Still feel and look ugly, eve EFTER loosing weight.

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Replies

  • At some point in yout life someone wasn't honest with you and made you think you weren't handsome or good enough just as you are/were. They were wrong! You were cute even before the weight loss! You need to stop believeing the lie that some confused and thoughtless person fed you. There are many ways to work through that lie, one way is therapy but it's not the only way. Keep coming here and keep being honest. You're not saying anything that we (all humans) haven't felt before we will tell you the truth because we don't want you keep living a lie. Go on youtube and search for self esteem help or google self esteem help for dudes. You're not anywhere near ugly, I'm sorry you ever felt that!
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Please seek therapy !

    Is that really necessary?

    The post may have been blunt, but you do seem to have a very low body image and perhaps self esteem...if you can't see what we see when we look at your after photo something is off. And I certainly don't see what you describe yourself as. It may be that some professional therapy would benefit you.

    I have to agree with this, not just because of this single thread but others you have posted as well. It's great that you wanted to lose weight and be healthier, but based on what I have seen you seem to have developed a unhealthy relationship with food and a really bad self image. I wonder if you still see the old you in the mirror, like your mind hasn't caught up with the weight loss just yet. It wouldn't hurt to look into talking to someone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so.


    Maybe it would help if you looked at the things you like about yourself and focus on that, both physical and personality wise. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself think of at least one thing that you do like about yourself. Better yet, write down the things that you do like about yourself and keep it on hand to read when you start feeling like this. It might sound a little cheesy, but if you focus on the negative all of the time it's not going to get you anywhere.
  • I like big heads, and I think you look good ;) Plus, your head looks normal sized in the photo you posted, and it didn't look that big in your before photo either
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
    I happen to think you're very handsome, downright sexy. That being you might have some minor/moderate body dysmorphia and self esteem issues. Not at all uncommon if you were at one point a large person. My advice is if you can't work through it maybe consider getting a therapist or atleast a consultation because hating your body is a waste of precious time and too stressful.

    Oh GOSH. Far from it! The only people who ever compliment me are my family, and...well isn't that just respect? Family always make sure to tell you you 'look good' or whatever just to give you better self esteem...now I'm at the point where I know they're saying it to be 'kind' and make me feel better about myself.

    I've never...NEVER been told I am attractive or handsome or 'sexy :noway: ' for that matter...which is primarily the reason I will NEVER take anybody seriously when it comes to complimenting me. I see all my friends getting the girls, all the compliments on social networking, all the girls staring at them in public...and then there's me looking like a grape with legs.

    This picture speaks a thousand words.

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  • hilts1969
    hilts1969 Posts: 465 Member
    I'm a serial body dieter. I constantly work towards improving how I look because of how I feel. You can work on both though through diet and exercise as well as other methods like counseling or regular socialization. You can change how you look, but make sure you are trying to be more positive on your journey. Compliment yourself everyday. I know it sounds corny, but if you keep telling yourself you are worthy than eventually you start feeling like you are.

    One time I forced myself to smile at every one I came within eye contact of, and it was a good day.

    Worthy of what? i really don't get all this, as a cynic and a throwback i'm 50/50 if the op has issues or is after an ego boost, does this group hugging mentality even work? it seems the more we empathise the more needy society gets, the world is getting full of people who spend most of their time in their own bubble, there are more than 6 billion people on this planet, chances are most of them are worse off than us

    The earth revolves around the sun, unfortunately some people think the world revolves around them
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
    Please seek therapy !

    Is that really necessary?

    The post may have been blunt, but you do seem to have a very low body image and perhaps self esteem...if you can't see what we see when we look at your after photo something is off. And I certainly don't see what you describe yourself as. It may be that some professional therapy would benefit you.

    I have to agree with this, not just because of this single thread but others you have posted as well. It's great that you wanted to lose weight and be healthier, but based on what I have seen you seem to have developed a unhealthy relationship with food and a really bad self image. I wonder if you still see the old you in the mirror, like your mind hasn't caught up with the weight loss just yet. It wouldn't hurt to look into talking to someone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so.


    Maybe it would help if you looked at the things you like about yourself and focus on that, both physical and personality wise. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself think of at least one thing that you do like about yourself. Better yet, write down the things that you do like about yourself and keep it on hand to read when you start feeling like this. It might sound a little cheesy, but if you focus on the negative all of the time it's not going to get you anywhere.

    If I'm honest, I can't think of anything good about myself.

    I used to actually be quite confident and photogenic, but you get *those* people who make you doubt yourself, and ever since then my life has been hell.
  • paulperryman
    paulperryman Posts: 839 Member
    I feel for you man, and totally empathise, said to someone else to me i look like Golum from the Lord Of The Rings as opposed to Jabba The Hutt i was before. Hard to change your inner psyche even with people telling you otherwise. Try to take the positives and shun out the negative thoughts.
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
    I feel for you man, and totally empathise, said to someone else to me i look like Golum from the Lord Of The Rings as opposed to Jabba The Hutt i was before. Hard to change your inner psyche even with people telling you otherwise. Try to take the positives and shun out the negative thoughts.

    Oh I've been called it all. Shrek, Gru, Sloth (from The Goonies)...the list is endless.
  • KaruBlack
    KaruBlack Posts: 43 Member
    Actually you are pretty cute. Don't let other people change your perception about yourself. They are not living your life, they are not paying your bills, they are doing nothing for you that makes you need their opinion. Also photos always adds to the pictures so you can not always based everything on that.

    I do think you have a mild case of BDD and you may need to see someone so you can talk about why you feel the way you do, not someone who will just throw pills at you and then say you're cure. But you need to find out why you feel the way you do and why you see what you see. Once you can figure that part out you can begin to start working on healing yourself.
  • jjdiggy
    jjdiggy Posts: 172
    When I started, I needed a wheel barrow to carry around my belly; Now I wear medium clothes. in the mirror, I still see a lot of flab around my belly, but I do core exercises to hopefully tighten and flatten that area.I wear athletic tees when I go swimming to hide my shame, but don't really care what people think.

    It's been about 1 year since I've been swimming, and I finally went the other day and hated it. It felt like everybody was staring, so I summoned myself to an empty corner in the pool and bobbed around there for half an hour.
  • byrnet18
    byrnet18 Posts: 230 Member
    I can't see your face well in your "after" picture. But from what I can see, you are HOT! Don't be so judging of yourself. I'm sure no one else notices the things you are so unhappy with. I too was very self conscience when I was your age, but then you learn that none of that really matters. Best wishes!!
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
    Hopefully these will help some:
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    Absolutely agree with this. There is NOTHING wrong with your looks. You have lost a incredible amount of weight. So happy for you. Don't let this stop the new you. You have worked so hard for this, now go shine. Walk with your head up and get that attitude you can do anything. So proud of you... Hugs
  • opalsqueak007
    opalsqueak007 Posts: 433 Member
    You are not ugly and you do not have a big head. You are a nice looking lad.
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    Dang double post
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    A lot of people enter weight loss expecting to suddenly be happy and self confident once the weight is gone. The problem is, low self esteem is rarely caused by weight gain. In fact, weight gain is often a result of low self esteem. Therefore, often, when someone loses weight... they have to face a bitter realization: It was not the weight causing their low self esteem. It sounds like this may be your case. It might help if you speak to someone about it. You really do not look as ugly as you feel you do. You're actually pretty attractive. Take care, I wish you all the best.
  • just4nessa
    just4nessa Posts: 459 Member
    We are all our own worst critics. Others are not judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. Let yourself see and accept what others see in you. I think you look great... before and after.
  • KaruBlack
    KaruBlack Posts: 43 Member
    I really don't think there is anything we can do to actually help, you have to find out why you feel like that picture you posted. But I fear that if you don't get help soon you are going to do more harm to yourself than good later on in your life. I would hate to see you become bulimic.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
    It's nice to feel comfortable in your own skin. Sorry you are struggling!
    I think we've all been there to some degree. I'm quite picky about my own looks, even still. But when I was younger I was like so many others, terribly self-conscious. I didn't hold other people to the same crazy standards, though...just myself! I accepted people and did not care about "flaws."
    Hope it helps you to understand that people just want to be loved and respected...that is what makes you look good in their eyes!
    But definitely seeking to look as best as **you** can is a nice pursuit! Be glad you can pursue it, it's a luxury, really.

    Try to get "out of yourself" by focusing on being kind and helping others....it will make you a TEN
  • paulperryman
    paulperryman Posts: 839 Member
    I feel for you man, and totally empathise, said to someone else to me i look like Golum from the Lord Of The Rings as opposed to Jabba The Hutt i was before. Hard to change your inner psyche even with people telling you otherwise. Try to take the positives and shun out the negative thoughts.

    Oh I've been called it all. Shrek, Gru, Sloth (from The Goonies)...the list is endless.

    Yup a lifetime i bad nicknames for me too and all my school life i was picked on physically and mentally every single day. SO i totally feel for you. my nicknames was Turtle in school cause i had a grey backpack similar to a turtle shell and i never fought back just hid in my shell. Well i did eventually fight back, took 10years of it to finally snap me tho.

    and tho it's coming from a guy and no i'm not hitting on you lol. You certainly don't look ugly
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Are you funny? Are you smart? Are you a good friend? Do you have any special talents? Focus on those things.

    It took me a very long time but I had to realize that I am not what people called me (and I've been called some pretty nasty things) and there are many wonderful things about me that have nothing to do with my looks. Once I started focusing on those things I started to realize what really matters. I still have days where I hate what I see in the mirror but it's a big improvement from where I was five years ago.

    You are good looking, young and you have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't let the fear of what others may think stop you from enjoying it.