How did you know you were marrying the right person?

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Replies

  • tquill
    tquill Posts: 300 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.

    If someone is controlling your life... you're doing it wrong. As for "answering to" how do you define that, and how is a boyfriend/girlfriend any different? When you care about someone, or they care about you, aren't you accountable to each other in some way?
  • trojan_bb
    trojan_bb Posts: 699 Member
    Do you guys have offshore accounts or secret assets?

    :huh: No. Are you implying a need to hide money from your spouse?

    My dad once said every man should, because you always need a backup plan.

    Trust issues

    Experienced man issues. In a world of 50% divorce rates, a little financial protection is a pretty obvious thing to do.

    I'm going to take my father's advice on this one too. Would rather be financially future proof with trust issues than broke and trusting.

    Trust goes a long way. Until you're dead broke in a legal system that completely ****s the man every time by design.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Do you guys have offshore accounts or secret assets?

    :huh: No. Are you implying a need to hide money from your spouse?

    My dad once said every man should, because you always need a backup plan.

    Trust issues

    Experienced man issues. In a world of 50% divorce rates, a little financial protection is a pretty obvious thing to do.

    I'm going to take my father's advice on this one too. Would rather be financially future proof with trust issues than broke and trusting.

    Trust goes a long way. Until you're dead broke in a legal system that completely ****s the man every time by design.

    What about women? Do we get a little secret financial protection too?
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    You will just know honey. It's the person that excites you, let's you be you, someone you can see into the future with. There is no reason to rush into things. I went the opposite of most on here. My grandmom alway told me that you have a lot of friends in you life and that you should marry your lover and treat each other as such every day. 15yrs and 2 kids later, i stand by that. There is no control over each other, no seperate accounts. I have my girls nights, he has poker nights with the guys. I think once you find that person, it's important after you are married to remember who you still are as an individual and to marry someone who supports that and once you have kids to remember who you still are as a married couple beyond just the parent stuff and take time for that...like our date night tonight. Margaritas are waiting ;) So there's my mushy two cents for you.

    I feel that my husband is my best friend because we know and understand eachother best. We support eachother through difficult times. But, we are also definitely lovers and treat eachother as such every day. We have our seperate interests and lives. He is a scientist, and I am a dancer. I go out with friends to see dance performances and dance. I asked him if he would rather that he married a physicist or an engineer. He laughed and said he does physics all day at work, he doesn't need that to be the predominant factor in his marriage.
  • AshleyM71
    AshleyM71 Posts: 3,029 Member
    My heart told me, silly. Sheesh ;) lol
  • FrozenSongBird
    FrozenSongBird Posts: 3,892 Member
    My divorce will be final in a few weeks, soooo....guess who can't answer this question. It is interesting to read the responses though.

    Where are you Mr. Right? Or even Mr Right now, lol!

    Yea that's how I felt ... mine isnt anywhere close to being final ... definitley interesting to read though...
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.

    That's a little warped. I married my wife because I want her influence in my life on a daily basis.

    There is a balance of course. If one of us "influences" the other too strongly, there can be hell to pay. But we're adults with good judgement. We find our way.


    Warped? Why because you don't agree? This has been my experience, it is a reality.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.

    If someone is controlling your life... you're doing it wrong. As for "answering to" how do you define that, and how is a boyfriend/girlfriend any different? When you care about someone, or they care about you, aren't you accountable to each other in some way?

    This. Sweetie, I don't think you understand the point of marriage. For your own sake and for the sake of those you date, I think it is a good thing you are against it for now.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.

    If someone is controlling your life... you're doing it wrong. As for "answering to" how do you define that, and how is a boyfriend/girlfriend any different? When you care about someone, or they care about you, aren't you accountable to each other in some way?

    This. Sweetie, I don't think you understand the point of marriage. For your own sake and for the sake of those you date, I think it is a good thing you are against it for now.

    I have to agree.

    I have men friends, I date. What I don't have and will never have again is someone who thinks that a piece of paper gives them the right to control who I see, what I do, what I wear, where I work, how I spend my money, ect ect ect.......
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    I don't understand the point in getting married, it just gives another person control over your life and someone you have to answer to.

    If someone is controlling your life... you're doing it wrong. As for "answering to" how do you define that, and how is a boyfriend/girlfriend any different? When you care about someone, or they care about you, aren't you accountable to each other in some way?

    This. Sweetie, I don't think you understand the point of marriage. For your own sake and for the sake of those you date, I think it is a good thing you are against it for now.

    I have to agree.

    I have men friends, I date. What I don't have and will never have again is someone who thinks that a piece of paper gives them the right to control who I see, what I do, what I wear, where I work, how I spend my money, ect ect ect.......

    Again, this doesn't happy if you marry the right person.
  • DenDweller
    DenDweller Posts: 1,438 Member
    Warped? Why because you don't agree? This has been my experience, it is a reality.

    No. I called it a bit warped because the view you wrote above is myopic.

    Is it really true you can't imagine a scenario where two people can live together happily without surrendering control to each other?

    There's a world of difference between healthy give and take and surrendering control. I hope you can see it.

    Edit: Tone
  • court_fritch26
    court_fritch26 Posts: 297 Member
    I am getting married in a little over 2 months and I am more sure that I am marrying the right person than I have about anything else in my life. I am happier than I ever thought possible, and that is even with the separation of him being stationed overseas. He is the reason I am working so hard toward my fitness and nutrition goals, not because he wants me to change, but because him loving me so much makes me want to be the best version of myself possible. We are so proud of each other's accomplishments are are supportive in the failures. Marrying the right person not only means that you love each other, but that you respect and support each other as well.
  • tquill
    tquill Posts: 300 Member
    I have to agree.

    I have men friends, I date. What I don't have and will never have again is someone who thinks that a piece of paper gives them the right to control who I see, what I do, what I wear, where I work, how I spend my money, ect ect ect.......

    I don't blame you. Marriage shouldn't change the relationship... and the "hard" questions should be asked and answered long before the engagement. People tend to think marriage will fix things, people are wrong.
  • Vupe
    Vupe Posts: 80
    I know, cause I didm't pick him, he picked me....never was good at the picking part.

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