Miserable about my weight & tears over photo

Oh, please don't quit! I've got a ton of stress and pain in my life right now, too. I'll probably always have both, but I know being overweight just causes more. I can't exercise right now because my arthritis is so bad. I go to a pain clinic, and am getting shots in my hip later today. The doctor also told me that I'll be getting some in my lower spine at my next visit. I've managed to lose 18 pounds so far by just watching what I eat. I'm praying that once I've had the shots, I'll be able to start walking and doing crunches again. I know that losing weight will take stress off my joints, and I'm determined to succeed at this.

You are so young to be having pain in your joints, and I feel real bad you're suffering with this already. I'm sure at your age, it will disappear once you've gotten rid of some of your weight. Being horrified of photos is a great motivator. Someone at work took one of me, and I couldn't believe my eyes. I finally saw myself in a different light, and knew that if I ever wanted to get some semblance of my life back, I had to lose the extra baggage. It's a now or never type of deal.

When I was your age, I was around 125 pounds. After a few years, it crept up to 156. My husband was planning a vacation to Jamaica, and I didn't want to go looking the way I did. I began exercising religiously, and got up to 300 crunches a day. Needless to say, when the trip finally rolled around, I was 117 pounds with a well toned stomach. Due to health issues over the years, I started my second time around on MFP at 204. The older I get, the harder it is to get rid of. It's not just a slower metabolism that makes things more difficult; it's also the wear and tear on your joints from aging. I refuse to continue with my pattern of giving up.

I'd be more than happy to help you stay motivated! Feel free to send a friend request if you'd like. We all need support on this journey.

Just take one day at a time and try to stay focused, the only person you have to try and keep on track is yourself! you keep making the wrong decisions but your letting yourself do that so give yourself that push you deserve

Please don't quit, you are not alone in this. About 2 years ago I put on a lot of weight over a period of 6 months due to stress. Added to the steady gain in weight that probably started 20 years ago when I left my parents’ home and their control on my diet, I am now very unhappy with my weight. I also find that stress, which I still have rather a lot of and have had days off work recently due to, causes me to just eat take-out too often, and to snack through the day on anything I can.

I hate my body image just now. I was recently sorting out some photos from my Mum's birthday to share with my family and I just had to delete most of the ones I appeared in. It was in a heatwave here and so I was in shorts and T-shirt, far too hot for anything else, and I just hate how I look in those pictures (which are now gone forever, can't bear to even keep them).

I'm not good at exercising either, my husband and I are both pretty sedentary people, he also needs to lose weight though he's not put it on as quickly as me. My brother keeps telling me how exercise helps with stress and I do find myself mentally more awake after exercise, which I like. But having tried for the last couple of years to start regularly exercising and failing time and time again I know that's not the way I'm going to lose weight. Like you my hubby and I are both lazy and without him being motivated it's really hard to motivate myself, we also both have a reasonable level of stress with our jobs at the moment which doesn't help.

I'm trying just now to count my calories and reduce my intake to a sustainable level that leads to a slow steady weight loss even with a sedentary lifestyle, then supplement with exercise when I can motivate myself enough for that, but the exercise is NOT needed in my weight loss plan because I know I won't keep it up. I also don't plan to lose too fast because I think I'm more likely to succeed long term that way.

I don't know if it will work for you, but I was able to convince my hubby how low my self-esteem was and that I needed him to help by trying to take the same steps to loose weight as me (yes I admit I broke down trying to tell him because it meant admitting it to myself as much as to him). He's really tried to help, though I know he's finding it hard too, but it is much easier for us to do this together than just one of us doing it because we can plan meals together (though his heavier weight than me and just being male means he should eat more than me).

We've tried to get around the whole "takeout several times a week" thing (getting home too stressed/tried to cook) in a few of ways...

1) Frozen food we can shove in the oven (which we were eating anyway) but instead of putting fries or potato wedges, or other similar products in the oven with it we take just a few minutes to chop root veg and shove that in to roast. The frozen food is not ideal and we avoid "ready meals" that are "everything in". Rather they will be things like our local supermarket does (actually in the fresh section and we freeze them) such as real raw chicken breast in a readymade sauce, then you add what you want with it (in the old days fries, now veg). As I said not ideal but having worked out the figures it’s WAY better than takeout.

2) When having a less stressed more awake night we prepare multiple portions of good homemade meals that can be frozen and used on nights we are more tired/stressed. Again we try and put fresh chopped veg that we can shove in to roast in the oven while they are heating, rather than shoving in fries or similar as we would have done in the past.

3) Tried to find meals we can cook with little thought, even if they take time. Some meals such as Spaghetti Bolognese (from scratch) I can almost make in my sleep because it was one of the first I learnt as a teenager (even though it's changed slightly over the years). I've found some others I find easy and can do without thinking as well, it's a matter of learning a recipe really well so you don't have to think. Some nights I'm mentally but not so physically stressed. I've found if I can push myself to get into the kitchen once I'm there I switch into 'auto-pilot' and make the meal hardly thinking about it. Even though I would say I'm someone that doesn't like cooking unless I have to, I can actually find myself relaxing with making these 'easy' meals.

5) Alternating who cooks, BUT the other person is present in the kitchen (we've put one of the dining chairs in there) and even helps out with small jobs, gives the occasional stir etc. I'm lucky hubby is actually the better cook, but both of us often feel tired and stressed and don't want to go into the kitchen on our own to cook (or even just prepare the veg on a lazier day). With both of us in the kitchen generally one of us is less stressed than the other and takes the turn to cook, while we chat. The chatting helps relieve stress and by the time we've been there a few minutes the other person often feels up to giving a hand.

4) Still having the odd take out, but counting the calories and balancing it with lower calorie days. Only having one once a fortnight on the really worst stress days instead of several times a week.

In addition we have tried to cut out sweet drinks and drink a lot of water instead. I used to drink fruit flavour squashes a lot (ever since I was a kid), the sort you buy a concentrate to mix with water, and I never realised until I started calorie counting how I was almost doubling my calorie intake with the number I had (several pints worth a day as I didn’t drink anything else… except fizzy cans which I’ve also cut out, but I knew they were bad). When I feel the need for a sweet drink now I have natural fruit juice as it’s healthier and only one a day and count it in my calorie count.

This weekend hubby and I bought lots of fresh fruit and made a large bowl of fruit salad and are using it to snack instead of cookies or the like. We’ve done that in the past as well and it can last about 5 days in the fridge. It still has calories and we still count them, but is a much healthier way to snack.

And just like the takeaways I still eat some sweets, chocolates, cookies etc, but count them in my calories. I’ve found using the Android Phone app helps me keep going with MFP recording because it’s so easy (and you can scan bar-codes to quickly add things) and adding sweets, chocolates etc immediately helps me resist the temptation of eating the whole packet at once (which I usually would do, including whole packets of cookies).

These are the things we've been doing for a couple of months now, so far so good. I’ve lost weight since I started recording on MFP almost two weeks ago, but we only started measuring hubby’s weight this week so still to see on that. I’ve not given up so far even on really tired stressed nights, even though I've missed exercising quite a lot of times.

Sorry for such a long reply, but I hope some of the things I’m doing can inspire/help you. I was in just the same boat, both of us being lazy and stressed and tired and lacking motivation, but this is working so far.

Let today be the first day that you drop the excuses. All of them.

Don't quit! I would suggest trying to do two things for the next two weeks. Number one is check yourself everytime you speak/ think negatively about yourself. Just note it, and try to give yourself a break from hearing 'lazy' or 'fat' (in a negative sense - I am fat but that is OK, because I know it is a temporary thing!). A good technique is to simply not bully yourself, because you deserve to hear nice things. One good thing is - you reached out for support, go you!

The second thing is just do one healthy thing for two weeks. Just one. I would suggest some exercise, because that will make you feel a lot better and help with your stress. Start with ten minutes per day and aim to build up to 20 mins by the end of the second week. It can be ANYTHING. Dancing in your living room, walking, swimming, treadmill - anything.

Then, once you are feeling a bit more self esteem, try changing one meal per day. So week one, just change your breakfast to a healthy one. That way you are not trying to learn how to cook all new foods at one time.

Will this lead to massive weight loss and immediate gratification? No. But it will lead to you feeling a bit more in control of stuff. You sound like you feel overwhelmed and you can't win if you try to take on the entire thing at once.

Finally, stop comparing yourself to anyone else, because that way leads to madness.

And find someone to talk to about your stress, like a counsellor: it will help.

Big hugs and good luck, just keep coming back here and log everything, even the junk food - because you can track the changes once you start substituting healthy stuff.

_Don't give up!!!!
_Don't worry about motivating your husband, keep yourself motivated. Maybe your results and resolve will motivate him
_Vent your stress through exercise, you will be amazed at how much better your mind will feel after a good solid sweat session.
Don't try to change everything at once, pick one thing, maybe home cooked good instead of take out, and focus on just that for a few weeks. Once you get back into the swing of eating at home then maybe start logging and paying attention to the calories you are consuming. Then add in a walk. Keep building your distances as your body will tolerate (know that being sore is one thing, and it is to be expected, but pain is quite another...ask yourself if you can push through the soreness and continue walking as long as you can). You will be quite amazed at how many results you will see by just eating a little less and moving a little more. Your body will adjust to the new demands and your pain will likely disappear. Good Luck!!

The way I look at it is that the days, weeks, and months are going to past anyway. Where do I want to be one month from now? How about 6 months from now or a year?

The only way I'm going to get there is by making daily changes in my life. Focus on one day at a time and don't beat your self up if you have a "bad" day. You can only be responsible for yourself, your husband will either make the choice to join you or not.

I find reading the success stories on here very motivating, it is inspiring to see how people have made such fantastic changes in their lives.

See yourself a year from now posting your success story, YOU CAN DO IT !!!!!

Hi, please don't be discouraged. You are a beautiful woman, and it sounds as if your husband truly cares for you.

Take one day at a time, if you have to, take it one hour or meal at a time. Make small changes. If you mess up, start again at the next meal; DON'T wait a full day. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

I'm concerned about the person who is bullying you. This a mean spirited person. Is there any way you can avoid contact with them (I guess you would have already.....)

I was 273 at my highest weight, today I'm down 80 pounds, but I joined MFP half way thru my journey. I wish I had MFP earlier, because I find it very helpful.

TRACK everything you eat. Even the bad stuff. It makes you more accountable, and aware. Take small fitness steps.

Feel free to friend me.

Good luck with your journey.....

I had the same experience. I had a picture taken of me and I was so disgusted with myself and how I looked cried that whole night and didn't sleep and cried half the day. That is when I got mad at myself for letting myself go. I stuck that picture up so I had to see it every single day and to remind me how miserable I was feeling by looking at it. I knew I was big but it didn't hit me until I saw that pic. I found this site and it's all changing for me. It took a long time to gain this weight so it's going to take a long time to get it off. I still have a ways to go but I have made a lot of progress and pretty proud of myself. Honestly, exercising helps to relieve some of that stress. You also get a sense of accomplishment for every small loss you make. Set short term goals. Once you hit one, make another. I have had snotty comments about my weight by my guys son and now it is a small part of my mission to stick it in his face when it's gone. Don't get depressed by what others say. You prove them wrong instead. I agree that you have to start being totally honest with yourself and what you need to change. Excuses are what got you in this mess to begin with. Once you stop doing that and stop letting things get in your way and making a real honest effort, things will change for you. Good luck to you and if you want to add me to your friends list I would be more than happy to accept.

Ohh, please don't quit!! :flowerforyou: I feel your pain, I have been in your shoes. Everyone has posted really good suggestions. I would add one thing that sounds kinda corny but it helps to get my attitude right from when I wake up in the morning. Before you even get out of bed find ONE THING to be grateful for or ONE THING to be thankful for. We all have huge stressors in our lives and I find something positive helps to keep me more focused.


Good luck and add me if you like.

Sharon

Don't give up. You can do this. I'm not gonna lie. It isn't always going to be easy and sometimes you are really going to want to give up, but if you stick to it a year from now, heck probably 6 months from now, you will be so glad that you did.

My highest weight was 260lbs and I'm only 5'4.5". :noway: I've had my ups and my downs. There have been plenty of times I wanted to give up. I actually did kind of give up once. It was before I started using MFP in 2012. I had been on such a strict diet, that when the holidays rolled around I gave in. It was stupid and well my own fault for putting myself under so many restrictions. I actually discovered MFP around that time, but didn't start using it until March the following year. I ended up gaining some of the weight I had lost back. Luckily I caught myself before I had regained it all. With the help of MFP and it's community, I was able to get down to 170lbs last year before getting pregnant. It sucks to think that in May of this year, instead of being close to my goal, I was back over 200lbs. I didn't worry about weight gain while I was pregnant. It was only after I had my c-section that I was like "dang it, here we go again." :laugh:

I totally get where you're coming from. Part of my initial motivation was due to pictures from a function I went to that were posted on Facebook. I was so completely horrified by how I looked, I seriously considered untagging myself but then realized that was my own issue and I needed to face facts and do something about it rather than continuing to deny the state I was in.

It took a few more months to fully kick in but I finally decided it was time for a change. I wasn't going to pressure myself this time, I was just going to try to make some small gradual changes and see if that would work better than the extreme dieting I'd tried in the past. And guess what, here I am 4.5 years later, still on the right path. I'm not saying I was perfect in anyway but I've definitely stuck with this longer than any previous attempt.

As for your husband, I'm glad you realize he can't be an excuse. But he can be an ally. Let him know how you feel and that you really want to make a change and would appreciate his support. He doesn't have to change with you but some help with meal prep, grocery shopping, etc would be nice. And maybe you two could start taking walks together or something like that.
My Hubs doesn't want to have anything to do with exercise but he's been good about healthier eating for the most part. I still make a lot of the same things, I just tweak the ingredients a bit to make them lighter dishes and watch my portions.

Good luck to you!

:flowerforyou: Sounds very stressful & unhappy.
But you can change some of it.

My ankles and knees hurt which makes it harder to get back into exercise.

"Most weight loss occurs because of decreased caloric intake.
However, evidence shows the only way to maintain weight loss is to be engaged in regular physical activity."
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/physical_activity/index.html

So start with controlling calories in.
Do you know what's a healthy weight range for you? Here's a BMI chart. Look it up.
http://www.shapeup.org/bmi/bmi6.pdf
Multiply your healthy goal weight by 10, and that's the calories you eat. (Total, not net.) That's for losing weight.
When you get near goal, start tweaking it up by 50 - 100 until you're at goal & not losing any more. That should be about 15 cal per lb.

I hate how I look. I never let people take pics of me

Yep. Me too. The only ones I'm allowing now are every 15 lb I get someone at the gym to do a full-body shot, & I do a face shot.

I was going to post it for motiviation but I actually can't because it literally reduced me to tears and I very rarely cry.

Keep it where you can see it, and when you get to your goal you'll have a great "before".
Take pictures along the way too, every 15-20 lb, of your whole body & of your face.
And take measurements!!
Here's a blog post I did about motivation & encouragement:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MKEgal/view/2014-07-24-motivation-encouragement-680938

I keep giving up on MFP because so much else in my life is stressing me out. ... I know there is no easy way but there has to be something to make it easier to stick to... I can't keep living on take-out food..... and I'm only 30.

As far as eating, you're going to have to cook. It's cheaper & healthier.
Here's a great site, always has tasty things, and most recipes have nutrition info: http://www.tasteofhome.com/
If you hover over "recipes" in the menu bar, a menu pops up that has all sorts of choices. Among them are "healthy" and "slow cooker". Start there. Slow cookers are wonderful, simple, not a lot of cleanup (if you use a bag, the cleanup is even easier!).

But there's no way to get around logging what you eat. You have to do it, and you have to be accurate about it (weigh, measure) so you have accurate info to help you get healthy again.

Stay with it girl! Sometimes we need reality checks like that to get our *kitten* in gear!!!!

Hi, I was on your boat at some point. I love my husband, but unfortunately our common hobbies are very unhealthy (watching TV and eating). For years I used this as an excuse not to take care of myself (because we spend so little time together, so I opted for the couch with him, versus a trail on my own. Finally I realized I cannot wait for him to change. I have to change myself first. Amazingly, he followed along. It took a while, about 6 months, when he started to go on walks and keeps asking me to join me. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish and take care of ourselves first. You can do this! Being an example to others is also motivating. You will enjoy it! Just do it and watch and see. Good luck!