Curvy Dating

MegE_N · August 2014

My advice is twofold:

1. Focus on who you are as a person. The depression is important to battle, and as I've never had the struggle myself. But focus on you, don't focus on what men think of you.

2. I'm a fashion-addict, and I was at 240lbs when I met my now-Fiance. No matter my weight, I have always had such a good time picking clothes, styling myself, etc. Even at my highest weight of 250lbs I would still get compliments from strangers on how good I looked and how much they loved my fashion. It did wonders for my attitude, and my self-esteem - the parts of me the Fiance says he loves most! Granted, he'll have to learn to love me at 140lbs too, because that's my goal.

accelerashawn · August 2014

tldr...just here to say what has probably been said already:

Attitude, confidence, sexiness, personality. All are not dependent on weight....and all are attractive traits.

emkayelle91 · August 2014

I would say confidence is key. I realized this a few years ago... If I don't like myself, why would someone else? It took me a long time to actually love myself, but once I did start accepting myself I became more confident and took better care of myself, and in turn I actually had a lot of guys coming after me...even when I was heavier. I think the key is becoming happy with yourself; whatever that may entail, and in turn others will see your confidence and everything will fall into place. Also, it took me a very long time to figure this out, but you do not need a man to be happy. Yes, attention can be nice, but I found that once I became okay with myself, that's really all that mattered to me. If a guy finds me attractive, cool. If a guy doesn't find me attractive I really don't give an F

It's all about how you feel about yourself.

LeslieB042812 · August 2014

Lots of men LOVE women with curves. In fact, my husband doesn't like that I am losing weight. It's about my health though.

Dress your curves the right way and be confident. Men are attracted to confident women.

Very true!!! It's about being confident and dressing for how you look now (not how you used to). When I first gained weight I dressed too baggy, which made me look like a sack of potatoes. Wear clothes that fit your current body shape and don't focus on your weight or other people will too. My husband also doesn't want me to lose weight (sometimes gets annoyed with my efforts!), doesn't have a "fat fetish" (I'm not in that category, just a 12 when I should be a 4 for my height) and we met online.

I think it's about finding yourself first and then worry about finding a man (or don't, nothing is a bigger turn off than lonely and desperate!!!!).

BringingSherriBack · August 2014

The most important thing is how you are projecting yourself....if you feel less confident it may be impacting how you approach others and how you are perceived by others......so it could be a matter of that versus weight........

^^^THIS! You have to learn to love yourself and project confidence.

I know I get a lot more attention now than when I was at my heaviest (I was 325 pounds), but I know it's not all the weight either. I am by no means skinny. I am what I call thick. I think I get more attention because of the way I carry myself. Yes I try to wear flattering clothes and pay more attention to my hair and makeup, but I do this because I feel better about myself and others can see that.

So learn to love yourself and others will see that in the way you carry yourself.

Leah_62803 · August 2014

I just wanted to post real quick and share my two experiences...

First, I've been in the opposite position. My husband (J) and I met when we were teenagers. I was the cute slender cheerleader type and he was 6'3 and 300lbs. J liked me but I was absolutely not attracted to him. We agreed to be friends and that was that... Except that it wasn't. He was confident and funny and I couldn't get enough of him. My friends thought I was crazy because he was the one I wanted to spend time on the weekends. I was set up on dates with several different guys but I always wanted to be home by 8pm to talk to J on the phone. People started asking if we were dating and I was quick to say no.
Then one night we were out at a local concert and I was cold. J sat down next to me and put his arms around me and I snuggled up to him. I don't know what happened but suddenly it was finally obvious to me. I looked up at him and said "I think I love you." and he smiled and said "Everyone knows that."
We have been married for 11 years and we have 2 kids.

So yes, confidence and personality do amazing things!!

Secondly, I am no longer that slender cute cheerleader. Haha. I've gained a good amount of weight. My confidence has been severely drained. I find myself not as approachable as I was. I don't smile at people as much. I'm not as friendly. When I meet people all I can think about is how they think I'm fat. I know many other women who are bigger than me but look and act so much better. I feel frumpy and old. I would be completely screwed right now if I was dating.
So again...Confidence and personality!

ash8184 · August 2014

Oh, girl, we are kindred spirits.

In my adult life, I have weighed between almost 400lbs and about 18 months ago, my lowest was around 160lbs. I have to tell you that even when I weighed in the low 200s range I know I was healthier than I was at 160lbs because I was doing crazy amounts of cardio and not eating, so much so that I blacked out and fell on the floor multiple times. However, I got praise from everyone I knew at 160lbs and I was super sick. What does it say to someone when they are so deprived of food that they're passing out, but everyone around them praises them constantly?

The guy I've been with has seen me at 275lbs, 160lbs and everything in between. He is supportive and likes me no matter what my size. He understands that it's a daily struggle for me (as it is for him) and that we have to be good influences on each other, and that weight does fluctuate.

My point in telling you all of this is that whoever you're in a relationship with should LOVE YOU, whether at 140lbs or 240lbs. You know to take care of yourself and your health and that's not for someone else to judge, so if they do: not for you. You will find someone who is supportive and loves you for you soon, and don't give up hope in the meantime. If they don't want to meet you, it's their problem.

Hang in there. You don't want to be with someone who is fickle anyway. You're beautiful inside and out, and you're just waiting for the right person.

xoxo

Sugarbeat · August 2014

I am over two hundred pounds. My fiance didn't date me when I was a skinny miss in high school, instead we friendzoned each other. My solution? Stop. Don't go looking. Find friends instead. Dating is basically over rated. Make a friend for life, not some boy toy you met on a date. Get active in the community, so you won't be lonely. If you're not allergic, volunteer at an animal shelter, and you'll get more than loved on by a bunch of animals. People on dating sites, from experience, can be terribly misleading. Instead, find something you love and do it. You may find yourself in love along the way.

Besides, men are basically kind of boring, until you find one who considers you more than a pair of boobs and a butt to stare at. For now, enjoy your life, and don't worry about the opposite sex, or whatever sex drives you. Do what you love, and you will find love.

+1 OP if you are lonely, get out there. Volunteer, join a club, become a "big sister," find a place of worship, something. Something that allows you to focus on the problems of others and helps you find the good in yourself. You might try reading here http://www.mamagenas.com/. She has books, which is good because the classes are super expensive.

Curvy Dating

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