Should i tell him that he is gaining the weight back

kimnsc · October 2014

No, nuh uh, nope, noooo

1.) It's really none of your business
2.) I bet he already knows it.
3.) Some guys are just as sensitive about their weight as some ladies.

Edited for spelling errors.

LeslieTSUK · October 2014

Normally I'd say no, best not to say anything, as if he took it wrong way you still have to work with him daily.

But!!!!!!

If you really wanted to help him as a friend, you could say to him in private something like.

Remember 6 months ago you did that great diet, I could do with some help as i'm trying a few new ideas on myself and your only one I know thats had any success with it.

Then if he not aware it might make him think mmm am a bit out of shape again, if he is aware maybe by supposedly helping you he will watch what he doing to.

Not often I agree with others here on MFP but on this occasion they probably right to keep ya nose out of it....

But it nice that your kind enough to think of him like that, not many would care.

NOTE: Men are super sensitive, one of reasons they can act like total A-Holes at times to try mask their feelings and be the big i am etc.

yopeeps025 · October 2014

He likes his roller coaster weight. Eat whatever gain weight. Eat restricted lose very fast. In wonder how his insides look like?

daydreams_of_pretty · October 2014

I guess everyone is right but when he lost weight, I didn't say anything but then he came to me and asked me if I noticed that he had lost weight. He is the one who brought it up.Then I asked him how he did it and he said he only ate vegetables for a month straight.I told him about how i am losing weight slowly with counting calories and he laughed and said he always does it fast. So that's why I thought he woudnt mind talking about his weight.Also he is guy so I thought guys are not sensitive about their weight and they don't hesitate telling another dude that he is getting fat

Based on this post, it really seems like you might be just a tiny bit happy that he's gaining the weight back from his fast weight loss after laughing at you for trying to lose slowly. Are you sure that a tiny part of you is not wanting to "help" him by pointing out the gain just so that you can enjoy the fact that you were right about his weight loss not being sustainable? I'm not judging. We've all been there at one time or another.

I also don't think that you should tell him. Aside from the fact that it would hurt his feelings, his responses the last time you talked to him about weight loss suggest that he doesn't want outside opinions. If you're really interested in helping him, I think that working on your own goals is the best way to do that. Share information about what you're doing to be successful when he asks or when it's relevant to the conversation. Talk positively about your journey and the successes that you have. Tell him about your experiences on MFP or about a great article that you read. You can help him without hurting his feelings.

LosingExtraKristy · October 2014

He already knows that he is gaining the weight back.

This right here. I'm sure he knows. He probably feels it in his clothes. He doesn't need you to tell him and it's not your place.

Blacklance36 · October 2014

He already knows that he is gaining the weight back.

Substitute her and she for him and he in the topic and you get your answer.

I agree with the others. He knows!

bagge72 · October 2014

if he's a good friend I would bring up a concern, do it in a private setting.

Please don't do this. This person knows if they are gaining weight back, and you making them feel bad about it (even though that isn't what you are trying to do) isn't going to help at all.

cortezpj · October 2014

Do it, don't do it -- it doesn't seem like he'd really care either way. He's a classic case of someone who crash-diets then gains the weight back because they didn't make the lifestyle changes needed to maintain the loss. He's probably surprised that he's gaining it back, too.

You told him about your slow and steady methods and he seems to have blown you off. Let him yo-yo all he wants.

HotCuppaJo · October 2014

I guess everyone is right but when he lost weight, I didn't say anything but then he came to me and asked me if I noticed that he had lost weight. He is the one who brought it up.Then I asked him how he did it and he said he only ate vegetables for a month straight.I told him about how i am losing weight slowly with counting calories and he laughed and said he always does it fast. So that's why I thought he woudnt mind talking about his weight.Also he is guy so I thought guys are not sensitive about their weight and they don't hesitate telling another dude that he is getting fat

Based on this post, it really seems like you might be just a tiny bit happy that he's gaining the weight back from his fast weight loss after laughing at you for trying to lose slowly. Are you sure that a tiny part of you is not wanting to "help" him by pointing out the gain just so that you can enjoy the fact that you were right about his weight loss not being sustainable? I'm not judging. We've all been there at one time or another.

I also don't think that you should tell him. Aside from the fact that it would hurt his feelings, his responses the last time you talked to him about weight loss suggest that he doesn't want outside opinions. If you're really interested in helping him, I think that working on your own goals is the best way to do that. Share information about what you're doing to be successful when he asks or when it's relevant to the conversation. Talk positively about your journey and the successes that you have. Tell him about your experiences on MFP or about a great article that you read. You can help him without hurting his feelings.

This response is perfect. Take it and run with it, OP.

Telton66 · October 2014

Well I wasn't planning to tell him as I try not to offend people if I can help it ,which is the reason why I posted this thread. Just wanted to hear other people perspective about this

RedArizona5 · October 2014

I guess everyone is right but when he lost weight, I didn't say anything but then he came to me and asked me if I noticed that he had lost weight. He is the one who brought it up.Then I asked him how he did it and he said he only ate vegetables for a month straight.I told him about how i am losing weight slowly with counting calories and he laughed and said he always does it fast. So that's why I thought he woudnt mind talking about his weight.Also he is guy so I thought guys are not sensitive about their weight and they don't hesitate telling another dude that he is getting fat

If he brings it up again i would be very choosy with your wording….um my husband likes to give me a hard time when i mention his belly…he likes to mess with and get all mellow dramatic haha but i think it does mess with him a little so even though guys don't get emotional about stuff doesn't mean they don't have feelings.
I grew up with mostly men in my family so my sources of information and advice is from def. personal experience that you still need watch what you say because all men ARE different and he obviously is self conscious about his weight is why he is trying to lose it so just be cautious because if you approach him and try to be nice he still may take it the wrong way and things will be awkward from then on out..

RedArizona5 · October 2014

I guess everyone is right but when he lost weight, I didn't say anything but then he came to me and asked me if I noticed that he had lost weight. He is the one who brought it up.Then I asked him how he did it and he said he only ate vegetables for a month straight.I told him about how i am losing weight slowly with counting calories and he laughed and said he always does it fast. So that's why I thought he woudnt mind talking about his weight.Also he is guy so I thought guys are not sensitive about their weight and they don't hesitate telling another dude that he is getting fat

Based on this post, it really seems like you might be just a tiny bit happy that he's gaining the weight back from his fast weight loss after laughing at you for trying to lose slowly. Are you sure that a tiny part of you is not wanting to "help" him by pointing out the gain just so that you can enjoy the fact that you were right about his weight loss not being sustainable? I'm not judging. We've all been there at one time or another.

I also don't think that you should tell him. Aside from the fact that it would hurt his feelings, his responses the last time you talked to him about weight loss suggest that he doesn't want outside opinions. If you're really interested in helping him, I think that working on your own goals is the best way to do that. Share information about what you're doing to be successful when he asks or when it's relevant to the conversation. Talk positively about your journey and the successes that you have. Tell him about your experiences on MFP or about a great article that you read. You can help him without hurting his feelings.

This response is perfect. Take it and run with it, OP.

This lets try to be the light in this world that it needs instead of negativity not thats strictly intentional..perfect advice to build relationships not break them down if your heart is truly in the right place OP….good vibes good vibes

Tornadoes_R_Fun · October 2014

if you really are a good friend you will definitely talk with him about it. but if he is more of just a work friend then its not so clear.

and for the people saying he knows...you'd be surprised at how deluded some people can become.

Artionis · October 2014

No. No. No.

Do you really expect him to slap his forehead and say "OMG, I just thought all my clothes were shrinking!" He KNOWS he is gaining weight again -- just like everyone on this site (unless they are willfully ignorant) KNOWS when they are gaining weight.
He either will, or will not, get back on track. Not your business.

Here my script for the SNL skit:

OP approaches co-worker and gently, kindly reminds him that he is getting fatty fatty fat fat again. Or words to that effect.
Co-worker joins mfp.
Co-worker starts a thread about the cruel, insensitive remarks by "someone at work" who has cut his self-esteem to the core.
Hilarity ensues. Not.

Telton66 · October 2014

and for the people saying he knows...you'd be surprised at how deluded some people can become.
[/quote]

Even though I a not going to say anything, i do agree with you that its easy to pretend its not happening in early stages especially if its 5 to 10 lbs

cebreisch · October 2014

I think he already knows it. It's really up to him to get himself back on the wagon and anything you say about it will only increase whatever negative self talk he's already got going on.

The best thing to do is always lead by example. Do what you know you should be doing, and he will be inspired, and chances are he will open up about it and get back on track. That would be a much better way to go.

Tornadoes_R_Fun · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

samammay · October 2014

He already knows.

Serenstar75 · October 2014

No, it's none of your business. He's more than likely aware.

If a co-worker of mine said they mentioned me gaining weight, I would be pissed.

^^^^ This.

I'm sure he's noticed and he doesn't need someone to stand over him and tell him. It's his journey, not yours.

chubby_checkers · October 2014

and for the people saying he knows...you'd be surprised at how deluded some people can become.

Even though I a not going to say anything, i do agree with you that its easy to pretend its not happening in early stages especially if its 5 to 10 lbs

So what? It's still not your business.

rml_16 · October 2014

Its so easy to not notice the early stages of weight gain.

Seriously?

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

5 lbs does not obesity make.

Telton66 · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

5 lbs does not obesity make.

well no one will notice 5 to 10 lbs anyways

laurenz2501 · October 2014

No, it's none of your business. He's more than likely aware.

If a co-worker of mine said they mentioned me gaining weight, I would be pissed.

This. ^

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

5 lbs does not obesity make.

well no one will notice 5 to 10 lbs anyways

I thought you said it was 5-10 lbs.

And I would notice, if it were me. A guy might not, depending on how big he is.

Tornadoes_R_Fun · October 2014

and for the people saying he knows...you'd be surprised at how deluded some people can become.

Even though I a not going to say anything, i do agree with you that its easy to pretend its not happening in early stages especially if its 5 to 10 lbs

So what? It's still not your business.

wow...some friend you are. maybe you arent close with your friends but for anyone i call a "good friend" like the OP i would speak up and would hope they would do the same.

Tornadoes_R_Fun · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

5 lbs does not obesity make.

where does it say 5lbs? OP said friend lost weight 6 months ago. id assume it was more than 5 lbs. even if it was only 5 good friends should be able to discuss matters like this.

chubby_checkers · October 2014

and for the people saying he knows...you'd be surprised at how deluded some people can become.

Even though I a not going to say anything, i do agree with you that its easy to pretend its not happening in early stages especially if its 5 to 10 lbs

So what? It's still not your business.

wow...some friend you are. maybe you arent close with your friends but for anyone i call a "good friend" like the OP i would speak up and would hope they would do the same.

The person already knows they're gaining weight. Pointing it out to them is an a-hole thing to do, regardless of how close you are.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

5 lbs does not obesity make.

where does it say 5lbs? OP said friend lost weight 6 months ago. id assume it was more than 5 lbs. even if it was only 5 good friends should be able to discuss matters like this.

She said 5-10 lbs in a later post. But now I think maybe she didn't mean that's how much she thinks he gained.

Either way she said she was just starting to notice around his midsection and that's the first place men gain. That doesn't make it sound like obesity at all.

eta: here's what she said:

Even though I a not going to say anything, i do agree with you that its easy to pretend its not happening in early stages especially if its 5 to 10 lbs

Telton66 · October 2014

in a lot of ways obesity is like alcoholism. if your friend was an alcoholic wouldnt you say something? or would you try to "lead by example"?

if you truly are a friend and your friend is harming themselves(obesity/drugs/alchol/cutting...) then you absolutely should do something.

5 lbs does not obesity make.

well no one will notice 5 to 10 lbs anyways

I thought you said it was 5-10 lbs.

And I would notice, if it were me. A guy might not, depending on how big he is.

I am not sure how much but I don't think 5 lbs will be noticeable just like 5 lb weight loss. When I started gaining weight myself I dint notice 5 to 10 lbs because I never weighed myself . My clothes started getting tight when reach 20 lbs. I couldn't fit into my skinny jeans anymore but could still fit into my clothes but they were tighter .That's when others notice as well and I had few people asked me if I was pregnant. I didn't get offended though since I knew I gained weight

Should i tell him that he is gaining the weight back

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