Relationship Advice

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24

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  • SrJoben
    SrJoben Posts: 484 Member
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    You had me at the point where he cheated on you. That's a totally valid reason to split, never mind the other stuff.

    From your description it doesn't sound like he's interested in making the changes necessary to have a healthy relationship.

    You gotta do what you think has the best chance of making you happy, but if the thing you want is divorce I don't think anyone can say you don't have good reasons.
  • Jennicia74
    Jennicia74 Posts: 31 Member
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    I'm agreeing with all the above posters. Sounds like a un-healthy, toxic relationship that neither you or the children need to be in. Sounds like counseling isn't helping much as he seems to continue to do what he wants. He probably thinks you're the problem too and takes no responsibility in his own actions. Those that accuse that bad are usually guilty themselves. In all fairness to your kids and all of your safety- My advice would be to leave. Now I know its easier said then done- but if you have already looked at places to live and are questioning this relationship- you already know the answers. GOOD LUCK to you!
  • cakebatter07
    cakebatter07 Posts: 814 Member
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    I would have left him 6 years ago. You don't deserve to put up with that crap.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    What a great relationship to bring your child into.

    WTH. Is this even real? Please tell me you're a troll. You REALLY need advice on what to do about a guy who has cheated and lied "numerous times" and treats you like a criminal and prisoner?

    I bet you are a 50 Shades of Grey fan, right?
  • cranshinibon
    cranshinibon Posts: 129 Member
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    What a great relationship to bring your child into.

    WTH. Is this even real? Please tell me you're a troll. You REALLY need advice on what to do about a guy who has cheated and lied "numerous times" and treats you like a criminal and prisoner?

    I bet you are a 50 Shades of Grey fan, right?

    arsenio_spit_take-72829.gif
  • superhippiechik
    superhippiechik Posts: 1,044 Member
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    He is a liar and a cheat. Leave him for the sake of your child.
  • Atrocity108
    Atrocity108 Posts: 328 Member
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    With Kids, running is not that simple. I know the feeling, and I hate that for you.

    However, if you have tried therapy and everything that you can think of, then RUN YOU CLEVER GIRL. Take your child and live on your own. I know it sucks, but your child would be happy that you are happy.
  • Skrib69
    Skrib69 Posts: 687 Member
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    Well, rather helpfully, you have both answers you want here..... Stay and Go, and in reality neither are a solution to your situation.... So, fundamental question time....

    1. Are you happy as you are??? I think we know the answer to that, otherwise you wouldn't have posted in the first place.
    2. Will you still feel the same way in another 6 years (or 1 years) time???
    3. Is your other half ever going to change in a way that would make you happy??? Make sure you are realistic here, and take into account his past. Answers starting with 'Yes, but.....' or 'No, but......' don't count. Do you fundamentally believe that he will change?
    4. Are YOU ready to make a change??? It's all right saying to yourself that you need to get out, but if you are not ready to follow it through, then it is a worthless decision.
    5. Do you WANT to make a change? If you don't want it, it will never happen.

    I know what I would do, but I am not you. I also understand why battered partners feel they cannot leave a relationship, hence the questions above. Only you can answer them. My only advice would be to think for yourself and your child - be selfish and think about what you need. Good luck!
  • bluuu123
    bluuu123 Posts: 83
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    please please PLEASE go talk to your family about this

    you NEED to share this and make sure others are aware, and then LEAVE HIM - move out - safety for your children & yourself
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    With Kids, running is not that simple. I know the feeling, and I hate that for you.

    However, if you have tried therapy and everything that you can think of, then RUN YOU CLEVER GIRL. Take your child and live on your own. I know it sucks, but your child would be happy that you are happy.

    I think this guy makes an excellent point and I totally agree.

    OP, I have no idea if money is an issue but I'd imagine it might be at least a partial issue. I know for me, when I got out of a marriage for totally different reasons I had to admit to myself that money was one of the things keeping me in it. Not in a gold digger type of way, but in the whole "two incomes make things pretty smooth" way. So I get that. But in the long term, even if that seems like a big issue to you I really believe it won't be as much of an issue later. Your son might remember that he moved from a big house to an apartment with just his mom...or even that there were some struggles and fewer presents at holidays...SMALL BEANS compared to remembering his stepdad who treated his mom like crap and set a horrible example, and having a mom who was distracted and quite miserable in her marriage.
  • _SantaClause
    _SantaClause Posts: 335 Member
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    What a great relationship to bring your child into.

    WTH. Is this even real? Please tell me you're a troll. You REALLY need advice on what to do about a guy who has cheated and lied "numerous times" and treats you like a criminal and prisoner?

    I bet you are a 50 Shades of Grey fan, right?

    Wow.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    I also believe in marriage--big time.

    HOWEVER, if this has been going on for 6 years with no improvement, despite counseling and promises to change that never happen, then it's time to cut loose. Thee is no shame in it, in fact, I think it's worse to stay in a relationship you know is not working than to have the guts to know when to call it quits.

    If you feel you have exhausted all resources, and you do not believe he will change/things will get better, then end it. There is no pint in continuing with it, otherwise. Good luck.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    What a great relationship to bring your child into.

    WTH. Is this even real? Please tell me you're a troll. You REALLY need advice on what to do about a guy who has cheated and lied "numerous times" and treats you like a criminal and prisoner?

    I bet you are a 50 Shades of Grey fan, right?

    what-is-wrong-with-you.gif
  • jspanman
    jspanman Posts: 686 Member
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    I also believe in marriage--big time.

    HOWEVER, if this has been going on for 6 years with no improvement, despite counseling and promises to change that never happen, then it's time to cut loose. Thee is no shame in it, in fact, I think it's worse to stay in a relationship you know is not working than to have the guts to know when to call it quits.

    If you feel you have exhausted all resources, and you do not believe he will change/things will get better, then end it. There is no pint in continuing with it, otherwise. Good luck.
    Brilliant!
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Just stay together
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
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    move on!
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
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    I think far too many people get involved and stay together just because they fear being alone, and finances sometimes make leaving difficult. I don't have the same strong feelings about marriage that a lot of previous posters do...I don't think you need a reason to leave, I think you need a reason to stay. Speaking as someone who has been in good, bad, and pleasantly mediocre relationships, it is worth waiting for the one that is spectacular. Don't sell yourself short wasting time with one who is not.
  • feetmayfail
    feetmayfail Posts: 16
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    Thank you so much for the replies. I expected some "troll" posts or people calling BS. I read the foums frequently and feel like I know some of you guys, though I don't contribue or post much. My main goal of being here is for weight loss but felt like it's a great platform to just lay it all out there. I sincerely appreciate everyone weighing in and letting me know I'm NOT crazy.... this is truly ridiculous.

    As one poster said, you're right. He does blame me. I am the problem. If I just LISTENED to him and did what he asks, we wouldn't ever aruge.

    As a follow up to this story, yesterday was his birthday. I got nothing for my birthday but I was still nice and did some stuff for his day. We didn't do what he wanted sexually so of course, he threw a man tantrum about it. He was yelling, hitting furniture, waving his arms around in a threatening way, popping his knuckles.... He told me to get my son and get out because he didn't want to do anything stupid and hurt me. I started packing a bag and his mood changed. This lasted about two hours (the ranting and raving, not letting me sleep). Called me numerous names.

    Then he had the nerve to wake up this morning and ask me for sex again. Of course, I wasn't feeling it. He woke up at 6:00 am, turned the lights on in our room, yelled and berated me and told me he just wanted to have sex. I don't listen to him. This has proven to be incorrect - even if we are having sex on a regular basis (his preferred regular basis would be multiple times a day, EVERYDAY) he still accuses me of being unfaithful or brings up some other dumb topic to argue about.

    I guess I should thank him for making it easy for me. Of course now, he is texing me relentlessly while I am at work asing "Can we just please stop?" and "I'm sorry" etc etc.

    Thank you guys again. Like you said, I know what I need to do. It's just hard.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
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    I'm not sure where you are located, but there are groups in Houston and maybe the same in your area that can help you LEAVE.

    If you have family nearby I would lean on them.

    If not, maybe your HR department could help.

    This is toxic. You may also consider after-leave counseling because unfortunately, many women fall into the same pattern of leave/return or even leave/new abusive relationship.

    -sending love and strength-
  • WandaWoman41
    WandaWoman41 Posts: 153 Member
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    I stopped reading after "he cheated."

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