Body Image
Replies
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I have horrible body image issues. However, they don't stem from societal or cultural pressures; rather, the pressure comes from me. From the need to be perfect, to be fit, to be enough. It's a never ending battle.0
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I think people are being pretty rude to you, when you were just looking for some similar experiences. A lot of people have body image issues. Many, many women (in particular, but men as well) have eating disorders because they hate their bodies. I've been there. I live there. It doesn't seem to matter if you have a pretty face or not; if you are disgusted or ashamed of your body, that feeling doesn't just "go away".
Now, what do you do about it?
Start an affirmations journal. Pick 3-5 statements that you WANT to be true. Things like "I love the way my body looks." or "I think my butt looks good as it is." You write each statement 10+ times, 5 times or so a day. Whenever the nasty thoughts start to come at you, just start writing your affirmations. They're really helpful. There's scientific basis behind the idea; your brain is programmable, and you can "re-wire" your feelings on a subject by hearing, writing, and seeing it enough times.
Hope this helps, and you can always talk to me!
Actually, the OP was wondering if her experience is typical. She said:Us woman cannot win. Our body images are all over the place or at least mine is....
This makes me wonder – do others have my same issue?...
Nothing in that suggests that she just wants similar stories.
Actually I was looking for body image from others POV. I do feel people are being rude but whatever people will say what they want.0 -
Lol wut? :huh: :huh:
Race has nothing to do with my goals, and I am a mixed woman.
id suggest shes saying that the different main stream body images projected by society and media are different depending on what side of her family/friends are talking to her. One side telling her shes too skinny, the other too fat.
Just what i am reading between the lines
^^^^ This is what I'm getting, too.
Yes you guys are correct.0 -
Let’s calm it down people. I am not worried about what others think. Everyone strives towards what body they like or want to be like. To sit here and act like you are 100% loving yourself/body is a down right lie. If that was the case none of us would be here on this site counting calories.
Wow. A bunch of people trying to encourage you and help you out, and you call them liars.
And I don't count calories. I'm here for the GIFs and the snark. So thanks, one out of two ain't bad!
I am telling people to calm it down because people are acting like I'm sitting in the mirror crying about people not liking me. I don't care if people don't like my body!! I am fine with my body (NOW) and did have a borderline eating disorder when I was younger. I go up and down - one day I like where I am then the next I feel like a heffer. Thats also because I am 5'1 so 5 lbs on me looks 20 times different then a woman who is 5'10. So yes CALM it down and frankly some of the responses are rude. I am coming from a place where I did have body image issues I was looking for stories from others and how they deal with their body image issues (if they had one). This is supposed to be a safe place and a place to get support. Instead it is coming off kind of mean and people saying "i don't give a bla bla bla" well good for you some of us come from different places.................
Those of you who are mixed sorry you didn't encounter my same issues.0 -
I have horrible body image issues. However, they don't stem from societal or cultural pressures; rather, the pressure comes from me. From the need to be perfect, to be fit, to be enough. It's a never ending battle.
Same.
I'm... actually very in the dark about the current trends, the magazines, the music videos floating around. I am only vaguely aware of who Niki Minaj is. And I never compare myself to models, or even other women/men on the street. It bothers me that people think I do, actually (that stereotype that people with EDs do all the time). I can't name one single model, and I can't even pick most of the current celebrities from Adam.
Mine are more related to a need for perfection. My own definition of perfection. Which doesn't necessarily fit society's. I honestly don't even know what society thinks is 'perfect'. I'm told it's skinny one day, and curvy the next. I don't even think society knows.
I have body image issues. I think many people do. It doesn't matter race, gender, nationality, weight, or any of that. Not everyone does. Not all women do. Not all men don't. It's not a gender exclusive thing. It happens to people of all backgrounds. I'm driven by a need to be perfect - my idea of perfect, no one else's. Which yes, causes some body image issues. I could point out many things about my body I don't like. From my breasts, to my gender, to my wide hips, to my cellulite (yes, even thin people can have that). It isn't weight for me, though. I'm driven more by a desire to eliminate that which makes me feminine. (Hard to explain, I'm not even going to try)
And for me, it has little to do with what other people think. In fact, at the height of my eating disorder, I was more worried they could see I was sick than whether they'd think I was fat.
As far as people go, you can't ever please them all. When I was big, I was told to lay off the food. Now, I'm often told to go eat a cheeseburger. You'll have someone judging you either way. The best thing to do is learn to love your body, regardless of its current state. The rest will follow.0 -
Nah, I'm good.0
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I have horrible body image issues. However, they don't stem from societal or cultural pressures; rather, the pressure comes from me. From the need to be perfect, to be fit, to be enough. It's a never ending battle.
Same.
I'm... actually very in the dark about the current trends, the magazines, the music videos floating around. I am only vaguely aware of who Niki Minaj is. And I never compare myself to models, or even other women/men on the street. It bothers me that people think I do, actually (that stereotype that people with EDs do all the time). I can't name one single model, and I can't even pick most of the current celebrities from Adam.
Mine are more related to a need for perfection. My own definition of perfection. Which doesn't necessarily fit society's. I honestly don't even know what society thinks is 'perfect'. I'm told it's skinny one day, and curvy the next. I don't even think society knows.
I have body image issues. I think many people do. It doesn't matter race, gender, nationality, weight, or any of that. Not everyone does. Not all women do. Not all men don't. It's not a gender exclusive thing. It happens to people of all backgrounds. I'm driven by a need to be perfect - my idea of perfect, no one else's. Which yes, causes some body image issues. I could point out many things about my body I don't like. From my breasts, to my gender, to my wide hips, to my cellulite (yes, even thin people can have that). It isn't weight for me, though. I'm driven more by a desire to eliminate that which makes me feminine. (Hard to explain, I'm not even going to try)
And for me, it has little to do with what other people think. In fact, at the height of my eating disorder, I was more worried they could see I was sick than whether they'd think I was fat.
As far as people go, you can't ever please them all. When I was big, I was told to lay off the food. Now, I'm often told to go eat a cheeseburger. You'll have someone judging you either way. The best thing to do is learn to love your body, regardless of its current state. The rest will follow.
Thank you this is exactly the feedback I was looking for. I agree you can't please them all. I do my best to maintain what I can. I have went through a lot if changes over the years. My husband is amazing. He thinks my body image mentality is nuts! He's definitely helped me with it. I have learned that life is short and to live your life and be happy there has to be balance. I will eat the hell of that burger if I want it. I just can't eat that everyday. And have to make good choices.0 -
even when i was 115-118 lbs i still had a big ol' booty behind me, and thats when thin was "in".
i rocked it
never had a reason not to, i was healthy (although could have definitely used more muscle).
i didnt have body image issue until i was truly overweight. and even that was because I, PERSONALLY, felt wrong about it. it wasnt that others would think i was fat, I DID. and that was a problem. the only person that should have any say in the matter is you because its your body. easier said than done, i know, but try not to worry about what others think.
^^this!! I'm a black woman and always had and always will have a big butt. If people like it, fine..If not, that's fine. Race has nothing to do with how I feel about my body AT ALL. You can't please everyone no matter what the subject matter so why care?
I'm on here to lose weight because diabetes, high blood pressure, and a whole lot of other things run in my family. I know if I dont change now, I'll only keep gaining weight. The love I have for myself isn't just about how I look (cause honestly I'm not gunna be 23 forever) it's about how I treat my body (we only have one!).0 -
Men and women have body image issues. Even people who aren't mixed race have body image issues. You'll be happier when you stop worrying about what others think or look like and just focus on loving yourself the way you are.
^ This
Not only that is the only reason we hear more about body issues and women is because women are more vocal about it and the media makes sure to remind us all of what the "social norm" or "expectations" are in order to succeed. That's why there's so much more "love your body" advisement going around, because women are realizing that they could be the same weight as somebody else and their body's are just different. We all carry ourselves differently and the sooner we come to terms and quit b*tch-slapping another woman for not looking like the cover of a Vogue magazine the more we'll realize that we are all beautiful.
What angers me most is this:
Do not criticize or judge a woman based on her appearance and she will have confidence to rule the world. As a still male dominate society, women are still beguiled to feel/be oppressed of their potential advantages. The sooner men and women can truly find equal footing in society (and truly be equal) the more women will appreciate their child-bearing hips, or perfect asymmetrical tits.0 -
even when i was 115-118 lbs i still had a big ol' booty behind me, and thats when thin was "in".
i rocked it
never had a reason not to, i was healthy (although could have definitely used more muscle).
i didnt have body image issue until i was truly overweight. and even that was because I, PERSONALLY, felt wrong about it. it wasnt that others would think i was fat, I DID. and that was a problem. the only person that should have any say in the matter is you because its your body. easier said than done, i know, but try not to worry about what others think.
^^this!! I'm a black woman and always had and always will have a big butt. If people like it, fine..If not, that's fine. Race has nothing to do with how I feel about my body AT ALL. You can't please everyone no matter what the subject matter so why care?
I'm on here to lose weight because diabetes, high blood pressure, and a whole lot of other things run in my family. I know if I dont change now, I'll only keep gaining weight. The love I have for myself isn't just about how I look (cause honestly I'm not gunna be 23 forever) it's about how I treat my body (we only have one!).
Same here girl! At my lowest weight I still had a stomach. I'm short it's just the way it is. I was told that I didn't work hard enough on my stomach and it could ave changed but I really just think it's is what it is.0 -
I am a southern white girl from Alabama & I have more issues than Vogue! Mine are so bad it is ridiculous & they started when I was very young (thanks mom). The current body trends are not even a concern for me since I have so much else rolling around in my messed up head. I'm working on not passing these issues on to my beautiful stick thin blonde haired blue eyed 7 yr old daughter. We all have issues when it comes to body image My hubby falls into that list.0
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Men and women have body image issues. Even people who aren't mixed race have body image issues. You'll be happier when you stop worrying about what others think or look like and just focus on loving yourself the way you are.
^ This
Not only that is the only reason we hear more about body issues and women is because women are more vocal about it and the media makes sure to remind us all of what the "social norm" or "expectations" are in order to succeed. That's why there's so much more "love your body" advisement going around, because women are realizing that they could be the same weight as somebody else and their body's are just different. We all carry ourselves differently and the sooner we come to terms and quit b*tch-slapping another woman for not looking like the cover of a Vogue magazine the more we'll realize that we are all beautiful.
What angers me most is this:
Do not criticize or judge a woman based on her appearance and she will have confidence to rule the world. As a still male dominate society, women are still beguiled to feel/be oppressed of their potential advantages. The sooner men and women can truly find equal footing in society (and truly be equal) the more women will appreciate their child-bearing hips, or perfect asymmetrical tits.
Well said!0 -
I am a southern white girl from Alabama & I have more issues than Vogue! Mine are so bad it is ridiculous & they started when I was very young (thanks mom). The current body trends are not even a concern for me since I have so much else rolling around in my messed up head. I'm working on not passing these issues on to my beautiful stick thin blonde haired blue eyed 7 yr old daughter. We all have issues when it comes to body image My hubby falls into that list.
Yea I think my issues stem through my dad. He was very vain and a lot of comments are still imbedded in my head.0 -
I think people are being pretty rude to you, when you were just looking for some similar experiences. A lot of people have body image issues. Many, many women (in particular, but men as well) have eating disorders because they hate their bodies. I've been there. I live there. It doesn't seem to matter if you have a pretty face or not; if you are disgusted or ashamed of your body, that feeling doesn't just "go away".
Now, what do you do about it?
Start an affirmations journal. Pick 3-5 statements that you WANT to be true. Things like "I love the way my body looks." or "I think my butt looks good as it is." You write each statement 10+ times, 5 times or so a day. Whenever the nasty thoughts start to come at you, just start writing your affirmations. They're really helpful. There's scientific basis behind the idea; your brain is programmable, and you can "re-wire" your feelings on a subject by hearing, writing, and seeing it enough times.
Hope this helps, and you can always talk to me!
Actually, the OP was wondering if her experience is typical. She said:Us woman cannot win. Our body images are all over the place or at least mine is....
This makes me wonder – do others have my same issue?...
Nothing in that suggests that she just wants similar stories.
And what did YOUR response do for the poster? Whooole lotta nothing...
If you're all about staying on topic, how bout you do the same
Besides...
Similar stories
Typical experiences
Kinda the same thing, no?
I refer you to "what's with the forum hate" thread, they're talking about you.
Exactly my thought. How does "do others have my same issue?" not sound like she wants to hear people talk about their experiences?0 -
I am a southern white girl from Alabama & I have more issues than Vogue! Mine are so bad it is ridiculous & they started when I was very young (thanks mom). The current body trends are not even a concern for me since I have so much else rolling around in my messed up head. I'm working on not passing these issues on to my beautiful stick thin blonde haired blue eyed 7 yr old daughter. We all have issues when it comes to body image My hubby falls into that list.
Yea I think my issues stem through my dad. He was very vain and a lot of comments are still imbedded in my head.
My mom was overweight & would always let me know if I was the least bit chubby or bigger than other girls my age. I remember being in like 5th grade doing cheerleading & I thought I was fat because I wasn't as thin as some of the other girls & how I loathed the day we got our uniforms & had to try them on to be altered, but now looking at my pictures from then I can clearly see I was not fat at all.0 -
Of course! My generation started dieting before puberty. Our role model was Twiggy. She's a tall, thin, beautiful model, in case you're too young to know. I'm 5 feet tall so can never reach the ideal. :ohwell:0
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Us woman cannot win. Our body images are all over the place or at least mine is. I am mixed. I am Mexican and White. So in the Mexican culture I am too skinny/not enough meat and curves. Then on the white side I am on the thick/borderline chunky side. So I have nonstop body image issue’s. I think almost allllll woman do. I think the skinny girls are starting to feel a bit of out pain with this new pop culture trend of having a “fat A**” . When I heard/saw the video Anaconda I thought to myself “oh great something to add to my list”!!
This makes me wonder – do others have my same issue? Are you a mixed race and notice a huge body image difference? Also, Men - do you have body image issues or are the woman alone in this matter? What is your body image issue?
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Not so much with my body, however I sometimes think that I am limited to only certain type of men because I am overweight. I am very attractive although I have extra weight its just that I attract certain type of men. I am a black woman and in African American culture is no different from the Hispanic culture when it comes to weight. The bigger you are the better or the thicker you are the sexier. I feel as if I drop some pounds I could have access to various type of men. I do not get treated right in relationships because the men I am limited too.0 -
I have the same thoughts. I'm Indian-American but have a pretty slow metabolism and I'm really curvy. By Indian standards, I'm kind of chubby and it would do me good to lose a few pounds. But by American standards, I'm okay. Small waist, large bust and hips. And then I have my own image of how I should be. With those three added together, it just about drives me crazy with what I feel like.0
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The comments on here are getting mind-numbingly ridiculous. You all know exactly what OP means so no use in commenting "I've NEVER had that problem, so not sure why you should." Well, you know people who HAVE had that problem I'm sure. We can all sympathize one way or another directly or indirectly. The pressure isn't absent from your lives, it is simply just not affecting how you go about your physical fitness regime. OP is more aware of it because it manifests closer to home (family). Honestly...the pretentiousness is astounding people.0
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Of course! My generation started dieting before puberty. Our role model was Twiggy. She's a tall, thin, beautiful model, in case you're too young to know. I'm 5 feet tall so can never reach the ideal. :ohwell:
Twiggy is exactly who my daughter looks like! I hope she maintains that naturally & never has to deal with any of this.0 -
...When I heard/saw the video Anaconda I thought to myself “oh great something to add to my list”!!
....
I had no idea what this was...had to google. OMG...
Girl, you cant be serious.0 -
Just focus on going for a healthy weight range and disregard the rest.0
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Different people are more or less sensitive to comments from other people & social expectations. In addition, some people are more resilient when faced with mockery or abuse about their body. Also some people are particularly high consumers of media that contains this messaging in the first place. These reasons mainly explain why some people develop body issues and others don't.
Given that, I really struggle to understand some of the responses here. In particular things along the lines of "what are you even talking about, only superficial people attention to social norms" (obvs. I exaggerate for effect). Here are two examples of what I mean:I'm mixed Mexican and white also and I have no problem with feeling like I don't fit in a certain body image stereotype. That's probably more an issue related to your personality than your race.Absolutely not. [....] I have never felt any "social pressures" to fit some preconceived notion of what someone is "supposed" to look like or because of someone's notion of what sexy is.
Like...um...good for you? Do you think that because you've magically learned to love yourself, that somehow means it's as easy as flicking a switch for those people who haven't? I am confused I guess. Are these comments just people flaunting their confidence to try and make the OP feel even worse? Or are they merely oblivious to the need for sensitivity? Learning to love yourself and your body can be an extremely difficult journey for some people. There is nothing constructive in alienating that person further or making them feel stupid for believing damaging social messages in the first place.
To the OP -- It's a long process to get to your happy place. Just keep plodding along and trying to challenge all the nastiness you absorb from society. I agree with the other person who suggested affirmations. They sound really corny at first but can be quite helpful for gradually changing the way you view yourself.0 -
I have horrible body image issues. However, they don't stem from societal or cultural pressures; rather, the pressure comes from me. From the need to be perfect, to be fit, to be enough. It's a never ending battle.
Same.
I'm... actually very in the dark about the current trends, the magazines, the music videos floating around. I am only vaguely aware of who Niki Minaj is. And I never compare myself to models, or even other women/men on the street. It bothers me that people think I do, actually (that stereotype that people with EDs do all the time). I can't name one single model, and I can't even pick most of the current celebrities from Adam.
Mine are more related to a need for perfection. My own definition of perfection. Which doesn't necessarily fit society's. I honestly don't even know what society thinks is 'perfect'. I'm told it's skinny one day, and curvy the next. I don't even think society knows.
I have body image issues. I think many people do. It doesn't matter race, gender, nationality, weight, or any of that. Not everyone does. Not all women do. Not all men don't. It's not a gender exclusive thing. It happens to people of all backgrounds. I'm driven by a need to be perfect - my idea of perfect, no one else's. Which yes, causes some body image issues. I could point out many things about my body I don't like. From my breasts, to my gender, to my wide hips, to my cellulite (yes, even thin people can have that). It isn't weight for me, though. I'm driven more by a desire to eliminate that which makes me feminine. (Hard to explain, I'm not even going to try)
And for me, it has little to do with what other people think. In fact, at the height of my eating disorder, I was more worried they could see I was sick than whether they'd think I was fat.
As far as people go, you can't ever please them all. When I was big, I was told to lay off the food. Now, I'm often told to go eat a cheeseburger. You'll have someone judging you either way. The best thing to do is learn to love your body, regardless of its current state. The rest will follow.
Quoting just because these comments are perf.0 -
I say focus on health and fitness. That's what I have learn to do. I stop listening to people and give into stereotypes of what I'm suppose to look like.0
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I've realized that in ALL areas of life, including appearances, you can never please everyone. Trying to will make you crazy. So be who YOU want to be, not who others think you should be.0
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Different people are more or less sensitive to comments from other people & social expectations. In addition, some people are more resilient when faced with mockery or abuse about their body. Also some people are particularly high consumers of media that contains this messaging in the first place. These reasons mainly explain why some people develop body issues and others don't.
Given that, I really struggle to understand some of the responses here. In particular things along the lines of "what are you even talking about, only superficial people attention to social norms" (obvs. I exaggerate for effect). Here are two examples of what I mean:I'm mixed Mexican and white also and I have no problem with feeling like I don't fit in a certain body image stereotype. That's probably more an issue related to your personality than your race.Absolutely not. [....] I have never felt any "social pressures" to fit some preconceived notion of what someone is "supposed" to look like or because of someone's notion of what sexy is.
Like...um...good for you? Do you think that because you've magically learned to love yourself, that somehow means it's as easy as flicking a switch for those people who haven't? I am confused I guess. Are these comments just people flaunting their confidence to try and make the OP feel even worse? Or are they merely oblivious to the need for sensitivity? Learning to love yourself and your body can be an extremely difficult journey for some people. There is nothing constructive in alienating that person further or making them feel stupid for believing damaging social messages in the first place.
To the OP -- It's a long process to get to your happy place. Just keep plodding along and trying to challenge all the nastiness you absorb from society. I agree with the other person who suggested affirmations. They sound really corny at first but can be quite helpful for gradually changing the way you view yourself.
I don't think the purpose of those comments were to make the OP feel stupid or alienate her. No one said "how dare you feel that way!" Everyone experiences life differently and they were just sharing their take. She asked a question and they answered it. I agree with you, self acceptance is a life long journey and I think it's constructive to hear from women that don't let societal pressure affect them as much to show that it can be overcome. Some women just simply choose not to care...I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Doesn't mean they're better...just different.
My 2 cents0 -
Different people are more or less sensitive to comments from other people & social expectations. In addition, some people are more resilient when faced with mockery or abuse about their body. Also some people are particularly high consumers of media that contains this messaging in the first place. These reasons mainly explain why some people develop body issues and others don't.
Given that, I really struggle to understand some of the responses here. In particular things along the lines of "what are you even talking about, only superficial people attention to social norms" (obvs. I exaggerate for effect). Here are two examples of what I mean:I'm mixed Mexican and white also and I have no problem with feeling like I don't fit in a certain body image stereotype. That's probably more an issue related to your personality than your race.Absolutely not. [....] I have never felt any "social pressures" to fit some preconceived notion of what someone is "supposed" to look like or because of someone's notion of what sexy is.
Like...um...good for you? Do you think that because you've magically learned to love yourself, that somehow means it's as easy as flicking a switch for those people who haven't? I am confused I guess. Are these comments just people flaunting their confidence to try and make the OP feel even worse? Or are they merely oblivious to the need for sensitivity? Learning to love yourself and your body can be an extremely difficult journey for some people. There is nothing constructive in alienating that person further or making them feel stupid for believing damaging social messages in the first place.
To the OP -- It's a long process to get to your happy place. Just keep plodding along and trying to challenge all the nastiness you absorb from society. I agree with the other person who suggested affirmations. They sound really corny at first but can be quite helpful for gradually changing the way you view yourself.
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I have body dysmorphia. I was heavy as a child/teen/early 20's My parents did not help by being critical. They weren't in shape either so it was pretty confusing. Even now I always find a flaw. I've learned to just talk to my BFF about it and she's straight forward and sets me straight. My mother always had curves and that's just how I'm built. I can have a size 25 waist and still have 36" hips. It's how we are built. Every woman in my family is pear shaped now matter how thin you get LOL.
I accept it and go for tone and health
And yes I know A LOT of guys with body image issues.0 -
I know exactly where your coming from as a Hispanic women.... I guess the most important thing is to be happy with yourself and your personal goals, I know it's easier said then done but that is the only way you will feel better about your body image.
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