Am I spending too much time at the gym?

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Weightlossdude53
Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
I won a one year membership at a gym and have been going religiously three times per week since July 8. I take it very seriously because I want to be a healthier person. Simce then, I have lost weight, feel better, feel stronger and have a better self esteem. I am well on my way to being i. The best shape in my life in my mod-50's! I have been logging my food and doing cadio 20 min on bike x 2) amd strength training (with the machines). It takes 40 minutes or so (syncing my Jawbone UP, bathroom amd changing shirt take extra time). I do the sam exercises every time amd am in the zone, so I don't really notice the time. I got in a little trouble today fir being at the gym for 2 hours today! That's the only thing (besodes eating healthy) that I do,for myself. Other than that Imgo to work amd am home,

Am I spending too much time at the gym? I don't want to be too self-centered. Thanks.
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  • Jim_Barteck
    Jim_Barteck Posts: 274 Member
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    Am I spending too much time at the gym? I don't want to be too self-centered. Thanks.

    Not knowing how you spend the other 22 hours of the day, no one is going to be able to answer that question for you.

    Are you making as much time for your SO as you are for yourself at the gym? Meaning just you two time, actually interacting with each other, not just being in the same building or room as each other.

    If not, that's going to be a sore spot in pretty much every relationship. No one wants to play second fiddle.

    Personally, I belong to a 24 hour gym so I can go after the wife and kids are tucked into bed. My wife is thrilled that I'm able to do this for myself without it cutting into any of our family time. There may be some kind of similar compromise you may have to make as well.

    Nobody else knows, or can know, the specific relationship dynamic between you and your wife. What counts as self-centered in one relationship wouldn't in another. Bottom line: neither of you is going to be happy until you come to some kind of agreement. Talk to her.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    Thanks for your input Jim. You are right. My wife and I definitely spend more quality time together. Our younger daughter is multiplyndisabledmamd completelyndependent on us for all her care. My wife and i primarily care for her(our older daughter helps some, as does a nurse [48 hours per week]). When she was diagnosed we automatically decided to provide the best care for her at home. Because ifmthis, we have made some sacrifices (mostly unconcious) to our marriage (such as vacations alone, time alone, etc) and many things that people take for gramted such as friends and working full-time ( wife). My going to the gym also has the hidden agenda, that I am improving my strength to,be able to safely (for her amd me) move/lift her. I am teying to improve my health, so I am there longer for my family. I have heart disease in my family (3 out of 4 grandparents, father, younger [age 49] brother) and Imam working out tomhelp,avoid that.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    the issue doesn't seem to be "how long you're at the gym." it seems more "significant other's expectations" related
  • Beautifulbridgittlee7
    Beautifulbridgittlee7 Posts: 352 Member
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    Who cares? It is where you want it to be, I personally know exercising is an escape and I don't mind if I spend1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hrs sometimes, like if I'm going through a lot of stress or training for something, I feel like an athlete. I try very hard not to care what others think, even though I do too much. I figure there are worse than tings than liking to workout at home, outdoors, at the gym. The gym doesn't let you down, and it can be an individual and group thing as well.
  • michelle225
    michelle225 Posts: 42 Member
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    So it was your wife who was upset that you spent 2 hours at the gym (not the gym workers, I don't think it was clear). I totally understand getting into the zone at the gym especially if your outside life is so focused on taking care of someone else. I'm a SAHM and I take my daughter to the gym child care and work out for the full 90 minutes I'm allowed every weekday because she gets socialization with other kids and I get my only alone time of the day. But if your "you time" is putting more of a burden on your wife to take care of your daughter or the house then I totally get her being upset. Does she have a similar outlet where she can get away and focus on herself every day? If not I'd suggest you limit your gym time to an hour a day which should be more than enough for your health goals and then take over things when you get home and encourage your wife to get out and recharge.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    Going to the gym IS a great way to deal with stress (and I have stress on a regular basis). As a family we have alot going on this fall. Imtry to,be flexible about what days I go to the gym. I can't go before work because I have to,help,get my yiunger daughter ready for school. She goes to bed about 8 but my wife usually goes to bed at 11 or later (i go to bed at 10 since I get up at 5 for work). The gym closes at 11 and I think working out late in the evening would interfere with sleeping. The days that I go to the gym during the week, my wife isn't home. The Weekend workout day seems to be the problem! Maybe Imcan try to get up early amd go.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    I'm glad your gym has a place where you can leave your daughter when you work out! When i was at the gym, my daughter's nurse was taking care of her (6 hours/day, 6 days per week). I do alot of the care for our special. Needs daughter since she is a"Daddy's girl". My wife could use more time to herself, but chooses not to. She says she is tired or her back hurts. Money is an issue, so it is very dificult for us to,have a "date night" on a regular basis or even to find the time whe. The nurse is watching our daughter.
  • mckat08
    mckat08 Posts: 79 Member
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    My weight loss stalled so I have been spending up to 2 hours at the gym 6 days a week. I normally go before my husband gets up, (5:00 am), so it doesn't interfere with our time together. If it's something you really want to do, you'll find a way. Good luck.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    Thank you! I am certainly willing to be flexible. The days don't matter, as long as I am going three times per week. I kniwmthat will be the limit and I am happy with that. Unfortunately, As I said, I can't go before work. During the week, I usually go after my daughter is cared for (usually by her nurse) and my wife isn't home. On either Saturday or Sunday, I go at a time that dits in with things.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    the issue doesn't seem to be "how long you're at the gym." it seems more "significant other's expectations" related

    ding ding.

    really though 2 hours roughly 3 times a week is what I spend there- I don't consider it to much- it's less than what I used to spend- but I don't have someone up my *kitten* about when I'm going to be home- and my BF is only here two days out of the week.. and yes- I go when he is here- I try my best to get out of there quickly- but I can only do so much.

    Has little to do with "to much time" at the gym- and all about what the SO is expecting/wanting.
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Has little to do with "too much time" at the gym- and all about what the SO is expecting/wanting.

    And are those expectations reasonable?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Have you sat down and talked this out with your SO? That's what needs to be done. The total amount of gym time doesn't seem unreasonable but you have to consider how it affects her too. My husband works nights and most weekends and his days off change every 6 weeks. Every Sunday I look at the week's calendar and tell him when I'd like to run (daughter isn't old enough to stay home alone) or go to the gym rather than working out at home. We work it out together so I get my gym time but we also have family/couple time. I'd imagine that your caregiving duties are exhausting for both of you. So you both deserve a bit of a break, whether it's going to the gym or just having a walk on your own. The best way to accomplish that and maintain happiness is to work it out as a couple.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    We usually de ide on a weekly basis what days I will go,to the gym. My wife goes shopping with my older daughter, to,sporting events amd craft fairs, so she does have time away from home to destress. There are also several old time tv shows she reallynlikes and watches on a daily basis.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,287 Member
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    my workouts are longer than that on occasion, but I workout when my husband is not at home. When he's home, I'm with him. However, if your only time to workout happens to be when your SO is expecting time with you, why can't she come? I'd definitely offer to go with hubby before I asked him to workout less.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    It sounds like it's only one day a week that your wife has a problem with you being at the gym (the weekend day). Make sure that she gets the same amount of time to do whatever she wants. If she has sufficient time to herself and with you and she's still complaining about you being at the gym, she's just being selfish.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    My wife is interestiped in joining the gym after the holidays (it's a time committment issue right now). When Imgomto the gym, I focus on my workout. i do the same workout(basically every time) every time and don't really pay attention to the time. I am not intentionallynstaying our longer or working out slower. I use alot of the machines.
  • Weightlossdude53
    Weightlossdude53 Posts: 70 Member
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    Forgot: imdon't think my exoectation is unreasonable. I don't really do anything else for myself or for fun except going to the gym.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    My wife is interestiped in joining the gym after the holidays (it's a time committment issue right now). When Imgomto the gym, I focus on my workout. i do the same workout(basically every time) every time and don't really pay attention to the time. I am not intentionallynstaying our longer or working out slower. I use alot of the machines.

    Thought: it's rarely (read never) a time commitment issue. It's strictly a priority issue.

    If it's important - someone will make time. If it is not- they will not make time.
    That's pretty much as easy as simple as it really is.
  • ukaryote
    ukaryote Posts: 874 Member
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    WeightlossDude, it reads like you have achieved a very satisfactory life balance, and your gym time actually helps. It will certainly help caring for your daughter (personal experience and I am over 50).

    Three times per week at the gym is just about perfect, it allows for recovery days in-between. I also struggled with the idea of selfishness, then decided it was necessary for both me and my family. It is analogous to the airlines stating you should put the oxygen mask over yourself before your child. You have to be healthy and available to help your child and family.

    You are balancing very well. Keep it up.

    -- edit --
    I also have no "me" time outside the gym. I have decided this is unhealthy and must get around other people, for fun and a support network for dealing with a family member that needs much care. Not much success yet, I will keep looking and trying to find some appropriate activities. Problem is, damn few people "get it" about caring for an adult child. "Why can't you make the team playoffs next week?"
    ---
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    You go to the gym three times a week. There is no go to the gym too long. I never heard of this. Especially if it is done correctly. I go to the gym five times a week.

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