He doesn't even lift.

245

Replies

  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."
    Shoot, I'd lift then.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    Ok...

    I guess there's a huge un-answered question here:

    Does your boyfriend even work out at all?

    The reason this works so well with my BF and I, is that we already worked out a lot when we met, and as part of our bonding explored each others styles of working out together.

    I started doing more Parkour, Lifting, and Sword Fighting.

    He started doing more swimming and going for walks.

    But we were both already into fitness from the get go, and very open to exploring that hobby with our partner.

    That makes a huge difference.

    It was already part of or life style.

    Does he work-out at all right now?
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    Ok...

    I guess there's a huge un-answered question here:

    Does your boyfriend even work out at all?

    The reason this works so well with my BF and I, is that we already worked out a lot when we met, and as part of our bonding explored each others styles of working out together.

    I started doing more Parkour, Lifting, and Sword Fighting.

    He started doing more swimming and going for walks.

    But we were both already into fitness from the get go, and very open to exploring that hobby with our partner.

    That makes a huge difference.

    It was already part of or life style.

    Does he work-out at all right now?

    He doesn't work out in a regimented sense but he is active for fun. We go on bike rides, we go hiking, and swimming, he plays football, basketball and handball some weekends with friends and his brothers.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Would you like to come with me?"

    Anything other than that is going to come off as critical of him personally. Your first post sounds like you are trying to change who he is because you think he needs "help" in certain areas of life. I know you say you like him as is, but you are still trying to change him whether you realize it or not.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    If you can't say "I want to lift with you" or "I would like you to give lifting a try," then you're asking us how to manipulate him into doing what you want without him realizing that what you're doing is manipulating him into doing what you want.

    No. I'm not going to tell you how to manipulate your boyfriend into doing what you want. I'm a direct individual. I'm also accepting of other people's wants. If he doesn't want to lift, that's his business. All you can, and should, do is be direct and say you'd like it if he did.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Ok...

    I guess there's a huge un-answered question here:

    Does your boyfriend even work out at all?

    The reason this works so well with my BF and I, is that we already worked out a lot when we met, and as part of our bonding explored each others styles of working out together.

    I started doing more Parkour, Lifting, and Sword Fighting.

    He started doing more swimming and going for walks.

    But we were both already into fitness from the get go, and very open to exploring that hobby with our partner.

    That makes a huge difference.

    It was already part of or life style.

    Does he work-out at all right now?

    He doesn't work out in a regimented sense but he is active for fun. We go on bike rides, we go hiking, and swimming, he plays football, basketball and handball some weekends with friends and his brothers.

    handball? with his friends and brothers? I wouldn't tell everyone on the internet about that.
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    If you can't say "I want to lift with you" or "I would like you to give lifting a try," then you're asking us how to manipulate him into doing what you want without him realizing that what you're doing is manipulating him into doing what you want.

    No. I'm not going to tell you how to manipulate your boyfriend into doing what you want. I'm a direct individual. I'm also accepting of other people's wants. If he doesn't want to lift, that's his business. All you can, and should, do is be direct and say you'd like it if he did.

    LOL.

    I've never brought it up before. I am not asking for tips on how to manipulate him.

    That's one vote for the direct approach. Thank you.
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Would you like to come with me?"

    Anything other than that is going to come off as critical of him personally. Your first post sounds like you are trying to change who he is because you think he needs "help" in certain areas of life. I know you say you like him as is, but you are still trying to change him whether you realize it or not.

    You're right.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Just tell him you'd like to improve your PRs and that you would really appreciate if he would come with you and spot you. He might decide to start picking some stuff up and putting it back down.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."

    1+
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
    My boyfriend doesn't lift. I lift. This isn't a dealbreaker.
    It obviously is as you want to make him lift. My wife loves to Crochet I can appreciate what she does and I support her. I do not though want to Crochet she accepts that I'd rather go running. If we all liked doing the same things it would be a dull world. Maybe appreciate what he does do and enjoy rather than push him into what 'You' want him to do.
  • lovekohl
    lovekohl Posts: 111 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."

    Yep. That would get me going to the gym with my bf.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    "I'd really like to try this position"

    kama-sutra.jpg
  • MlleKelly
    MlleKelly Posts: 356 Member
    I just invite my husband to come to the gym with me or lift we me at home (I have a bench and weights in a spare bedroom). He usually does. I tell him or show him my plan for that day and if he wants to do it with me, great.

    It's a lot of fun usually because we check each other out while doing dead lifts and "accidentally" grab butts instead of weights and make ridiculous flirty comments to each other. "Hey girl, I like the way you squat" or "Mmm....dem calf raises." It's good bonding time for us, a good way to be silly and de-stress together at the end of the day, and it leads to checking each other out and grabbing and flirty comments outside of the workout room as well.

    Just invite him to tag along!
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member
    I don't think it's terrible for two people in a long term relationship to point out areas the other may need to improve, nor do I think that is attempting to change them at the core of their being.

    I think that lifting weights teaches people a lot about themselves and through that process we improve things about ourselves we had never given any mind to. That's what I would hope happens for him if he starts lifting. That is why I want to suggest to him he try it.

    I listed things that I improved through lifting, noting that he could use improvement in the same areas. I apologize if that is some horrible breach of etiquette, but no one is perfect. I don't think it is horrible to acknowledge room for improvement. I did not tear him down. I did not say he completely lacked those qualities. I simply stated there was room for improvement. Forgive my use of the word need.

    Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I think I'll just tell him straight out I think he should try it as was suggested.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym. Would you like to come with me?"

    Anything other than that is going to come off as critical of him personally. Your first post sounds like you are trying to change who he is because you think he needs "help" in certain areas of life. I know you say you like him as is, but you are still trying to change him whether you realize it or not.

    this so much.

    i ask my wife occasionally if she'd like to come to the gym with me.

    sometimes she accepts, but more often than not, she doesnt.

    if i push harder it's going to add up to insecurity and that doesnt get anyone anywhere.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Wear a 50 pound weighted vest under your clothes and start complaining about how he can't pick you up.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    I don't think it's terrible to try to improve one another.

    My BF drives me nuking futs about the Grok Squat and barefoot running.

    He is always harping about how I could Grok Squat at work.

    Honey, I work in an office, in business clothes, with other educated professionals.

    I'm not Grok Squatting in the work chair.

    And I have IT band issues that need to be worked out before I push myself.

    Some people have a really hard time squatting in a resting and sitting position, and I'm one of them.

    I'm open to working on it as a long term goal, agility never hurt anyone, but he just seems to harp on the one dang thing that I really neither care about or feel that I would benefit greatly from using my precious and limited workout time on.

    I'm also not making barefoot living a huge priority. I appreciate some aspects of the movement, but right now I'm focused on losing the weight and my swords and lifting. That's quite enough at this time.

    But I ask of him, too. When I go to his house "Will you change the litter? Will you take out the trash? Can we air out the house while we shop?"

    Ok... after a game with his buddies you could try making a comment like "If you started lifting with me, you might jump higher and increase speed, so next time you'll intercept on your brother, not the other way around!"

    Also, I know men need to feel needed in a masculine way.

    The other day I asked my boyfriend to help me learn how to ride his bicycle. I don't really need his help to ride a bike, but it'll make him feel needed and involved, and he'll be there to catch me if I fall.

    So maybe ask him how to do a football tackle, ask if you can play etc.. etc.. bring up questions about how you can maximize your hiking?

    Then use those answers and make comparisons to lifting.
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
    How about "Babe... come lift with me. I think that would be hot."

    +1
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    Let's reverse: How would you like being told by your boyfriend you had areas of improvement he'd like you to work on?

    My BF did that with me. I started swallowing cucumbers whole for practice, and before you know it, he quit complaining....

    Lmao ....↑↑This just made me spit my coffee all over, I guess I need to learn to control that and just swollow :laugh:

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