Can men and women maintain a platonic relationship?

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Replies

  • kshadows
    kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
    Yep. My best friend of 13 years is male.

    He's also astoundingly gay, but I don't think it matters ;-)
  • jc_0324
    jc_0324 Posts: 54
    No, I don't agree. In my experience of trying to have a male friend (unless he was gay), I was always hit on. It's flattering though.
  • LifeOfBrian78
    LifeOfBrian78 Posts: 397 Member
    It probably depends on the people and their personalities.
  • HardyGirl4Ever
    HardyGirl4Ever Posts: 1,017 Member
    They definitely can
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

    My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.


    neither of my very close guy friends have ever hit on me.
  • mstaser
    mstaser Posts: 657 Member
    It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Assuming, for the sake of the antagonists, that you are referring to heterosexual men and women, my answer to this question is always and will forever be:

    Only if they are not sexually attracted to each other. I don't even care whether or not you've actually sealed the deal. If you want to do each other, the fact that you haven't done each other yet doesn't make it a platonic relationship.
  • amsecchi
    amsecchi Posts: 19 Member
    AGREE! I too have plenty of male acquaintances, but my real friends are all girls.
    Of course sometimes there are guy friends/boyfriends/brothers of my friends that come and we have fun, but I've never had a male best friend, unless he's a gay friend.
    I think that we usually have some kind of chemistry with the people we like, things in common and things we like about the other person. Chemistry with a girl is (in my case) non sexual because I'm not attracted to girls so they are my friends, but in the case of guys that small thing that become a larger deal. I guess that's why, even though I get along with guys, I don't have anyone I could call a real friend.

    Still, my boyfriend has a few friends who are girls, some I don't even personally know, he even hangs out with them without me and I don't have a problem with that. I suppose everybody is different.
  • YF92
    YF92 Posts: 2,893 Member
    <>
  • Illini_Jim
    Illini_Jim Posts: 419 Member
    It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.

    Bingo!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    Yes, it can be done and I am married and my husband trusts me.

    In saying that, there are guys that I am not friends with if I feel they are on some level hoping to sleep with me, and we know, we may act like "he is just like my brother" but we know, we are not going to be friends.

    I am a friendly person. I was the toddler that would walk up to strangers and talk to them, at 46 I still do. Some people think it is flirting, its not, I am just friendly.

    I have guy friends on MFP that I adore and I will say that none of them are single, they are all married and in love with their wives. As soon as someone crosses over the line though, there is no going back for me. I am done.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I would like to think so. Most of my friends are guys. They're easier to talk to and they tell you it straight. Which I love. But I do believe if two people,male and female are friends and hang out and talk on the phone and whatever else,for too long there could be some feelings developing other than friendship.
    Hmmm.

    I'm going on 25-30 years with some of my guys friends. So far this hasn't happened. How long is "too long"?

    Well of course there are some factors,if both parties are married then there's no reason to have feelings if both are happy in their marriages/relationships. You also have to realize if one has feelings for the other they may not say so in fear of ruining a good friendship.

    I'm 37. I have male friends who were my friends when we were both single. We spent significant amounts of time alone together. No one ever made a move or implied there were feelings beyond friendship.

    Now, maybe I'm just incredibly ugly and don't realize it, but plenty of men have wanted to date me, too, so I don't think that's the problem.

    We just didn't have personalities that lent themselves to becoming romantically involved with each other. This does happen. Not all human beings are just waiting to jump each other's bones the second they get the opportunity.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
    My opinion. Yes, BUT it is in the minority of cases, exceptions to the rule, rather than the rule. The majority one of you will develop feelings. You may never act on it, but it happens, and when it does the other will either agree, where it is no longer platonic, or probably completely back off, so you might stay friends, but their is always a strange tension there. But I think that is all part of nature.
  • tialynn1
    tialynn1 Posts: 884 Member
    Yes, it can be done! I have many male friends. One has been with me sinch high school and we have been through a lot together. It has never been a problem with boyfriends. But, I have said I would be willing to give up some male friends for a guy, but I wouldn't give up his friendship.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

    I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

    Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

    Agree with everything here
    Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

    I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.
    If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic.
  • Strange_magic
    Strange_magic Posts: 370 Member
    It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.
    How old are you? Because this thread even is juvenile. The thought that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship is dumber than panicatthedisco covering Bohemian Rhapsody.



    And that's dumb.

    You'll see when you grow up.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    Yep. My best friend of 13 years is male.

    He's also astoundingly gay, but I don't think it matters ;-)

    I'm not sure that qualifies as your standard platonic friendship. lol
  • Slacker16
    Slacker16 Posts: 1,184 Member
    I have no problem being "just friends" as long as we bang.
    Or she's ugly.

    Also, there's a difference between being friends and being acquaintances.
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

    My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.


    neither of my very close guy friends have ever hit on me.

    So you don't think any of your guy friend's would sleep with you given the chance? They would flat out turn you down if you asked for it? They would fight you off like all my dates in high school?..lol
  • SCW250
    SCW250 Posts: 21 Member
    Yes, some of my best friends are women and that's how its been all of my life.
  • Original_Sinner
    Original_Sinner Posts: 180 Member
    Yes men and women can, of course, maintain platonic relationships. As long as all the men and women engaged in said relationships are on the same level and want platonic relationships.

    A man (or a woman) that has an inability to maintain anything platonic is more a statement of that man's(or woman's) ability to treat woman(or men) as platonic and his (or her) inability to leave gender and sexuality out of the equation.

    Those of us that can leave gender and sexuality at the door when it comes to people we do not desire but want to have a relationship with, do it all the time.

    So if you honestly feel that men and women can not have platonic relationships, then I think you need to take a hard deep look inside of yourself to figure out why you can't do this.

    Because it's possible and very rewarding to do so.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
    It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

    I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

    Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

    Agree with everything here
    Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

    I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.
    If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic.

    I saw that, but she also said "for the most part" and clarified that she was talking about her experience with her guy friends. She didn't generalize.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    So just curious on what the general consensus is here. I strongly believe it can be done. I've done it on many occasions and feel a platonic relationship can exist between a man and woman.

    My experience has been no. One, or both, always ended up having feelings.


    neither of my very close guy friends have ever hit on me.

    So you don't think any of your guy friend's would sleep with you given the chance? They would flat out turn you down if you asked for it? They would fight you off like all my dates in high school?..lol

    that wasn't the question now, was it? We are friends. I have zero desire for them and as far as I know they have zero interest in me, too.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    It is highly dependent on who you are, but for me it really depends. My motto is "If I feel uncomfortable with my husband doing this, I won't do it".

    I don't feel comfortable being *close* friends with single men. Acquaintances, sure. Pleasantries exchanged, of course. Going out for coffee/ texting conversations/ calling just to talk, NOOOooo. If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic. Even then, I will only meet with them socially with their wife or my husband there. Never do I call/text/private message unless it's to set up double dates or answer simple work related questions.

    Maybe I am a little more conservative than most people, but I never want to give my husband a reason to question my fidelity to him ever. I just love him so much it would break my heart to see him struggle. Again, everyone is different, and you do what works for you. The answer to this question will vary a lot, I think, if you are in a committed relationship.

    Agree with everything here
    Absolutely. Married men would never have sex with women who aren't their wives!

    I think what she was getting at was that there would be no hanging out with them without their wives or her husband.
    If the guy is married, I feel more comfortable, because I know that intentions are, for the most part (with every "guy" friend I have had this far) completely pure and platonic.

    I saw that, but she also said "for the most part" and clarified that she was talking about her experience with her guy friends. She didn't generalize.
    It was her reason for being able to be friends with married men and not single men, as though being married = castration or something and that single men can't be trusted.
  • Illini_Jim
    Illini_Jim Posts: 419 Member
    It can happen but not without naughty thoughts.
    How old are you? Because this thread even is juvenile. The thought that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship is dumber than panicatthedisco covering Bohemian Rhapsody.



    And that's dumb.

    You'll see when you grow up.


    And you’ll soon discover that most people answer these types of questions in the forums with sarcasm or jocularity and are not trying to be helpful or insightful.
  • kshadows
    kshadows Posts: 1,315 Member
    Yep. My best friend of 13 years is male.

    He's also astoundingly gay, but I don't think it matters ;-)

    I'm not sure that qualifies as your standard platonic friendship. lol

    Ok, I also have another close male friend who is straight, and happily married. So there.

    I think you CAN have a platonic relationship. BUT that doesn't mean one of you won't imagine sleeping with the other at SOME point or another. You can think about it without actually wanting to.
  • asdowe13
    asdowe13 Posts: 1,951 Member
    of course you can maintain a platonic relationship.

    I have a few very close female friends, who have been friends for decades. My wifes best friend is a guy and was her man of honour at our wedding.

    I have no issues with her hanging out with him and vice versa.
  • frayst
    frayst Posts: 62
    I prefer to call it respectfully non-romantic. I have yet to experience a completely platonic relationship that never began, ended, or momentarily experienced some sort of tension.
  • jkowula
    jkowula Posts: 447
    Yes, but it SUCKS!
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    Yes I do think you can be, but there has to not be romantic or sexual feelings either side IMO or it just makes things awkward. Not to say it can't still be done through determination or whatever, but what's a good friendship when it's awkward and you can't do the things you'd like to do?
    Thats not saying that i cant recognize the fact that theyre attractive or have other desirable qualities. my husband also has female friends, ive never felt threatened or like they over stepped boundries, ever.

    Also, this. Finding them attractive =/= desiring sexual/romantic relations with them.

    That said, I've never been close with a member of the opposite sex, since I was a kid. I get on very well with them, at work, at the gym, I've been out for drinks with guys in a platonic way before, but I wouldn't ever have said we were close enough to say we were real friends, the kind you call up to see randomly, and hang out with.

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