TMZ Ray Rice video

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  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    How is this even a discussion? Can anyone answer the when it IS appropriate to hit your spouse, which struck me as a pretty odd question.

    How about this: if they're mentally gone (on acid, hallucinating, severely ill, turned into a brain-eating zombie, etc.) and being dangerous to themselves or others AND your big boy words aren't working, you may physically detain them / defend yourself.

    I don't believe there are any other reasons to hit a spouse. Also, not to sound old school, but guys don't get to hit girls. I don't care if that girl is actually a woman, five times my size, and can bench press me, it's just something I was raised to believe. Sorry if that makes anyone without a Y chromosome feel marginalized or inferior. I don't think you are. It's just the way I (and many others) were raised.

    I agree with this, too. My late husband was 6'3" 220 lbs. His ex wife left scars on him when they were married. He never touched her.

    Also, nice tat. That's my name.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,599 Member
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    I've told my boys that if they ever think they are tough enough to punch a woman then the must be tough enough to go out in the front yard and punch me. It's not acceptable and they know that a good old fashion man beating is coming their way if they do.

    Outside of a woman holding a loaded gun to my head and threatening to kill me I will never see a reason to hit her like Ray Rice did. There are many other options for a physically superior male (in most cases) to subdue a woman without knocking her out.

    Ray Rice is a piece of *kitten*. If I ever hear of a man dragging my unconcious daughter out of an elevator I don't need to see a video to confirm that when i get in arms length of him he will suffer immense pain. Y'all can keep all that crazy talk about not seeing a reason for one person to ever hit another person. There are extremely valid reasons and Ray Rice is one of them.
  • cowbellsandcoffee
    cowbellsandcoffee Posts: 2,975 Member
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    Hmmm...the NFL goes from the National Felon League to Not Finished Lying...:laugh:
  • cmpnaz
    cmpnaz Posts: 190
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    I would roll around and smack the hell out of Rhonda Rousey and/ Gina Carano in the octagon.... Other than that Fantasy.. There is never a good reason for a Man to Hit a Woman provoked or not you can walk away...
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    The child is even more of a reason to split up, are you serious? Let's stay together so next time Jr. can just watch Daddy punch Mommy out.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    The child is even more of a reason to split up, are you serious? Let's stay together so next time Jr. can just watch Daddy punch Mommy out.

    Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
  • coolraul07
    coolraul07 Posts: 1,606 Member
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    FTR, I saw the video and Ray Rice's actions were inexcuseable and he should be criminally charged, PERIOD!

    I'm done with that specific issue, but want to talk about a larger issue.
    I still do not buy-in to the somewhat extreme philosophy of "a boy/man should never hit a girl/woman". There are limited circumstances where I feel that it's justified, and not just when it's life-or-death.
    Point-blank, even a little kid can hit a grown man in a manner to do him harm... and NO, I'm NOT saying the grown man should hit the kid. What I'm saying is that some people use the faulty logic that because generic man outweighed generic woman by '#' pounds that she cannot physically hurt him. However, one must take care to meet force with reasonable force.

    Enough with theory.. back to reality. Personally, I avoid physical confrontations whenever possible. As a 6'4" 250+# man, I know that the police and public-at-large will NOT give me the benefit of the doubt even if it's against a woman of considerable size/strength. I could have a swollen shut eye and broken tooth and she could have a single bruise, I would likely be the one arrested. It sucks, but it's true.
    She could smack me hard enough to leave a huge bruise and I could retaliate by spitting on her. I would likely be the one arrested. It sucks, but it's true.
    I really hope that people are also telling their daughters that they shouldn't hit either, regardless of the other person's gender. TV/movies make it look like it's AOK for a woman to slap a man or throw a drink in his face and there be no consequences. Again, NOT saying that that would justify a man hitting a woman, but nobody should hit another person without expecting to get hit back.
  • CJisinShape
    CJisinShape Posts: 1,407 Member
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    I'm a survivor of domestic abuse, and never at any point in time is any form of abuse acceptable. While my ex never actually laid a finger on me in anger I had things thrown at me or broken around my feet while he screamed at me. The psychological abuse and economic abuse still impact me even now, just over 9 years later.

    Please please please don't assume you understand what is going on in her mind and why she is still with him and defending him. It took me two years to get out of my abusive relationship, and during the relationship he spent so much time knocking me down and making me feel unworthy that I on some levels believed it. Abusers are manipulative, and they use it to their advantage at every turn. I had always said that I would never let a guy do that to me, and then it happened to me.

    Pointing fingers, or saying you have no sympathy for her does not help, it only makes the abuser more powerful. The amount of shame you feel is staggering. I still feel shame that I let it happen, that I didn't do a better job of standing up for myself. Shame for living that way for any length of time with a child involved. Shame because when I finally got the nerve up to get the hell out I knew I was breaking up my daughters family. The fear of what would happen after I left was almost paralyzing, but I was lucky and had amazing support from family and friends.

    I appreciate you sharing such a painful and upsetting situation. The woman is a victim and needs compassion. And the man needs help, because he can't control his anger. It is a very embarrassing situation for everyone involved, even those just viewing the tape. Just really awful. I'm glad you have a good support system.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    There are two legitimate reasons to strike another adult human being, regardless of gender:

    1. Self-Defense/Defense of a Minor: If Pat is physically attacking or legitimately threatening Robin's health/safety (or children in Robin's care), Robin is justified in using force to stop Pat from being an imminent threat.

    2. Informed Consent: Professional fighters give informed consent.. So do people in some alternative lifestyles; these generally set up very specific boundaries, and crossing those boundaries is NO LONGER STAYING WITHIN THE REALM of informed consent.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    It is true that many times the woman is not innocent either, but two wrongs don't make a right.
    I can also understand that women stay for many reasons including their children and finances.
    But for the union to be of any benefit to the child, they both need counseling so their child does not grow up in a war zone thinking it's okay to hit and be hit.
    Functional spouses in healthy marriages don't hit each other.

    I agree with you. Just wanted to post that info because I saw lots of people say she should be in trouble/held responsible for her part and people saying how could she stay.

    Gotcha
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    The child is even more of a reason to split up, are you serious? Let's stay together so next time Jr. can just watch Daddy punch Mommy out.

    It took my mom 13 years to leave my dad.

    Unless you've been in that situation, you don't know the psychology behind staying.

    I was married to someone who regularly beat, berated, and cheated on me. It starts out gradual, maybe a push, or maybe it's just words making you feel small and insignificant. I had no family support (at least I thought that), until he was arrested one night for DUI with drugs and that's what did it. The week before he choked me nearly unconscious and I had thrown him out, but for whatever reason once he was locked up for something else it made it "ok" for me to leave. I packed up the kids and I left about 18 hrs after he was arrested.

    Because of the violence I witnessed as a child and then later being abused as an adult, I suffer from CPTSD. I really hope the Rice family is serious about therapy and getting help, because I can tell you from first hand experience, when a child grows up in violence it impacts EVERY stitch of their development. To this day I cannot STAND IT when someone yells or raises their voice at me.
  • El_Cunado
    El_Cunado Posts: 359 Member
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    never, ever hit a woman (or man), child, or animal.

    in an unprovoked state, think about justifiably hitting someone, you can't .

    It takes a bigger person to turn and walk away

    +1

    +2
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    The child is even more of a reason to split up, are you serious? Let's stay together so next time Jr. can just watch Daddy punch Mommy out.

    It took my mom 13 years to leave my dad.

    Unless you've been in that situation, you don't know the psychology behind staying.

    I was married to someone who regularly beat, berated, and cheated on me. It starts out gradual, maybe a push, or maybe it's just words making you feel small and insignificant. I had no family support (at least I thought that), until he was arrested one night for DUI with drugs and that's what did it. The week before he choked me nearly unconscious and I had thrown him out, but for whatever reason once he was locked up for something else it made it "ok" for me to leave. I packed up the kids and I left about 18 hrs after he was arrested.

    Because of the violence I witnessed as a child and then later being abused as an adult, I suffer from CPTSD. I really hope the Rice family is serious about therapy and getting help, because I can tell you from first hand experience, when a child grows up in violence it impacts EVERY stitch of their development. To this day I cannot STAND IT when someone yells or raises their voice at me.

    There is always more to it than telling a woman "just leave".
    I'm glad you were able to finally leave and pray you find true peace in your life.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    The child is even more of a reason to split up, are you serious? Let's stay together so next time Jr. can just watch Daddy punch Mommy out.

    Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

    I was the abused child where my mother stood by and allowed it to happen for more than 8 years, so forgive me for having very little compassion for a woman who can't get her crap together and walk out the door at least for the sake of her own children. I'd die before letting anyone hurt my children, or hurt me in front of my children.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    Just wanted to add a few bits of info:

    Janay Rice was also arrested for assault for the incident being discussed
    They have a child together which may party explain the reluctance to leave/wanting to work it out

    The child is even more of a reason to split up, are you serious? Let's stay together so next time Jr. can just watch Daddy punch Mommy out.

    Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

    I have and my son was the reason I left. He wasn't going to grow up around that. :noway:
  • wcaldwelld
    wcaldwelld Posts: 101 Member
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    I err to the side of the woman, but even a woman that size and the right sucker punch can injure a physically impressive man.

    Definitely not saying it was justified in this case.

    I do feel there is a point where even a vastly physically superior person is legally "justified" in protecting themselves, even if the force required to protect themselves might seem excessive.


    First before you make ignorant statement learn more about the story... the report states he spit on her in the hall before entering the elevator.. then again in the elevator he spit on her and push her... she came after him like any person would and he sucker punched her......

    apparently his father and mother didnt teach him right... you dont hit women.....period.....

    you look to morals in today society and there you have it... seems like thugs are abundant... now lets see if the NFL will do something to his former teammate Terrell suggs who tried to pour bleach down the throat of his girlfriend and their son... and later dragged her along a moving car...

    Last question is where is this womans father.... if any man did that to my daughter would be plain and simple he wouldn't be in any place to work again ... let alone in a situation to marry him..... the world needs more morals and less greed and money and thats what everyone seems to care about ...... money and fame and people put up and think its ok...

    so to this poster the simple point is would you allow your daughter - mom- sister to have that done to ... and if you do your not a real man!!!
  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
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    "Why Does She Stay" Excerpt
    http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/10/opinion/paul-domestic-abuse/index.html?hpt=hp_t2


    "She has no idea who she is anymore. Everything she thought she knew about herself has been stripped. She knows only the screams of condemnation. "You're no good. You're stupid. You're selfish. Who else could ever love you?"

    Sometimes she stays because she can't afford to go. She's given up her life to be at home. To be a mom. To be a robot for someone who hurls insults and threats as soon as she attempts to do anything for herself. She couldn't possibly support herself, could she? Not financially. Not even emotionally.

    What would her parents think? Her friends say? Her family do? No. She doesn't want them to see the pathetic mess she's become. At least that's what she thinks of herself.

    Why do we sit back in judgment of her? Why do we ever say to ourselves, "Maybe she deserved it. Maybe she provoked him." Why do we give an abuser a pass and a victim incrimination?

    Stop asking why she stays. Would it even make sense to you if you knew?

    Start asking the real question: Why does he get to hit her? And why does nobody do anything to stop him?"
  • Coltsforlife
    Coltsforlife Posts: 124
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    If i was getting jumped by a pack of women yes imma hit back
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    If i was getting jumped by a pack of women yes imma hit back

    Because its a life or death situation right?
  • ThePerplexed1
    ThePerplexed1 Posts: 52 Member
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    My wife was a domestic violence counselor. I have heard how things can go 'horribly' wrong. I have also had the same discussions with my wife about women hitting men and pressing buttons by getting in your face.

    The difference between us and animals is that we have 'free will' and the ability to exercise it. If a person presses your buttons, you have the choice to remove yourself from the situation. You can either leave, or leave that person altogether. But Rice chose to not only stay with this woman, but eventually married to her. Which indicates that he chose to put himself in a position where this could be repeated again.

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