Stubborn wife, advice please?
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jayvan9
Posts: 5 Member
I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!
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Replies
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I'm not a parent so I don't really have any advice on kids. I have gone thru the same issues with my husband and it has gotten me nowhere. I worry about both of our healths. We are almost 40 and have heart disease on both sides of the family. It has to ultimately be their choice to change though. If she is overly sensitive about it and if you push it too much you will end up causing more harm then good. Maybe someone will come along with some helpful advice. I just try to set a good example and hopefully my good choices will eventually rub off. Try to stay positive. Being to negative will only push her away. Good luck.0
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I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!
Here's my constructive advice:
As for the bolded parts,
1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.
2. Worry about yourself
3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.
Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.0 -
You have no right to push your wife to eat healthier but you have every right and responsibility to see that your daughter eats healthier. What she eats now will form her food opinion in later years.
You might try taking the initiative at nights you eat at home and cook dinner for the family. Instead of pushing it as healthier just serve it as something 'new' to try. Good luck!0 -
Do you help with the meal planning and cooking for your daughter? Maybe your wife wouldn't mind having that task taken off her plate. I certainly would be thrilled if my husband did that. Do you take your daughter to do active things - go to the park, ride bikes, etc.
As for the wife, there's nothing you can do other than model healthy behaviors. She needs to want it for herself.0 -
if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi
health effort should be an individual choice
If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off0 -
Well, there is nothing you can do about your wife's eating. She is a grown adult and can do whatever she wants, you have no control over that...
The debate comes regarding your child, that is your responsibility and obligation. Your wife obviously has no clue about the seriousness of obesity, the physical and mental challenges your child will go through in her future. Maybe if she is not willing to do it for herself, she will at least do it for your daughter?
Maybe educate your wife, and definately educate your daughter, take her out for exercise-type activities? Hiking, walks, soccer? Maybe she would like to dance? go into a sport?0 -
I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!
Here's my constructive advice:
As for the bolded parts,
1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.
2. Worry about yourself
3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.
Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.
^Based on your response, I take it the OP's question struck a nerve with you. Shut up and deal with your ****.
OP asked for advice. I gave it. Why should I shutup?0 -
I agree with all of the above posters. You can not change your wife's behavior but as a father you can and should have an active role in the food choices for your child. Meal plan or cook a few times a week yourself.
Lead by example, as it looks like you are doing, (minus the mentioning your wife's poor food choices... stop doing that)
Good luck!0 -
You can't force your wife to eat in a manner you feel healthy, but if you are starting to feel the way your wife is feeding your daughter is affecting your daughter's health, it's time to step in and put your foot down. You helped create her, you have an equal right in deciding how she is raised and how she is to be nurtured and fed. If she calls you a food nazi, ok. Let her. But set specific limits on how many times your daughter is allowed to get fast food, or something deep-fried, or whatever. You know the situation best, you set the parameters.
But it'd be a good idea to sit down with the wife and let her know your intentions. Tell her your daughter's health is concerning you, and there are going to be some changes made. I would say "it'd be really great if you could be on board with this with us, but if not, little Jenny and I are going to start eating better without you." This might mean YOU start cooking at home more, or doing the grocery shopping to ensure there are acceptable healthy options in the house. Make sure you are ok with that.0 -
if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi
health effort should be an individual choice
If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off
Somehow, I do not think a 3 year old child is in a position to be able to make individual choices as to what food is healthy or not, lol.0 -
I have completely changed my eating habits over the past year, and with plenty of exercise, have lost about 68 pounds now. My wife has refused to join me in my healthy eating efforts, and often feeds herself and our three year old daughter garbage. No matter where we go out to eat, she always orders either a huge burrito or pizza, and she always gets our daughter chicken strips, mac and cheese, or mini corn dogs. Kids menus don't have many good options as it is, but I feel like we could be doing better. Whenever I say something about my wife's poor food choices, she calls me a food nazi and gets all upset. In my non-medical opinion, both my wife and daughter are overweight and putting themselves at risk for a variety of health problems, but I feel helpless to do anything about it because my wife is so stubborn. What, if anything, can I do? Am I really being too uptight, and let them eat whatever they want? Or should I be more assertive, since I am the daddy and have had success with losing weight and maintaining weight by eating healthily and exercising? I feel like this issue is so touchy for my wife, it could pull us apart. Thanks for any constructive advice you might have!
Here's my constructive advice:
As for the bolded parts,
1. Stop making comments about your wife's food choices, you sound like a food nazi.
2. Worry about yourself
3. Since you're the daddy??? Seriously, not gonna go there but being the "daddy", if you don't like the food choices your kids have, quit b*tching and do some meal prep yourself.
Again, if you don't like the food your family is choosing to eat, step up and take over meal preps for a month.
+10 -
Although I don't think that there is anything you can really do for your wife other than lead by example, you absolutely should be teaching your child to be eating healthfully, because what they learn growing up is more than likely what they will carry throughout their lives. You are the parent. Have a serious discussion with your wife about your child's eating habits.0
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if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi
health effort should be an individual choice
If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off
Somehow, I do not think a 3 year old child is in a position to be able to make individual choices as to what food is healthy or not, lol.
Agree with this. My youngest sister wants to eat nothing but easy mac and chips but, thankfully, my mother doesn't let a child make her own food choices. I would suggest the OP doesn't do that either.
And it's one thing to say 'do food' prep but...the OP isn't talking about his wife cooking, is he? He's talking about her *ordering* chicken strips and the like for their overweight 3 year old. His wife isn't in the kitchen cooking meals and resisting cooking something different at the behest of her tyrant husband, she's at Del Taco getting her kid mini corn dogs.0 -
Unfortunately what most are saying is true, you can only control what you do. However the one piece of advice I will give is this, my sister feed her children healthy food and snacks all the time, I being an obese single mom did not do the same for my daughter. If I could change anything in my life this is the one thing I would change. My eating habits that my daughter inherited because I taught her that. Do whatever you can to get healthier food in front of you daughter! My sisters kids are both at a healthy weight and very active. My daughter is starting to struggle with her weight (19) and is active. Best of luck to you0
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OH. Your wife tho? Lost cause. Let her JSF and leave it at that.0
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Yeah, are they actually over weight? Like are actual medical professionals worried about them?
I really don't like like your topic - you are labeling your wife, when you could have just as easily said "frustrated husband". You didn't, because you think you are right and she is wrong. And maybe you are right, but you are going to win very few people, least of all your wife, over with that the kind of attitude you have.
You lost 68 pounds. That doesn't automatically mean you are qualified to tell other people that they need to lose weight or what to eat. We have no idea how you lost your weight or what your relationship with food is actually like. You act like pizza, burritos, and corn dogs are the devil, that is suspect to me. There is nothing wrong with those foods. It's easy to make them a part of a balanced diet. What your wife chooses to eat is her business. STFU about it. If you wife is denying your daughter produce because it's "healthy" that is different than her allowing your daughter food you deem "junk".
In the case of your daughter, see her pediatrician for advice. If your daughter is indeed "overweight" ask them for a plan to help reduce her weight. But go with the expert's opinion and forget your own. If you actually love your wife and daughter, give up on the idea of being right.
PS if my husband had a post like this, it would give me serious pause. The internet is forever, what's to say she won't find this heap of of a thread in the future when she wants to lose weight? At no point do you even try to make your wife a sympathetic character or mention any redeeming qualities about her. That speaks volumes about you, not her. How did you marry such a stubborn woman who turned out to be a terrible mother than let's her daughter have corn dogs? SMDH.0 -
if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi
health effort should be an individual choice
If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off
Somehow, I do not think a 3 year old child is in a position to be able to make individual choices as to what food is healthy or not, lol.
Agreed, there's a shared responsibility with what the kids consume, the poster could try preparing better meals to lead a better example for the kids. As for the wife, she's a grown adult and won't change unless she wants to. No point in nagging her.0 -
if you are trying to push them, you are a food nazi
health effort should be an individual choice
If you keep pointing at them, you are probably pissing them off
Somehow, I do not think a 3 year old child is in a position to be able to make individual choices as to what food is healthy or not, lol.
Agree with this. My youngest sister wants to eat nothing but easy mac and chips but, thankfully, my mother doesn't let a child make her own food choices. I would suggest the OP doesn't do that either.
And it's one thing to say 'do food' prep but...the OP isn't talking about his wife cooking, is he? He's talking about her *ordering* chicken strips and the like for their overweight 3 year old. His wife isn't in the kitchen cooking meals and resisting cooking something different at the behest of her tyrant husband, she's at Del Taco getting her kid mini corn dogs.
If he doesn't want them out eating fast food, cook food at home. Not gettin into deeper relationship issues, if she isn't willing to do it, he should step up if it's concerning him that much.0 -
Agree....for some reason I miss the age of the daughter
It should be a shared responsibilities0 -
You just made the change (a year ago) after how many decades? Suddenly you expect your wife to follow you on your new life path? On the topic of your daughter, you and your wife need to get on the same page or this is going to be pretty unhealthy (and I'm not talking about food) for your impressionable little one.0
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