Negative Language About Thin People
captaindle
Posts: 30 Member
I'm a month into this journey . . . for the third time. I've lost this same weight twice before. So I've been thin and I've been heavy. One thing I've noticed that is really unsettling to me is the negative speech I hear so often from women (I confess I'm not sure this is true for men) about "skinny b*tches." (Please excuse the use of the word. I'm quoting.) For example, I was in a Zumba class last night and someone I was with (a friend of a friend) commented to me that she enjoyed Zumba because the class isn't filled with just the "skinny b*tches." I was really dumbfounded. I mean, we're there, I assume, to get fit with, hopefully, the added benefit of losing weight, right? Would anyone who has worked hard to either lose weight or maintain weight appreciate the derogatory comments? Granted, some people are lucky enough to have amazing genes that keep them thin without much effort. But most people have to work really hard at getting or staying thin.
I also have a friend who is both petite and quite thin. She is that way because she runs, a lot. She's currently training for a marathon. She works hard to be the size she is. She's also very attractive and everywhere we go she gets glared at by other women. I mean, we've even heard the "eat a cheeseburger" comment muttered under some women's breath. It's as if she has done something wrong because she's thin and pretty. I confess I got a lot of this kind of reaction from women when I was thin as well.
I feel like the size of my body is a double edged sword. Either I'm a skiny B or a fat A. I either need to eat a cheeseburger or put the cheeseburger down. I know it's utopian to say that I'd love this negative speech about other people's bodies to stop. I guess I just wonder if any of the MFP family has noticed this negative speech about thin women/men and how does it make you feel about lsoing weight or aspiring to be thinner?
I also have a friend who is both petite and quite thin. She is that way because she runs, a lot. She's currently training for a marathon. She works hard to be the size she is. She's also very attractive and everywhere we go she gets glared at by other women. I mean, we've even heard the "eat a cheeseburger" comment muttered under some women's breath. It's as if she has done something wrong because she's thin and pretty. I confess I got a lot of this kind of reaction from women when I was thin as well.
I feel like the size of my body is a double edged sword. Either I'm a skiny B or a fat A. I either need to eat a cheeseburger or put the cheeseburger down. I know it's utopian to say that I'd love this negative speech about other people's bodies to stop. I guess I just wonder if any of the MFP family has noticed this negative speech about thin women/men and how does it make you feel about lsoing weight or aspiring to be thinner?
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Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.0
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i don't have the stomach for girl hate, it's some that should have been left in the high school locker room. but there's bound to be some resentment when the thin body has been shoved in someone's face their whole life as the Ideal Form.0
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yep, and the fact that women perpetuate it themselves is the worst. maybe female self-esteem wouldn't be collectively in the toilet if everyone just decided to stop picking each other apart for a change.Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.0 -
If someone's form of body acceptance includes putting one type down to lift another up, then they're doing it wrong.
I used to be like that. And I spoke from a place of jealousy.
Now I'm just excited to see people who don't give a damn what other think and embrace how they're body is (including having it in transition from fat to thin)0 -
Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.
This.0 -
It goes both ways. If you're overweight, you're disgusting. If you're thin or underweight, you're disgusting. Men seem to focus on making life hell for bigger women (other women do too) and women focus on making life hell for smaller ones.0
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I used to be like that. And I spoke from a place of jealousy.
Ditto. I hate to remember how thoughtlessly I tried to make myself feel better by making snide comments about someone else's thinner physique. All we can do is change our own behavior, and maybe (if you have the temperament) gently correct when we hear someone else doing the body shaming. And teach the children in our lives to be more accepting...although I have to tell you it's usually my kids who are teaching me rather than the other way round.0 -
I used to be like that. And I spoke from a place of jealousy.
Ditto. I hate to remember how thoughtlessly I tried to make myself feel better by making snide comments about someone else's thinner physique. All we can do is change our own behavior, and maybe (if you have the temperament) gently correct when we hear someone else doing the body shaming. And teach the children in our lives to be more accepting...although I have to tell you it's usually my kids who are teaching me rather than the other way round.
It gives me hope for the future to hear that the children may be on a better path than we were.
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yep, and the fact that women perpetuate it themselves is the worst. maybe female self-esteem wouldn't be collectively in the toilet if everyone just decided to stop picking each other apart for a change.Every woman on earth has experienced it. We live in a culture that promotes the idea that women's bodies are essentially public property. Until that changes, you'll be subject to public ridicule about your appearance every time there's another person who can see you.
This!0 -
I had a stranger in a store comment on the fudge I was buying and say I could use it, and people always tell me that I'm going to blow away or that I have a fast metabolism and don't work hard to stay in shape.
It's really rude, and I'm not even that thin. I'm a very healthy weight and they feel the need to comment on it.0 -
women are awful..
I feel its primally based..a woman that is deemed more attractive by other women is viewed as "competition"..wether she is or not.
When I was fat and unhappy, I felt like that..
now that Ive lost weight..I am getting that treatment back from other women alot..guess karma is a b*&ch.0 -
It is something I noticed as I started losing more weight and becoming fitter. It used to bother me, now I just sashay my sexy *kitten* right past them with a smirk.0
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I think language regarding other's bodies either needs to be positive or not voiced. It stems from a place of insecurity and it's not OK. Putting someone else down really isn't going to make the other person feel better.0
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The only time I would call someone a "skinny b*tch" is if she is being mean to me and happens to be skinny and only if I was referring to her in a story. Same with fat.
Otherwise, it's not nice. I've seen bonafide anorexics and manorexics on the subway and it was hard to look at them, but I would never say anything mean. They know they're sick and they have to live with it; why make them feel worse.0 -
I have seen this really escalating lately. The "REAL women have curves" and "only dogs like bones" are things I seem to see several times a day now. As someone who was constantly bullied for being underweight in school, I am a little sensitive to it. I would never dream of walking up to someone and telling them point-blank they need to lose weight, but people used to tell me all the time that I needed to gain weight, including strangers on the street. Someone once told me I should take it as a compliment. However, when they're saying "Oh my god! You look sick! You need to gain weight! Don't you know men don't like skinny women?" That is not a compliment.0
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Yep, it is jealousy.
Here is another thing: I do not know when I see another man if he is attractive to women or not (except in very extreme cases, or based on women's behavior). Women can make that determination about other women (and they are almost always right), I don't know how they do it (unless the woman is bisexual or lesbian), but you definitely know what most of us men think is sexy. I feel like if you didn't know, then you couldn't be jealous.0 -
It's so not just women, though. It's everyone.
Just look at how most **** is phrased. "Real men prefer curves.. Men like curves, bones are for dogs...."
A lot of it is like "yeah, not being skinny is okay as long as men wanna do you"
So don't place the blame solely on women, when a lot of the people posting in this thread seem to be women who hate this.0 -
It is something I noticed as I started losing more weight and becoming fitter. It used to bother me, now I just sashay my sexy *kitten* right past them with a smirk.
Sassy! I love it! Hahaha.0 -
I would be happy to have the word "skinny" used to describe me in any context. Critique away ladies!
lol0 -
It's so not just women, though. It's everyone.
Just look at how most **** is phrased. "Real men prefer curves.. Men like curves, bones are for dogs...."
A lot of it is like "yeah, not being skinny is okay as long as men wanna do you"
So don't place the blame solely on women, when a lot of the people posting in this thread seem to be women who hate this.
This brings up another point that may feed into women's criticism of each other. Are we all viewing ourselves as valuable only if we're attractive to a mate or partner? I know I certainly got that message loud and clear from the time I was a young girl.0 -
I often get: "I know you've lost weight, but no you're so thin it isn't beautiful anymore." Thanks.
I wonder how much *kitten* i would get from people if I said "Oh you've gained so much weight, it doesn't look beautiful anymore". But for underweight/lower BMI people it's somehow OK ...
What I learnt from MFP and losing weight is that it's not, under any circumstances, appropriate to comment on somebody's body. I used to make snide remarks when I was bigger, but I see it from such a different point of view now and hate how so much negativity is spread just because of people's looks.0 -
We had an exchange student a few years back who did that a lot. She was eastern European, tall, thin and beautiful, so you'd think she'd not be doing that crap but she was horrible. As long as the other girl was heavier than her she was perfectly ok but let a thinner girl walk by and I'd hear her mutter "*****".
And I noticed a long time ago that "skinny *****" doesn't necessarily refer to actual skinny women. It can mean anyone smaller than the one running her mouth. I had a woman who had to be pushing 400 pounds call me that once when I was 200. I didn't know whether to slap her or hug her, hah!0 -
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The thing is. We have to try to stop negative language in general.
Thin, overweight, straight, gay.
It really doesn't matter.
The way I see it the more you are concerned with others and what they do, the less energy you are putting into what YOU are doing with YOU.0 -
It comes from a place of insecurity. Whenever I hear negative talk like that, it makes me happy that I'm me and I don't have to deal with those terrible inner demons.
Edit for clarity: I mean from both sides - the fat and thin shaming. When someone makes fun of someone else's weight, it is because he or she is unhappy with him or herself.0 -
The thing is. We have to try to stop negative language in general.
Thin, overweight, straight, gay.
It really doesn't matter.
The way I see it the more you are concerned with others and what they do, the less energy you are putting into what YOU are doing with YOU.
Excellent point and so true!0 -
It is something I noticed as I started losing more weight and becoming fitter. It used to bother me, now I just sashay my sexy *kitten* right past them with a smirk.
^ This.0 -
I'm going to be real with you, ok. (Hopefully I'm not breaking any MFP rules) It's a lot of pressure for women who share the same race as myself, to lose their tummy, arms, back fat, and double chins, while keeping a plump bottom, large or average size breasts, and huge legs. That's all these rappers talk about, and that's what men are looking for as well. It's so bad, that when asked who is the more attractive woman, slimmer women are actually almost never chosen up against a thicker woman. I'm not saying all men my race are like this, but many are. It's to the point where women and men are bashing slimmer women, and saying they are badly built and encouraging bigger girls to stay that way, just so they don't lose their "thickness". They'll even ignore the presence of a few rolls and tummy fat. I've seen it a lot lately. Especially on Facebook. It's crazy to me.
I developed a little bit of hips after gaining weight. :laugh: I became curvier, and have had men say things to me about it. A TRAINER AT BALLY'S even suggested that I not workout too hard, because it would cause me to lose my curves! But guess what? With those so called curves, comes "extra padding" that I'm not necessarily pleased with. If I want to become fit and slim, and I walk around with a flat bottom, SO BE IT! My happiness and satisfaction with my OWN appearance, is my ONLY concern. They don't like, they don't have to look! I'll prance along happily in my tiny jeans! :smokin:
You just have to get to that point where you are confident in your skin at ANY size. People will always talk, and you can NOT let that bother you. Hold your head high with confidence. Let the haters hate. You can't change what others think or say about you. You can only work on changing how you view yourself!0 -
you're right, men make life hell for every size of woman indiscriminately. sorry bout it.It goes both ways. If you're overweight, you're disgusting. If you're thin or underweight, you're disgusting. Men seem to focus on making life hell for bigger women (other women do too) and women focus on making life hell for smaller ones.
If you ladies want to hate each other go right ahead, we know better than to try to stop you.
But don't throw men under the bus. We're not making life hell for bigger women. We are celebrating them, encouraging them, laughing with them, dating them, and marrying them.
A lot of what you think of as "men" or "society" is really just those trash magazines you keep buying and supporting.0
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