Guide to calorie deficits

Great info, I just can't get my mentality to change. I've been told over and over again to stick to 1200 calories a day....with or without exercise, not to eat back calories. I have been stuck at my current weight (I'm 5 ft, 6 in, weigh 139 and have lost 16 pounds so far) and have been for several months. I gain a pound, lose a pound...over and over again. I cant get any lower than 138, very frustrating and depressing.

I read the post, along with others about increasing calories and eating back exercise calories - I think it makes sense, but how can I change my own mind??? I finally just changed the calories on MFP so I'm not staring at the 1200 all day (now it's up to 1320). I try to work out 6 days a week and burn at least 500 calories w/ each workout. If I eat back my calories, that would mean I have to be eating around 1800 calories a day??? Am I really going to lose weight??? I know something isn't working, so I should be open and excited to try something that will actually work, but such an increase in calories seems a bit much.

I need to change something b/c I am getting too depressed and frustrated and I'm afraid that I'm going to quit. I dont want to quit - I want to succeed (I want to be able to finally have a succes story), I just don't know how to get there

OK, sorry for the rant - not feeling so good about myself....

without knowing much about you, what did you set your weekly goal to?

I'm not sure that any one here really wants to lose weight the right way any more - but I will continue to bump these good posts in the hope that someone will be converted.

there are plenty Cheryl, they just aren't as ... demonstrative as some of the other members. I get quite a few PM's asking for help from people who just want to know, and don't want all the drama.

I think partly it's because people want to be justified in their choices, even when those choices are not the best, and somewhere deep down they know it, but they want solidarity in their actions.

So...what if I'm not hungry? Should I just go and find something that has however many calories, carbs, fat, sugar, etc. in it that I need, and eat it anyway? I mean, I can do that, but I also don't want to expand my stomach anymore! I never counted, but I'm SURE I was probably eating over 3000 calories on any given day. I'm only starting my second week, but those first couple of days were HUNGER-FILLED days! And I'm eating until I am full at just about every meal. Any help would be great! I lost 8 pounds the first week...following the recommendations and exercising when I could...and now the scale says I'm standing still. Is it because I don't feel as hungry? Because today, for instance, I'm about 400 calories short...with no exercise. Thanks for your original post, by the way!

Well, before I say anything to you, I want you to understand that what I'm writing is based only on what you've said already, and what your profile says. Which means I'm working off limited information. Since you haven't filled out much of your profile, we're talking REALLY limited.

So step by step. It's common to lose a large amount the first week or so of a diet, because of a change in eating, change in exercise patterns, and a change in hydration levels, the body most likely dropped a lot of water. That's normal, it's not usually an indicator of future weeks.
You shouldn't expect large weight loss every week, some weeks you'll have a lb or two, some weeks you'll have 4 lbs, and some weeks you'll have zero or maybe even a gain. That's because the body doesn't work off a week long cycle, it is a much longer cycle than that. All you can do is compile numbers and look for trends. If trends over months go in the right direction, you're doing it correctly, if they are stagnant or trending up, then you need to adjust things.
The name of the game is consistency. If you are consistent, and keep your goals moderate enough to allow your body to gradually adjust, you'll be far better off in the long run. Dropping 30 lbs in a month sounds great, but it's a major shift in your body chemistry, it's difficult for your body to adapt to this kind of loss, and thus the changes seldom last, more often than not the body will re-gain that original weight, and generally even gain a few extra. Where as if you give your body time to adjust to the new weight (I.E. lose more moderately) it has time to slowly adjust hormone levels, organ function, and fat dispersal, which allows you to be comfortable in the new weight and not risk a yoyo effect when you reach the bottom.

As to not being hungry. That depends on how badly you've abused your body in the past. Hunger is just a set of hormones, the body will release hunger hormones to stimulate calorie need. For those of us who've had problems for years, the body is (for lack of a better term) "out of whack". Hormones are released at inappropriate times and in inappropriate amounts. Thus at least for a while, it's not a great idea to "listen to your body" or "eat when you are hungry". This method is fine for someone who is healthy, and has a good lean mass to body fat ratio, but for someone who's been overeating for years, this is a path to failure IMHO. I feel it's better to set up an eating plan, eat what you have planned during that plan, and until your body becomes used to the new schedule (usually takes a few weeks) forget listening to autonomic processes. In the beginning you can feel off because of this, some people feel like they can't eat all their calories, others feel constantly hungry, it depends on your body, but if you eat the right amount, and are careful about your food measurements, then you at least, can know that you are eating enough and the right kind of calories to feed your body and continue the process.

as to the last question. It's kind of a difficult question to answer. It's very individual. What I was trying to do was describe lifestyles that people have, not extra curricular exercising. In other words, there is the assumed part that I probably should have mentioned, and that assumed part is this:

If as part of your regular routine.

In other words, before each different description add the above statement. for example instead of saying
"If you do 60 minutes or more of light activity 5 days a week ...etc." I should have wrote:
"If as part of your regular routine you do 60 minutes or more of light activity 5 days a week ...etc."

Activity level is a gauge to how active you are, and calculates extra calories based on that activity. So no, you wouldn't add exercise calories if you accounted for exercise in your daily activity. But this is a slippery slope based on what ladyhawk said. If the activity is the same every day, your body will eventually build up a tolerance for that activity and it won't be quite as effective (assuming it's the same static activity every day.)
For instance, walking. You could walk 5 miles twice a week at a brisk pace and get maybe what (I don't really walk so I'm not sure how long 5 miles would take) maybe a 600 calorie burn out of it. But if you were a postman, after a few months, you're probably only going to be burning 350 or 400 calories for that same walk. Because muscles remember, and they become efficient at repetitive tasks. Great if you're learning how to play guitar or piano, bad for exercise calories.