I don't feel like I could ever be that thin person

Believe me you are not alone! I have over 100 pounds I would like to lose. I often feel the very same way, but I also know that I am worth it and that I should love myself no matter what, and you should to!!! Keep your head up and think positive you are capable of anything you set your mind to!!

Hi there. We all want to help you and see you succeed. I am sure most of us here believe you can do it. Please come and join us in our group called 3fc pals (meaning 3 fat chicks - we are of different ages, do different things to lose weight and talk about all sorts of stuff. We have a variety of different backgrounds and would love to support you on your way.

Our group is new and needs more members. mars, dorothy and i are the ones who started it and we met on the 3fc forum. Anyone is welcome to join us. We all have our different challenges and have come a long way on our own journeys already but encourage newbies.

My first tip here is make the journey easy to do - that means not going to the gym or bothering with exercise when you don't feel like it. You can do that later when you feel ok about doing it. Its easier to lose weight in the beginning without the added elements of exercise to complicate the whole thing. I've lost all my weight this year without much exercise. Not doing it does not make weightloss any slower. Trust me on this. The reason is that most people who exercise compensate for the calories burned by eating more. Its been shown in studies. To lose weight from exercise you have to a real lot.

However, it seems like investing in a pedometer is highly motivating and will make you move about more so get one of those as soon as you can. From my recent researches it seems that perhaps the best one is called a garmin vivosek or something like that. I know the first word is right but i'm not sure about the second. If you don't want to lay out so much money, just get a cheap thing. But the garmin has the advantage of only needing to replace the batteries about once a year instead of recharging every few days and that to me seems like an enormous advantage.

Food and nutrition wise i have lots of ideas and know how as i've played about with several different approaches that work. I am now a believer that for people with insulin resistance/ diabetes and that sort of scenario, low carb is the way to go. I'm not suggesting you'd have to start off going into it at the deep end. I liked it a lot when i came in from the shallow end i.e. a modest reduction of carbs. Anyway come in and join us if you like the sound of this. Don't worry that i the biggest talker. The others have busier lives than me.

I also have a history of depression and have learnt how to manage it and stress for the benefits of weightloss.
its great that you have a loving hubby.

We are all different and what works for one may not for another so all we can do is encourage you by telling you what works for us. Right now I do not go to the gym, what I do is Leslie Sansone walk at home 5 Day Slim Down. You do not have to do all five miles to start with. You start out at your own pace walking with Leslie and when you are tired stop. If you will try doing this a little each day soon you will be walking a mile right in your own home with nobody around to watch you. This is how I got into exercising and now I enjoy my walks with Leslie. I am 68 years old and can do a mile walk without any problems but I didn't get to this point overnight. Because I had lung cancer I do not push myself that is why I decided to exercise at home. I lost 120 lbs in 4 years, but over the last year gained 20 lbs of that back due to the thyroid disease that I have. When my levels gets off then my weight goes up, however I have learned to deal with these changes. I do not let myself get upset and start thinking all kinds of negative thoughts, I just keep on my journey of eating healthy. I do not think of my journey as being on a diet, because it's not. I started out with baby steps 4 years ago changing unhealthy foods to healthier foods. One or two things at a time, now 4 years later, I just eat healthy and I stay between 1,200 to 1,500 calories a day. As for the 20 lbs that I gained, now that my doctor got my thyroid levels back to where it should be I am losing it with no problems. Just remember anything worth having is worth working for. Won't you reach out and take that baby step today. I promise you will not regret it.

Weight loss can be treated like any other big goal in life like saving money or getting a college degree. At first it seems overwhelming but when you break it into doable steps it's easier and as you reach small goals you start to feel you can do more. So start with something small such as wanting to be able to walk 1 mile or lose 1lb. Sometimes we get an all or nothing mentality that if we don't do it all to the max we shouldn't bother. It doesn't have to be like that. Here's some examples of small changes you could make:

replace 1 high calorie drink each day with flavored water
replace regular cheese with lowfat cheese at one meal
add 1 work out a week- start with a 10 or 20 minute walk, whatever you can do
park your car 5 spaces further away then you normally would
jog for 10 seconds
pick an exercise (squat, lunge, etc) and do 10-15 reps once per day
add a salad to dinner

Once you've done one, add another. Your progress will be slow at first but making small changes over time rather than overwhelming yourself can be helpful in creating a habit.


My #1 tip: don't think of this as a diet or temporary thing. Think of ways you can improve your health that you are willing to stick with.

I am personally not willing to give up pizza, mexican food, and other things I like or eat things I don't like. So I don't. I just eat smaller portions and make sure I balance it out.


When I was 21 and decided to join the Air Force I could not run 1/4 mile without stopping but I kept trying and after a few months I could do a mile without stopping. 10 years later I have done 2 half marathons. It doesn't happen overnight.

"It always seems impossible until it's done" -Nelson Mandela

It sounds like you feel like you are being judged by everyone because you are harshly judging yourself.

Please find three things that you like about yourself and write them down. They don't have to be anything to do with your physical appearance. Write them down and remind yourself that you are a good person and there are many wonderful qualities about you.

Several people mentioned walking and that sounds like a great start for you. If you don't feel comfortable walking outside, Google Leslie Sansone Walk Away The Pounds. These are walking DVD's that you can do at home and don't require any special equipment or much space to do them in. You can find them on YouTube if you want to try them out.

I also recommend that you read The Beck Diet Solution. It's not a diet plan, but it will help with the emotional and self confidence side of weight loss. It will give you a list of things to do to help you build healthy habits and to help you keep going when you are feeling down.

You really can lose weight without exercising. I admit that I am quite a busy active person but I do spend a lot of time driving or sat at my computer. I have lost almost 2 stones without doing any exercise over and above my daily activity. It's all about counting those darned little calories. Make it your hobby to learn about food, so you know what will help your PCOS, and will help you to lower your calories intake. Weigh and log everything and as long as you eat/drink less than you burn, you will lose - guaranteed.

Good luck

Get out of my brain!! While I may not have lost the weight yet, I have shed a lot of the emotional baggage you shared. A year ago, I entered therapy because of stress management. I was losing my hair in clumps because of stress. Stress managment turned to weight/binge eating management and dealing with my major depression diagnosis. I didn't think I'd ever love myself. I couldn't even fathom what that would be like or feel like. One of the first exercises my therapist gave me was writing down every self-invalidating thought I had throughout the two weeks. In half a day, I'd filled six pages (front and back) of a college-ruled notebook. The next step was spending two weeks challenging self-invalidating thoughts. Each time I challenged, I fought back with another slam against myself. Pages went on like this. Eventually I learned that thoughts are just thoughts. They are inanimate things, the stringing of random words. They only have meaning if I let them have meaning. Just because you think something of yourself doesn't make it true. And I set out to prove myself wrong. When I'd tell myself I wasn't worth it, I wanted to prove that I was. It wasn't until I could stand up to myself that I was able to create any type of change--physical or mental.

But here I am today. I'm happy and have more energy. I used to be so lethargic and depressed. I used to tell my boyfriend that I felt bad for him when we'd go out in public because he was in love with such a monster. I used to make flimsy excuses to avoid invites because I was convinced I was invited out of obligation or pity. I'd lie and tell my boyfriend that I messed up on my birth control so I could get out of sex because I thought the next time he saw me naked he'd realize the horrible mistake he made in being with me and I'd end up on my own. I'd spend at least 3 hours a night crying in my bed because of my weight and feeling like it was an impossible journey. I was constantly made fun of by my family members and boys at school for being overweight. My nickname in tennis was slibbychubbs. I made this up myself because I thought I could cut bullies off at the pass if I just made fun of myself. Whenever someone would take a camera out at a party I'd get so anxious I'd make myself sick.

I never thought I'd get to a spot where I could say "I like myself" or "I'm smart" or "I deserve this" (as in "I deserve something good). I still struggle with saying that "I'm pretty" but that will come in time.

I still struggle with depression and may need to be evaluated for permanent meds for a chemical imbalance, but I am happier. It took so long and the journey was tough, but it is possible.

It's one step at a time, which sounds so cliche until you try it and live and recognize that it's true. I started with small changes. Just logging my food everyday without a calorie target, just so I could see my patterns. Working out for 20 minutes a couple times a week and then eventually building up to 60-90 mins 5-6 times a week. I focus on this journey an hour at a time, which has been the biggest help to me. I'm bad with long term goals but can manage short term goals like: wait an hour to eat something. Don't get me wrong. That hour feels like an eternity, but at the end I'm so proud of myself and gives me just enough of a boost to go and accomplish something else. And then overtime it snowballs. Small things do build up. And when they're longlasting that's even better.

Something that my therapist discussed with me early on that resonated with me and I think will resonate with you is ACCEPTANCE. I used to think acceptance meant I had to like or enjoy whatever it was that I was accepting. This is not true. Acceptance is just that...acceptance. It is what it is. You don't have to like your current body, but you have to accept that this is what you're working with and move on. Beating yourself up about how you got here or how you continue to remain in this spot is only going to cause you to gain more weight and become even unhappier.

Accepting for me also meant accepting that weight loss is a long term commitment. It meant accepting that whether I like it or not, everyone's weight loss journey is full of ups and downs. It's not a linear thing. We convince ourselves that it should be because of what we see on TV or read in magazines. Once I accepted this, I've been able to start losing weight.

The biggest takeaway....look at all the groups and users on here. You are not alone. I'm sure everyone on here could either identify themselves or a MFP friend as feeling exactly how you feel.

You don't have to be that thin person. All you need to do is be the person that cares about yourself to make the best choices for you now.

Don't feel guilty. We all started somewhere. We all had very good reasons for wanting to be healthier than we were, and weren't living up to them. Just do what you can today and do tomorrow when tomorrow happens.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

ETA - a half hour walk is awesome. JUST BE ACTIVE. Calorie burns from activity are secondary. I'm going to go on a three mile run tomorrow. 300 calories. The sports drink I have before and the banana and chocolate milk after are going to use up all the calories that I burn. It's still more than worth it.

Thinking about losing 84 pounds is a really significant undertaking. I think anyone would be feeling pretty overwhelmed if they thought about it as one task. Have you thought about breaking it up into smaller, more manageable chunks? A lot of people set mini goals, with rewards along the way, so they're giving themselves targets to work for that they can achieve every month or two instead of waiting a year or more. I've seen people post them on their MFP profiles, then check them off as they go. You could break it up into every 5 pounds, or 5, 10, 25, etc. It might be easier for you to focus on the first goal of losing 5 pounds for now, then tackling the next goal.