Stubborn wife, advice please?

These posts about couples are only 10% about the food and 90% about the marriage.

This is one of those problems that can be solved by throwing money and time at it.

1 Hire someone to clean the house once or twice a week.
2 Spend more money on baby sitters/day care so that your wife will have more time for herself and for you.
3 Start doing more around the house. Whatever you think you are doing now--- do more. Even if you feel
that you are already doing the lion's share, do more.

Your life will improve ten fold and these things you wrote about in your OP will resolve because
your wife will feel happier with you, the marriage, and herself. Your child will benefit enormously from the
change in dynamics.

You can't do anything about your wife. Leave it alone. If you are harping on her food choices, then it's no wonder she's considering you a "food nazi."

As for your daughter… that's a different story. As a parent, you have a responsibility there. Try cooking some of the meals yourself to give your daughter some healthier food. Also, encourage your daughter to be active. I get she's only three right now… but invite her (and your wife too, of course) to do active things with you. Bike riding, tennis (let her be the official ball getter), jumping on a trampoline… Something that gets her out and moving. It can only help.

LEave her alone
She has to want to do it on her own

Gotta love when people get skinny and then try to make pronouncements on other people's eating habits. You do sound like a bit of a food nazi, to be honest.

You can't tell your wife what to eat and what not to eat. She's an adult and she can make her own decisions. Leave her be. You do, however, have a say in what your daughter eats, but it's important to not be too uptight. There's no reason your kid can't have chicken strips at a restaurant. Unless you eat out every single night, it's not a big deal. If your daughter is overweight, then her habits should be addressed, but for God's sake don't put the little girl on a diet. Prepare meals at home for her, pack her lunch yourself, do what you can to monitor how often she snacks and what she snacks on.

Luckily my husband and I both feel pretty much the same way about food. We like the same stuff, we don't believe it clean eating or raw/paleo/gluten-free garbage. We eat real food that we enjoy and our kids will do the same. It's not about what you eat, it's how much you eat regarding weight control. Mommy and daddy control the amount of food on their kids' plates. That's not to say our kids will be eating frozen chicken nuggets and tater tots every night - definitely not - but they don't have to eat a salad for dinner unless they absolutely want to.

You have no right to push your wife to eat healthier but you have every right and responsibility to see that your daughter eats healthier. What she eats now will form her food opinion in later years.

You might try taking the initiative at nights you eat at home and cook dinner for the family. Instead of pushing it as healthier just serve it as something 'new' to try. Good luck!

This.

Well, there is nothing you can do about your wife's eating. She is a grown adult and can do whatever she wants, you have no control over that...

The debate comes regarding your child, that is your responsibility and obligation. Your wife obviously has no clue about the seriousness of obesity, the physical and mental challenges your child will go through in her future. Maybe if she is not willing to do it for herself, she will at least do it for your daughter?

Maybe educate your wife, and definately educate your daughter, take her out for exercise-type activities? Hiking, walks, soccer? Maybe she would like to dance? go into a sport?

I like this advice.

You have no right to push your wife to eat healthier but you have every right and responsibility to see that your daughter eats healthier. What she eats now will form her food opinion in later years.

You might try taking the initiative at nights you eat at home and cook dinner for the family. Instead of pushing it as healthier just serve it as something 'new' to try. Good luck!

Good advice right here. And if you are out to eat with them, how about you get a meal and share it with your daughter to keep her away from the kid's menu? Or get her an adult meal and split it in half and take some home for later?

I haven't read the other responses...but thought I'd throw my hat into the ring.

You're right that there aren't a lot of healthy kids meals choices out there. AND As a husband, you have every right to be concerned about what your wife and daughter are eating.

I don't know about your wife's history, but my family was brutal regarding my weight. So much so that my husband saw what it did to me emotionally, and he had a hard time bringing it up because just as he'd be getting ready to broach the subject with me, my family would "jump all over me" about my weight.

I suggest that she knows she should be eating better, and is having a hard time. She's likely tried to lose weight before, and had little or no success, and/or whatever she did lose came back on plus more. It probably doesn't matter how well intentioned you are, or that I'm sure you're trying to approach her in the nicest possible way - if she isn't ready to go there, then you can't push her into it. My dad was a horse trainer. He said the horse had to be a willing participant. Not trying to suggest your wife is a horse, but if she isn't willing to put forth the effort to lose weight, then you're fighting a losing battle.

I know that I was logging on MFP and losing weight for about 8 months before my husband decided to join in. It was long enough that he saw me being successful in the changes I was making. Hopefully, she'll follow suit.

In the meantime, you can start trying to order for your daughter. I have two daughters, and my husband and I have started making chili and spaghetti with ground turkey, and use whole grain pasta. We try to order grilled chicken more than fried chicken. We have started telling them that they need to have a "healthy snack" before they have something that's not very healthy. By "Healthy snack" we're talking about yogurt, cheese, peanuts, peanut butter, peanut butter and pretzels.....something that's going to have some protein in it. That will hopefully start making you feel fuller so that whatever carbs you have won't be so much.

Our kids really like Fazoli's - which has the breadsticks. We tell our kids they need to eat more spaghetti than breadsticks....and they're starting to have more and more of the breadsticks left over. If we see they're having too much on the breadsticks, we'll say, "how about having more of that spaghetti before you have any more of the breadsticks?" If they ask why, I tell them that the breadsticks will fill them up but isn't as healthy for them as the spaghetti. My 7 year old is going to be a dietician - I'm convinced! Now she's always talking about eating healthy and having healthy snacks.

The rotissary chickens from the stores are better for you than the fried chicken's, and our kids love it. We also will go to a barbecue place and get pulled chicken, green beans and mac-n-cheese. Best thing you can do is to try to keep putting healthier choices in front of them. They need to realize that healthy food can taste good too - it doesn't always have to mean rabbit food.

I'll quit rambling now....

For what it's worth....and good luck!

I am also stubborn, so here's advice coming from another stubborn female..
You have to make her WANT to eat healthy for herself. That means you're going to have to do a little manipulation lol
Instead of "don't eat that, you're going to gain weight" Be like "sweetie, if you lose 3 pounds this week, i'll get your nails done, i'll even buy the healthy groceries to assist you" or something that doesn't make you seem like a food Nazi. And as for the child, Same thing. I know rewards personally make me do better. And even something like "I want to spend more time with you, workout with me sometimes, I think you'd look cute in some tights and a ponytail" . (It doesn't have to be exactly that) If you try to feed a little boy some vegetables he won't take them, but if you say "it'll make you the tallest, and strongest boy in the class" he will.

I have kids, they love to whine about healthy foods. I win some, I lose many food battles for the sake of my own sanity. What we do as a collective, is be active. We are outside, running around, playing and climbing and being active. I bring healthy snacks, when they are hungry, they will eat what I have to offer or not eat (they will eventually eat). My kids enjoy all foods in relative moderation (I can be weak some days), both of them are healthy, active and strong. "Be the change" since you are already in that direction, less talkie-talkie...more doing.

And for your wife, nothing to comment on except she can't be forced, so simmer down.

When we have our "life changing moments". They are just "our life changing moments". Others do not always see what we see and it can be difficult to sit back and not want to get them to see the same thing.

The best way to help a wife and daughter is to not focus on the negative or what you consider the bad choices. Stop self from saying things that seem critical, judging or advising.

EXPRESS APPROVAL not disapproval. If your wife is wearing a flattering top, looks good in a pair of jeans, "tell her so". same for your daughter. The better they feels about themselves the more they will love themselves to make changes. Don't tell your wife to change, let her do that for herself. Once she changes your daughter will reap the benefits. AND Express your approval of other choices they make in life that are good. Change your focus, this will make you an even more excellent "daddy". You are a great dad by just setting the example, a good leader or head of household doesn't dictate, he listens before taking action. And you know what! Join in with them once in awhile with some burger and fries, show them you can be balanced.

Continue to make good choices, yet let them choose for themselves what they want and just enjoy being with your family. Hug and kiss them affectionately. Don't talk about food, diet and exercise. It starts to fall on deaf ears.

Kuddos to you and hope this is useful. I appreciate men who ask for input!

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Don't go out to eat as often. Eliminates the issue right there of ordering sh%t food. I would really back off your wife's eating habits. That will do nothing but create animosity and resentment on her end. Your daughter has a fast metabolism at three, and likely won't see the effects of a poor diet at this age, but still, needs to taught good eating habits starting now. If your wife does the shopping, maybe try to take that over. If she likes pizza, have a pizza night. If you try to limit or take something away, especially by belittling her for it, you are only asking for trouble.

Thank you all for the advice and butt-kicking. I was in a rotten mood when I posted it, so I apologize if I came off sounding like an unkind person toward my wife. I will take all of your helpful advice and try to work constructively with my wife to create a healthy eating environment for my daughter, when we eat at home and at restaurants. This morning we discussed how most kid's menus are filled with not-so-great options, and perhaps we should just share our food with her. I will note that my wife is an excellent cook, and goes out of her way to make healthy meals at home. It's just when we eat out that I see problems. I will also try to encourage the whole family to be more active, as long as we can keep it fun. More dancing, less sitting around, etc. If I have serious concerns about my daughter's health I will talk to her pediatrician. Thanks again.

So in fact, your "stubborn wife" is an excellent cook and goes out of her way to make healthy meals at home...and just splurges when she goes out? Um, yeah. "Heil, OP."

You've gotten some good advice here (except for the guy who told you to ask one of her friends about her eating habits -- definitely DON'T do that). But let me add something that, if followed, might make your life a little more pleasant.

Your "rotten mood" isn't an excuse for badmouthing your wife on a public forum to a bunch of strangers...or to friends...or to her face. Spouses are supposed to love and defend one another, and instead, you initially made her sound like an awful glutton who is pouring fast food down your 3-year-old's throat at regular intervals.

Maybe that was to make your rant feel more justified...I dunno. But instead of pouring on the criticism, maybe try pouring on the love. People who feel good about themselves tend to value and take better care of themselves. If she is making a real effort to cook healthy meals at home, and your comments, rather than validating and appreciating those efforts, make her feel that she can't do enough to make you happy, she's going to resent you and dig in her heels.

Sure, whisk the family away for more active adventures...as a treat because you think they deserve the fun. Whisk your wife to the bedroom for plenty of...ahem...active time...and make it a vigorous enough that she feels physically challenged, enthusiastic, and ready for more...exercise.

But don't be a nag. Women don't appreciate that any more than men do.

There is nothing you can do about your wife's eating. Trying to change her will just cause problems. Your concerns for your child are valid and you should take the effort to make sure she eats better. Make sure there are healthy snacks in the house. Plan healthy meals. If you are out, try to pick a restaurant that you know has healthy options for your daughter. Perhaps you could start taking a walk with your daughter? I took mine on a 3 mile walk yesterday with me. She is nearly 6, but it is good to make exercise a good memory.