Dealing with a "food bully"?

NotJustADieter
NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma. I've lost over 20lbs; I'm almost to a healthy weight. I've dropped three pants sizes. But no one is letting up and it is making me uncomfortable with eating- which means I'm not hitting my macros or my calorie goals because my strategy has become "grab food and get out"

Help?
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Replies

  • nogreenthumb
    nogreenthumb Posts: 96
    I've come to the conclusion that people act a certain way towards others because they are trying to overcompensate a flaw within themselves. Basically it's them, not you. I know this isn't very comforting, but it's true.

    A fire only grows with fuel. These kinds of fires are fueled by response. Don't acknowledge her comments, and suddenly the fuel for the fire is gone. She will then have to turn her attention elsewhere to try and get a rise out of someone.
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
    Wow that sounds crappy, move out?
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
    On a high level, you only have so many options.

    Generally speaking, I like to start with open communication. Discuss the situation with these people in an honest, non combative way. if that doesn't work, you can: A) figure out some way of dealing with the environment, or B) remove yourself from it.

    Alternatively, you can do nothing in stay miserable. As far as figuring out how to deal with the environment, sometimes I have to remind myself that emotionally disturbed people make all kinds of statements, but I don't have to listen to them. Their role in my life is irrelevant. Being family doesn't preclude someone from being ignored as a negative influence (after I've discussed the issue with them) in my book.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma. I've lost over 20lbs; I'm almost to a healthy weight. I've dropped three pants sizes. But no one is letting up and it is making me uncomfortable with eating- which means I'm not hitting my macros or my calorie goals because my strategy has become "grab food and get out"

    Help?

    Sounds like you have some passive aggressive people in your life. While you cannot control what they say or do, you can control how you react and how often you interact with them. You could either stay and take those comments, or move out. It is up to you whether you feel the need to confront her for her behavior.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    11 days.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    11 days.

    My thought exactly. You can ignore them for 11 days.

    Though, I'd be really tempted to *****-slap the lot of them.

    Start making plans now so that you do not get stuck with these people for any length of time again.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,324 Member
    honestly, your family sounds like a bunch of *kitten*.

    if you HAVE to continue living there, you could start with the civil route. explain to them that you are making progress and that their commentary is not only unwelcome, but hurtful.
    if that doesnt work, and i hope it does, i would try ignoring them or killing them with kindness. that seems to REALLY irk people when they realize they are not getting the best of you.

    "thats gonna make you fat"
    *smile* "gee, i sure hope not!" *walk away*

    final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.

    final option B. is to kick the **** out of your sister as a reminder to the rest of them that you are on a mission and you are not to be crossed.
  • sparklefrogz
    sparklefrogz Posts: 281 Member
    So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma.
    Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum until she realizes this is the only response she will ever get; she'll get bored and move on to trying to find other topics and ways to get a rise out of you.
  • trinatrina1984
    trinatrina1984 Posts: 1,018 Member
    oh yeah didn't see the 11 days bit . Just ignore it or eat out
  • Archerychickge
    Archerychickge Posts: 606 Member
    I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need. It sucks that your family isn't seeing your progress or acknowledging your committment to a healthier lifestyle.

    That being said.... I would just ignore it and whenever possible, surround yourself with positive people. Like folks here. I have gotten alot of support from friends here, not to mention the supportive little ego boost I've gotten from people I come into contact with at work who look at me and say "Have you lost weight?" Why yes I have, almost 70 pounds to be exact! Then I get ot see the look on their face and hear them say "That's amazing! YOu look great!"

    That keeps me fueld to keep going even when my mirror says I haven't reached my goal yet.

    You can do it. Don't give up. We are here for you.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
    people erasers can be found on craigslist.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    So, in the last 11 days before I return to college, my younger sister has returned home from our dad's. Lovely. (Background: our dad is an emotional abuser with NPD, and is married to a woman who hates me). She has decided to take on the family mantle of "'helping' Cat lose weight" by camping out in the kitchen all day and commenting every time I open the fridge or put something in my mouth. "Aren't you on a diet?" "You're just going to gain it all back" "Wow, that'll kill your diet for the day" "Well, there's always tomorrow", etc etc. She's basically echoing our grandma, a lifetime size 00 and former model. And it is driving me insane. I'm getting it from all sides- her, my father, my stepmother (who is especially venomous) and my grandma.
    Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum until she realizes this is the only response she will ever get; she'll get bored and move on to trying to find other topics and ways to get a rise out of you.

    Also, I like this advice.
  • MinimalistShoeAddict
    MinimalistShoeAddict Posts: 1,946 Member
    11 days.

    +1

    Have a good year at college
  • klkateri
    klkateri Posts: 432 Member
    Headphones and LOUD music when in the kitchen!!

    My gram can be the same way, maybe not as bad... but close. I just learned over the years to ignore it or to be a smart *kitten* about it.

    But it is only for a short time so perhaps you can power through with some change in strategy. Maybe start a little good food stash in your room (cereal, nuts, protein bars, etc.). I know it sucks but it would at least eliminate some trips to the kitchen.

    Best of Luck and know that really... it's them being crazy not you!!
  • T1DCarnivoreRunner
    T1DCarnivoreRunner Posts: 11,502 Member
    Response: "I've carefully considered what I'm eating and how much on a daily basis, and I've got this. I'll let you know if I ever need advice about food consumption."

    Then, stick it out for the next 11 days.

    You look great! Don't let haters get you down.
  • sparklefrogz
    sparklefrogz Posts: 281 Member
    Every time she says something, smile warmly and reply "how kind of you to take an interest!", then immediately change the subject. Repeat ad nauseum
    Also, I like this advice.
    Don't thank me, thank Miss Manners. She's full of these kinds of nuggets (or was, back when she wrote all her own stuff before she started getting ghostwritten).
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
    11 days.

    My thought exactly. You can ignore them for 11 days.

    And mine. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. If a reply is necessary, simply say, "Whatever." Good luck sweetheart. Get your degree as quickly as possible. Arrange for out of town internships or stay with classmates over any remaining breaks. And move away to healthy, positive people. I promise they are out there and you deserve much better.
  • ruperthumphrey
    ruperthumphrey Posts: 195 Member
    or....you could print this topic off and tape to the fridge.....that should give them food for thought!
  • DoingTheNeedful
    DoingTheNeedful Posts: 23 Member
    11 days is both not a very long time, and can be the longest time ever.

    I agree with the poster who said don't engage, don't address the comments. Just eat what you need to eat and move on with your day. Plug headphones in while you're in the kitchen if you need to. Sure, you'll have to take them out whenever the stepmonster wants your attention, but taking a distant, cool tone with questions like "Is there something I can help you with?" and then returning to your headphones when stepmonster has no specific, limited, actionable tasks for you.

    If that doesn't work or they demand you leave your headphones out while in the kitchen (or whatever), the next best thing I would suggest is being *super* passive aggressive back. Like, if stepmonster is harping on your food choices, turn around and eat it right in front of her, like uncomfortably close. I mean, open-mouthed, lip-smacking, fork-scraping, groaning-around-your-food loud. She'll either be so annoyed she'll leave, or she'll find something different to yell at you about.

    It's not mature *at all* to escalate passive aggression, but really, she sorta deserves it. Or you can do the mature, adult thing and try to have a non-confrontational discussion about it.
  • chubby_checkers
    chubby_checkers Posts: 2,353 Member

    final option A. is to verbally abuse the family. tell your sister she's looking a little puffy herself. tell stepmom it's too bad she couldnt find a different family to infiltrate and poison. remind gram that her end is likely coming soon. tell dad his genetics are the issue and you wish you had a stronger bloodline.

    I like this one. It might help to hint that stepmom is chunking up a bit, too.

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