dating sites- do you use them ??

I just need plastic surgery and an operation to have my legs lengthened, then I might be ok!

80% of men on dating sites are messaging and competing for the top 10% of women in terms of attractiveness... so don't be shocked when this top 10% chooses someone more attractive than you. You're a fairly average man. Slightly above average in terms of general physique average to slightly below average in terms of height. Your face is average. Not a movie star, but certainly not unattractive... Are you messaging average women? or are you messaging the top 10%? Are you messaging women in their late 30s and early 40s... or are they women in their late 20's early 30's... Are you messaging women who are slightly overweight or only women who are very fit? Are you messaging women with kids? Basically, are you excluding a large percentage of available women from your dating pool?

Thanks for the honest critique. I didn't ask for my physical appearance to be picked apart by you but thanks anyway.

I generally message people 5 years either side of my own age.
As for attractiveness, I certainly don't shoot for the stunners, I wouldn't dare!

One thing I will disagree on is that I'm fairly decent shape for a 40 year old in comparison to a lot of guys my age. You've just inspired me to train harder!
This is what hurts so much, putting the effort in 6 days a week to try and improve my appearance only to be - at best - dismissed with a 'Huh, you're just average, no wonder you can't meet anybody.'

POF is utterly soul-destroying. Shame on me for ever thinking I'd stand a chance.

Don't take it personally dude. There could be a million and one reasons why its not worked. I have been on this boat.
Personally for me socialising and being confident works.

The way that works i think and have seen is guys who are:

1. Confident
2. Normal (ie being themselves)
3. Self assured

Its worked for me to a degree as I am a naturally friendly guy, I am considered by many as good looking etc, but i pretend i dont have a face and have a blank canvas & i think of all the great things i bring to the table.

Get out there man!

I just need plastic surgery and an operation to have my legs lengthened, then I might be ok!

80% of men on dating sites are messaging and competing for the top 10% of women in terms of attractiveness... so don't be shocked when this top 10% chooses someone more attractive than you. You're a fairly average man. Slightly above average in terms of general physique average to slightly below average in terms of height. Your face is average. Not a movie star, but certainly not unattractive... Are you messaging average women? or are you messaging the top 10%? Are you messaging women in their late 30s and early 40s... or are they women in their late 20's early 30's... Are you messaging women who are slightly overweight or only women who are very fit? Are you messaging women with kids? Basically, are you excluding a large percentage of available women from your dating pool?

Thanks for the honest critique. I didn't ask for my physical appearance to be picked apart by you but thanks anyway.

I generally message people 5 years either side of my own age.
As for attractiveness, I certainly don't shoot for the stunners, I wouldn't dare!

One thing I will disagree on is that I'm fairly decent shape for a 40 year old in comparison to a lot of guys my age. You've just inspired me to train harder!
This is what hurts so much, putting the effort in 6 days a week to try and improve my appearance only to be - at best - dismissed with a 'Huh, you're just average, no wonder you can't meet anybody.'

My opinion is you should go for girls who YOU find attractive and not some bullsh*t rating system someone has devised.

1 ) have you ever tried a dating site?

Yes

I met my wife on Match.com. We're coming up on our 2nd anniversary.

2) were you pleased?

Yes

3) would you tell someone to try one?

Yes

4) any bad vibes?

Yes - As with all things, some people are just wrong for you. Doesn't matter if you meet them online, on a dating site, or in real life. It's going to happen.

5) any thing i shoud ask?

Dating is a process; getting to know someone is a process. Just take the natural course. Let your intuition guide you. Ask the questions you want to know the answers to.

6) would you do it again?

In hindsight, yes. Obviously, it worked. I found my wife and we married.

I did not find the online dating experience as horrible as other people did. I believe that you increase your odds of finding your person significantly by being proactive in searching for them. If you do nothing, well, maybe you get lucky and he or she finds you at a coffee shop someday, or the aisle at the grocery store, or at a friend's party. But what are the odds? I chose to increase my odds, be proactive, and it worked.

7) what site(s) did you find most helpful

I thought Match.com was the best. It had the best search mechanism, the best profiles, and best pictures. I thought the communication mechanisms were good.

Every day, after work, I'd go home and perform a custom search, and peruse the ladies. If I thought someone was interesting, I'd send them a message. Match.com has a cool feature where you can see who has viewed your profile too; I would check those, and if someone interesting had viewed my profile, I'd message them.

PlentyofFish.com is pretty much the cesspool of online dating sites, but everyone is on it, so you *can* find interesting people, but you typically have to wade through more undesirables to find them. I would use it, but with caution.

8) which one(s) should we stay away from / why

eHarmony.com seemed okay at first, but they are really a money-making scam. They meter out your matches - only up to 7 per day - so they keep you coming back. There is no custom search mechanism; you can't just perform a search and see everyone who matches. They don't want to show you all your matches all at once. They want that monthly subscription from you, so they want to only give you a few matches at a time and keep you coming back.

In addition, and this is just anecdotal evidence from my point of view, but the women I met on eHarmony weren't actually interested in a real relationship. They used it as a hook-up site. The women I met figured that only serious men were on eHarmony, so they would get a higher quality date out of it. After about the 3rd or 4th women pulling the same stunt on me, I cancelled my subscription. Not that one-night stands can't be fun (and most were), but I just didn't find many serious women on eHarmony.


any other info would be helpful --thanks

Put up accurate, up-to-date pictures. Nothing is worse that showing up and finding your date looks nothing like his/her photos.

Be honest - about yourself, your desires, what you can/can't live with. I met a woman once who, in email, seemed incredibly outgoing and flirtatious, very sure of herself (my kind of woman, basically). When we met in person, she couldn't even make eye contact. She was incredibly shy, and by the end of the date it was very clear that she suffered from some severe self esteem issues. So moral of story: please accurately portray yourself and who you really are as a person. This will help you meet your "match."

Best of luck. It can work. My wife and I found each other on Match.com. Others have as well.

1 ) have you ever tried a dating site? Yes

2) were you pleased? Yes

3) would you tell someone to try one? Yes

4) any bad vibes? Yes met some creepy stalker types

5) any thing i shoud ask?

6) would you do it again? If I were single

7) what site(s) did you find most helpful- depends what your looking for. Eharmony for a serious relationship, plenty of fish for creepy hookup

8) which one(s) should we stay away from / why
Plenty of fish
any other info would be helpful --thanks
Edited to add met my hubby on eharmony, he is a wonderful man and we are very compatible. Good luck

yes, in fact, met my now husband through a site three years ago. not everyone was a winner (just like meeting people in other ways) but obviously it wasn't all bad. And I met my husband on plenty of fish - not a creepy hookup.

Lol I'm sure there's some good ones on pof ( I was on there briefly). But I did get several creepy emails on there. I'm sure there's creepy people on eharmony, in my experience people were paying for eharmony and we're more serious about meeting someone. Again just my experience, I'm sure there's free sites that have lovely people on it.

I agree with all of this persons answers. Some say the paid sites are better because it shows the person is committed and not just looking for a quickie. I found that a lot of people who are on the paid sites are also on the free ones. I used POF and my bf and I just had our 2nd anniversary. We are looking to get engaged soon. You will have to weed through the creeps but I thought it was worth it!

Answers to your questions:


1 ) have you ever tried a dating site?

Yes!! I tried Plenty of Fish and Tinder

2) were you pleased?

Yes, I met my current partner

3) would you tell someone to try one?

Yes

4) any bad vibes?

You get the occasional strange people/ weirdos, but you can just ignore them

5) any thing i should ask?

Always send a message that mentions something they've discussed or touched upon in their profile. It shows you've read it and are actually interested in a conversation

6) would you do it again?

I would if I were to be single again, it's great for people who are very busy and career minded or if you don't get to meet new people very often

7) what site(s) did you find most helpful

POF

8) which one(s) should we stay away from / why

Ones that are paid for.... plenty of fish and tinder are free!

I hope that helps