Strong reaction to public humiliation = Over sensitive
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I think you did great, I would have probably come out with something really "intelligant" like
"Fu*k off ya d!ck"
:laugh:0 -
This guy was being majorly rude, insensitive and completely arrogant. He would have never gone up to a thin person and said that. What an a***hole.0
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Awesomeness! I love it..skinny cow? that is a chemical **** storm if i ever saw one..i used to eat them 2 years ago regularly then saw that trans fat is the SEOND ingredient.. 100 calorie trans fat is what your disgusting and sticking to your arteries. ik. Dark/plain chocolate/york bars are so good .
All he could have said organic is good for you…skinny cow? omw. low calories does not = healthy and good 4 you eesh0 -
Oh give the guy a break! He's just using the personality the marines gave him
Thank you for classifying all Marines as rude. How about we turn it around and say he's just using the personality that his male chromosomes gave him? You would call it sexist and say not all men are rude. Making blanket statements like that makes you look ignorant.
Sincerely,
A United States Marine
QFT
OP, what makes you believe the young man was a Marine? Was he in uniform? Did you ask to see his ID?0 -
Good for you. A woman with balls:flowerforyou: . At 51 TOM still visits me and it is only time that I have a hard time with controlling my cravens. Im like this, if you havent walked in their shoes you have no idea what their story is and unless someone asks for help, dont give it.0
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OP: (in case it isn't clear, this is OH SNAP + clapping)
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Wow. That was incredibly rude of him. You're absolutely right that he had no idea what was going on in your life. Besides, if you're treating yourself to Good Chocolate, forget skinny cow. Not nearly as delicious. And honestly, not nearly as healthy, IMO (fake sugars, blah blah).
He was probably looking for some poor unsuspecting person to be his good deed for the day.:flowerforyou:0 -
Oh give the guy a break! He's just using the personality the marines gave him
Pardon me?0 -
high five!0
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When did someone's right to give unsolicited and unwanted advice begin trumping someones right to shop in peace?
All the people saying he was trying to be helpful - so what? Did she want the advice? Ask for it? No. Her right to shop undisturbed ought to trump some twatwaffle (best word EVER) who feels like they should be dispensing chocolate wisdom. I'm really sick of hearing "you should have been grateful for the advice" - F that, little Eva.
If someone wants advice, they'll ask. I don't want to live in a society where anyone can go handing out their special brand of crap wrapped up to look like concern, and I'm supposed to be grateful for it. It's simply not appropriate.
Same for if he was 'flirting' - that's called 'negging' - trying to get to a girl by attacking her self esteem so she feels grateful for the attention. Douche move.0 -
Good job keeping under control. I'd have just said STFU and ignored him. Peeps need to mind their own business.
yep!
stfu sounds like it suits this situation just fine, I'd have probably shot him the finger before the words came out though :blushing:0 -
He may have been trying to offer good advice, but failed miserably. I'm in no way making excuses for him, but your reaction was a little over the top too. Had I been in your shoes, I may have just acknowledged him with a short reply or nod of the head and dismissed him.
Everyone here seems to be able to interpret his intent. Maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong. No reason to get all worked up over it.
As for the Marine factor -- I give him a pass for his service.0 -
So since I moved to the south I'm "targeted" less and less, which is awesome. People making snide remarks or just generally not minding their business is becoming few and far between. Today was not the case.
I was trying to decide between two different chocolates. "TOM" is visiting and one of the few times I'll have GOOD chocolate is during this particular time of the month. It is all logged. Whatever.
From the corner of my eye I saw a young-ish and pretty attractive marine approach me. He just stood there for a minute then said...
" If you're GOING to eat chocolate anyway, you should try skinny cow. There's less calories."
W...T...F ?
I blush really easily. I could tell my face was probably dark dark dark red. First instinct was I should just start crying. I'm emotional, I'm having cravings, I don't want to be in public with the other half dozen people in this aisle hearing what he just said to me. But no, I took a deep breath, turned to him and said "Listen. I know you think you're helping. But you don't know me. I'm a stranger. You don't know that I've already lost 80 lbs and continue to lose. You don't know that I count calories. And you apparently don't know that it's just rude to approach anyone publicly like this the way you just did to me. Just thought you should know that before you try to pull this on anyone else."
I turned back to the chocolate, but the guy actually scoffed and said "Really? Good luck being sensitive all your life. Jesus." then started walking away. I said "I'm not sensitive. I'm being stern with someone who obviously has no home training. Have a nice day." The last part I half shouted since he was already walking down the aisle and he just waved me off. But at that point we had already gotten a few looks from other people. I don't care. I'm tired of the people who think that they're doing "us" a favor. You're not. My life is not your business. If you're not my doctor or my significant other, please stay out of it unless I invite you. Thanks.
Happy Friday people -noms on chocolate-
HUGE HIGH FIVE to you!!!0 -
You were awesome and totally appropriate. I wish I always was that clever. You reproved him in just the right way. Kudos!0
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As a southern girl, I'm happy to hear that you have found the south to be more gentle!
As for the jerk, good for you telling him off! When people are so rude and unkind to me, my brain shuts down in shock, and I would have just stood there, or cried! You are NOT over sensitive, he was rude.0 -
I would thank any person in the armed forces for their service. They are amazing with that! However, it does not.give him permission to insult an American he is supposed to be defending. She did not behave in an overly sensitive manner at all.0
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So glad you spoke up!!! So many people in that same situation would have just let it go.
You're right. People think they're trying to help, but don't realize that it isn't. Since when did it become socially acceptable to do this sort of thing? It's not like anyone would go up to someone else and say, "You know that mole on your face - I know someone who can take care of that..." or to someone who uses the crutches with the arm braces "You know....you should just get a wheelchair....it'll be easier to get around that way."0 -
He may have been trying to offer good advice, but failed miserably. I'm in no way making excuses for him, but your reaction was a little over the top too. Had I been in your shoes, I may have just acknowledged him with a short reply or nod of the head and dismissed him.
Everyone here seems to be able to interpret his intent. Maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong. No reason to get all worked up over it.
As for the Marine factor -- I give him a pass for his service.
Thats easy for you to say you arent the one who is constantly "targeted" and having to deal with "people making snide remarks or just generally not minding their business" It's a real issue plaguing society today and if not kept in check, who knows what will become of us?
I mean, enough is enough already. Let that be a lesson to anyone who "targets" the OP or anyone else, ever again! Good for you!
*high five0 -
The military people I know are all incredibly polite and would not say such things. I do think the young marine was negging, which is abusive.0
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I think that when people are behaving inappropriately in public, especially in a way that can make someone feel bad, they need to be told that their actions are hurtful and misplaced. He thought what he was doing was acceptable. It is not. I thought that her response was extremely mature and that he opened himself up for constructive criticism the second he pushed his nose into someone else's business. She did not try to make him feel bad about what he did; she even sugar coated it for him, "Listen, I know you think you're helping." She indicated that she didn't think he had poor intent, but that he still shouldn't do what he was doing. She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.He may have been trying to offer good advice, but failed miserably. I'm in no way making excuses for him, but your reaction was a little over the top too. Had I been in your shoes, I may have just acknowledged him with a short reply or nod of the head and dismissed him.0 -
So glad you spoke up!!! So many people in that same situation would have just let it go.
You're right. People think they're trying to help, but don't realize that it isn't. Since when did it become socially acceptable to do this sort of thing? It's not like anyone would go up to someone else and say, "You know that mole on your face - I know someone who can take care of that..." or to someone who uses the crutches with the arm braces "You know....you should just get a wheelchair....it'll be easier to get around that way."
You'd be surprised at what people say. My oldest son had a very very large, swollen,, purplish birthmark (called a strawberry) on his face. The doctors advised us to wait before doing anything because it would shrink with time on its own, and would require less invasive surgery later than if it was removed when he was small. I can't count the number of little old ladies who would offer "helpful" or even just plain rude comments. Especially after he was old enough to hear and understand! So cruel. And he is adopted, and is racially different than me--yet another reason for people to comment in a rude and unkind way!
I had a fellow adoptive mom give me a good comeback for these folks. She would always turn to the rude person and say, "oh, and what color is YOUR underwear. . . .?", at which point, most of them would slink off in humiliation!0 -
Over sensitive? Perhaps too much for your own good because it is bound to happen again and again.
Overreacted? Probably not. Plus you shouldn't care too much if you did or not since I assume he wouldn't describe himself as over sensitive, and thus shouldn't have been too affected by the experience.0 -
Another one who thinks this is his totally inappropriate idea of flirting. It clearly backfired on him and he didn't have the experience/maturity when it comes to women to handle it, so he got defensive.
Congratulations on your successful weight loss, and enjoy your chocolate!0 -
She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.
You don't think that politely pointing out his failing might have been more helpful? She might have said, "I know you meant well, but......?" Instead of admonishing him loudly and publicly? Might have helped him out next time he felt like making a comment. He might of played it out in his head and then kept his mouth shut.
The great thing about MFP is if he had been on here and told the story from his point of view, it would have been received differently and many of you may have taken his side. It's all about perspective and MFP is just like the Maury Povich Show. Whoever tells their story first gets applauded and the accused gets booed.
Everyone has decided that this person's intention was to deliberately seek out someone and and attack their self esteem.0 -
YES!!!!!!
Good on you!!!!:drinker:
It's not always easy standing up for yourself. Regarding someone saying He was flirting??? WHAAAA??? Who ever it was that shared that thought has quite the imagination, how is that in any way flirting?
Sheesh ppl, the OP shared she was PMS'in.... Women might be more likely to understand exactly what that means... many moods come and go and the only ppl that will truly understand are those that have dealt with that.
How she handled it? Who cares, she got him out of her face and when you're PMS'n... life if very different, you handle situations in a way you may not ordinarily.
No reason to trash the OP or her method... frankly I think He sounded more embarrassed than anything!
:flowerforyou:
Nicely said!!Good for you. A woman with balls:flowerforyou: . At 51 TOM still visits me and it is only time that I have a hard time with controlling my cravens. Im like this, if you havent walked in their shoes you have no idea what their story is and unless someone asks for help, dont give it.
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I can't help but wonder if instead of him being a young cute marine, what if it was an obese woman who made the same suggestion? Would your reaction have been any different?
Maybe your reaction came more from your immediate attraction to him, then the embarrassment of his possibly poor attempt at flirting, or just trying to be helpful, which you immediately took as him insulting your weight.
I understand being sensitive about certain issues. I have a special needs son and I can be overly sensitive at times when someone tries to give me parenting advice. Many times I have to just breathe and realize that they have no clue what it is like to live in our world. When it was a family member with the usual mentality of "I know better than you how to raise your child", I told them off. But for the random stranger in the supermarket, I just brushed it off and gave them the benefit of the doubt.
I find it helps a lot in life, to try to think the best of people whenever possible. I was considerably obese for a number of years and never encountered any stranger being intentionally rude about my weight. Not saying it doesn't happen. But I never noticed if it happened to me.
Congrats on your weight loss success! :flowerforyou:0 -
Excellent to see people standing up for themselves!
So funny how people respond when they are called out on their bad behavior.
And...ok this may be a snap reaction....but I wonder if you had been male, if he would have been so quick to comment on your body/food choice as up for public discussion?
Doubtful.
I've had comments made to me about food choices - "Oh, you don't want to eat that bacon, it's high fat and bad for your figure"...by a male stranger at a breakfast buffet. Do I not? DO I REALLY NOT WANT THAT BACON?! My husband had a STACK of ALL the hot food, and zero comments were made to him.
Probably around 95% of all comments I've ever had about my food choices have been provided by men. Bearing in mind that I am 113lbs at 5ft 4 and have never been actually overweight (have been underweight, very underweight which was triggered by a rather mean ex-boyfriend, so maybe that is why this is something I feel so strongly about)
Sorry, not to hi-jack and go all Everyday Sexism in here and I'm not saying for one second that this only works one way, not at all. But men commenting on womens food choices just really gives me the sh*ts.
Whether it's "flirting", actually thinking they are being helpful or whatever - it doesn't matter. Mind your own damn business and accept the fact that women can cope with food decisions without your bloody input.0 -
She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.
You don't think that politely pointing out his failing might have been more helpful? She might have said, "I know you meant well, but......?" Instead of admonishing him loudly and publicly? Might have helped him out next time he felt like making a comment. He might of played it out in his head and then kept his mouth shut.
The great thing about MFP is if he had been on here and told the story from his point of view, it would have been received differently and many of you may have taken his side. It's all about perspective and MFP is just like the Maury Povich Show. Whoever tells their story first gets applauded and the accused gets booed.
Everyone has decided that this person's intention was to deliberately seek out someone and and attack their self esteem.
Not when you have the three T's.
TOM
Targeting
Truculence
He was definitely and deliberately trying to humiliate her in front of everyone...
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She would have been just as valid to say, "Mind your own business, *kitten*" loud enough for the whole store to hear.
You don't think that politely pointing out his failing might have been more helpful? She might have said, "I know you meant well, but......?" Instead of admonishing him loudly and publicly? Might have helped him out next time he felt like making a comment. He might of played it out in his head and then kept his mouth shut.
What? I think that she did politely point out his failing. Reread what she wrote and read it like she said it calmly and respectfully. I think she took the high road. I think that he didn't deserve the high road. I agree with other posters who think he was negging her.0 -
Just had to give your props for sticking up to yourself in a most excellent manner. Indeed, he does not know you, your story, your history, your health, etc. You pointed it out to him clearly, that he was making a JUDGEMENT about you without knowing ANY of the facts. You said it all perfectly. His 'lashing out' to you about being 'oversensitive' is yet another insensitive ATTACK to cover up his total inappropriateness. Good for you girl!0
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