Make my roommate get a life!

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Replies

  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?
  • KseRz
    KseRz Posts: 980 Member
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    It seems that you have gained absolutely nothing here.

    Not true. She learned that posting the OP the way it was might have been a mistake.

    Other people are giving good advice that I dont think she was expecting. A lot of advice is similar, but from different people with different level of experience and background.

    Hopefully that is all being absorbed as will help the OP figure out what to do next.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?

    Nope. It's not even awkwardness it's just frustrating that he thinks he can just intrude on all my friendships and my friends are now his best friends.

    I would not be intimate with him, nor would he with me.
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    Sounds like you don't need a roomate. Just an affordable place you can live by yourself.

    You don't want him around, then tell him. You share the place so workout a compromise which you both can agree to.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    It seems that you have gained absolutely nothing here.

    Not true. She learned that posting the OP the way it was might have been a mistake.

    Other people are giving good advice that I dont think she was expecting. A lot of advice is similar, but from different people with different level of experience and background.

    Hopefully that is all being absorbed as will help the OP figure out what to do next.

    Thank you.
  • triciabh1
    triciabh1 Posts: 126 Member
    If he's your friend sit down and talk to him about it. You are adults. I trust you can have normal conversations without hurting feelings.

    I agree...it might be awkward but I don't think things will change without letting him know how you feel. If he truly wants a hobby or something to do with his time then he'll have to figure that out on his own...unless you take him and show him the way which is just enabling him more.
  • Thewatcher_66
    Thewatcher_66 Posts: 1,643 Member
    I agree that it's not your job to find hobbies for him. I consider myself a bit of an introvert too but I also like to spend time out of the house, mostly doing physical activity or sightseeing. It's possible to be introverted yet very social. I don't buy this whole "introvert" argument, I just think he's a loner with very poor social skills.
  • amandzor
    amandzor Posts: 386 Member
    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    I have a male roommate. Just because you live with someone doesn't mean you're obligated to sleep with them.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member

    Basically I'm not sure how to bring that topic up without hurting his feelings, so I thought maybe helping him find other things to do would be a good solution, hence this thread.

    Mistake.

    Hey there roomie, got a second? I was wondering if maybe we could work out an arrangement. I am feeling like I need more personal space. Can we work something out where I get exclusive use of the living room on Fridays and you can have it Saturdays? And maybe the other person can make plans to be gone that night, or just hang out in their rooms? Awesome. Thanks.
  • ncrugbyprop
    ncrugbyprop Posts: 96 Member
    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?

    Nope. It's not even awkwardness it's just frustrating that he thinks he can just intrude on all my friendships and my friends are now his best friends.

    I would not be intimate with him, nor would he with me.

    You might not, but the dude has a puppy crush on you. It may be hidden from you, but its probably there.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    After college I had a male roommate. He was incredibly hot and I still didn't bang....soooo...yes, times have changed.

    On topic: it seems that YOU'RE not roommate material. Get your own place or move in with your parents who are the only ones that will tolerate your self-entitlement.
  • Guns_N_Buns
    Guns_N_Buns Posts: 1,899 Member
    Have you two been intimate? Is that the cause of this awkwardness?

    Nope. It's not even awkwardness it's just frustrating that he thinks he can just intrude on all my friendships and my friends are now his best friends.

    I would not be intimate with him, nor would he with me.


    Seems like you're just resentful and insecure over his charm towards your friends, if they are besties now....

    tumblr_inline_n0vdf2k4GB1r8ayy5.gif
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I don't know but if you live with someone and share living areas, then he has just as much right to the space as you do. the only private area in this type of arrangement are the bedrooms. So is seems you just need to get over it, and learn to share your friends. I don't understand what the problem is especially if he gets along with them.
  • Flab2Fab27
    Flab2Fab27 Posts: 461 Member
    I feel for you. I hated having room mates so I got a place on my own and lived pay cheque to pay cheque but at least I was happy in my own place.

    Just say, "Hey, I'm planning a girls night, would it be ok if I had the living room to myself that night"?

    As for the TV, no TV in your bedroom? If not, negotiate times for the TV.

    The best thing you can do is just communicate rather than build up tensions/resentment that could blow things out of proportion.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    God only knows what they were up to in there, and furthermore Susan I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoked marijuana cigarettes..... reefers
    Omfg I lol'd out loud.
  • redversustheblue
    redversustheblue Posts: 1,216 Member
    I had a roommate for one year in college and I HATED it. I am not the most social person and I hated it when she was always around. However, since she was paying half the bills, I just dealt with it. I did spend most of my time in my room, but I had my tv and computer in there, so it wasn't like I wasn't doing anything.

    We're still really good friends and we were before we moved in together. For me it just was the fact that I grew up sans siblings and had lived on my own for about three years before she moved in, I just wasn't used to having someone around constantly. Basically if I wanted my own space, I took it upon myself to make it happen instead of asking her not to be in the living room or whatever.

    I was oh so happy when I moved back into my own place again.
  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,507 Member
    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    im a male and spent 1 year of college sharing an apartment with 3 girls. wasnt weird at all (except on NFL sundays)
  • giggitygoo
    giggitygoo Posts: 1,978 Member
    Hey there roomie, got a second? I was wondering if maybe we could work out an arrangement. I am feeling like I need more personal space. Can we work something out where I get exclusive use of the living room on Fridays and you can have it Saturdays? And maybe the other person can make plans to be gone that night, or just hang out in their rooms? Awesome. Thanks.

    This is pretty much exactly what I would do. I may also bribe him with beer.
  • hkristine1
    hkristine1 Posts: 950 Member
    This sounds like a clear example of not working out expectations in advance... so, now you need to have an "expectations" talk (if you don't want to move out or make him move out).

    I don't think that there is one clear right/wrong way to be a roommate - what matters is whether the two of you can work out the kinks so that the roommate relationship works.

    So, you sit down and say (nicely) that it was your expectation when you and he moved in together that you'd see a bit of each other, but that you would be able to use the living room with your friends, without him, sometimes - and then just say that he likely had different expectations based on his conduct, and what were his expectations? And is there a way that you can reach a compromise or are you going to have to split up... etc.

    He's likely not being rude on purpose (likely doesn't even know that his behavior is irritating - maybe in his family, whenever any of the family members had friends over, the whole group hung out together in the living room and that was just NORMAL) - my husband and I get into little squabbles pretty frequently because we were raised very VERY differently and have very different ideas of what "normal" people do in relationship - and one of us will get offended or upset that the other one didn't do things our own way - which is clearly the RIGHT way... then we have an "expectations talk" and understand where the other is coming from and come to an agreement on how it will work in the future so, while one of us might not get our way, we're able to at least agree on a plan.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    The roommate is male... and your a female...

    :huh:

    im a male and spent 1 year of college sharing an apartment with 3 girls. wasnt weird at all (except on NFL sundays)

    They knew more about football than you? :laugh:

    Sorry man....I couldn't leave that hanging curveball without swinging. :bigsmile:
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  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Hey there roomie, got a second? I was wondering if maybe we could work out an arrangement. I am feeling like I need more personal space. Can we work something out where I get exclusive use of the living room on Fridays and you can have it Saturdays? And maybe the other person can make plans to be gone that night, or just hang out in their rooms? Awesome. Thanks.

    This is pretty much exactly what I would do. I may also bribe him with beer.

    Perfect.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    bump.
  • Ferrous_Female_Dog
    Ferrous_Female_Dog Posts: 221 Member

    Nope. It's not even awkwardness it's just frustrating that he thinks he can just intrude on all my friendships and my friends are now his best friends.


    There's your plot twist.

    She mad.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    bump

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