invisible to Visible. How's the attention you're getting?

hi guys... so i wanted to ask those of you who have lost the weight and are at goal/comfortable place. I want to ask about the attention you get? Was there a huge difference in men/women approaching you? people noticing you in stores and giving you more service? people being nice to you? etc... I especially want to know in regards to dating or people noticing you. Is it true that for most, not all, but for most people it's like you go from being invisible to visible... how has your experience been?

Actually, in my case, I feel I have gone from visible to invisible. As a 419 pound fat man, people visibly reacted with disgust whenever I walked into a room.

Now I've lost weight, I am passed over as a "normal" person. I am invisible, in the background. Nobody reacts to me at all.

IT'S GREAT!

FTW

I'm a firm believer in "it's not always how you look, but how you act." I was confident and felt sexy even at my highest weight, and I had people come up to me in stores. When I was 6 weeks postpartum, and still had the appearance of being 5 months pregnant with the stretched out tummy, the sales guy at the shoe store flirted with me while I was purchasing new workout shoes to start my fitness journey.

So no, I haven't noticed a difference in how people react to me since I've lost a lot of the fat and reached a "normal" weight. Well, my husband compliments me daily on my progress and can't keep his hands off me, so there is that. :laugh:

I get more attention than I know what to do with now, but am to busy training and eating to take advantage of it lol.

Since I'm still on the weight-loss track I can't completely answer your question...

But what I have always thought about this situation is that it's not 100% about being "physically attractive" which helps you socially but the confidence that you gain with losing weight and being healthy that people become attracted to. I mean, there are a lot of women or men larger than me who have a significant other or feel very comfortable socially... it really depends on how you let others see yourself and how you feel because I can spot an insecure person almost immediately and it makes them less approachable. But when you're feeling fine and sexy about yourself, wearing clothes you never dared to do when you were larger... people see that sense of confidence and admire it. Some people who are larger just own it and can get by socially that way and losing weight is never for others but for you to feel good and healthy in your own body.

I hope that kinda gives a perspective of what you're getting at. Sure, I do think people are more attracted to healthier bodies but if you aren't healthy that doesn't necessarily mean nobody will notice you. But being healthy sure does help with feeling confident!

agree with this. after some weight loss (i lost about 20 pounds prior to joining MFP) i began going out a lot more and definitely became more outgoing and confident. hardly anyone had noticed my weightloss but my outlook had changed

ive lost more weight since then and i truly believe that a lot of it is our mindset.

I caught a fella looking at me in the glass door about three weeks ago and again a different fella the other day.

Just today, one guy asked me what I subscribed to and said I was looking really good. :drinker:

I agree with the other posters... It is a confidence issue... even at my highest weight I had no problem with getting attention and I never was invisible or felt that way.

The only difference now I get asked if I need a ride somewhere at least once a week when I am doing my daily walks which is more annoying than anything else

Yes I have noticed a change and some days it really ticks me off. If you wouldn't do things like hold the door for me 50 pounds ago why are you doing it now? I can use this example because I tend to see the same people on a regular basis and they are not coworkers or anyone I know personally some people you just remember. Anyway, I find men tend to smile or say hello now when before the weight loss I was often times invisible so yes I get what you're saying. Women now tend to look at me differently as well but I take it as a compliment because I used to look at women that are the size I am now and think how lucky they were. It's sick how the mind works but understanding yourself makes a world of difference.
I can't say I get more attention in stores because I used to kind of hide where now I tend to shop in stores where you're more visible in general. I will admit I no longer have to find someone to ask a question there is often times someone offering assistance.

I'm married so dating isn't really something that comes into play but I will say men in general are more friendly and I think if I were single I'd have a much larger dating pool than ever before. The great thing about that is while hubby loves me no matter what my size he tends to want to go out and do more with me now so it is kind of like having more dates.

I feel kind of like the guy who said he has gone from visible to invisible. While I do get more random compliments from strangers, I generally feel like I'm not getting as many looks from people who before might have been thinking "ugh, she is so fat" and now they're just like "hmm, random 30-something woman" and look for more interesting places to focus their eyeballs ;-) In lines or stores I feel like people will shove ahead of me or try to slip past me...and for me that's weird because I am used to taking up a lot more space and claiming my territory with my body. Sounds nuts, but is true. I can't really do that now.

In general I do not feel like I get better service. I think a lot of this is because no matter how big I was, I always carried myself with a LOT of confidence and friendly demeanor. I never felt passed over.

I do think I get different treatment from women around my age (30's-40's). In the past I think I got a lot of pity kindness and now I'm perceived as competition by some, which is an odd feeling to me. I also find that acquaintances or friends of friends (female) are 10X more interested in hanging out with me than before. I think some of this is probably subconscious behavior on their part but I find it a bit sad...I would have loved to go to more cocktail parties, movies, and outdoor events when I was larger but only in the past year or so am I asked by ladies I //haven't// known for 20 years. For example, 5 years ago if I met "Julie" through my bff Kate, she would be like "Oh hey nice to meet you!" but now she's like "Add me on FB, let's all go to that museum you mentioned, and do you wanna come shopping with me?" -- happens a lot now, but never happened before.

I've always gotten hit on the same amount and it usually starts with something like my drink order or a vintage Smiths t-shirt or a book I'm reading...not body stuff. The dating scene for *me*, if I were single, would be pretty much the same I think, just maybe different guys being attracted to me...but not for reasons that are all that different from before. I think that really varies from person to person though. If you are part of a "crowd" where fitness and looks are #1 then it would probably be like night & day.

My first time around with weightloss when I dropped about 60lbs, I noticed a huge difference in the attention I got. That 100% had to do with me though: at 235 I didn't feel attractive, I hated my body and dressed to hide it (see the green dress in one of my pictures if you need an example), and while I pretty well always had a steady boyfriend I really wasn't interested in doing anything where I had to be naked or even close to.

I will say, even having put back on about 15lbs which made a considerable difference to my body composition, I still get the same amount of attention I did at 160 because I'm acting the same way that I did then. I might not feel attractive in every cut or style, but I feel attractive in a lot of the clothing I own. And I go out more, I interact with people and now I work in a career field where my appearance and the first impression I make are literally the difference between succeeding and failing. I never could have done the job I have now with the confidence I had at 235.

So, I expect there will be a little more attention as I get closer and closer to my goal weight, but I'm already getting attention where it matters -- from my SO who's loved me for the last two years no matter what weight I am. I feel like he deserves to be rewarded with my best me ALMOST as much as I do