Make my roommate get a life!

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  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
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    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
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    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.

    The way you expressed yourself made half the people who read your OP feel bad for him and look down on you.

    Well clearly then I didn't express it right, but I didn't mean it the way it keeps getting taken. I just think that I should be able to have some time watching the living room tv or not being followed room to room every now and again. That's really it. I just don't know how to get him to persue hobbies that he keeps saying he wants to or have this talk with him.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    It seems that you have gained absolutely nothing here.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    If you have never actually told him you'd like him to go elsewhere when you have friends over then do you expect him to be a mind-reader? You gotta say it straight, if he gives you crap then start shopping for a new roommate, if he agrees and sees your opinion then you should be just fine since he sounds like he would work with you and not be an *kitten*.

    This whole post is because I need advice to either help him along on his search for hobbies or find a way to tell him I need some time in the shared space as well. Apparently I did not express that well.

    The way you expressed yourself made half the people who read your OP feel bad for him and look down on you.

    Well clearly then I didn't express it right, but I didn't mean it the way it keeps getting taken. I just think that I should be able to have some time watching the living room tv or not being followed room to room every now and again. That's really it. I just don't know how to get him to persue hobbies that he keeps saying he wants to or have this talk with him.

    Shared space is shared space, sorry. But perhaps bring up that you want so much time
    per week to watch what you want to watch. If he does not like that program then he can go find something to do.

    And it is not your place to try to force hobbies on him. Even if he does say he wanta some.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    Gosh, it's not your job to keep him occupied. He has found what he likes to do: stay at home and hang out with you and your friends when you are there.

    You can't change him. You can either change yourself or the way you think about him. That's just the way it is.
  • warriorprincessdi
    warriorprincessdi Posts: 617 Member
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    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    God only knows what they were up to in there, and furthermore Susan I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes..... reefers

    I love youuuu!!!! hahaha
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    You just described my brother. I've been living with him (in a two bedroom apartment) for about a year now, and I've only had the apartment to myself twice. If he is home, he's in fron of a video screen, 90% of the time in the livingroom. If I wanted me time, I had to leave.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
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    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    Gosh, it's not your job to keep him occupied. He has found what he likes to do: stay at home and hang out with you and your friends when you are there.

    You can't change him. You can either change yourself or the way you think about him. That's just the way it is.

    He always complains that he needs a hobby and needs to get out and do things but doesn't do them...
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
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    After reading this thread I think my cat may need a hobby too. That *kitten* follows me everywhere and he doesn't even pay half the bills.
  • konerusp
    konerusp Posts: 247 Member
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    Take him to night clubs and hook him up with a few girls,or other friends,he will soon get a life.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?
  • KseRz
    KseRz Posts: 980 Member
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    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    It seems that you have gained absolutely nothing here.

    Not true. She learned that posting the OP the way it was might have been a mistake.

    Other people are giving good advice that I dont think she was expecting. A lot of advice is similar, but from different people with different level of experience and background.

    Hopefully that is all being absorbed as will help the OP figure out what to do next.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
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    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?

    Nope. It's not even awkwardness it's just frustrating that he thinks he can just intrude on all my friendships and my friends are now his best friends.

    I would not be intimate with him, nor would he with me.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    Options
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    It seems that you have gained absolutely nothing here.

    Not true. She learned that posting the OP the way it was might have been a mistake.

    Other people are giving good advice that I dont think she was expecting. A lot of advice is similar, but from different people with different level of experience and background.

    Hopefully that is all being absorbed as will help the OP figure out what to do next.

    Thank you.
  • triciabh1
    triciabh1 Posts: 126 Member
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    If he's your friend sit down and talk to him about it. You are adults. I trust you can have normal conversations without hurting feelings.

    I agree...it might be awkward but I don't think things will change without letting him know how you feel. If he truly wants a hobby or something to do with his time then he'll have to figure that out on his own...unless you take him and show him the way which is just enabling him more.
  • Thewatcher_66
    Thewatcher_66 Posts: 1,643 Member
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    I agree that it's not your job to find hobbies for him. I consider myself a bit of an introvert too but I also like to spend time out of the house, mostly doing physical activity or sightseeing. It's possible to be introverted yet very social. I don't buy this whole "introvert" argument, I just think he's a loner with very poor social skills.
  • amandzor
    amandzor Posts: 386 Member
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    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    I have a male roommate. Just because you live with someone doesn't mean you're obligated to sleep with them.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    Hey there roomie, got a second? I was wondering if maybe we could work out an arrangement. I am feeling like I need more personal space. Can we work something out where I get exclusive use of the living room on Fridays and you can have it Saturdays? And maybe the other person can make plans to be gone that night, or just hang out in their rooms? Awesome. Thanks.
  • ncrugbyprop
    ncrugbyprop Posts: 96 Member
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    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?

    Nope. It's not even awkwardness it's just frustrating that he thinks he can just intrude on all my friendships and my friends are now his best friends.

    I would not be intimate with him, nor would he with me.

    You might not, but the dude has a puppy crush on you. It may be hidden from you, but its probably there.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
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    After college I had a male roommate. He was incredibly hot and I still didn't bang....soooo...yes, times have changed.

    On topic: it seems that YOU'RE not roommate material. Get your own place or move in with your parents who are the only ones that will tolerate your self-entitlement.

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