Boyfriend refuses to respect that I want to workout alone?
Replies
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You're probably cheating on him.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real
OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?
We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship
So for 10 months youve been dealing with this, and you state youve mentioned the issue to him (in a serious manner) for the past 10 months and he ignores it..hmmm okay.. How old are yall (excuse the TX accent)?
Not to be mean(which is what I know people say when they are about to say somethign mean, lol) but, bothof you sound crazy as heck!! sorry I had to say it...:huh:
I'm 19, he's 23.
Yep, thats what I thought....0 -
Do you have the option of switching gyms without telling him?
Do you have the option of going to the gym when he is on duty (which you can explain as "now we can use that time together someplace other than the gym"?)
Do you have the option of switching to a women-only gym (this will mean he *can't* follow your workouts, but also perhaps inappropriately cow-tows to his possessiveness if fear of you cheating at the gym is what drives his scrutiny)?
This is sounding more and more to me like a control issue, in which case you guys should seek counseling because sometimes control issues that languish un-addressed bloom into domestic violence a few years later.0 -
Yep, thats what I thought....
So was I. :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Do you have the option of switching gyms without telling him?
Cause doing things in secret is always the road to a happy, healthy relationship.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
What would happen if you asked him to read this thread?0
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I'm 19, he's 23.
Yep, thats what I thought....
+10 -
Do you have the option of switching gyms without telling him?
Cause doing things in secret is always the road to a happy, healthy relationship.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Good point. Okay, don't do that...0 -
I am quoting this people because they make good points. Have you considered saying this is my schedule and these are days we can go together( like extra workouts ).
-wibutterflyma
Or maybe you could find a middle ground of agreeing to take a break at a specific time where you two can chat for a couple minutes but the rest of the time do your own thing.
-saynay18
I would suggest trying to do something new together. Something neither of you have done.... maybe take a new class (cycling or ropes) together, once a week, and keep the rest of your workouts seperate. Seems like a good compromise for you, and you both can share in a new experience.
-bethie_j
You're expecting him to cater to your wishes, and you're not willing to meet his.
-LAT1963
If your boyfriend is an extrovert and you are an introvert, then he may not comprehend that 'alone time' exercising is desirable. He may hate to exercise alone and can't imagine that anyone (including you) would want to.0 -
I think you should tell him that certain things he does bugs you. I wish my boyfriend was like that tho, I always ask him to join me and he is never interested, never wants to workout with me or anything.
If mine was there and asked me how long I ran for I would've felt wayyyy more encouraged to push myself harder and give him better results...0 -
Do you have the option of switching gyms without telling him?
Do you have the option of going to the gym when he is on duty (which you can explain as "now we can use that time together someplace other than the gym"?)
Do you have the option of switching to a women-only gym (this will mean he *can't* follow your workouts, but also perhaps inappropriately cow-tows to his possessiveness if fear of you cheating at the gym is what drives his scrutiny)?
This is sounding more and more to me like a control issue, in which case you guys should seek counseling because sometimes control issues that languish un-addressed bloom into domestic violence a few years later.
Never thought of an all-women gym!!! That's actually a great idea. and IF he suspects cheating or whatever like others stated, or worries about other guys at the gym (which he's never voiced but hey, could be possible I guess) that could calm him down too.0 -
What would happen if you asked him to read this thread?
I would bet bricks would start flying from his *kitten*0 -
I think you should tell him that certain things he does bugs you. I wish my boyfriend was like that tho, I always ask him to join me and he is never interested, never wants to workout with me or anything.
If mine was there and asked me how long I ran for I would've felt wayyyy more encouraged to push myself harder and give him better results...
Can he in turn tell her what she does that bugs him?0 -
I don't think people's jealous and snarky responses are appropriate at all. You have the right to have your wishes respected. It's perfectly reasonable to want some time alone. If he insists on dogging your footsteps even so, then he is being controlling and is disrespecting you. I would be taking a very close look at that. It may not be a quality you would want to tolerate long term. Men who are or become abusive often start off by following/checking up excessively on their GFs. That's *not* "sweet." It's overcontrolling and scary. Is there anything else in his treatment of you that signals control and/or disrespect of your privacy and wishes?0
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My ex-husband was like that. I like to work out alone because it's time for me, not time for us. It hurt his feelings when I went to the gym without him because he wanted working out to be something we did together. That's not why I divorced him, but it was one of many ways in which we just weren't on the same page.0
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I think you should tell him that certain things he does bugs you. I wish my boyfriend was like that tho, I always ask him to join me and he is never interested, never wants to workout with me or anything.
If mine was there and asked me how long I ran for I would've felt wayyyy more encouraged to push myself harder and give him better results...
Bummer! You deserve better! Someone more mature, older. Married? No? No? Okay, worth a shot.0 -
I'm 19, he's 23.
Yep, thats what I thought....
+1
+20 -
I think you should tell him that certain things he does bugs you. I wish my boyfriend was like that tho, I always ask him to join me and he is never interested, never wants to workout with me or anything.
If mine was there and asked me how long I ran for I would've felt wayyyy more encouraged to push myself harder and give him better results...
Bummer! You deserve better! Someone more mature, older. Married? No? No? Okay, worth a shot.
And w/ a green tie?0 -
What would happen if you asked him to read this thread?
\m/0 -
I think you should tell him that certain things he does bugs you. I wish my boyfriend was like that tho, I always ask him to join me and he is never interested, never wants to workout with me or anything.
If mine was there and asked me how long I ran for I would've felt wayyyy more encouraged to push myself harder and give him better results...
Bummer! You deserve better! Someone more mature, older. Married? No? No? Okay, worth a shot.
And w/ a green tie?
Hm, now that you mention it, such a gentlemen sounds like exactly the right kind of chap to soothe her troubled mind! If she could find one she should definitely send him a PM to make the connection. Ideally with 'earnest pics' included as a good faith demonstration.0 -
I think you should tell him that certain things he does bugs you. I wish my boyfriend was like that tho, I always ask him to join me and he is never interested, never wants to workout with me or anything.
If mine was there and asked me how long I ran for I would've felt wayyyy more encouraged to push myself harder and give him better results...
Bummer! You deserve better! Someone more mature, older. Married? No? No? Okay, worth a shot.
And w/ a green tie?
Hm, now that you mention it, such a gentlemen sounds like exactly the right kind of chap to soothe her troubled mind! If she could find one she should definitely send him a PM to make the connection. Ideally with 'earnest pics' included as a good faith demonstration.
I think you are right....
But alas, on her bio page, I think she is totally turned off to the guys on MFP.
Just what I gather anyway....0 -
What would happen if you asked him to read this thread?
\m/
:laugh: Awww!0 -
Never thought of an all-women gym!!! That's actually a great idea. and IF he suspects cheating or whatever like others stated, or worries about other guys at the gym (which he's never voiced but hey, could be possible I guess) that could calm him down too.
So, honey, you're batting for the other side, now?0 -
No, but seriously, you need to have another heart to heart. Ask him why he insists on coming when he knows you would rather workout alone. Depending on his answer, you should know what to do. Dump him bc he's a creepy possessive stalker, or tell him he's compromising your relationship if he continues to insist on coming with you.
And really, you may also need to stop being so sensitive about his progress vs. yours. That's a mind game all women have issues with at some point or another and your internal struggles won't justify being disrespectful or dismissive of his wanting to spend time with you if that's what he's getting at with all this. There are other ppl at the gym anyway. He's no different. Tell him to stop asking you questions about your workout unless you offer him that information bc it genuinely embarrasses you. He's a guy. He may just be trying to be Mr. Fix-it and want to help you improve. But if he can't respect your wishes, then what are you doing with a man that hears you but just doesn't listen to what bothers you?0 -
How is your communication?
You're a woman, so I assume you talk like one. You drop hints, or kind of say it, but you don't just say it. Women have this thing they do where they think they told a guy something, but if you ask the guy, he'll have no idea what you're talking about. You never had the conversation.
He's in the army. He's used to direct, absolute, no-question-about-what-you-mean, conversation.
You can just say, "look, I want to workout by myself. I'm more focused and I get it done. When you're there, I'm distracted and I don't feel like I get a good workout. So, that's it."
If he doesn't oblige, then either he doesn't trust you, meaning he might think you're cheating or getting hit on all the time, OR, he doesn't respect you, meaning that he just thinks you're not really being serious about your request to workout alone. Either way, those are bad attributes, and a sign of future trouble with this guy.
Wait...what? What are you talking about? I don't know what kind of women you hang out with, but that's not how we talk to people in my neck of the woods.0 -
You're probably cheating on him.
That's just the military wife/girlfriend mindset.0 -
So let me get this straight: Your bf wants to spend time with you by going to the gym with you but you have this idea in your head that he's watching you and judging you so you decide to tell him what hours he can and can't go to the gym because YOU don't want him there.
Even though he wants to spend time with you and have gym dates.:huh: Is that about right?
Just break up with him and let him find someone who's not going to tell him what he can and can't do.0 -
Reading this OP makes me sad for your BF; I actually enjoy working out with my husband and if I am on a cardio machine for a bit, he will come over when he is done with his set and drink from my water bottle and say some encouraging words, or ask how many miles I've logged, and if it's small we laugh about it and if it's a lot he says good job and when we lift weights, he spots me and I spot him. He tells me to go heavier in weights than what I would think to do on my own from fear, but he is encouraging me, telling me "I can." When we don't work out together it makes me sad, so OP maybe try to compromise with him, it sounds to me this is a case of "my way or the highway."
Many seek the motivation from their spouse like your BF is for you.0 -
So let me get this straight: Your bf wants to spend time with you by going to the gym with you but you have this idea in your head that he's watching you and judging you so you decide to tell him what hours he can and can't go to the gym because YOU don't want him there.
Even though he wants to spend time with you and have gym dates.:huh: Is that about right?
Just break up with him and let him find someone who's not going to tell him what he can and can't do.
She is only 19
So give her a few years.
But it is funny though...
When I was with my wife, she always wanted me to work out with her...she does classes, never does weights...
SO I decided I would do classes with her....
And one of the classes we did togheter the instructor started a FB page for it...
So we both joined the FB group....
And one day the instructor asked for ppl to post their pics of their results.....so I posted one of myself....
The SO saw it and freaked out....
Said I was cheating on her, and wrote an embarrassing post on the pic on FB, so others could see...
Came storming into the room at like 130am waking me up, and *****ing me out......0 -
It's bizarre to see how people mischaracterize what the OP said, and make assumptions regarding her communication style and fidelity. All that baggage on display says way more about the people responding than it does about the OP.0
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Sounds like you may need to find out why he insists on following up on you during your workout time. Its one thing want to work out with you because he may just enjoy spending that time with you, but if hes purposely interrupting you during your workouts or trying to out run you or showing up when you have asked him not to there might be more to it then just not listening. If that makes sense.
You could tell him that gym time is YOUR time and that you need to go alone to just concentrate on you and your fitness. If he still insists on going with you remind him not to look over at you or come and talk to you in the middle of a workout because its very distracting.
But like you said in your title, if he refuses to respect this, there might be more going on. Just sit down with him and talk it through. Hope this helps
Suuuper unrelated but I love your ticker!0
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