defeated before ive started

It's a lot easier to do this if you're motivated by love and not hate. Work on accepting yourself and loving yourself as you are - fat, thin, whatever. Your fat does not make you unworthy of love. You have to decide you are worthy of becoming the person you want to be, and once you do it's so much easier.

If you're a *****, it has nothing to do with your weight. Your first step should be changing your name. Practice telling yourself you're a good person and deserve this. Compliment yourself even if you don't want to.

Once you don't loathe yourself so much, you can work on developing the determination to motivate yourself, past your pain and discomfort and everything telling you to give up.

Look around for the sexypants link - it's posted on every single thread on here ever. And read it (if you're not prepared to accept the advice, then save it for when you are). And love yourself! You only have one life and it's too short to be so mean to yourself because of your weight.

the hardest thing to do but the one thing that will give you the best results is changing your mindset

once you do that youll realize you can stick to it.

i was in a rut for i cant tell you how many years (at least since 30 and im 44 now) then one day it just clicked i needed to change my mind. i didnt ask anyone to encourage me, i didnt wright little stickies reminding me of what i wanted to do. i changed my mind and stuck to it. sure i have had my slip ups and right now 2+ years after starting i am not near what i consider the weight i would rethink things but i am a helluva lot closer to it than i was 2+ years ago

First lets change you name to something fierce or related to something you really like. Also I agree with others, you've already taken the steps to control your depression and you've signed up for MFP, You're already taking control of your life. You and I know your ex was a tool which is why he's an ex. I have to say at 210 and 5'5, you're not very big, you can easily get this under control as well. Heck you've done it before!! I also agree with finding something you like. This way its less of a chore. Feel free to send a friend request. :drinker:

Hey! I have fought depression too and while I don't know if my experience of it is anything like yours, I found some really good tools to help:
1) Use Blahtherapy.com . You can talk to other people who care for free, or you can talk to a professional for like $2 a minute, sometimes less. If you go with an open mind, it's almost ALWAYS worth it. It's one click away, and it's not as daunting as seeing a real therapist and you can leave whenever you want to. You can decide "I'm only going in for 15 minutes," or "I'm going in for an hour" beforehand. You are billed instantly and you can do the math ahead of time to figure out what your bill would be.
2) Self-help books/tapes really help me. I used to be religious, but then became an atheist. When I was religious, there was a book called Captivating by Stephanie Elderich that was really good and helped me. When I stopped being religious, Tony Robbins was a really good person to listen to.
3) superbetter.com is another really good website to help build a better you.

Of course, seeing a therapist or psychiatrist can be a fantastic option. There is no shame in going on meds for depression, if that is what you need. You are worthy of the life you've been given, sometimes we don't feel that way because our brains simply don't produce the right things. You absolutely deserve to feel like you are worthy of the life you've been given.

for the earlier posters, a little harsh. not everyone is a "no pain no gain," "Pain is weakness leaving the body," type person. Some people respond more to support not chastising and hating themselves. I had a friend (emphasize had) that was big into these euphemisms, and I went along with it for a while. in the end he caused me to get hurt twice. I tore a muscle in my leg and in my back. He called me a wimp and I have never talked to him again. I don't think more shame and hatred for herself is the right answer here.

The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.

The slower you lose the more like you can keep it off. It's the long haul that is important. It's not the first one to the finish line that wins. It's the one who can be the healthiest the longest. YOLO.... you only get one body, no trade-ins. I want it to feel good, so I can go out and have fun for as long as I can.

I want to be capable and dance and run and swim and kayak and climb trees and backpack and throw my niece and nephews in the air. I don't want my body to stop me from living my life. don't worry about looking perfect (you never will) worry about what you can do with your body and what it can do for you!

++Track for a week or two before worrying about losing. This way you'll see where you really stand, odds are it is different than where you thought you were, which is actually good news... information is power

++Be scrupulously honest... you can lie to your friends, you can lie in your diary, you can lie to yourself, but YOUR BODY KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EAT. So you might as well be honest in your diary (keep it private if you like) but you need that info because you can't get where you are going if your are not honest about where you are right now.

++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.

As first-steps in combating depression, make sure you...
.... incorporate health fish & plant based fats into your diet
.... coffee!!!!! a natural mood enhancer... swapping out diet coke for coffee did wonders for me.
.... exercise. I'm sure you've heard this over and over, but do just a little bit more than you used to.
.... focus on getting proper nutrition and look at your micronutrients like magnesium, potassium and vitamin D.

YOU MAY NEED MORE HELP THAN THIS AND THAT'S OKAY!!! but I like the idea of starting out with basic nutrition, if you do go to meds you know you've got all your oars rowing in the same direction.

++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.

++Small sustainable changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort, sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves. Also rather than having to think about everything all the time. You only have to think about a 2 or 3 new things to focus on.

++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:

ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.

---

(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)

---

++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )

++Think of losing weight like the stock market. Yes, there will be fluctuations but as long as the overall trend is the the right direction don't worry

Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong. and healthy just feels so damn good.

Most vitamins are fat soluble*... so remember to include plant and fish based fats (HAPPY FATS) so you can access the nutrients in your food. *(somebody called me on this saying only A,D,E,& K are fat soluble.... so that leaves B's + C as water soluble, still you need fat to access proper nutrition)

All of your foods fall into 1 or more of 3 macro nutrient categories
FATS • CARBS • PROTEINS ... I personally think it's unwise to severely restrict any one of these categories.
Instead of eliminating or limiting quantity focus on the quality...

HAPPY FATS (Plant and fish bases)
COMPLEX CARBS (un or minimally processed)
LEAN PROTEINS

Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.