Would you be angry and if so, What do you do..?

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closertogoal
closertogoal Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
Okay, so I have lost 130 pounds and had some regain. I had gastric bypass surgery. I was very overweight. So last night I was talking with a friend who has weight issues and she said to me.. well I wish I was fat enough to have the surgery that you did. um excuse me.??? I was soo offended. I stopped talking to her. She is a big girl too. I don't know I just thought very RUDE.
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  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
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    Maybe she genuinely wishes that. Probably depends on facial expression and tone of voice whether she was just being a snot or not.
  • closertogoal
    closertogoal Posts: 10 Member
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    To me it was like she was saying how fat I was and made me feel like a huge failure.
  • LemonLizard
    LemonLizard Posts: 86 Member
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    Sounds like the time when my friend said "I wish I weighed as much as you so I could lose that much weight". C'mon now... She practically starves herself, too, so I don't appreciate that she would consider that bragging rights when she doesn't even put any physical effort to getting the body she wants, while doing harm to herself.

    tldr I would probably be mad
  • dciolf1
    dciolf1 Posts: 2 Member
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    don't worry about what other people think and focus on creating healthier happier you.

    also, don't lose a friend over a stupid comment, take a deep breath and just let it go.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    To me it was like she was saying how fat I was and made me feel like a huge failure.

    She wasn't saying that... She didn't say you were really fat.... She was talking about herself.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
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    You could always let her know she offended you and ask her what she meant by it.
  • Icandoityayme
    Icandoityayme Posts: 312 Member
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    It sounds like she really meant that. She may have been a little jealous that you have lost the weight and she is having problems with it. Too many times women compare themselves to other women and this is what happens. I understand being upset but it probably would help if you thought about where she might have been coming from. She probably didn't mean to offend you but sometimes things just come out the wrong way. I would just talk to her about it and tell her how it made you feel. I wouldn't lose a friendship over it.
  • Samstan101
    Samstan101 Posts: 699 Member
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    If she is a friend then I think she's badly worded what is actually a complement. I'd take it to mean that you look great having lost the weight and the surgery obviously helped you do that. She wishes she could lose her excess weight the same way as its worked for you.

    If she isn't heavy enough to 'qualify' (sorry not sure how it works as personally not something I looked into or considered) then perhaps you could point her to this site so she can see that you can lose weight with or without surgery.

    Alternatively she thinks that the surgery made it easy for you in which case she is misinformed and rude!
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 519 Member
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    I broke my back a couple of years ago and I was bedridden for a while, a friend told me; oh man I am so tired from work and school, I wish I broke my back so I could get some rest like you.

    So yeah, pretty much the same thing.

    It's an expression, they want something (no matter how grave) to happen for them to get the solution handed in a silver platter.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    To me it was like she was saying how fat I was and made me feel like a huge failure.

    She wasn't saying that... She didn't say you were really fat.... She was talking about herself.

    Agree. Not everything is about you OP.That might sound mean, but it's something that I had to learn and it has saved me a lot of emotional turmoil over the years.
  • scottkjar
    scottkjar Posts: 346 Member
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    This was an episode of The Simpsons. Homer needed to lose weight but couldn't. So instead, the doctor fattened him up so he could have the surgery.

    But your friend was really saying that she doesn't have the willpower to lose weight. It was not a comment about you; it was a comment about her own weakness. There is no need for you to be angry of her admission of her own weakness.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    People saying silly things can only be made worse by that internal voice that interprets everything as a personal attack. You have control over one of those.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    People saying silly things can only be made worse by that internal voice that interprets everything as a personal attack. You have control over one of those.

    I love it when someone puts my thoughts into words for me. :flowerforyou: You control your internal dialogue.
  • ladyofthelakeontario
    ladyofthelakeontario Posts: 36 Member
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    She said it in response to her own frustration with herself and her situation.

    I have an optic condition. It's bad enough to impact my day to day life, including prevent me from driving, but it is not bad enough for my doctors to want to risk surgery for it yet. A friend with a similar condition has had a ton of help from organizations due to being visually impaired, and has been able to explore treatment options I haven't been able to. As a result, she now has better vision than I do and a support network I don't yet have access to. I do not for one minute want to take that away from her, nor do I want to get worse, but sometimes I do get frustrated and say things like "I wish my eyes were as bad as yours."

    I can understand questioning it, but I would be surprised if the comment had anything to do with you or your weight-loss journey. It has everything to do with her and hers.
  • hlcook
    hlcook Posts: 92 Member
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    Okay, so I have lost 130 pounds and had some regain. I had gastric bypass surgery. I was very overweight. So last night I was talking with a friend who has weight issues and she said to me.. well I wish I was fat enough to have the surgery that you did. um excuse me.??? I was soo offended. I stopped talking to her. She is a big girl too. I don't know I just thought very RUDE.

    That comment wasn't about you ... it was about her. Clearly.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    I wouldn't be offended, I would just tell her jokingly "well, you are already well on your way there so all you have to do is eat more of the same and hopefully you will get to the point where you can have the surgery pretty soon", then ask her if she needs help or support losing the extra weight she does have.

    I don't know, but maybe being very big for very long I have developed thick skin when it comes to my weight, and it's very hard to offend me. I mean I know I'm big, no need to tiptoe around me and pretend like I'm not. It's a fact just like I know I have green eyes and would be silly to pretend otherwise. And like the color of my eyes, my weight does not define me or make me any less valuable or amazing than any other person.

    The other day my cousin said to me "You've lost so much weight! If I attempted to lose as much weight as you did I would disappear." He's not all that lean himself. It made me smile, and I said "Thank you, I'm glad you've noticed my hard work". He was either trying to give me a compliment, albeit crude, or thinking of me as "fat" made him feel better about himself. In both cases it's a good thing. It means he is either inspired by me and contemplating how much he would have to lose, or he is feeling insecure which - knowing him - would spark him into action.
  • Bernadette60614
    Bernadette60614 Posts: 707 Member
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    What's the point of getting angry?

    I figure this: During the course of each of my friendships, I'm going to say something stupid.

    My friends with say their share of stupid things.

    However, I'll also be funny, supportive, interesting.

    So, will my friends.

    So long as the stuff you enjoy about your friend outweighs the stupid stuff, just figure that this is one the times a good friend said a stupid thing.
  • JoMoMOMx3
    JoMoMOMx3 Posts: 77
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    This was an episode of The Simpsons. Homer needed to lose weight but couldn't. So instead, the doctor fattened him up so he could have the surgery.

    But your friend was really saying that she doesn't have the willpower to lose weight. It was not a comment about you; it was a comment about her own weakness. There is no need for you to be angry of her admission of her own weakness.

    I agree with this. There's been many times I wish I could have my fat removed surgically. It boiled down to me being too lazy to get up and do the work myself.
  • xsmilexforxmex
    xsmilexforxmex Posts: 1,216 Member
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    I doubt she meant to offend you... seems more like she was indirectly admitting she feels she *CANT* lose the weight and wants the 'easy' way out. I'm not gonna lie, I have friends who admit it and even I've thought about it... "Man, it looks so easy, I wish I was big enough to get that" but then remember that I don't want to be bigger and the struggle would be so much harder in the long term. Maybe just talk to her, clarify... explain the kind of diet you have to be on and talk to her about her options... and discuss how it made you feel like she was saying you were fat before.

    edit to add: you look great BTW!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I think she just meant she wants to lose weight and doesn't want to put the work, but she's clearly not informed about how the surgery works... and think you lost weight the 'easy' way. I think it's what I would be offended about... there's no denial that I was fat here, and I wouldn't be offended if someone said I was.

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