Tell people for support or keep it to myself?

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  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
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    ME, personally, I'd say keep it to yourself. The only support you need is from yourself and this website, if at all.

    You don't have to prove anything to anyone. When they start to notice, then you can answer questions but keep this little nugget to yourself. It's yours, it's special and you will be proud of yourself when you start to notice the change you have effected in your life without anyone else's knowledge and approval.

    We don't refrain from snacking. What you want to ask yourself when you want to snack is "Am I really hungry or is it just appetite?" Chances are you are not hungry. Find good snacks to keep around. If you have a protein bar, cut it into four pieces and eat one piece. Make good choices; you have the power. Use the force, Luke.

    Keep coming back and let us know your progress.
  • krennie8
    krennie8 Posts: 301 Member
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    I told some people, but others I regretted telling. It's a mixed bag. Honestly for me I think it's best to have like one person who's on the same path and you can commiserate with. Beyond that, I don't think it's helpful. Heck, that's why I haven't added any friends here! The community is helpful, but for me friends on here make me nervous. Almost like a "judgey" feeling. I know they aren't, but that's how I feel. And if I have a bad day, go over my limits, friends on here make me not want to log them. So I don't add ppl.
  • Anonycatgirl
    Anonycatgirl Posts: 502 Member
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    I told the close friends we have dinner with regularly, so they'd understand that if I ate more salad and less [fill-in-the-blank]. They've been great about coming up with lighter menus when it's their turn to cook--and only laughing a little when I weight and measure my portions. (I don't mind a little teasing, because it *is* kind of funny to watch!) And I told my mom, again so she'd understand when I didn't eat ALL THE FOOD when I was visiting her.

    As for snacking, I snacked pretty much constantly throughout the weight loss process and am doing it even more in maintenance. I find it actually helps for me, because I never get crazy hungry. Just be aware of what you're nibbling and don't forget to log it.
  • christullos
    christullos Posts: 89
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    I tell no one about my diet except my wife of course. I have found in my many many years of dieting (getting old here) that most people do not support you in your diet. They will say things like, "I think you you look great as you are" or "come on just one won't hurt you."

    I have also come to understand that most of my friends "secretly" want me to fail, especially among my heavier friends, because if I can do it through dieting and not exercising then they can do it. They just don't want to do it.

    My wife (She is 5'7" and 144 lbs) really gets comments from her heavier friends calling her "to thin, skinny minny". This really upsets her. She lost 22lbs and has maintained her weight for 8 years now. She is my inspiration.
  • Artionis
    Artionis Posts: 105 Member
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    Hi, i signed up a long time ago but just starting to get serious now about loosing weight. Im 21 i weigh about 19 stone and i wan't to loose weight and be fit and healthy. I don't know whether to tell people or not? I am comfortable with my body and accept that i'm overweight but if i tell people i am afraid they will laugh at me, or say stuff rather than support me? If i keep it to myself and just get on with it and then people start realizing i'm losing weight and then admit 'yes i am trying to lose weight'. Maybe i am afraid to tell people incase i fail. Suggestions?
    Also what keeps you guys motivated and stops you from snacking? I don't eat unhealthy breakfasts/dinners but i snack all the time, how do you guys refrain?

    Hope to get some replies :) Thanks for reading! xo

    My first question is just who are these "people"? Close family? Third cousins? Close friends? Your bank teller? If you have trusted confidants, tell them you are changing your lifestyle for the better. If the response is anything other than something like "I'm so happy for you, is there anything I can do to give your morale a boost?", then process the thought that they are failing you.

    If you believe any of these "people" will laugh at you or ridicule you for taking control of your life and making better decisions, then that is a toxic person who should be dropped off your radar, no matter what their title is. OTOH, if someone makes a stupidly clueless hurtful remark, you may respond immediately with something like "what a tasteless and hurtful thing to say." Then stare at them. A decent person will fall over themselves to apologize. It is SO important to learn to handle the moment.

    Don't be "afraid" of anything other than a bear in your living room. You are undertaking a process to make your body healthier, more fit, and as a collateral benefit, more attractive. What a super cool thing to do! Setbacks, bad days, so what? Imagine yourself in one year from now -- how much happier and healthier you WILL be. It's all within your power.

    Stick with it -- we're rooting for you.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
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    I told some people, but others I regretted telling. It's a mixed bag. Honestly for me I think it's best to have like one person who's on the same path and you can commiserate with. Beyond that, I don't think it's helpful. Heck, that's why I haven't added any friends here! The community is helpful, but for me friends on here make me nervous. Almost like a "judgey" feeling. I know they aren't, but that's how I feel. And if I have a bad day, go over my limits, friends on here make me not want to log them. So I don't add ppl.
    My food diary is closed and none of the people on my friend list have ever asked to see it. I also have deactivated the notification that becomes a status update once the logging is done, and haven't received any questions about that either.
  • ColourfulFiasco1
    ColourfulFiasco1 Posts: 37 Member
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    I'm not sure if someone has mentioned this yet or not…but there is a psychological phenomena where telling someone you're going to do something (or saying you have!) tends to keep you from actually doing it, because you feel accomplished in having begun.
    My goal is to let the weight fall off and have people ASK! Wouldn't that be more satisfying that some half-bit Facebook comment wishing you luck?
  • amflautist
    amflautist Posts: 941 Member
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    In the end it's about you. You alone. Only you - only your determination to succeed - will make it happen. No matter who you tell, your support must come from within You.
  • Lonestar5775
    Lonestar5775 Posts: 740 Member
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    You could do both. Do not tell friends or family in real life but make some friends here on MFP with whom you share the common goal of becoming healthier. Best of luck to you!
  • jnelson1028
    jnelson1028 Posts: 13 Member
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    I told my best friend and my immediate family. 1- for support and encouragement 2- just so they are considerate of meals. We often eat together. Otherwise I keep it to myself. But I do recommend having atleast one person you can go to.
  • NJGamerChick
    NJGamerChick Posts: 467 Member
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    Get support from people on this site, and let everyone else look at you and notice the difference. It feels better.

    I was going to say this, as well as, let people who are on the same path support you. Those who are not will not usually understand. When you "advertise", some people expect you to fail and some will purposely sabotage you even when they are supportive of your decision.

    Good luck and I hope that things work out. There are lots of people here who are wonderful. :)
  • ratherbeskiing
    ratherbeskiing Posts: 847 Member
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    I said at work one day that I was going to lose weight and people thought that I was joking or that it would only last for a while. The only people that really saw me make a huge effort was family because they were around when I started with the food scale and everything and they were very supportive. When I went out with friends I would just get salad and healthy choices. It was not until I started to run that people started noticing and they noticed I was bringing my own food and stuff that people realized that I was serious and it was going to happen. Then I got a lot of support from my friends.
  • Dlewis8288
    Dlewis8288 Posts: 42 Member
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    For me, I didn't tell any one other than my husband of course, and when ppl started to comment I told them with a big fat smile! They are very encouraging and happy for my accomplishments. Don't expect the worse out of ppl, and if you get a few here's in there just ignore them and use it for fuel I. Your next work out!
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
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    I told some people, some really close friends and my immediate family. I was so happy to have them support me. When I started, I had personal training sessions every Monday and my best friend would always wait for my text or phone call telling her how my week went. She was very encouraging and still is. I told a few people at work, those who I know also are health conscious. It worked for me to have other people to be accountable to. I am a people pleaser, could be why it helped. I never told anyone on my attempts to lose weight before and that never seemed to work for me. This time, I've lost 100+ pounds and kept it off for almost 4 years now.
  • jim180155
    jim180155 Posts: 769 Member
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    With very few exceptions, don't tell anybody. Make an exception for particular people that you really want to share with, but otherwise keep it to yourself. Because with the exception of those exceptions, nobody cares.

    Think about it. You're overweight, so of course you're going to diet. And of course you expect to lose weight. All overweight people diet, right? And with a few exceptions, most of them fail. So why should anyone think you're going to be any different?

    Keep it to yourself. You're the one who's going to have to do all the work anyway, and the strength to stick with it has to come from within. You're not going to get that from other people. Not even the most supportive people can do much for you if you're not taking this upon yourself with the determination and perseverance to succeed.

    Lose weight and everything will change. Some will react negatively, probably out of jealousy. But most will suddenly be interested in your weight loss. They'll want to know your "secret" and they'll be asking how you did it. They might be a little disappointed when they find out that you followed what they already know, but they'll still want to know about it, and they'll continue to be interested as they watch you transform yourself into a more healthy version of yourself.

    But for now, keep it to yourself and start making the changes you need to make.
  • Will_Run_for_Food
    Will_Run_for_Food Posts: 561 Member
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    They say sharing your goals with others is good because a) you'll (ideally) gain support and b) it'll hold you accountable. You don't have to tell the whole world - sometimes just this forum is enough. But maybe consider telling a few close friends or family members. I'm glad I did.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
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    Of course it is a personal choice, but, I didn't tell anyone, not even husband or daughter.
    Just did it, and let people notice.
    Starting over tomorrow was the story of my life.
    When the compliments started coming daily, the incentive to keep going really helped. Now, after almost 2-1/2 years, it is habit. Not easy, but it is really a good feeling to be a "normal" size after being morbidly obese.
  • nixxthirteen
    nixxthirteen Posts: 280 Member
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    I told only my closest friends and the family members who live with me at first.

    Part of it is because I have friends and relatives who have suffered from ED's and I don't think it's fair to discuss calories around them. I also hate making people feel uncomfortable about their own food choices.

    I've worked at the same grocery store for 7 years, so lately I get a LOT of questions now that my loss is getting really noticeable. Customers who haven't seen me in a while go kinda nuts. In a good way heh. So, like others have said, that element of surprise is really nice.

    When asked by a stranger, I tend to at most say "I stick to around 2000 calories a day and ride my bike to work!" If friends ask, I don't mind showing them or explaining in more detail. But I will say, it does get really frustrating when people want to know "your secret" and ask all kinds of questions, and even after devoting time and effort to show them everything you've learned, they decide after like a week that it's too hard and they can't do it. And the more weight you lose, the more jealous and whiny they get.... That part has not been fun.

    The "stop now, you've lost enough" comments get old as hell, too.
  • FitOldMomma
    FitOldMomma Posts: 790 Member
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    The only people I personally told about my new eating and fitness life is my husband and one friend.

    I've had just a few people notice I've lost weight and asked me about it. I told them about MFP and about my swimming routine.

    Other than that, I've not put posts on Facebook or gone out of my way to announce it.

    I like reading all the success stories here, and the 'help' questions. Some particular topics I avoid though, lol. Especially the ones that have anything to do with:
    eating less than 1200 calories a day.:wink:
  • FitOldMomma
    FitOldMomma Posts: 790 Member
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    I told only my closest friends and the family members who live with me at first.

    Part of it is because I have friends and relatives who have suffered from ED's and I don't think it's fair to discuss calories around them. I also hate making people feel uncomfortable about their own food choices.

    I've worked at the same grocery store for 7 years, so lately I get a LOT of questions now that my loss is getting really noticeable. Customers who haven't seen me in a while go kinda nuts. In a good way heh. So, like others have said, that element of surprise is really nice.

    When asked by a stranger, I tend to at most say "I stick to around 2000 calories a day and ride my bike to work!" If friends ask, I don't mind showing them or explaining in more detail. But I will say, it does get really frustrating when people want to know "your secret" and ask all kinds of questions, and even after devoting time and effort to show them everything you've learned, they decide after like a week that it's too hard and they can't do it. And the more weight you lose, the more jealous and whiny they get.... That part has not been fun.

    The "stop now, you've lost enough" comments get old as hell, too.

    Haha, I can't wait to get to point where my friends are telling me "you've lost enough". :laugh:

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