how to deal with sister's body/food comments?
Replies
-
Have you considered telling her she's a tool?0
-
I would revert our relationship back to where it was in 70s & 80s and react accordingly - maybe 30 seconds of oxygen deprivation with a pillow or put a heavy shoe in a pillow case and bonk her several times below the neck where it won't leave a visible bruise. Would she fit in the dryer?0
-
Since this is your sister you should speak up! Like the others have said...ask her to cook for a few days since she obviously is picking at what you make. And since she acts this way around others it seems to me she needs to be told to shut it by someone!0
-
Thanks everyone, it's nice to know I'm not crazy in thinking she is really pushing boundaries. (although my husband has been saying that for awhile, although he thinks it is just slightly annoying)
It is certainly harder when it is family, but yeah I guess I'm almost 40 and should start actually telling people how their words or actions make me feel. (She has done a lot of amazing things for me when I was a teenager, after my father passed away and my mom totally checked out- so it's not like she's a deep down meanie or anything).
I do like the idea of being really preemptive about it, saying x,y, and z are what's for dinner the next few days, if you don't like those you can pick up something at the market or the restaurant down the street. We'll be eating at 6.
>>>INSERT UNNECESSARY RANT EXAMPLE HERE:
And I can't just ignore her when she says things about other people because she gets worked up trying to get me to agree with her. She was telling me how some coworkers told her she was lucky to be so little. She actually took offense at that and said "no, it's because I work out and don't eat cupcakes like you guys do at the meetings." That could be partly true, but I think genetics has a lot to do with it as we are petite. And anyway she could have been nicer and said something like, "yeah I do have a little frame but I've found as I get older exercise really helps."
She got really bothered by that as though her coworkers were attacking her or something. Then she was bothered that I wouldn't agree with her and when I mentioned that she could have been thankful and kind in her response.
<<<END UNNECESSARY RANT.
thanks everyone!0 -
Wow I see a lot of good suggestions already. I wouldn't confront her in a way that would lead to an argument. She's your sister and if she is coming to visit it means she doesn't live near you so you might not see her a lot. I agree that she is jealous and competitive. If she complains about what you made rather than say go get your own food I would tell her to help herself to your fridge/kitchen. I also like the idea someone suggested using humor and having some planned responses. Or don't respond at all like to the your clothes are too big for her. If she says you are curvy laugh like she just made a joke and that was so funny. Just throw her off her game. She seems passive aggressive, but you also said she's awesome. If something really bothers you, you could say why would you say that? That is mean/hurt my feelings/wasn't necessary. I like the idea that someone said to make a joke out of it and say oh 100 is so heavy, but she's competitive so she might say oh I only weigh xxx. Good luck!0
-
Throatpunch...0
-
If she really wants to stay in your life, she will learn to knock it off, based on your behavior towards her. You are going to need to establish your boundaries with her, and no longer allow it. Otherwise she will always find a way to insult your body. I'm speaking from experience. She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut, and no longer be able to get a reaction from you, unless the reaction is to tell her to leave.0
-
A lot of people will step on you of you give them the chance.
And it looks like you've given her a free pass to treat you like *kitten* for years.
If you don't think you can confront her irl, show her your post and the responses.
If she continues, feel free to stop inviting her until did grows up.0 -
You've already gotten a lot of good advice about how to approach the situation with honesty and tact. I think the other angle to maybe work in there, and I don't know if your sister has kids but I know you do, is something about wanting to set a good example for your children. Not only in your approach to healthy eating and exercise, but in maintaining a good relationship with your sister and having her be a positive role model for your children in how you two interact with each other.0
-
>>>INSERT UNNECESSARY RANT EXAMPLE HERE:
And I can't just ignore her when she says things about other people because she gets worked up trying to get me to agree with her. She was telling me how some coworkers told her she was lucky to be so little. She actually took offense at that and said "no, it's because I work out and don't eat cupcakes like you guys do at the meetings." That could be partly true, but I think genetics has a lot to do with it as we are petite. And anyway she could have been nicer and said something like, "yeah I do have a little frame but I've found as I get older exercise really helps."
She got really bothered by that as though her coworkers were attacking her or something. Then she was bothered that I wouldn't agree with her and when I mentioned that she could have been thankful and kind in her response.
<<<END UNNECESSARY RANT.
see now that you mention this, i think maybe you and your sister need to work on having other things to talk about. maybe she thinks the only way to connect with you is to engage in negative whiner trashtalking?
maybe you can suggest that you guys find a new hobby together, that way you can divert the conversation to that and it's something you can both take part in..0 -
Ugh! I hate passive aggressiveness. It's so annoying.
My sister and my mom are the QUEENS of passive aggressive comments - so my advice is to be as direct as possible with them. It's the only way to deal with it.
Good luck!0 -
cancel the invitation.0
-
Your sister sounds like my mother and my sister! One time my sister took her finger and poked my belly and said something to the fact I am gaining weight in my stomach now (this was in my late 40's) I took her finger and jerked it away. My mother...same thing...always commenting on my weight and everyone else we know who has gained weight. How do I deal with my mother? Sometimes I will remind her I never was as heavy as her in her 50's! She now is super thin. I think these women are INSECURE and MEAN. Would you ever comment on someone's weight? I know I wouldn't. It makes me not want to spend a lot of time with either one of them...and I don't. Sometimes we need to distance ourselves in order to maintain our self-esteem. Have her stay at a HOTEL and meet up with her for some fun activities that don't revolve around food. Problem solved.0
-
This sounds like my mom and older sister. They both have body image issues and low self esteem themselves. They'll point out how much I'm eating or whenever I cook, they'll insult it and say things like "oh that's too fatty for me" or " I can't eat that or I'll get fat." There's no such things as real compliments in my family. Only passive aggressive comments and actions. I know it's hard but you can either ignore her or tell her to her face that you don't appreciate those comments. I've stood up to my own mom once about my acne (well when I used to have acne), and she completely stopped saying anything about it. Before, she'll keep pointing out my flaws to other people which annoyed the hell out of me but she stopped doing that for now.... Well at least not when I'm around.0
-
Next time she complains, just tell her you won't cook for her any more and then don't.
My sister and I would never say these things to each other. But even if we did we'd never get offended. Are you sure she means what you think she means?0 -
She is not going to change. This is who she is. You may HAVE to love her, but quit feeling guilty for not liking her. I've been there, I know. I would do anything for my sister if she needed me.....but it has taken years for me to learn how to be around her without feeling like the "failure" she would paint me as. And, once I let go of feeling guilty for not being closer to her, a wonderful feeling of freedom followed.
The only thing you can do is make a decision here and now that what she says does not define you; her words only serve to show the type of person SHE is. As long as you are being a good person with good intentions, what difference do her comments really make, other than to show her true colors?
I personally have a little spot on the inside of my cheek that I can bite on and still smile at the same time.0 -
well I guess all you could say is "You are my sister and I love you, but I really do not appreciate your comments and ask that you do not say them again"......my sisters are the same way.....one of them lost her daughter a few years back and grabbed my daughter's arm and said "I wish it was you".....I only found out about this recently........sisters can be harsh.....don't know if I should even say anything to her about that but it sure hurts......good luck0
-
Where does her husband/BF sleep?0
-
UMMMM where are your parents?! They should put a stop to his verbal abuse! That's their job!0
-
This won't be helpful, but pretty sure I'd be telling her to eff off, with a smile, of course.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260.1K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 415 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions