Dealing with a "food bully"?

Dear Younger sister,

This type of behavior is not appropriate or acceptable from Grandma, Dad, or Stepmother. What makes you think it would be acceptable from YOU? How can I help you establish normal and appropriate relationships and boundaries with people before it becomes too late and you believe that the way in which we were raised and the examples we were given are in any way appropriate ways to function in society. I love you lots, but what you're doing is not OK and it's NOT OK for me to tolerate it.

Lovingly,
Older sister

There's a lot of great advice here.

Me? I would tell them once and only once how their comments make me feel and that I have enough stress without family adding to it.

If they insist on continuing, just ignore them or skip a few visits. I had a similar issue with my mother. She continued to criticize me and I skipped a Thanksgiving and a Christmas. She doesn't criticize me anymore.

It sounds a bit extreme, but your family visits are supposed to be (mostly) fun and comforting. You don't need to spend your time getting harassed.

Man. I really want you to twerk out of the kitchen while singing beyonce. And a pity that she is larger than you. I'm not recommending you do this, because that would make me an awful person. This is merely a story. I had a similar situation with my sister when I was a teen and she was a teen many moons ago. It got bad. Instead of physically fighting with her (I would always get busted for that since I was bigger) I decided to use psychological warfare. I had her convinced by the end of summer that all of the adults in the family were secretly discussing pooling money for her to get a nose job because her nose was so freakishly big and they all called her pretty all the time because they thought her self esteem needed it, since she had such a HUGE nose (she didn't) and because she was only in 'normal" classes and not honors classes like me. Every time she brought up food issues with me, or weight, I would touch my nose and whisper chant at her "Ugly." She avoided me at all cost by the end of the summer. Sometimes in an effed up family situation you have to play dirty to take care of yourself.

FYI, my sister and I are best buds now,she is my number 1 fan, I am hers, and neither one of us talk to most of our family anymore. But we spend a lot of time laughing about how effed up everything was for us.

wow some family you got.. i am sorry you have to go through that! ... honestly in my opinion i would tell them to F*** off and leave me alone. No song and dance im very blunt

I'm going to throw this out, you are GORGEOUS.
2nd I know exactly what you've been going through. I was always a fat kid, and had this cousin M, she would ALWAYS comment on my weight. We were going to a all you can eat buffet, i didn't eat anything that day so clearly I would fill my plate. I filled it half with vegetables half with meat chicken,muscles, fish and lemon chicken/pork. I come to sit and she just looks at me with the most judgmental look on her face" That`s a lot of food, what happene to your diet". I wanted to punch her face, it pissed me off since at the time I had an eating disorder, I was starving myself and still people were commenting on my weight. So i told her "it's my body , i"ll put what i want in it. Focus on your own". When it comes to my weight, none of the comments were ever directed about my HEALTH, it was always about vanity. She didn't like how i looked after i gained weight back, but why the **** did she care.

To make it better, she ALWAYS complains about wanting to loose weight. Every single time I see her the words "i'll start my diet tomorrow" are always uttered. Now that I have lost weight, she can't help but suck up to me. I didn't mind because i genuinely want to help people loose fat and be healthy. Last week she talked so much **** about me, after she made a huge deal about food. Yet not once have i complained about how rude she was to me about my weight.

I've cried and purged because of her. I've learned to just cut people like her out, i'll still be nice but i`m NEVER helping her with her weight. She has a spiteful and hurtful personality, she`s entitled and only cares about herself. There`s no point of bothering with people like that.
My best advice i can give you is don`t say anything back when she makes comments. People like that love the reaction and the attention from others. If you don't acknowledge they're there, they end up being left with their own words. Keep doing what you`re doing, while she runs her mouth you get closer to your goal

I would make them sit down with me every time they said something and listen as I explain in painstaking detail why I am able to fit whatever food it was in to my plan. I would show them my target calories and explain what each macronutrient is and why it is important and how my choice of food fits my plan. I would run reports, print out charts detailing my progress, show projected weight loss, etc.. Then I would start asking them about their eating habits and offering tips on how they could improve.

But then I'm kind of a b-word.

great idea!!

Tell her she needs counseling. Maybe you guys can do family therapy? If not, I would suggest you go to counseling, so that you can learn how to handle these horrible remarks and abuse and the therapist or psychiatrist can teach you how to become stronger. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm sending you a big hug! :flowerforyou: :frown:

Funny as hell - and it sounds like a great idea!

AH it's rough. I'm getting married and I'm trying to lose weight, but I hate people conflating the two, like I MUST be trying to lose weight for the wedding. There's this notion that overweight people have to wear bags on their heads to be presentable in society.

Food bullies suck, especially in your family. She sounds like she has her own issues and she's just projecting onto you. Chin up lady.