How do I talk about weight-loss with an obese friend?

I don't know if there is a way to encourage her other than, maybe, expressing your concern for her health. As a formerly obese person (second category obese), I have to say that I'm very grateful to my husband and all my friends who never once mentioned my weight to me. It's not like I didn't know that I was fat. I would have felt awful if anyone, even a good friend or family member, had said anything to me about my weight.

I agree 100% with this. I was morbidly obese & am very thankful nobody ever tried to have that talk with me. I think you should just continue to try to get her out there & not let her isolate herself.

...I'm very grateful to my husband and all my friends who never once mentioned my weight to me. It's not like I didn't know that I was fat. I would have felt awful if anyone, even a good friend or family member, had said anything to me about my weight.

THIS^! Otherwise said: Don't. Go. There. If she wants to discuss it, be a good friend, listen and offer support any way she would find helpful....

I would avoid addressing weight as the issue. It sounds like her weight gain is a symptom of something else. I put on a lot of weight after my divorce. I knew that but there was too much other stuff for me to deal with emotionally. She knows that she has gained weight and that it isn't healthy, you don't need to point that out. Do you know why she's been gaining weight? Do you know if she is suffering from depression or some emotional hardships? I was very appreciative of my friends who asked me how I was doing, who asked if there was a way for them to help, who told me they were worried about me or that they missed me.

if you're concerned, i don't think you should just ignore it. but i wouldn't just say, "hey, you need to lose some weight." find a healthy recipe you think she'd like and tell her you want to make dinner and watch a movie or something. tell her that you want to start walking, but want a buddy to do it with so you're not bored. wii games, like just dance, are a really fun way to exercise, without it feeling like exercise. just show her that healthy food can taste good and that exercise doesn't have to be so bad.

If someone brought up my weight with me, I'd tell them to mind their own business. Maybe invite her to do something fun and active with you (outside of the gym), then go out for lunch afterward. She might open up about any problems she's having, or the day could be enjoyable enough that it'll motivate her to be more active.

This is perfect in my opinion.

The people around me who care about me have never mentioned my weight, but have taken me on nice walks or invited me to join them in an activity. They have also given positive reinforcement for healthy behaviour and no response to unhealthy behaviour. If someone mentions my weight gain (or weight loss) I get very embarrassed and would probably avoid them in future.

Thanks so much, everyone! I really appreciate your honest and open replies! I agree with everything you've all said. I definitely won't bring up anything to do with weight - because at the end of the day, it's not really about that - but I will try to talk to her about the fact that she doesn't go out much anymore and see if she's up for talking about why :-)

I think this is a good plan. It sounds like she might be depressed - and it's so hard to talk about mental health issues when you're right in the middle of them. It shouldn't be about her weight - but how she's feeling mentally/emotionally.

FAT SHAMER

^^ TROLL

If she put on a lot of weight in a short period of time and is shutting herself off from friends, honestly I'd approach it in an, "I'm worried about you having depression, let me know if you want to talk" kind of way. B/c to me that's what this sounds like. And approaching it from a weight perspective (if true) is not going to do her any good.

^^^Pretty much this...

a straight up fat intervention isn't going to go well for anyone...

My advice? Don't bring her weight up at all. She's not stupid, she knows she's gained weight, and she has to be in a place to want to lose it, in order for it to happen. No matter how sincere and concerned you are, she probably will be upset. Instead, ask her if she's ok. You say she's been keeping to herself and not socializing as much, so you've got lots of other things to go on without bringing up her weight.

I'm one of those people who doesn't believe that anything you do will help very much until your friend is truly READY to make a change. I know that was the case for me.

I would also be VERY concerned with the possibility of hurting her feelings or just making her feel defensive.

For example, when I used to work in offices that had "Biggest Loser" contests and stuff like that, it completely freaked me out and I HATED that attention...I was not a part of the competition, I wasn't ready to lose weight and I'm a perfectionist so I sure as heck was not gonna start something w/o finishing well. But it made me very uncomfortable for others to talk so openly about their weight, dieting, etc.

However I get that it is maybe better and/or different coming from a friend. My advice to you would be to focus on YOU when you speak about these topics to your friend. Even though you are a healthy fit person you could mention that you felt tired, sick, whatever, when you had gained a few pounds in the past and using this website (and whatever else) has really helped YOU a lot...don't say it like a sales pitch or insinuate that she should do it, too. Just conversational stuff. If she is truly interested SHE will ask you for more details or she will check it out on her own, when she is ready.

I think it's nice of you to be concerned for her but I also think this stuff is WAY too tricky, most of the time. If she asks you for help, then you can be a supportive and very helpful friend then. But until then I'd just kinda steer clear of the topic to be honest...or if you bring it up once and she's clearly uninterested, don't bring it up again.

- just my opinion after being the fattest friend for 20+ years

You are a good friend to her. Just be there when she needs your support.