This is a competition...

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UsedToBeHusky
UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
in Chit-Chat
The post that makes me laugh the hardest wins.

Aaaannd go...
«1345

Replies

  • entezio
    entezio Posts: 33
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    knock knock
    who's there
    banana
    banana who

    knocn knock
    whos there
    banan
    banana who

    knock konck
    whos there
    orange
    orange who
    orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?

    I don't know either, but I hope you know how to swim.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    Knock, Knock!

    Who’s There?

    Little boy blue.

    Little boy blue who?

    Michael Jackson!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
    Options
    knock knock
    who's there
    banana
    banana who

    knocn knock
    whos there
    banan
    banana who

    knock konck
    whos there
    orange
    orange who
    orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA

    That joke STINKS!

    Oh wait... maybe that's you.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    Options
    Knock Knock

    Who’s There?

    Ben Hur

    Ben Hur who?

    Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
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    So I had Sara over for a few days and we were sitting on my couch eating some ice cream and suddenly she just busts out laughing. And I mean like hysterical laughter.

    She's pointing towards the couch and I'm all like "WTF you laughing at".

    Then in between breaths she's like



    "...........Is that a toenail?"



    So I look over and sure enough there's a random toenail just sitting there on the couch.





    That's it. We were both crying though.



    Friggin random toenail.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    Options
    A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.

    "Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

    "Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

    "Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    http://happyplace.someecards.com/dogs/this-dog-wont-walk-through-the-open-door-until-his-owner-pretends-to-open-it/
  • ScottyNoHotty
    ScottyNoHotty Posts: 1,954 Member
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    I went to a sex store, and i was drunk. Never do that. I took one of those strap-on *kitten*, I put it on my head and started chasing people like a rhino. Oh, God. Oh my God! Everyone was laughing, except for the guy in the kilt. I don’t know what happened, but i’m sorry.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    Options
    knock knock
    who's there
    banana
    banana who

    knocn knock
    whos there
    banan
    banana who

    knock konck
    whos there
    orange
    orange who
    orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA

    That joke STINKS!

    Oh wait... maybe that's you.

    LMAO! You ust won your own compitition!!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
    Options
    knock knock
    who's there
    banana
    banana who

    knocn knock
    whos there
    banan
    banana who

    knock konck
    whos there
    orange
    orange who
    orange you glad i didnt say banana HAAHAHAHHA

    That joke STINKS!

    Oh wait... maybe that's you.

    LMAO! You ust won your own compitition!!

    I know. He really just set me up beautifully, didn't he?
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    Options
    Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?


    A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
  • FatOldManMN
    FatOldManMN Posts: 1,116 Member
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    A Giraffe walks into a bar and says: "Highballs for everybody!"
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    Options
    Husband: “I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it.”

    Wife: “You wear briefs, don’t you?”
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    Options
    I went to a sex store, and i was drunk. Never do that. I took one of those strap-on *kitten*, I put it on my head and started chasing people like a rhino. Oh, God. Oh my God! Everyone was laughing, except for the guy in the kilt. I don’t know what happened, but i’m sorry.

    that.
    is.
    epic!!!!!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    Options
    How to humiliate an archaeologist?
    Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
  • PurringMyrrh
    PurringMyrrh Posts: 5,296 Member
    Options
    What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?

    I don't know either, but I hope you know how to swim.
    :laugh:
  • junejadesky
    junejadesky Posts: 524 Member
    Options
    **NOTE** I learned this joke WAY before viagra....

    A man in his late age went to the doc to see if there was a way he could get it up for his wife in bed. So the doc said you bet we have an implant, but you can only use it 3 times, so you have to be very choosy about when you use it. So the man agreed and had a quick surgery to remedy his problem.

    During recovery the doc told him that in order to "activate" his erection he simply needed to say the word "beep" and once he was done to turn it off to simply say "beep beep". (Of course the doc wrote this down and didn't actually say it in fear he could activate it himself). The old man thinking at his age he might not live to get all 3 times in said out loud "BEEP" and sure enough there was his erection. He said "beep beep" and it disappeared before his eyes.

    Excited to try this out with his wife he rushed home. In his frantic drive to get across town, he cut another car off who beeped the horn at the old man.... sure enough there was the erection... the old man angry shook his fist at the driver and the other car responded with a "beep beep" on the horn and there went the erection. He thought to himself he better hurry because there was only one chance left to get it on with his wife.

    When the man got home he called for his wife and told her to get into bed and get ready because they were finally going to be able to get some action. He tore his clothes off and jumped into bed and shouted out "BEEP" at the top of his lungs..... his wife looked at him and replied... "what's all this "beep beep" bull****??
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
    Options
    **NOTE** I learned this joke WAY before viagra....

    A man in his late age went to the doc to see if there was a way he could get it up for his wife in bed. So the doc said you bet we have an implant, but you can only use it 3 times, so you have to be very choosy about when you use it. So the man agreed and had a quick surgery to remedy his problem.

    During recovery the doc told him that in order to "activate" his erection he simply needed to say the word "beep" and once he was done to turn it off to simply say "beep beep". (Of course the doc wrote this down and didn't actually say it in fear he could activate it himself). The old man thinking at his age he might not live to get all 3 times in said out loud "BEEP" and sure enough there was his erection. He said "beep beep" and it disappeared before his eyes.

    Excited to try this out with his wife he rushed home. In his frantic drive to get across town, he cut another car off who beeped the horn at the old man.... sure enough there was the erection... the old man angry shook his fist at the driver and the other car responded with a "beep beep" on the horn and there went the erection. He thought to himself he better hurry because there was only one chance left to get it on with his wife.

    When the man got home he called for his wife and told her to get into bed and get ready because they were finally going to be able to get some action. He tore his clothes off and jumped into bed and shouted out "BEEP" at the top of his lungs..... his wife looked at him and replied... "what's all this "beep beep" bull****??

    That one got a snicker. Come on, folks! Keep trying.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,971 Member
    Options
    What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?








    Slacker!!

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