Negative Language About Thin People

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captaindle
captaindle Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm a month into this journey . . . for the third time. I've lost this same weight twice before. So I've been thin and I've been heavy. One thing I've noticed that is really unsettling to me is the negative speech I hear so often from women (I confess I'm not sure this is true for men) about "skinny b*tches." (Please excuse the use of the word. I'm quoting.) For example, I was in a Zumba class last night and someone I was with (a friend of a friend) commented to me that she enjoyed Zumba because the class isn't filled with just the "skinny b*tches." I was really dumbfounded. I mean, we're there, I assume, to get fit with, hopefully, the added benefit of losing weight, right? Would anyone who has worked hard to either lose weight or maintain weight appreciate the derogatory comments? Granted, some people are lucky enough to have amazing genes that keep them thin without much effort. But most people have to work really hard at getting or staying thin.

I also have a friend who is both petite and quite thin. She is that way because she runs, a lot. She's currently training for a marathon. She works hard to be the size she is. She's also very attractive and everywhere we go she gets glared at by other women. I mean, we've even heard the "eat a cheeseburger" comment muttered under some women's breath. It's as if she has done something wrong because she's thin and pretty. I confess I got a lot of this kind of reaction from women when I was thin as well.

I feel like the size of my body is a double edged sword. Either I'm a skiny B or a fat A. I either need to eat a cheeseburger or put the cheeseburger down. I know it's utopian to say that I'd love this negative speech about other people's bodies to stop. I guess I just wonder if any of the MFP family has noticed this negative speech about thin women/men and how does it make you feel about lsoing weight or aspiring to be thinner?
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Replies

  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.
  • cosmiqrust
    cosmiqrust Posts: 214 Member
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    i don't have the stomach for girl hate, it's some that should have been left in the high school locker room. but there's bound to be some resentment when the thin body has been shoved in someone's face their whole life as the Ideal Form.
  • cosmiqrust
    cosmiqrust Posts: 214 Member
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    Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.
    yep, and the fact that women perpetuate it themselves is the worst. maybe female self-esteem wouldn't be collectively in the toilet if everyone just decided to stop picking each other apart for a change.
  • kathdela
    kathdela Posts: 148 Member
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    If someone's form of body acceptance includes putting one type down to lift another up, then they're doing it wrong.

    I used to be like that. And I spoke from a place of jealousy.

    Now I'm just excited to see people who don't give a damn what other think and embrace how they're body is (including having it in transition from fat to thin)
  • weightliftingdiva
    weightliftingdiva Posts: 522 Member
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    Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.

    This.
  • loribethrice
    loribethrice Posts: 620 Member
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    It goes both ways. If you're overweight, you're disgusting. If you're thin or underweight, you're disgusting. Men seem to focus on making life hell for bigger women (other women do too) and women focus on making life hell for smaller ones.
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
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    I used to be like that. And I spoke from a place of jealousy.

    Ditto. I hate to remember how thoughtlessly I tried to make myself feel better by making snide comments about someone else's thinner physique. All we can do is change our own behavior, and maybe (if you have the temperament) gently correct when we hear someone else doing the body shaming. And teach the children in our lives to be more accepting...although I have to tell you it's usually my kids who are teaching me rather than the other way round.
  • captaindle
    captaindle Posts: 30 Member
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    I used to be like that. And I spoke from a place of jealousy.

    Ditto. I hate to remember how thoughtlessly I tried to make myself feel better by making snide comments about someone else's thinner physique. All we can do is change our own behavior, and maybe (if you have the temperament) gently correct when we hear someone else doing the body shaming. And teach the children in our lives to be more accepting...although I have to tell you it's usually my kids who are teaching me rather than the other way round.

    It gives me hope for the future to hear that the children may be on a better path than we were. :)
  • captaindle
    captaindle Posts: 30 Member
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    Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.
    yep, and the fact that women perpetuate it themselves is the worst. maybe female self-esteem wouldn't be collectively in the toilet if everyone just decided to stop picking each other apart for a change.

    This!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    I had a stranger in a store comment on the fudge I was buying and say I could use it, and people always tell me that I'm going to blow away or that I have a fast metabolism and don't work hard to stay in shape.

    It's really rude, and I'm not even that thin. I'm a very healthy weight and they feel the need to comment on it.
  • TXRanchGirl
    TXRanchGirl Posts: 303
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    women are awful..

    I feel its primally based..a woman that is deemed more attractive by other women is viewed as "competition"..wether she is or not.

    When I was fat and unhappy, I felt like that..

    now that Ive lost weight..I am getting that treatment back from other women alot..guess karma is a b*&ch.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    It is something I noticed as I started losing more weight and becoming fitter. It used to bother me, now I just sashay my sexy *kitten* right past them with a smirk.
  • fattymcrunnerpants
    fattymcrunnerpants Posts: 311 Member
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    I think language regarding other's bodies either needs to be positive or not voiced. It stems from a place of insecurity and it's not OK. Putting someone else down really isn't going to make the other person feel better.
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
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    The only time I would call someone a "skinny b*tch" is if she is being mean to me and happens to be skinny and only if I was referring to her in a story. Same with fat.

    Otherwise, it's not nice. I've seen bonafide anorexics and manorexics on the subway and it was hard to look at them, but I would never say anything mean. They know they're sick and they have to live with it; why make them feel worse.
  • Alassonde
    Alassonde Posts: 228 Member
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    I have seen this really escalating lately. The "REAL women have curves" and "only dogs like bones" are things I seem to see several times a day now. As someone who was constantly bullied for being underweight in school, I am a little sensitive to it. I would never dream of walking up to someone and telling them point-blank they need to lose weight, but people used to tell me all the time that I needed to gain weight, including strangers on the street. Someone once told me I should take it as a compliment. However, when they're saying "Oh my god! You look sick! You need to gain weight! Don't you know men don't like skinny women?" That is not a compliment.
  • T1DCarnivoreRunner
    T1DCarnivoreRunner Posts: 11,502 Member
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    Yep, it is jealousy.

    Here is another thing: I do not know when I see another man if he is attractive to women or not (except in very extreme cases, or based on women's behavior). Women can make that determination about other women (and they are almost always right), I don't know how they do it (unless the woman is bisexual or lesbian), but you definitely know what most of us men think is sexy. I feel like if you didn't know, then you couldn't be jealous.
  • kathdela
    kathdela Posts: 148 Member
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    It's so not just women, though. It's everyone.
    Just look at how most **** is phrased. "Real men prefer curves.. Men like curves, bones are for dogs...."
    A lot of it is like "yeah, not being skinny is okay as long as men wanna do you"
    So don't place the blame solely on women, when a lot of the people posting in this thread seem to be women who hate this.
  • captaindle
    captaindle Posts: 30 Member
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    It is something I noticed as I started losing more weight and becoming fitter. It used to bother me, now I just sashay my sexy *kitten* right past them with a smirk.

    Sassy! I love it! Hahaha.
  • ninav1980
    ninav1980 Posts: 514 Member
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    I would be happy to have the word "skinny" used to describe me in any context. Critique away ladies!
    lol
  • captaindle
    captaindle Posts: 30 Member
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    It's so not just women, though. It's everyone.
    Just look at how most **** is phrased. "Real men prefer curves.. Men like curves, bones are for dogs...."
    A lot of it is like "yeah, not being skinny is okay as long as men wanna do you"
    So don't place the blame solely on women, when a lot of the people posting in this thread seem to be women who hate this.

    This brings up another point that may feed into women's criticism of each other. Are we all viewing ourselves as valuable only if we're attractive to a mate or partner? I know I certainly got that message loud and clear from the time I was a young girl.

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