***UPDATE***My boyfriend doesn't like the new me HELP!!!
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leave him....0
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I am also borderline obese even now after losing weight. My husband is like your boyfriend, can eat anything and everything and still look great. Even from the start when I weighed 241 lbs he told me I didn't need to lose weight that I looked great to him. But I wanted to lose weight for the same reasons, not to be skinny but to be healthier and feel better. Now at 169 lbs I am still boderline obese, I am aiming for the upper portion of my healthy weight range. But he can't understand why I want to lose more weight. He even gets on to me for counting my cals on here and says I am obsessing over it by doing that. He insists that I look fine and don't need to lose more. But then I hear him make remarks about those borderline model girls or he makes a remark that someone else is big but they are the same size as me. If I say anything about it he brushes it off. I just have to speak my mind and do what is best for me. That's really all anyone can do. And I told him a long time ago, I know who I am and what is best for me to feel good and healthy and he has no room to tell me what I can or can't be. You do what is best for you! He can either stay or leave, the decision is his.0
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It sounds to me as though you BF is insecure, and wants control, 2 bad characteristics for sure. If he relly love dyou he would stand beside you encouraging you all the way!0
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So your boyfriend is against your wishes and dreams of being a healthier, happier person?
That would be my answer right there :ohwell: :flowerforyou:0 -
he's not worth it, love urself 1st and take care of u. as everyone else says he's insecure and afraid of how good ur going to look. :drinker: celibrate0
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Sweetheart, I am 55 years old. Let me tell you something about your boyfriend. He is an immature little boy and is afraid that when you get your hot body you will find someone else. Do yourself a favor - DUMP HIM! You can do better.
Mary0 -
also, i agree with the person who said a conversation with your boyfriend is warranted, but i bet you're venting here because he is a selective listener. talk to him about this and tell him he is a good person, that you have no intention of leaving him when you look good but that you expect him to help you in this journey just as you will support him in his endeavors. He might surprise you.0
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I catch him looking at are boderline models??...
To answer this question. Because he's a guy. Any guy you find will look at models, border line models, and any attractive woman, weather they're availible, or been married for 60 years. Women should get over that right now.
If he honestly means what he means about you losing weight. Leave and forget about him. There are plenty of guys out there that don't act like that.0 -
Without knowing either of you, I suspect that this is a guy who prefers you to be less confident and feeling insecure about yourself. Perhaps when he first met you he was blown away by your confidence and glad to be with a girl who looked and felt fabulous, but now, down the track a bit, he doesn't want you attracting that much attention or feeling confident enough to walk away from a relationship that isn't the best? I have a gut feeling that your boyfriend has a low self esteem and is worried about you leaving him.
Any way you look at it, this is extremely controlling behaviour and you should not tolerate it. Ask yourself if you are really that worried to lose a guy who wants to control you that way and doesn't have your happiness and well-being as a top priority - then tell him that you need to feel good about yourself again and that you want to be happy and healthy and if thats not what he wants then he should take a hike!0 -
Dump him ! If he can't support you on what you want in life then he isn't worth your time. The person you love should support you! NOT bring you down.
Ditto!!! :flowerforyou: Do this, smile, and walk away with your head held high... Oh, as you walk away, do so quickly while you swing your arms and tighten your tummy with your chest out. This way the calories should burn a little more. :laugh:0 -
take a look at how he treats you or react to other parts of your relationship as well. Is this truly a weird one off reaction from him or does he pitch a fit and threaten to leave you or dump you for other reasons, or have overly opinionated (unjustifiably) opinions or demands in other areas of your life (ie, going out with the gals instead of staying with him / what you wear / what you do together / where you go / etc etc)
If you see this attitude in ANY other part of your relationship break it off. Don't let "the good parts" or false rationalization keep you with this guy. If this is TRULY HONESTLY the ONLY place / topic he acts this way about it then talk to him first and see if he is insecure about you being too hot for him. If so, work it out. If he still has a hissy, well then still drop him like a rock.
But especially if there is hint of this behavior anywhere else, get out now.0 -
Sorry to say, but if he is that shallow, he doesn't truly love YOU for YOU. You deserve better. Whoever you are with should want the best for you, and the healthier you are, the longer you will be around to continue loving them. Sorry to hear such a heartbreaking thing!
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You should consider dumping him and getting a new boyfriend. I went through this myself in the past. Had a killer body and he always worried about who was looking at me. Once I gained weight, he was content, yet always looking at others. Then everytime I tried to do something to better myself physically, he became upset. Clearly, your boyfriend has control and insecurity issues. He wants to keep you down to make himself feel superior. And while you may be able to deal with it now, it will only get worse. So in addition to the extra pounds, you also seem to be carrying some dead weight (that boyfriend). Shedding both will probably do you a world of good.0
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He doesn't want u to lose weight because he is insecure with himself and probably feels you will leave him when you lose the weight
BINGO0 -
In the first thread I was kind of disappointed to see people dump on this guy without getting more information. Something still doesn't make sense. He likes skinny girls but doesn't want you skinny.
I agree that on the initial surface this guy looks like a jerk but with this updated post I get something different. It almost seems to me like you, aaranda08, are looking for a reason to break up with this guy. None of us here should tell you what you should do in your relationship. None of us here have enough information to even tell you to dump this guy.
But if you are trying to talk yourself into this by justifying what you really want to do subconsciously then you need to make that decision.
If we aren't missing any details and the guy is just a jerk then I stand corrected. It just seems like we don't have enough information to be counseling you to end your relationship.0 -
Hate to say it - Your boyfriend is an insecure loser! Dump him and run fast and hard away from him, to a much better man who deserves your love.0
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Who holds their significant others health as ransom in a relationship? Do what's best for you. Often times when we put forth the effort to better ourselves, those closest to us either follow suit or fall by the wayside.
It sounds as though he's just another "crab in the bucket" and if you're curious about the metaphor, google it, the explanation offers a pretty interesting look in human psychology.
If you don't put yourself first...who will?
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That's crazy! He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend, you deserve better! Someone who will inspire you & back you up with your fitness goals!0
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Actually, like most on here, believe he has insecurities. However, I think he doesn't want you to lose wieght because the more you lose the more other guys notice you. I think he is a jealous type and very insecure.0
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So what happens if you dye your hair and he does not like it?wear clothes he does not like it?what happens if your in accident and something serious happens to you and your not the same as you were before? i know the last one sounds extreme but what he is saying is extreme,he will dump you if you lose weight!! Seriously...
If i was you THE FIRST THING I WOULD LOSE IS HIM then weight if that makes you happy.
He will regret it the next time he sees the healthy smoking hot you.
Good Luck x0 -
First let me say that your weight loss and health goals are for you not for your boyfriend. If he does not want to support you as you try to become a healthier you, you're better off without him. He obviously have insecurities of his own. I can't believe he says he will dump you if you lose weight. You need to take of yourself first because if you don't take care of yourself, you will not be no good to anyone else. THE NERVE OF HIM!!!! Because he is "skinny" he cannot understand where you are coming from. Girl, get your weight loss and be proud...0
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He isn't gonna dump you - he's just blowing smoke because he's insecure. But he's gonna give you so much crap while you are dieting that you will wish he would.0
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Seriously if he threatens to dump you over something like this then he's not worth it. You're better off without him, trust me!
Agreed! He is deffs not worth it!
You're doing this for yourself, he should be supporting you the whole way.... what kind of a person is he? One of my best friends boyfriend is exactly the same! I personally, dont understand?!/ My boyfriend is totally supportive, at first I got the "I love you the way you are" rahh rahh rahh..... but now he sees that it makes me happy and i thrive off it. now whenever I say im not going he tells me to haha0 -
The "boyfriend" is typical of the jealous ones! He doesn't want to lose you to another, more sensible person that is not so possessive.
Many men, and some women, want their mates to STAY FAT due to their selfish, overly possessive personalities. You need to wake up and smell the rotten fish in this story because, he's going to become even more possessive to the point of abusive as time goes on.
Terminate the relationship and move on with your life. The right, more emotionally mature person will come along when the time and the situation are "right". Keep him and you're headed down the wrong path to emotional distress, pain and suffering in your life.
Claire
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That shows his insecurity. He fears you lose weight others will pay you attention. Girl, they ALL do it. Do what makes you happy and healthy. If he truely loves you he will not let you go. Good Luck.0
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Be careful, if he is truly the "controlling" type, it could be the beginning of an abusive relationship.0
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Do what is right for you my love. If losing weight will make you feel better about yourself - do it!
It does indeed sound like he's insecure. Just sit down with him and talk to him about why, try to get him to open up to you. If he is insecure and worried about losing you then reassure him that he won't lose you that way but if he makes comments like that then he will.0 -
To answer this question. Because he's a guy. Any guy you find will look at models, border line models, and any attractive woman, weather they're availible, or been married for 60 years. Women should get over that right now.
Uhm.
Yeah, I disagree here, sorry.
If a male looking at modelesque females AFTER telling his girlfriend "don't lose more weight or I'll leave you" is causing the girlfriend enough issue, concern and upset to the extent of the OP here; then no...Women should not just get over that right now at all.
Yes, I accept people look at attractive people - male or female - BUT there's a line of respect and when it's crossed it's a problem that isn't easily fixed by simply "getting over it".0 -
Any man that would put a stipulation like that on your relationship does not truly care for you and isn't supporting you the way they truly should be. In the end, it is your decision. But, you are young and should not live your life constricted by what someone else wants. It is YOUR life and YOUR body and no one but yourself should be able to tell you what to do with it.
Stay strong and keep focused on what you want.
Agreed 100%!!!!0 -
I personally wouldn't want to be with anyone who wasn't 100% supportive of ANY and ALL my goals.
next time he says it. Shrug your shoulders and yell 'NEXT!'!!!!0
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