Life after divorce is it scary?

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  • Leather_N_Lace
    Leather_N_Lace Posts: 518 Member
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    Recently separated from a 10 year relationship/marriage. Beginning the process for the divorce. My kids are older and their bio dad passed away a few years ago. So he is all they have had as a father. My boys are older and are pretty independent. My daughter though misses him terribly. He never adopted her, but he know that he is the only father she has ever had.

    It was my choice. We have good days and bad. I think staying in an unhappy home is scarier than trying to live a happy, healthy life. Even if it means being single for awhile..
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    it really depends on each person, but with children you have no choice but to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be the best you that you can be. Be happy with yourself and allow yourself time before deciding to move on, if you choose to move on.
  • my_chrystal82
    my_chrystal82 Posts: 46 Member
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    I think single life, with kids is just a different kind of hard. But a hell of a lot more rewarding and deserving of your energy. I've been free for over 5 years and every year brings more awareness to my level of independence.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    I will say for me, the positive aspects:
    - No longer on egg shells
    - I feel at home at my place, I felt like I didn't belong in my own house when I lived with her
    - She has no control over me
    - Don't have to bust my @$$ for crap sandwiches
    - I can leave the toilet seat up
    - I can get up when I do, and not be fussed at
    - I can eat how I want, and not be fussed at.
    - I can come and go as I please
    - I can be on time, and not be fussed at for "rushing" her

    And many other things

    wow, I just can't even imagine living with someone that is constantly nagging just to nag. Kudos for getting out and just stay positive for those babies.

    OP, yes, it's scary, but you'll do it and find a way. I divorced my first husband 16 years ago. I didn't date for 10 years, just focused on raising my son who was 2 at the time. Like others have said, life still moves forward and as time goes by, you get stronger.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    I walked out two months ago after 21 years of marriage. We have three children, and only one of them is out on her own.

    What he is going through emotionally now is what I went through years ago when he mentally checked out on me then. I'm not going to bash the man, he is the monster I created in that when he became complacent, I let him. I made excuses for him. It was easier than arguing. But I am also the monster HE created.

    For me, it hasn't bothered me one iota. I realized that when we argued...back when I cared, it hurt, but over the last year or two, when we argued it's just pissed me off. I no longer cared. It's been hard on my kids though, even though two of my three saw it coming for a very long time. I told them I wasn't going to continue to be alone forever.
  • nickylee76
    nickylee76 Posts: 629 Member
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    I will admit I am terrified at the thought of divorce and all the change it would bring. Also afraid of the concept for my kids. So when I was asked if I was happy about a month ago I wanted to lie and say yes just to keep the peace but I decided then and there to start being honest about how I feel cause it won't get any better if I am not.

    Currently we are trying counseling...... and it is still scary...... now that all the truths are out in the open.....
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    I will admit I am terrified at the thought of divorce and all the change it would bring. Also afraid of the concept for my kids. So when I was asked if I was happy about a month ago I wanted to lie and say no just to keep the peace but I decided then and there to start being honest about how I feel cause it won't get any better if I am not.

    Currently we are trying counseling...... and it is still scary...... now that all the truths are out in the open.....

    Kudos to the counseling. I tried to get mine to go with me after I walked out the FIRST time. I told him if I left again, I was gone. This was my second walkout, and this time I stayed gone.

    Be VERY sure before you step out. Weigh every scenario. If you have any doubts, then you are not ready.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    hope your counseling works
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    hope your counseling works

    Same here! Counseling for us was the nail in the coffin. Some people see success, for us it was the opposite.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
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    hope your counseling works

    Agreed. My ex husband refused to go to counseling, which told me he didn't really want to save our marriage. That's when I knew it was really over.
  • _BearNecessities_
    _BearNecessities_ Posts: 432 Member
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    hope your counseling works

    Agreed. My ex husband refused to go to counseling, which told me he didn't really want to save our marriage. That's when I knew it was really over.

    Yup. Happened to me too. My wife flat out refused to go and told me I could go alone. That's the day she lost the grip she had on my heart.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    After 20 yrs.....now 5 yrs later I can say I'm doing better.
    Kids have been in counseling (it helps).
    Mom is not in the picture.
    I have both kids with me.

    I love my independence and freedom.
    Our motto is "it's us against the world".
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    Be VERY sure before you step out. Weigh every scenario. If you have any doubts, then you are not ready.

    I agree with this completely.

    It sux to see the last 14 yrs of my life gone (except for my kids), all I worked for and put blood, sweat and tears into......gone.
    Given to her.
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    I see a lot positive replays here. Begins are rough I know that I just need go foreword for kids even I don't want to.
    Thank for nice wishes. I feel better to read all that
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
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    I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so

    It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough part.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so

    It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough part.

    That is key "both".

    It has helped for my daughter.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    I know my mom was miserable. She didn't have the strength to break up the family until after my sister and I were in college and away from home. I wish she did it sooner so she could be happier. I think we would've been a lot happier if we didn't have to worry about keeping my angry dad happy.

    I don't know your situation but best of luck and good wishes on whatever you decide.
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so

    It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough

    I think If something fell apart (usually is cheating) I don't see a point to repair it. It will always come back to the problem that destroyed everything.
  • KingaS32
    KingaS32 Posts: 73
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    I'm truly believe counseling doesn't work! Other person with own problems will telling me how to live ? I don't think so

    It can if both people are willing to make it work....that is the tough part.

    That is key "both".

    It has helped for my daughter.

    With kids is different.

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