***UPDATE***My boyfriend doesn't like the new me HELP!!!

Sounds like a control freak to me. Telling you not to lose weight is a pre-cursor to things to come in the future. Nobody has the right to tell you how to look, act, or feel and if they try that puts up a serious red flag. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and never let him get you to second guess yourself.

You look like you are the model type. If you feel you need to lose weight and you are doing it for yourself than no one should stand in your way! I'm not sure what is going on with your boyfriend (kind of odd) but bottom line always is look out for yourself and what makes you happy. I'm sure you don't want to lose your boyfriend but ask yourself are you will to sacrafice your own happiness and health to keep someone who can't --basically- be supportive of what is good for you.

Screw that guy...

Be cautious because this is a red flag. First it starts with the weight loss thing, next it will be I don't want you going out with "those" friends, and after that it might be you talk to your mom or dad too much. That's pretty selfish to ask someone not to be healthier and stop pursuing a goal. Your a young woman with plenty of life ahead of you take care of yourself and don't stress over a man who's not trying to make you a better person. If the person in your life doesn't add to or mulitply your great attributes then you need to subtract and divide!

Curt

ORIGINAL POST:
Guys and Ladies Please help!! My boyfriend is against my wieghtloss goals and says if I lose any more he will dump me ?? I've only lost 3lbs so far...Makes no sense I was 20lbs lighter when we met What can I tell him or do??

UPDATE: Many things I forgot to add here so here I go again...Yes I am considered "obese" for my height/weight ratio I want to be healthier NOT skinny, he is the guy we all hate he eats nothing but fast food and junk and he hasn't worked out in god knows how long BUT without a shirt he shows nothing but muscle I know I don't get it either :mad: and yes I was very fit when we met I had my high school/ college volleyball body still so major difference and no kids either so I felt I had no excuse on letting myself go and on the "maybe he likes you thick" then why do the people I catch him looking at are boderline models??...THANK YOU all for your responses!

My sister's fiance is an Islander and he likes her plump. He doesn't want her to lose weight either but he never, never has said he will dump her if she loses the weight! My husband (of 16 years (and boyfriend of 20)) has seen me both large and small and has never said he'd leave me either way.

You said "boyfriend" and "had no kids" so I'm assuming you do have kids with him? That makes it a little more difficult if he's the father of your children, and I'm sure you love him. I'm in no way trying to influence you one way or the other but if he liked you the way you were before you got together he should be happy for you to be healthy again. Also, if he's healthy himself, (and liked you the way you were when you met), I don't see it as insecurity but more as a control issue? Is there anything else he is controlling about besides your weight? I think we need more info here...

So, my immediate reaction is that this guy is just a jerk, but to give a stranger on the internet the benefit of the doubt...have you asked him what *specifically* bothers him about your weight loss? We're all assuming that he's bothered by you looking more conventionally attractive by losing weight, which is definitely possible. But, it's also possible that he doesn't like some of the behaviors associated with losing weight, like obsessing over calories or weigh ins, not going out to eat or party with him, etc., or he feels like it's is taking over your life, and he's just expressing that in a really immature way.

Look at it this way: he first met you when you were an athlete, so, like most men, he may not have realized the amount of work that went in to maintaining the body you had then. Now that the work is much more visible and impacts his routine more, he's wondering when you'll get over this phase and go back to acting "normal." That's still kind of a jerky, immature thing to feel or say, but it's one you can work out as a couple if you want to.

Like another poster said, I think the key here is whether him freaking out over your weight loss is unusual, or whether he acts that way about a lot of things...

But do YOU like the new you? That is what really matters here...if you're not happy with you then you're not happy period, dumped or with a BF. Just my two cents Good luck!

~K

If he is going to dump you because you are changing yourself for the BETTER, then he is not your Prince Charming! Your partner should always accept who you are and support you in your goals, as long as they are for the better!

I personally wouldn't want to be with anyone who wasn't 100% supportive of ANY and ALL my goals.

next time he says it. Shrug your shoulders and yell 'NEXT!'!!!!

Ha ha! Love it! :laugh:

I'm 54 years old so please listen. The only reason he doesn't want you to lose the weight is he is very insecure with himself. He's not sure that he can "Keep" you if you look "HOT".

Ask him if he loves you, why would he want you to be over weight which is a health risk in it's self? Unless you are becoming under weight, tell him to take a hike if he is that insecure. You don't need him. You need to find someone that is secure with them self. You also need to be secure with yourself. If losing weight and getting to a goal that you have set for yourself then that is what you need to do as long as you are not going overboard.

Good luck with your weight lose and with your new boyfriend.

I'm 51 and Vicky is right on the money. You're young...talk it out, and if he still feels the same, time to move on before things really get out of control.