Affair after Weight Loss

It's easy to be faithful when nobody flirts with you. Only after there are opportunities can someone demonstrate commitment, loyalty and will power.

Cheaters are totally lame.

I am not condoning it, butI think it is just human nature to be flattered when the opposite sex is attracted after not noticeing a heavy person for a long time. Sometimes if you have never been thin and fit and go ignored, and now all of a sudden girls/guys are throwing themselves at you it is hard to not fall for the attention. It should be something that is learned right with nutrition , how to have a relationship after large weightloss.

I love my husband even more as the pounds come off me, because he saw the beauty in me and loved me for me even when I was 300lbs. I say, if you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

Basically I think it boils down to this:
We can be idealists and talk about how it's wrong all we want, and it IS wrong. Unfortunately though, it still happens, a lot. but I've seen countless situations where relationships fall apart after one partner loses weight. You have multiple situations:

-One loved the other when they were overweight and meek. They was disturbed and threatened by a new-found confidence and went looking for another partner either to hurt them back or to replace their old role.

-One partner loses weight and suddenly gets tons of attention from attractive people. They give in to temptation.

-After losing weight a person feels that they've undergone a very spiritual transformation as well as physical, and feels a need to sever themselves completely from their old lifestyle, including friendships or relationships. They can also feel like they aren't connected with their partner anymore.

-One person becomes so excited about fitness that it consumes all of their previous hobbies and interests. They now want to spend their weekends at the gym or on long hiking trips, and the partner doesn't want to tag along. They simply drift apart or gradually become interested in someone else whose hobby is fitness.

-One lost a significant amount of weight and would never admit it- but all the vanity went to their head and they suddenly found themselves "too good" for their old partner.

-One partner changed, the other didn't, and the same way the thought of eating an entire gallon of Ben and Jerry's grosses someone out after getting really fit and breaking their junk food addictions, watching someone else continue in that lifestyle with no guilt, remorse, or need to change, just simply grosses them out. I've seen this happen multiple times- even though a person used to have the exact same habits, somehow witnessing their partners continue on that road repulses them (and maybe reminds them how they used to be.)

-The relationship was never a good one and one side loses weight and gets the guts to finally get out, and uses an affair as the spring board. (As bad as it is, I've seen women use affairs to get out of a bad or controlling relationship by hurting the old partner so he wouldn't want her back.)

-One partner lost weight and there was an imbalance of sexual attraction after that. In my opinion, when this happens, the sexual relationship of the couple was doomed from the start and wasn't based in love and intimacy.

Now that I've written down those situations- I realize they're almost all valid reasons for ending the relationship. They are NOT however, excuses or acceptable reasons to cheat. There is never a reason to cheat. It's the honest truth though, that many of the above situations are accompanied by or spurred along by the budding of another relationship. (IE, a person's been wanting out the relationship for a while for one of said above reasons but hasn't found the confidence yet, but after meeting someone they're interested in they suddenly get motivated to ditch person A for person B.)

If you're feeling like you've moved on or transformed in more ways than just the physical, and you realize that your relationship is at odds with your new lifestyle, I encourage you to talk to your partner. Decide if the relationship is worth fixing. Decide if the above situation was from the shock of the weight loss, or is a lasting and serious change. Realize that many things can be worked through, but if you find yourself gravitating toward a new person or a new life, for the love of god end the old one before hurting your partner.

There is no good reason for cheating. If you want out of the relationship do it before cheating. Everyone ends up getting hurt when this happens.

If you're not happy in a relationship, leave. There's no excuse for cheating. If you aren't attracted to your partner, discuss it with them. Hell, even discuss the idea of an open relationship. But to cheat simply means that you don't care enough about hurting your partner. I get there's temptations. We've all been there. But if you had respect for your partner and you actually cared a lot for them, you'd be honest with them.

I can honestly say that this is one of the reasons I had not attempted to lose the weight until now- as bad as that might sound. Not because I was afraid I would cheat on my husband, but because I honestly thought I would not be wiling to take his **** anymore. We have three children together so our split involves more than just me and him and yes I know children are not a good enough reason to stay together. Not after losing weight but before he gained any weight, my husband "tried" to cheat on me for the first 5-7 yrs of our relationship and by tried I mean to this day he still insists he has never gone through with it but there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary including me finding a used condom in our car, my best friend telling me through some probing that he had "tried" to cheat with her, girls at my work after I no longer worked there telling me he was contacting them, finding txt messages on his phone to one of his old friends that he cant "wait to see her" when he was supposed to be going camping with his cousin. He lied about all of this and tried to hide it from me. I found out about all of it, split with him, got back together.

The sad part is that I eventually got to where I wasn't willing to take his **** anymore anyway without losing the weight and not being willing to take his **** is what has motivated me the most to now lose the weight. I don't judge people because a few years ago I too had an affair on my husband after years of him mistreating me, I had had enough and was already checked out of the relationship- I didn't hide it from him or lie to him about it and ironically enough he was ok with it because he knew all of the **** he had put me through- his words not mine.

This thought still crosses my mind while losing the weight from time to time-- I am not so much thinking I will divorce my husband (yes I am still with him, don't judge me) but because I am not sure if it will make our relationship better or dissolve it completely. We have been together for 14 years, and have three beautiful children who love both of us dearly so it still crosses my mind.

When I started to lose the weight I was at a place where in my mind the marriage had already ended and I was just taking care of me and could care less what he did or what happened to him........ I love him very much but his "issues" are a bit too much for me

so that's my long response to this post but it kinda strikes a chord with me because yes I know its a possibility and happens more often than it should- which is never- I don't condone cheating even though I myself have done it- it hurts all involved