Men: how much does a woman's weight really matter?
Replies
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not much really......to me it's always been more about her confidence and how she carries herself.......\m/0
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Thanks for this post. Men, tell the truth, please.0
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I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
I'd say as long as you're being honest (pictures are not misleading) and yourself, this is they way you "weed out" the ones that are not worthy of you..every ounce regardless of size, weight. I dated someone who loved me for me at 225lbs, and when I got smaller I was the same person, just smaller.
Maybe get yourself out there, when your size is YOUR ideal, not anyone elses.0 -
Frankly, it's not the end of the world. The connection is what is most important; mentally, sense of humour, intelligence level, likes and dislikes, and all those things.
Undoubtedly, there is a subconscious effect, but being a personality match / best friend is what matters long term.0 -
I have NEVER cared about the weight of a woman I've dated. Now, I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm some sort of "great guy" that can overcome lack of physical attraction for a big brain or a great sense of humor. All I'm saying is I don't give a s**t about numbers (scale/sizes/etc). If a woman has a nice build, curves in the right places and is confident with herself; she's good to go in my book.0
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Weight doesn't matter as much as appearance does. So many men get fooled by the outer packaging then they wake up and are like "What the hell did I marry?" I have tons of guy friends that fall for it every time, and come crying to me, the ordinary, plain, tomboy. They've been crying on my shoulder over 20 years, but because I don't give so much time to outer displays, I'm overlooked. And btw, when I was 138 lbs. I had an A-hole tell me I should have skin surgery!
It's sad but the airbrushed world takes precedence, but it is what it is. There are nice people in the world, and lots of fools. When you buy a product, you should buy into the quality of the product, not the packaging. I am the generic, plain, box with a quality product, but since I don't advertise, it's hit and miss.
I yam what I yam, and rather be alone that deal with a fake world. I'm authentic and rather be happy than fake.0 -
but basically you are saying she has to have a certain LOOK.I have NEVER cared about the weight of a woman I've dated. Now, I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm some sort of "great guy" that can overcome lack of physical attraction for a big brain or a great sense of humor. All I'm saying is I don't give a s**t about numbers (scale/sizes/etc). If a woman has a nice build, curves in the right places and is confident with herself; she's good to go in my book.0 -
I always expect good things from u Red. Thanks for not disappointing. :bigsmile:I couldn't tell you what a size 6, 8, 12, or 75 means nor do I care....
What do I care about?
You're attractive to me
You're a good person
You're not an idiot
You will not find a one size fits all answer (no pun intended).
Edited because pun is a very difficult word to spell apparently0 -
A woman's weight would only matter to me if she was obviously sloppy and unhealthy. That extreme would be a turn off right from the start. I have met overweight women who are charming and intelligent and while I would love to see them lose some of the weight I would not stop being their friend because of it.0
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I found my guy online when I was heavier. I never had a problem with the weight factor. But that doesn't mean every guy I went with liked me or that I liked them. I dated about 7 guys and only 2 were interested, and I would consider that VERY fast for online dating.
However, I was watching the Tyra Banks show once and a woman was a guest and saying she was having trouble with online dating because of her weight. Tyra showed her how to take photos of herself to make sure she looks great and is not deceiving. I tried it and I would honestly say it was really good advice (and I usually take Tyra with a grain of salt).
Tips:
1) Make sure you're well lit in every photo - not washed out, not too dark.
2) Take a photo of your face
3) Take a photo where you're BACKED UP from the camera so they can see you (weeds out anyone who cares, regardless of size)
Other things I did:
4) I put up multiple photos that all represented me
a) Me at a friends wedding all dolled up
b) Me at work with my hardhat and work clothes on looking like a slob
c) Me out for a walk without make up but in nice clothes (because I'm not one to wear makeup usually. If you are, then wear makeup)
d) Me doing a standard picture shot
Most importantly, make sure the photos are CURRENT. I had my mom photograph me.
I'm going to marry the last fellow I met online and he told me his least favourite photo of me was me at the wedding because it was too close up and I had clearly cropped someone out haha. Not what I would have expected to hear.
Edit: Grammar0 -
I'm sure I didn't get as many replies to my online dating profile because of my weight, which, thankfully, means that douche bags were automatically weeding themselves out. I still had plenty of dates with very nice dudes. My pics were not deceiving, and I even commented about getting more fit as a goal in my profile. I did have to reject some guys who were only interested in me BECAUSE I was a big girl. But if, after they agree to meet you in person, they don't want a second date, I would assume it's because you didn't connect on other levels. Unless you're false in your pics and bio info online, and even then it wouldn't be because of your weight, it would be because you weren't honest.0
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but basically you are saying she has to have a certain LOOK.I have NEVER cared about the weight of a woman I've dated. Now, I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm some sort of "great guy" that can overcome lack of physical attraction for a big brain or a great sense of humor. All I'm saying is I don't give a s**t about numbers (scale/sizes/etc). If a woman has a nice build, curves in the right places and is confident with herself; she's good to go in my book.
I think it's his preference. I have my preferences too..it's human nature. I just don't think someone should look SOLELY on a size, which is what I think he was trying to say.0 -
I'm not a man but I got married at a size 20. I don't know what size I am now but when I was at my highest weight (just over 300lbs ) he couldn't have cared less whether I lost weight or not.
He is the type that falls in love slowly. It took him several months but as far as I know my weight was never a factor in the equation.0 -
I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
Na, weight doesn't make a bit of difference. Don't you feel the same OP?
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Weight doesn't matter as much as appearance does. So many men get fooled by the outer packaging then they wake up and are like "What the hell did I marry?" I have tons of guy friends that fall for it every time, and come crying to me, the ordinary, plain, tomboy. They've been crying on my shoulder over 20 years, but because I don't give so much time to outer displays, I'm overlooked. And btw, when I was 138 lbs. I had an A-hole tell me I should have skin surgery!
It's sad but the airbrushed world takes precedence, but it is what it is. There are nice people in the world, and lots of fools. When you buy a product, you should buy into the quality of the product, not the packaging. I am the generic, plain, box with a quality product, but since I don't advertise, it's hit and miss.
I yam what I yam, and rather be alone that deal with a fake world. I'm authentic and rather be happy than fake.
You sound bitter and your male friends sound shallow. Any guy who marries based on just how she looks and not what she's really like is a fool.0 -
This is going to sound SO conceited and I assure that it is not but I personally have no problems with dating with my current weight (250 lbs). I have friends that are thinner than I am as well as less confidence. It's all about confidence. If you feel insecure then they will pick up on that, if you feel desparate there are pheromones that are released and it works against you and turns men off. There are so many factors that often weight-in than weight.
My personal experience is to be fun, smile, be confident, listen, and interact.
Also, be prepared for the fact that YES there will be guys out there who won't like you for your weight. DO NOT DWELL ON THIS. There will be exponentially more who don't care about it then those who do.
Also, have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun, not a serious of monotonous interviews.
Best of luck sweetheart!0 -
I'd rather have a wife who is solid on the inside, than a wife who is solid on the outside. Love can't be based on physical condition and be expected to survive.
On the other hand, I am guessing that your extra weight might be affecting how you feel about yourself, and something I find very attractive in a person is when their identity is rooted in something far more important than their physical body.
Losing weight for yourself is preferable to doing it to get a man, otherwise theirs a chance you won't trust that he loves you for who you are. Another risk would be that you might resent him in ways he likely won't even comprehend.
All of that can make for expensive marriage counseling or more expensive divorces. On the flip side, growing through all of that can make for a beautiful relationship, but I think it might be a little easier if we resolve some of how we see ourselves on our own.
If you don't feel good about yourself, work on it. I'm willing to bet that along the way you'll find someone who just admires you for who you are and not your measurements.0 -
I think it does matter.
And I hate to say this, but as a woman in my 30's I'm right there with you when I say it... but our dating pool has shrunk tremendously because a lot of great guys are already married.
And unfortunately again, there are more women than men.
I've dated men from the internet who said straight up "I was very attracted to your face, and your eyes, but not your body, it is the weight."
It sucked really bad to hear that, but I give them props for being honest.
That actually takes a lot.
My advice would be to post honest accurate pics of your whole body, hips, sides, whatever, so they can see what's up, not just your pretty face.
We all have a pretty face, and we all look skinny at the right angle.
Don't give them any surprises.
That way, the ones that you do date will honestly be much more open to dating you at your size.0 -
Although I do believe there is someone for everyone and everyone one's tastes are different I dont think a size 14 is that big. Sure there are going to be guys that want size 2's but I know guys that LOVE size 10 or 12. A 14 wouldnt put you off the radar. How you dress and how you act plays a part. I asked my husband what attracted him to me ( I was a size 14 when we met and that is where I am now) . I knew his previous spouse was thinner. He said he honestly didnt notice a big difference . he noticed how beautiful I was on the inside but loved my face, hair, teeth etc... Dont think you are not worthy because you are a size 14. The right guy will love your curves0
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Looks like everyone is taking the diplomatic route on this one, as it is the Motivation and Support board. That's kind.But if you want an honest answer: I am not particularly attracted to big women. Not anything I can control - I just know from experience the kind of person that makes me turn my head.
I have no idea what sizes are - i only know my own size. I googled size 14, its probably above what would make me turn my head (again, from my own experience).
There are probably bigger women who i would fall for. Many guys don't care about the size. But many do. Some prefer big, small. That shouldn't stop you from going out, being confident, and getting to know the man of your dreams.0
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