He snooped, I need your opinions.
2014Christina
Posts: 49
in Chit-Chat
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, the first 3 were very rocky but this last year, things were finally settling down.
We don't trust one another. Why are we together you ask? Well, we do care for one another, we enjoy the companion and we like a lot of the same things.
We don't live together and have no intentions as we have both been married in the past. We rarely spend the night together and we are very content with this. We love our space.
My ex husband and my bf are friends. I have been divorced since 1993 and we have remained very good friends (nothing sexual whatsoever) They seemed to have hit it off very well which is good because we (my ex and I) have a lot of the same friends and when we go out (which is very rare for me), we always include one another.
So, I left my email up, which I never do and in it was an email to my ex husband asking him if he can get the same "stuff" for this Friday as he did on his birthday.
I was so angry with him for looking through my email and he is mad at me because he now knows I have been keeping something from him.
Who is in the wrong here?
We don't trust one another. Why are we together you ask? Well, we do care for one another, we enjoy the companion and we like a lot of the same things.
We don't live together and have no intentions as we have both been married in the past. We rarely spend the night together and we are very content with this. We love our space.
My ex husband and my bf are friends. I have been divorced since 1993 and we have remained very good friends (nothing sexual whatsoever) They seemed to have hit it off very well which is good because we (my ex and I) have a lot of the same friends and when we go out (which is very rare for me), we always include one another.
So, I left my email up, which I never do and in it was an email to my ex husband asking him if he can get the same "stuff" for this Friday as he did on his birthday.
I was so angry with him for looking through my email and he is mad at me because he now knows I have been keeping something from him.
Who is in the wrong here?
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Replies
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... must have been some damn good stuff!0
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Just break up and stuff.0
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If one has to snoop, the relationship was doomed before it started.0
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Just break up and stuff.
make sure it is the same "stuff" tho!0 -
What is the "stuff" you were talking about?0
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I'd be pissed that he snooped.
The "stuff" issue is a separate issue, maybe you should have told him, maybe not, it depends on your level of intimacy (I note that though your relationship is long term, you don't seem to be in each other's pockets). But that doesn't excuse him snooping.
The fact that he went through your email is wrong and without trust (which you say your relationship lacks) a relationship is pretty hopeless. My ex went through my computer and... well, he's my ex for a reason.0 -
What is the "stuff" you were talking about?
Olisbos? ( look it up, i dont wanna get banned saying the real word:laugh: )0 -
Sorry, but you're both wrong - and wrong for each other. It appears to be a very unhealthy relationship. Why do people do this to themselves?
Is the bf the only guy in town or something?0 -
What is the "stuff" you were talking about?
Olisbos? ( look it up, i dont wanna get banned saying the real word:laugh: )
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What is the "stuff" you were talking about?
Olisbos? ( look it up, i dont wanna get banned saying the real word:laugh: )
that would explain the " (nothing sexual whatsoever)"!0 -
Without trust, you can never be truly secure and happy, even if you don't plan on living together or marrying.0
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Both of you, I'd say. I would say it depends which is worse I suppose- the secret of the stuff with the ex, or the snooping? but then that may cause further conflict so I think it is best to accept you both were doing things that were underhanded in this situation.
If you are doing things behind his back with the ex, even if your opinion is that the 'stuff' wasn't as bad as your partner feels, it is still the act, i.e, communicating certain things with the ex and not your current partner (not sure what the stuff is) then that's not going to help foster trust in a relationship already lacking it, in my opinion. I wouldn't feel very happy about that if it were me, but then yes if I went through personal emails that is also a wrong doing which I should own up to and apologise for-that is betraying your trust and it is way out of line.
And obviously his snooping is a direct piece of evidence of that...he is insecure towards you. You need to work out why and try and come up with what you could both do to try and help alleviate the trust issues. Trust issues can have relationships spiralling out of control, but I think in time when both people have demonstrated that they can be trusted and are prepared to be sensitive to each others concerns, it can work out. It may take some more years to accomplish that...depends whether both of you think it is worthwhile finding out if it can work, or cut your losses. I mean yeah, maybe there is a man out there for you with whom it would not be so rocky/as much work. All the best.0 -
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, the first 3 were very rocky but this last year, things were finally settling down.
We don't trust one another. Why are we together you ask? Well, we do care for one another, we enjoy the companion and we like a lot of the same things.
We don't live together and have no intentions as we have both been married in the past. We rarely spend the night together and we are very content with this. We love our space.
My ex husband and my bf are friends. I have been divorced since 1993 and we have remained very good friends (nothing sexual whatsoever) They seemed to have hit it off very well which is good because we (my ex and I) have a lot of the same friends and when we go out (which is very rare for me), we always include one another.
So, I left my email up, which I never do and in it was an email to my ex husband asking him if he can get the same "stuff" for this Friday as he did on his birthday.
I was so angry with him for looking through my email and he is mad at me because he now knows I have been keeping something from him.
Who is in the wrong here?
and who said romance was dead?! :laugh:0 -
Thank you everyone for your honest and funny responses.
The "stuff" is not something I am proud of and the reason I kept it from him is because it's embarrassing that I enjoy this (not sexual) as I stated before.
This is not something I do often, maybe twice a year, if that but still, not something I am proud of.
I did tell him the truth as to what the stuff is. He seemed to be angrier at the fact that I kept it from him but of course if I told him about it prior, it would have caused conflict which is why I wanted to keep it private.
I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.0 -
What is the "stuff" you were talking about?
Olisbos? ( look it up, i dont wanna get banned saying the real word:laugh: )
that would explain the " (nothing sexual whatsoever)"!
oh like you've been very helpful so far?0 -
I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.
Then why prolong the inevitable? Regardless of "stuff" and email reading it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. The "first three years were rocky" statement is scary.0 -
Thank you everyone for your honest and funny responses.
The "stuff" is not something I am proud of and the reason I kept it from him is because it's embarrassing that I enjoy this (not sexual) as I stated before.
This is not something I do often, maybe twice a year, if that but still, not something I am proud of.
I did tell him the truth as to what the stuff is. He seemed to be angrier at the fact that I kept it from him but of course if I told him about it prior, it would have caused conflict which is why I wanted to keep it private.
I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.
If I don't find out what this this cryptic 'stuff' is within the next hour, my head will literally explode.0 -
Why are you in a relationship if there is no trust?
People are by nature nosy. You can't really blame him for looking unless he totally checked out your inbox.
If you feel you have something to hide from him then the relationship will blow up.
You may want to check your priorities and ask yourself why you are with this person and in a doomed relationship?
You are on here to be healthy, you should include your mental health as well. If the brain isn't healthy how will the body be?0 -
Sounds like the kind of relationship where you bring out the worst in each other and would be much better suited as friends, to be honest.0
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Sounds like a lot of immaturity issues.
get off drugs girl.
... stuff .....0 -
I'm just trying to figure out why the relationship even lasted long enough for him to snoop....The first three YEARS was rocky....were you both slow learners?
It wasn't right for him to snoop but does it really surprise you, really?0 -
I thought the first 3 years are supposed to be the best years? Just break up. You were both wrong.0
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are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying. :explode: :laugh:0
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You don't trust each other and he obviously has reason if your hiding something from him like another relationship.. Your both in the wrong he should respect your privacy, if he feels he has to look through your messages then you should'nt be together anyway.
Whats good for the goose is good for the gander, check out his messages or ask to see his mobile, see how he likes it and if he refuses he's most likely cheating . But at least he wil understand where your coming from when his privacy is threatened too.
Id just walk away if i was you.0 -
are you freaking kidding us????? I don't care if you are serious with someone or not.. but you should only be having sex with one person at a time. Its gross and also risky as far catching stds. What kind of person is trying to have a "boyfriend" AND screws her so called ex??? How is this weightloss or fitness related unless its the prequel to you catching aids? just saying. :explode: :laugh:
She isn't sleeping with her ex, just taking occasional recreational drugs with him.0 -
If you are already doomed to fail then stop wasting both of your time and end it already. What is the point of continuing? No trust, secrets, spying....it's time to move on. Man up and get it done.0
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Thank you everyone for your honest and funny responses.
The "stuff" is not something I am proud of and the reason I kept it from him is because it's embarrassing that I enjoy this (not sexual) as I stated before.
This is not something I do often, maybe twice a year, if that but still, not something I am proud of.
I did tell him the truth as to what the stuff is. He seemed to be angrier at the fact that I kept it from him but of course if I told him about it prior, it would have caused conflict which is why I wanted to keep it private.
I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.
If I don't find out what this this cryptic 'stuff' is within the next hour, my head will literally explode.
I know right? Im dying to know what the stuff is!!0 -
Thank you everyone for your honest and funny responses.
The "stuff" is not something I am proud of and the reason I kept it from him is because it's embarrassing that I enjoy this (not sexual) as I stated before.
This is not something I do often, maybe twice a year, if that but still, not something I am proud of.
I did tell him the truth as to what the stuff is. He seemed to be angrier at the fact that I kept it from him but of course if I told him about it prior, it would have caused conflict which is why I wanted to keep it private.
I know we are doomed, we have been for a while.
If I don't find out what this this cryptic 'stuff' is within the next hour, my head will literally explode.
I know right? Im dying to know what the stuff is!!
Recreational drugs.0 -
Why are you in a relationship if there is no trust?
My thoughts exactly, for get this and move on. I once snooped a GF, found she was getting together with her ex, and it was over in a month... but really the relation ship had ended many months before I just wouldn't admit it to myself.0 -
Break it off, and stop hanging out with your ex. I'm still friend's with several of my ex-boyfriends but we don't hang out. If your ex is your best friend maybe you two need to get back together. No wonder your relationship has been rocky. No one wants the ex hanging around friend's or not.
Been married twenty years by the way.0
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