Husband not supportive
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Sorry honey but you sounds like you're in a relationship like mine was. It only got worse over time. I put up with it for 22 years. Tried everything under the sun but he only got worse & didn't wanna work towards it. Please go to counseling as others stated. If that does not work... LEAVE!!!! For yours & your child's sake.0
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Sounds like you might want to contact a counselor to help you get some perspective. I know there are a lot of negative connotations in that. I simply mean that they might shed some light for you on what you are doing to yourself in your relationship. They can be a great source of information with a line on options to keep you and your child safe.0
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This is an old thread revived. Would be interesting to know what action, if any, the OP took.0
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Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.
This is not a healthy marriage, if he's threatening to call the cops. You have every right to leave the house if you want. Unless you're living in some bassackwards middle eastern country, then he has no legal ground to stand on and prevent you from leaving the house. What are the cops going to do? Nothing.
I'm sure it will really piss your 'husband' off, but at this point it really sounds like he has mental health issues. He has no right to be controlling you like that.
Please be careful. Military men can get very aggressive. I know. I grew up in a military family.
First thing you need to do is ask him why he is doing this...being so controlling, not letting you want to be more fit, healthy. If he loves you and married you, then he would want the best for you, right?
Second thing, seek counseling for yourself first. You need support. After getting counseling, then ask how it's appropriate to approach your husband to get him into counseling.
Thirdly, if the above doesn't work, and he hasn't changed, I'm sorry but you will need to separate and then divorce. That's where you need to get the advice of a divorce attorney. Hopefully it doesn't have to come to that, but right now you are not in a healthy relationship. You need to get professional help for both yourself and your husband.
Again, be careful and best wishes.0 -
Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.
okay this sounds extreme. there are anonymous places for women in verbally abusive relationships. This is not a marriage but an imprisonment according to your own words. No one can make you eat anything. Eat smaller portions. Clean more, do more around the house, don't just sit around lazy and use him as an excuse. Keep moving no matter what. Does he control all meals for the entire day??? does he forece feed you??? I bet not. If the dinners are a challenge then plan your day around that meal. Drink more water. You first words on the post were about how YOU hate being healthy and working out then all of a sudden you jumped to blaming the husband. Which one is it? you or him? You need to decide this one for yourself because at the end of the day its only that person in the mirror than can define your own happiness and accept you for being you. Couple counseling is not a shameful thing to go through. Its helpful but until then you need to read up on how to have discussions in a marriage without it becoming a big negative debate, stop using blaming words to get out your feelings, listen to what he has to say as well and come up with options to do together that he may like. Mariage is a lot of work and cooperation and give and take. Its not him only, its both of you.
Call Military One Source to get some help with either counselling or to get yourself out of there.
1-800-342-9647
until you take responsibility for your own actions or non actions when it comes to being lazy or over eating, you will never reach your goals and maintain them. good luck
dammit, why is such an old post on here???? wonder if things got better for this woman?0 -
EDITED: Just realized how old this post is....0
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OP hasnt posted since october last year... i doubt she's still around...0
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OP hasnt posted since october last year... i doubt she's still around...
There was a plague of necro threads over the weekend with people replying to months, if not years, old posts.0 -
Don't see how others can just give objective advice when they haven't heard his side of the story.
A.C.E. Certified Group Fitness and Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I agree with other posters, however, getting rid of a husband is great when typed on a computer keyboard...
I had this before, someone who was so unhappy with themselves that in order for you to be happy it somehow causes that other person a great deal of guilt within themselves...
Bottom line... no matter if you are married/single/engaged/living in a box with 40 cats & 3 dogs... this is YOUR life!! You are an individual...
If YOU want to eat better...........eat better
If YOU want to work out.........work out
If YOU want to go to the park with your son ..........go to the park with your son.
You do not need his permission to live your life the way you wish to live it............. now if you were talking about bar hopping I would not be saying GO BAR HOPPING.. but you get my point?
You have to stand up for yourself, find your voice, and tell him to shut up or join you.... this is your journey he can either Join you or watch you as you go for your walks/work outs/etc...
You do not have to sucumb to his yelling /berating/bull crap...........When he yells.. put your sneakers on, get your ear buds in, put the baby in a stroller and go Power Walking... block him out completely........ Just Go do your thing... He will get the point eventually...or he wont...whichever... Right now, You need to work on YOU!
He has problems within himself as his own individual that he needs to figure out, which is his problem.......not yours.
Much love and understanding from me!
^^ 100% this also I would take the advice of counseling if not with both of you then just you...do not let him dictate how you live your life and do not continue to let him talk to you the way he does. Good luck!0 -
old thread never mind0
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ETA oh good grief didn't know how old this thread is.0
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You need to stand up for yourself!
Let your husband know that you refuse to be yelled at. It is also not acceptable for him to yell or make rude comments in front of your children. Whether he is under stress or not...it is un-acceptable. As for your meals you fix yourself healthy meals. He can continue to eat whatever it is he fixes. You put your child in a stroller and go for a walk. If he joins you that's great if not it's his loss..
Just so you know...my husband has been like that. He finally ended up having T.I.A.'s ( mini-strokes) in 2012 when our 2nd child was not yet 2 yrs. old. Now he is on blood pressure meds, anti-anxiety meds, and nerve pills. He still lapses occasionally. About once or twice a month. I refuse to be a party to his behavior. I suggest you have a talk with him now. Before you end up being a Doormat for 18 + years.0 -
My wife started losing weight and motivated me. Now I do most of the cooking and it is all healthy choices. I am also in the military and have been for the past 22 years. I know first hand how stubborn we are and the effect that work stress has on us. With that being said, I also know an abusive relationship when I see it. I have had Sailors is similar issues that I have had to take care of because their spouse was exactly like this. Quit making excuses. You need to get your *kitten* out of this situation immediately not only for your physical health but for your mental health as well. You are not the only one with something at stake here. You have a small child that you need to be concerned about. Get off your *kitten* and make the change now before he starts getting physical and hurts you or your kid. Take care of this situation before you worry about the weight loss portion because the stresses of dealing with this emotional issue will not help the physical issue. Today is a new day. Make it count and make a change!!0
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This is GREAT advice!I agree with other posters, however, getting rid of a husband is great when typed on a computer keyboard...
I had this before, someone who was so unhappy with themselves that in order for you to be happy it somehow causes that other person a great deal of guilt within themselves...
Bottom line... no matter if you are married/single/engaged/living in a box with 40 cats & 3 dogs... this is YOUR life!! You are an individual...
If YOU want to eat better...........eat better
If YOU want to work out.........work out
If YOU want to go to the park with your son ..........go to the park with your son.
You do not need his permission to live your life the way you wish to live it............. now if you were talking about bar hopping I would not be saying GO BAR HOPPING.. but you get my point?
You have to stand up for yourself, find your voice, and tell him to shut up or join you.... this is your journey he can either Join you or watch you as you go for your walks/work outs/etc...
You do not have to sucumb to his yelling /berating/bull crap...........When he yells.. put your sneakers on, get your ear buds in, put the baby in a stroller and go Power Walking... block him out completely........ Just Go do your thing... He will get the point eventually...or he wont...whichever... Right now, You need to work on YOU!
He has problems within himself as his own individual that he needs to figure out, which is his problem.......not yours.
Much love and understanding from me!0
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