Can men and women maintain a platonic relationship?

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Replies

  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    I would say that being married makes it easier to keep it platonic.

    However, when I was single, I would have slept with my "platonic" girl friends at the drop of a hat.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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  • mrfreestyle
    mrfreestyle Posts: 1,293 Member
    If not, then I'm in a lot of trouble. As a women pursuing an engineering/computer science degree, most of my friends are male.

    My daughter is in the same boat. She is a honors scholar at UNCG studying physics Her goal is nuclear physics. But I assured her that at least a couple of those guys she hags out with wish it could be more. What's not to like. She loves sci-fi fantasy, Lord of The Rings, Hobbit, Anime, Archery, motorcycles, and soon, shooting.

    Nice guys get friend zone. A-holes get laid. (Though this is not universally true.)

    Actually it is.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    You can have sexual feelings and flirting because it's a strong part of your personality (and what attracted your partner in the first place), but that's different from actually making the relationship physical. Even if there is flirting it doesn't mean you want it to be physical. Some people are just sexually open with friends, male and female. My husband and I met at a small college that focused in arts and science. So, we are accustomed to a different set of boundaries from our compatibility in that social experience together.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    Yeah of course. I have lots of friends who are dudes. I'm married. Hubby has friends who are female. There's no reason to disregard half the population as friends just because they aren't the same gender as you.
  • gracielynn1011
    gracielynn1011 Posts: 726 Member
    I think it is possible. But it is difficult. I have mostly guy pals, because I am the only female on my work team. My husband works there too and is okay with me having them as friends. But I don't talk to them outside of work, other than just basic conversation. No personal texts or calls, no FB messages.

    I say it is difficult though because as we've gotten to know each other, people are more likely to friendly flirt and joke around. But everyone is married or partnered up, so we all know where the limits are and respect those limits.
  • NotShena
    NotShena Posts: 172 Member
    Yes... I've been friend zoned enough to speak from experience.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    Yes it's possible but everyone has to be on the same page. I'm married and no longer have any single male friends, either because they've been married off or drifted apart when I didn't want to partake in singles activities and they didn't want to go to kids birthday parties. However I spend plenty of time doing stuff alone with my married male friends and our kids. My husband also takes one of our married female friends snowboarding with him because I don't like to and her husband doesn't like to.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.
    Yes. I have many male friends who have never been anything but friends. And, no, they did not want to sleep with me. They had plenty of opportunities to make a move and didn't. I am friends with their SOs and they would probably be friends with mine if they knew him (we live far away and I met him after moving).

    I am also friends with my SO's male friends to the point I would hang out with them without my SO around and not feel weird about it.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
    i had a lot of male friends when i was fat. all of them have slowly backed off since losing weight. maybe my personality changed? maybe i was safer when heavier? shrug, but i do miss them. (i have tried over time to reach out to them)
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Yes.


    Yet somehow, every relationship I've ever had with a waffle or a sheep has turned sexual.

    *shrug*

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  • Pirate_chick
    Pirate_chick Posts: 1,216 Member
    yes.
  • sugarkissprincess
    sugarkissprincess Posts: 2,595 Member
    It's possible - maybe not long term
  • pscarolina
    pscarolina Posts: 133 Member
    I think it CAN be done, but probably easier when you're happily married to someone who isn't jealous. As a single lady it ends up awkward when they inevitably think something is going to happen & start with awkward hints. (my experience is from a woman's point of view - probably happens to men too)
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    Yep!
  • Vortex_ConQueso
    Vortex_ConQueso Posts: 97
    No, they can't! And that really sucks when your best friend is your cousin! Then you got the kids who have no teeth, and just sit around the shack all day playing the banjo and chawin' 'bout NASCAR and War Eagle...
  • shellma00
    shellma00 Posts: 1,684 Member
    I think it CAN be done, but probably easier when you're happily married to someone who isn't jealous.

    I agree with this... I have a platonic friendship with my best friends husband, but my husband is the jealous type... The type that thinks that there is no such thing as being just friends with another guy without there being anything sexual.. and I mean every single one of my guy friends he thinks that about.. I have been friends with guys for years with nothing going on.. Especially during my go kart racing days... ALL of my friends were guys and nothing sexual going on at all.. but if the tables were turned and we were talking about him being friends with girls.. then that would be ok in his book... its a double standard..
  • nickylee76
    nickylee76 Posts: 629 Member
    I think it is. I spent 4 years in the Coast Guard and for about 90% of the time I was the only female..... if I hadn't kept my relationships as platonic friends I could have gotten in a lot of trouble.... I still have a lot of really good friends from that time.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    My wife and I both have close friends of the opposite sex. They are all platonic relationships.

    Having a stable relationship and trust goes a long way to keep it that way.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
    It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

    I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

    Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

    Agree with everything here
  • cuteandfunsized
    cuteandfunsized Posts: 1,187 Member
    I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

    I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

    Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

    Agree with everything here
    Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.
    Hmmm.

    I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?
  • cuteandfunsized
    cuteandfunsized Posts: 1,187 Member
    I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.
    Hmmm.

    I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?

    Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.
  • cherrylholden
    cherrylholden Posts: 3 Member
    I have had a platonic relationship with my fitness instructor for over 10 years now. If I didn't have that kind of relationship with him I would never believe it would be possible.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    never men and woman are always boning everything thats not tied down
  • kimnsc
    kimnsc Posts: 560 Member
    Simply put, yes. I've done it for years, they're like my brothers.
  • newhealthykim
    newhealthykim Posts: 192 Member
    Highly unlikely. I have one male friend who is completely platonic both ways (he has no feelings for me, I have no feelings for him). However, I only see him like once a year, and even when I saw him the most, it was just once a month. I never get to see him now, because his wife didn't like me taking him to a breastaurant. I decided not to tell her he was bragging about doing things with a stripper the night before.

    Beyond that, all my male friends are not platonic. We may look platonic, or act platonic, but either I have some attraction towards them, or they have some attraction towards me. We just don't act on it. That's it.
  • Shalaurise
    Shalaurise Posts: 707 Member
    absolutely.

    i have a platonic relationship with all my ugly female friends.

    *sigh* well this explains why I have so many friends and no "extras" with any of them.

    Frankly, I tend to get along better with guys than girls. I don't even get along with me when I am hormonal. I have had plenty of platonic male friends Then again, most days I am more like a teenage boy than anything else. *shrugs* I have tons of platonic friends via the internet.

    IRL, I have had to walk away from of a couple of my closest friends because their SO's were so insecure that they were threatened by the friendship. I am a fat ugly chick people, not a hot chick. How insecure do you have to be for me to be a threat? *sigh*
  • mswoodsy
    mswoodsy Posts: 91 Member
    definitely.
    in fact my male friends are far more trust worthy and reliable than my female ones. and ive never felt any sexual pressure between any of them. most of them are really good friends (some even childhood friends) of my husband.

    thats not saying that i cant recognize the fact that theyre attractive or have other desirable qualities. my husband also has female friends, ive never felt threatened or like they over stepped boundries, ever.
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