This is a competition...

three strings went into a bar.
The first one went to the bartender and asked for a beer. The bartender eyed him up and asked, "You're one of them strings, ain'tcha?"
"Yeah," the string admitted.
"Sorry, we don't serve strings here," the bartender said.
The string went back to the table.
The second string tried to act nonchalant and sauntered up to the bar. "Barkeep, I'll take a beer here!" He called out.
The bartender looked down the bar at him.
"Say," he said. "Ain't you another one o' them strings?"
"um," the string gulped, "yes, I am."
"Like I told your pal, there," the bartender said, "we don't serve your kind here."
The second string moped his way back to the table.
"I guess we're not getting any beers today," he said.
The third string thought for a minute. Then he said, "Help me for second. Tie me in a big knot in the middle of my body, and then pulled my ends apart."
His friends seemed shocked at first, but they really wanted those beers and were willing to try anything, so they did what their friend asked. When the third string was tied up and pulled apart, he made his way to the bar.
"Hey bartender!" he yelled confidently down the bar. "I'll take three beers for me and my friends!"
The bartender eyed him carefully and then asked, "Are you another one o' them string fellas?"
"Nope," the third string replied honestly. "I'm a frayed knot."

A cowboy limped into a tiny town in the middle of nowhere and headed for the stable looking to buy a new horse. The stablemaster said, "I've got just the thing...spirited, strong, fast...perfect for a feller like you. Only thing is, he was owned by our last preacher. Preacher thought it'd be inspirational to the townsfolk if he trained this horse to some Biblical commands. You want him to go faster, holler, "Praise the Lord!". You want him to stop, tell him, "Hallelujh!""

The cowboy thought it was odd, but the price was right and the horse was sound. He gingerly climbed up and decided to take him for a run before making up his mind. So he dug his heels into the horse's sides and said, "Praise the Lord!" Obediently, he starts at a fast walk, increasing his speed as the cowboy begins shouting, "Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!"

Too soon, horse and rider are tearing across the land at a full gallop. They whiz past a sign that the cowboy could barely make out, "Bridge out" He starts pulling the reins and yelling for the horse, "WHOA!!" But the horse just keep running at top speed. Frantically, the cowboy pulls harder, then remembers and shouts, "HALLELUJAH!!" The horse screeches to a stop mere feet from the edge of the cliff.

The cowboy yanks off his hat, wipes his brow and tilts his head back, face to the heavens and says a fervent, "Praise the Lord!"