wife is kinda bothering me

not sure if i should put this here but the last week or so my wife has been really getting under my skin and its weird and hard for me to explain

me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her

im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second
«134

Replies

  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,510 Member
    I always find it really hard to find a running partner who goes at the same speed as me. Plus I use running as my "solo" time, when I dont really want company, just my thoughts.

    If she's insistent - can you plan a route of her distance which brings you back home, you could use that as a warm up and then continue on for the rest of your distance at pace?
  • Flab2fitfi
    Flab2fitfi Posts: 1,349 Member
    Is it possible to do a small loop so that your wife can run with you to start with and then you can drop hr off at home and go onto to do a longer run?

    Must be hard as you want to encourage her but also do your own thing.
  • rogerOb1
    rogerOb1 Posts: 318 Member
    ^^ What they said

    It'll be way easier/better if you keep her motivated to be healthy at the same time that you are!
  • I say that if she wants to go with you...that's great! But if she can't keep up, or wants to go slower than you...that's her deal, and you will continue on YOUR pace.

    This has to be YOUR thing. There are OTHER ways you two can be health together. A run is a personal thing.
  • doctorregenerated
    doctorregenerated Posts: 188 Member
    The warm up idea is good,but since she is getting upset with you for wanting to go further and hasn't suggested it herself, I have a feeling she's got some emotional crazy going on. My guess is that she feels jealous or hurt or inadequate so she's (maybe subconsciously, maybe not) trying to pull you back down to where she is so you can be equal. Maybe she feels lonely being able to do less.
    Regardless, go for the harder exercise at a different time of the day/night, and then schedule in the smaller walk with her. That would require two times of day to exercise. One of two outcomes from that. It might work out well for both of you. or she will get upset that you are spending even more time exercising. At the point that she voices that, offer the other solution of just doing another lap after your walk with her.
    Chess. Its like playing chess.
  • I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.
  • adamtall
    adamtall Posts: 275 Member
    The warm up idea is good,but since she is getting upset with you for wanting to go further and hasn't suggested it herself, I have a feeling she's got some emotional crazy going on. My guess is that she feels jealous or hurt or inadequate so she's (maybe subconsciously, maybe not) trying to pull you back down to where she is so you can be equal. Maybe she feels lonely being able to do less.
    Regardless, go for the harder exercise at a different time of the day/night, and then schedule in the smaller walk with her. That would require two times of day to exercise. One of two outcomes from that. It might work out well for both of you. or she will get upset that you are spending even more time exercising. At the point that she voices that, offer the other solution of just doing another lap after your walk with her.
    Chess. Its like playing chess.

    i know its alot of emotional stuff and shes jealous because i can go harder and faster than she can. the other thing is she doesnt get really mad when i want to go longer but we usually have our son with us and he gets upset when we split up and i go longer and he goes home with her, id take him with me but he gets mad that mommy isnt with us and thats even worse at times lol,

    i think im going to have to get my but up at 5 am and start going then going for a walk later with her
  • cw106
    cw106 Posts: 949 Member
    I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.

    excellent .
  • LizN63
    LizN63 Posts: 129 Member
    How old is your son? He may just get used to it if you do it a few times, my own (3yo) didn't like it when I went out running but a few runs later and some extra walks with him and some distractions when I go out (he's at home with his dad so they just need to find something absorbing) and he's fine.

    Otherwise, separate run and walk together sounds like a good plan.
  • adamtall
    adamtall Posts: 275 Member
    How old is your son? He may just get used to it if you do it a few times, my own (3yo) didn't like it when I went out running but a few runs later and some extra walks with him and some distractions when I go out (he's at home with his dad so they just need to find something absorbing) and he's fine.

    Otherwise, separate run and walk together sounds like a good plan.

    hes 3 too and i know he would be fine after a little bit but (gonna throw my wife under the bus here) my wife gets more worked up than he does when hes upset and she gets even more pissy towards me when i get home due to that. i also hate spending alot of time away from them (i work 50+ hours a week and am gone or on the phone alot)
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    not sure if i should put this here but the last week or so my wife has been really getting under my skin and its weird and hard for me to explain

    me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her

    im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second

    My husband cannot run with anyone...not even the dog. At first, I was mildly annoyed that he wouldn't even consider taking the over energized bunny MinPin we have for a run. I mean, really?....:huh: How hard can it be?....why not trade in 15 minutes of running the little monster dog to have goooood dog for the rest of the day?!!!

    Sooooo selfish :angry:

    Then, I thought about how uncoordinated my husband can be when in a full on run :sick: Monster (yes, the dog's name is Monster) man, can that dog move fast. No indicators & hella good breaks if he has a mind to.

    Solution: I taught the dog to walk on a treadmill & DH gets his 20 min run in peace :drinker:

    Practical solutions:

    Get her a puppy (ok, not always practical, but hey, visit your local shelter if it is :wink: )
    Borrow a puppy/neighbor's dog & get her an ipod/mp3 player with her favorite music on it.

    While she walks with the dog, you can run circles around them :laugh: I'm kidding....

    Maybe go to a park & have her invite one of her friends so she has someone to chat with while you both go at your respective paces.

    I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can find a compromise you both can live with.

    Maybe she can ride a bike while you run?
  • julielh72
    julielh72 Posts: 92 Member
    There's no emotional crazy going on here...you've explained it yourself. You work a lot and have never managed to be on the same page where fitness and weight loss are concerned. She wants to do it together, spend time as a family and needs your support. She is probably very frustrated that she can't keep up with you and has to stop and go home and then deal with a 3 year old tantrum. There is no jealousy or wanting to hold you back and most likely feels guilty for wanting you to come home with her.

    Any compromise you can find that will help you both to get and stay on this mission together will benefit you both long term.

    Doing this together increases your chances of success.
  • DenDweller
    DenDweller Posts: 1,438 Member
    not sure if i should put this here but the last week or so my wife has been really getting under my skin and its weird and hard for me to explain

    me and her are both over weight and usually we are trying to loose weight on opposite schedules (she'll get serious and ill eat junk ill get serious and shes bringing home pizza) but i finally said i dont care and started jogging and eating healthy again. shes fine with it and encouraged me but now she wants to go on my jogs with me and by doing so she walks at about half the speed im use to and for about half the distance and then complains if i want to go farther either on my own or without her

    im just getting frustrated by it and needed to vent for a second

    My wife won't run. my preference would be to run.

    Supporting my wife's own bid for health and showing I'm happy she's supporting me takes precedence. I run when she cannot come, or I go out and do an additional workout if I'm really feeling I have to move.

    Sometimes it's tough keeping Abel Township supplied. :P
  • I know running on a track is boring but maybe a solution in this case. You're never more than a 1/4 mile away.
  • I have a similar problem - my wife is recovering from breast cancer treatment so cannot run as far or as fast as i can, so I run with her when she can, but when she needs to walk, i run ahead for a minute or two, turn around, run back and when she's ready, she runs again with me. it's inconvenient without doubt, but she's involved and happy thats she's involved, and seeing me running more then her encourages her to run more than she would ordinarily. it might be hard to deal with, but I'd say stick with it and continue to do ths together.

    This is a good idea. My son would do this with me since I ran like a turtle. He would run ahead and then run back to me. He did this throughout our run.

    How about if she rode a bike while you ran?

    @Paulbwalsh, hope your wife is okay :flowerforyou:
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
    Indulge her for a little while... you have plenty of time to run. You need to let her know that she is more important to you than running. She isn't stupid... she knows full well you want (and can) run further and harder, but she just wants some assurances that she is still the higher priority. She is already competing with your job, the phone and your son for your time...and now running. Just do what she does for a while and let her know how cool it is that you are finally both on the same page... I guarantee you that within a month she will be ok with you running how you want to run.
  • LisaGirlfriend
    LisaGirlfriend Posts: 502 Member
    For me, running is personal. I put on my tunes and off I go. Not a duo kind of thing. I like your idea of running alone and walking with her later. That way she can push herself harder with you there without getting mad. She may also be feeling a little threatened by your new found resolve for fitness, and wants to feel closer to you. Good luck with that.

    I tried running with my kids a couple of times... NOT doing that again. LOL!
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
    There's no emotional crazy going on here...you've explained it yourself. You work a lot and have never managed to be on the same page where fitness and weight loss are concerned. She wants to do it together, spend time as a family and needs your support. She is probably very frustrated that she can't keep up with you and has to stop and go home and then deal with a 3 year old tantrum. There is no jealousy or wanting to hold you back and most likely feels guilty for wanting you to come home with her.

    Any compromise you can find that will help you both to get and stay on this mission together will benefit you both long term.

    Doing this together increases your chances of success.
    ^^^^ This. Women know. Listen to them.
  • Hello, not sure if I am repeating someone else's post. Sorry I have not read everyone's replies. I saw the mention of a running track which is a great idea but have you two also thought her and your son going out on a bike (or bikes)?
  • greengoddess0123
    greengoddess0123 Posts: 417 Member
    My vote is to put the wife on a bike and the kid in a jogging stroller. :smile:

    Some of the things my husband and I used to do when our kid was that age...
    1. Go to a park and alternate runs. He'd play with the kid on the playground while I did my run, and vice versa.
    2. Just run around the playground itself (boring, but the kid sees you the whole time).
    3. Me running, while husband is on a bike, pulling the kid in a bike trailer behind.
    4. Me running by myself while husband and kid do whatever, wherever.

    If you're really making this a lifestyle change, as opposed to something temporary, then your family will need to find its groove in terms of exercise. And what works now will change as your child grows older, your work situation changes, your wife's schedule changes, etc.

    My son is 7 now, and does taekwondo and loves to exercise. My husband started lifting weights and working out. My best moment was when I overheard my son tell his dad (while they were working out), "I think Mommy really inspired the whole family when she started running." (I totally cried)

    Good luck. You can do this! :flowerforyou: