My teenager is crying

My 10 year old girl has been crying because she wants school to start back up.

When it starts, she'll be crying because she doesn't want to go.

:drinker:

...because we won't let her sign up for two sports that conflict with practice AND game times, yet she's convinced "she can handle it".

Why does your teenager cry?

And is there a black market where I can sell mine?

Let her sign up for the sports but, make her sign a contract with you that she WILL NOT QUIT and, she will also keep up on school/church/chores, ect.
Explain that the contract is a binding form and failure to honor the contract will result in forfiture of stuff like phones, television, ect.

That's a little extreme -- let her sign up for it then let her see for herself what too much of a "load" looks like. LET HER QUIT if she needs to - don't exhaust your child. We've all quit something in life, sometimes stuff just isn't "for you" - if it doesn't make you happy like you thought it would - you quit. It's not that big of a deal, we are all human.

But let her realize it may be too much at once on her own...

I would most likely never do the contract, BUT it is a big deal if she quits a sport.....it let's the team down, by signing up she takes a spot that could have went to another child, plus it is just a really bad attitude to teach. I am not too hard on my girls but Iexpect them to finish what they start especially if others are relying on them. Making her see this before hand would be the ideal situation.

Also yes most have quit at something, but quitting a team is a much different situation and no I never have even when I over did it at 14. I just learned not to do it the next year.


As for fun crying teenagers.......my 11 yo is my crier. 14 yo is only a tired, frustrated crier.

You can give my 11 yo a sideways glance and on some days this will be enough for her to cry, other days rage and many others just ignore you. Still haven't figured this one out yet :grumble:

If she were my daughter, I would let her sign up for both. If she can't handle it, then she can't handle it. Even if her plans failed, it's a valuable lesson in independence that helps set her up for adulthood.

If it was just her lesson to learn it would be different. However, there are two teams of girls who will have to deal with a teammate missing days of practice and games, and that is unfair to them.

Her lesson being learned is that she needs to better consider her options when signing up for activities. We checked with her several times before signing up for soccer "Are you sure you want to do this over winter ball? Once you sign up for soccer you are deciding that this is the sport you are doing, because you can't do both together."

She picked soccer. She deals with her choice.

Soccer is a great choice! I wish y'all well!

I have successfully raised five teenagers and I must admit that there was no drama in my house. I don't do drama. I don't allow drama. We had rules and my children abided by the rules. It comes down to whether or not you have been the parent all along or whether or not you allowed your child to dictate what was going to happen at any time, (other than a special occasion when they got to pick where they wanted to eat). As far as extracurricular activities are concerned, tell you teen to pick one, the one they like the best and do it well.

I was a single mom and there wasn't a lot of money, so my children decided to work. They delivered papers and when they turned 14 and were able to get working papers, they worked for local businesses.

If you give in this once, you will give in again and again and again because they will know how to manipulate you.

Maybe you have easy going kids. Or maybe you really are a dictator. I think allowing a kid to be disappointed and cry is OK. Not drama.

When I read this (1st quoted post)my question was:

If kids never get to make decisions, how do they grow up and have the ability to make any decisions?

I tell my kids all the time....I am not their friend, they have plenty but only one mom.....and my job is to love them, and help them grow into highly functioning, well rounded, caring and contributing adult members of society.

My daughters and I talk about everything, I listen and try not to judge but I am their mom so when I have an opinion I will state it. My girls talk to me like a friend but they know the difference is I will be for their best interest above all else.

This wasn't meant snarky, I honestly get curious when I hear of children making no choices. Even when they were 2, I didn't dictate small things like lunch but I didn't ask open ended questions either.... I would ask do you want option A for lunch or option B. Teaching kids to make small decisions and giving them a voice prepares them for when they need to make the larger life choices.

Just my 2 cents

The contract idea will not work, as she will not be able to give 100% to time conflicting sports. It's not just that I feel she'll be tired and sore, which she would, but that it's physically impossible to be at two practices at once.

That is kind of my point.
For some reason, seeing, on paper, that there are consequences for failure, usually makes a person think out a decision before a signature.
If she thinks this out and comes to realise that there is no way she can be at two places at once, she might just make her OWN decision about the two sports thing.
Then, it is HER decision (what a big girl) and YOU won't have to clean up the mess.

Well, if she's as smart as it appears, she will know that contracts with minors are largely (with a few exceptions) unenforceable, so she should not hesitate to sign it if it means she gets what she wants.

While that is true, the punishements would basically fall under the "my house, my rules" arena in which case, Mom is the master and commander of everything within those walls.

I thought I edited this.

Never mind.

Yeah, I started a thread about how my children force me to gain weight (crawl under me when doing pushups, steal food off my plate) and got all sorts of parenting advice.

Here's a hug ->

Carry on.

I have successfully raised five teenagers and I must admit that there was no drama in my house. I don't do drama. I don't allow drama. We had rules and my children abided by the rules. It comes down to whether or not you have been the parent all along or whether or not you allowed your child to dictate what was going to happen at any time, (other than a special occasion when they got to pick where they wanted to eat). As far as extracurricular activities are concerned, tell you teen to pick one, the one they like the best and do it well.

I was a single mom and there wasn't a lot of money, so my children decided to work. They delivered papers and when they turned 14 and were able to get working papers, they worked for local businesses.

If you give in this once, you will give in again and again and again because they will know how to manipulate you.

Maybe you have easy going kids. Or maybe you really are a dictator. I think allowing a kid to be disappointed and cry is OK. Not drama.

When I read this (1st quoted post)my question was:

If kids never get to make decisions, how do they grow up and have the ability to make any decisions?

I tell my kids all the time....I am not their friend, they have plenty but only one mom.....and my job is to love them, and help them grow into highly functioning, well rounded, caring and contributing adult members of society.

My daughters and I talk about everything, I listen and try not to judge but I am their mom so when I have an opinion I will state it. My girls talk to me like a friend but they know the difference is I will be for their best interest above all else.

This wasn't meant snarky, I honestly get curious when I hear of children making no choices. Even when they were 2, I didn't dictate small things like lunch but I didn't ask open ended questions either.... I would ask do you want option A for lunch or option B. Teaching kids to make small decisions and giving them a voice prepares them for when they need to make the larger life choices.

Just my 2 cents

When they don't cry, they tend to turn into serial killers.

Get a box of tissues.

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ONE, my kids got to choose ONE after school activity each semester. Parents get to have a life that doesn't involve being taxi driver for their children. Be the parent. Just say, "no".

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