believe this completely, but it's really HARD sometimes to remember it all the time isn't it?! But yes, to depend on anything (or anyone) outside ourselves for our happiness is a sure way to limit the amount of happiness we can actually have. Why give that kind of power over ourselves away to other people or things?
Jo0 -
i am trying to learn how to find my own happiness and not depend on realtionships or people or any other outside being to "make me happy."
i mean you want to enjoy the people in your life, your pets, your coworkers, but you cannot depend on them...for your happiness.
Agree 100%. I am trying to follow this same philosophy. I believe this completely, but it's really HARD sometimes to remember it all the time isn't it?! But yes, to depend on anything (or anyone) outside ourselves for our happiness is a sure way to limit the amount of happiness we can actually have. Why give that kind of power over ourselves away to other people or things?
Jo
I agree you can not depend on them for happiness - I think it would be a burden entirely unfair to put upon them. Rather, I think those that are the closest are the ones that you find special enough to suffer with or suffer for. Everyone is hurting in so many area's so you have to pick who is worth suffering and sacrificing for. People don't make other people happy, but they help in times of turmoil and tribulation. ... reminds me of the 'Pale King'.
"“The next suitable person you’re in light conversation with, you stop suddenly in the middle of the conversation and look at the person closely and say, “What’s wrong?” You say it in a concerned way. He’ll say, “What do you mean?” You say, “Something’s wrong. I can tell. What is it?” And he’ll look stunned and say, “How did you know?” He doesn’t realize something’s always wrong, with everybody. Often more than one thing. He doesn’t know everybody’s always going around all the time with something wrong and believing they’re exerting great willpower and control to keep other people, for whom they think nothing’s ever wrong, from seeing it.” - DFW0 -
Realizing you have no real meaning, impact or importance also lends one to realize that our mere existence is an improbability in this universe. I'm thankful that I even get this chance to be a part of something so vast, even if my existence is short and meaningless, at least I am somehow here to witness a glimpse of this strange and crazy place. I try to learn, live and enjoy whatever this existence is, even though I do also believe it is completely meaningless.0
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Peace.0
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Good question,,, I am still looking for it.0
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No "Thing", place, person, or time makes me happy. Happiness is a mindset. You choose to be happy, regardless of the situation you are in. That is the only way to be truly happy. You think, therefore you are.
The people who believe they require something to make them happy will never be happy with anything.0 -
That I care much less about what others think of me. That's been hard won. I'm in my 40s; it took me a while to get there.0
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No "Thing", place, person, or time makes me happy. Happiness is a mindset. You choose to be happy, regardless of the situation you are in. That is the only way to be truly happy. You think, therefore you are.
The people who believe they require something to make them happy will never be happy with anything.
^^^^Nailed it!0 -
Realizing you have no real meaning, impact or importance also lends one to realize that our mere existence is an improbability in this universe. I'm thankful that I even get this chance to be a part of something so vast, even if my existence is short and meaningless, at least I am somehow here to witness a glimpse of this strange and crazy place. I try to learn, live and enjoy whatever this existence is, even though I do also believe it is completely meaningless.
:flowerforyou: we share a common bond. I am thankful we live in this strange and crazy universe as well - and you never know - due to quantum mechanics providing evidence of potential parallel universes, and M-Theory - we may as a species uncover a purpose sometime down the road, maybe not for mankind and humans - but of the universe's existence. - that is something to look forward towards.0 -
I dunno, I'm happy pretty much every day and I don't have to try for it.
I know I'm lucky. I have a good job and a kind boss, nice place to live, enough disposable income that I never worry about paying my bills or buying groceries, no kids to care for, a wonderful boyfriend and incredible friends, a small but loving family, good physical and mental health...and I am thankful every day for all those privileges.
I am into savouring little things too: cute fluffy dogs on my way to work, reading a new book, a drink on my sunny balcony, ten minutes cuddling in bed before I have to get up, making plans for weekend trips, wearing my favourite shoes, whatever.
I'm not rich/super successful/incredibly well-liked or talented/really attractive but I find I don't need to be. I have worked to make my life the way I want it and i am just really grateful every day that I have all the things I have, both material and intangible.
I posted before seeing this, but you described my feelings and attitude about this topic EXACTLY. Down to every single detail except that I am married, so it's wonderful husband instead of boyfriend. But otherwise, exactly the same :-)0 -
What makes you happy as you progress into adulthood?
As one continues to mature they realize that many things that make them 'happy' are temporary, artificial, or trivial - what makes you most happy?0 -
No "Thing", place, person, or time makes me happy. Happiness is a mindset. You choose to be happy, regardless of the situation you are in. That is the only way to be truly happy. You think, therefore you are.
The people who believe they require something to make them happy will never be happy with anything.
^^^^Nailed it!
I certainly see your point - it is how and why I force myself to smile, and smile often - it is indeed a mindset - but as I'm getting older - I just had a co-worker tell me that I'm an 'old soul' today - I'm realizing more and more how truly void of reason there is too be happy - not to say that being happy isn't of incredible importance.
I guess my thinking on this stemmed a great deal from a txt from the primary lady I started dating yesterday saying "IDK what I want to do with my life"
I said, "If you are referring to your career, doors will open, just be willing to walk through them and decide if you would rather be happy or feel valued, and work in that direction. If you are referring to us - you already got both baby "
Her response "sheeesh I just mean idk what i wanna do right now"
:laugh:0 -
What makes you happy as you progress into adulthood?
As one continues to mature they realize that many things that make them 'happy' are temporary, artificial, or trivial - what makes you most happy?
^reminds me of that article in Times magazine a few months ago about savoring the taste of a raisin and feeling out and tasting not only the taste but the texture - it surely should bring a smile to ones face.
Glad to read how happy you both are. :flowerforyou:0 -
Honestly i'm not sure if i'd recognize super happy if it bit me on the butt. I've never been happy from the time i was little to now. There's moments of contentment which comes from friends and relationships but i know that it's all going to end one day and it just reminds me of how little there is to be happy about. I find escapism the same way i always have: gaming and comic books, not the most grown up of things but what can i say.0
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