for the married peeps...

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  • vox23
    vox23 Posts: 246 Member
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    My husband did the same thing at first, but I have recently got him to start doing P90x with me and now I hear him talk about calories and portion size. Is there any chance he can start to make some of the changes with you so he understands a little more of what you are accomplishing?

    I have done P90X and he saw it and was like NO WAY!! lol... I wish I could get him into that. :)

    lol! I don't even think I could handle P90X from what I've heard. Actually I have invited him to join me in my workout vids. He has attempted twice, and I have to give him credit for trying.
  • fitnesspirateninja
    fitnesspirateninja Posts: 667 Member
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    So I suppose maybe there are more issues than just the treats he brings home.

    I think you're probably right. It can be frustrating when you and your partner are in different places. Obviously, you're concerned about your husband's health and wellbeing. And you'd like to be working through this together. I can relate to that. But you can't force someone to make the choices you think are best. That kind of decision comes from within.

    And the truth is, no one (not even your husband) can sabotage you. Your success depends entirely on you. Could he be more supportive? Yes. But his actions do not define who you are.
  • rcrea
    rcrea Posts: 80
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    You hang in there! I understand what you are going through. Mine never understood, still doesn't. And even though he is loving and kind, he's just not supportive in the way I need him to be. That's why I am on MFP, to seek out support in other ways, and I suspect that's why you are too. So bravo to you for still being here! Both of your journey's will be difficult and hopefully at somepoint something will click for your hubby too. Until then, just keep your feet firmly planted on the goals you already set for yourself and be the example you want to set for him. Show him how you need to be supported in this journey by supporting him that way.
  • eatingmysandshoe
    eatingmysandshoe Posts: 63
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    Don't look at it as sabotage unless you've actually talked to him about it. He can't read your mind. He thinks he's being nice. And if he's not used to counting calories and doesn't know what your calorie budget is, he probably doesn't realize how much damage it does. Like I told my husband that I was upset that something I ate was over 300 calories for just one serving, and he said, "Well, that's not very much." Not realizing that my budget is 1400, so 300 is actually quite a lot for me. Communication is key.

    Completely agree with this - my husband has always been slim, has never had to watch what he eats, and genuinely has no concept of how many calories are in things - you could tell him a Mars had 20 cals or 2000, and he really wouldn't know which. So he'll buy me something nice, really just to be nice, not to sabotage, and doesn't realise the proportion of my daily cals it would take. But also, he is one of these (odd!) ppl who can have one square of choc and put it away, 1 bisc from a packet etc, so when he tells me just to have a little bit if it's too many calories he doesn't understand that just one whiff of chocolate and the whole bar's gone!
  • mlb929
    mlb929 Posts: 1,974 Member
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    I haven't read the responses, so forgive me if I'm repeating. I believe that down to the core, men and women just think differently. My husband doesn't buy flower at valentines day, but he's the first to take the trash out "for me". Its funny, I view it as a chore that needed to be done, he thinks he did something special :)

    It gets better, IMO, your man isn't doing it to make your diet not successful, he's doing it out of years of making you happy that way and he doesn't know any different. Here's what I've had to to, specifically tell him, to make me happy today I need you to do this..... or next time you want to do something special, a walk with me would be cake - my favorite is, I really need to you to take the kids geocaching (he hates it) so that I can go on a long run.

    When he starts to see signs of your success, he will reward you in ways you don't realize. My husband last week had his co-workers taking about their diet and exercise plans, he told me "I didn't have anything to add to the conversation for myself, so I bragged about you". It felt super thinking at 20 years of marriage, he would still brag about me. It's those little things.

    And besides, the dog would love the cake :)
  • ChefJenn
    ChefJenn Posts: 350 Member
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    oh im with you.
    ive been married for 10 yrs.
    I lost 140 pounds back in 2005 , and since have gained 50 back. and Im trying really hard to lose it and my husband tells me this stupid calorie counting is dumb that if I would just work out I will be fine.
    He is a semi tennis pro and burns like 10,000 calories a day playing tennis. He has to have lot of carbs and buys stuff I will not eat and over the years I have learned not to eat them and i just ignore him now but in the last two months me not eating the same things as him and not going out to eat with him is affecting us BIG TIME.

    I think he is jealous not wanting me to be skinny again. b/c he knows other men look at me and he hates it

    * if your husband wants to get you treats teach him the more healthy treats to get you
  • deandp371
    deandp371 Posts: 63
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    I wonder if you might "accidentally" get rid of this stuff from time to time? We hate to throw things out, but this is poison - not food! Just a thought...
  • bsoxluvr
    bsoxluvr Posts: 183 Member
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    My husband did the same thing at first, but I have recently got him to start doing P90x with me and now I hear him talk about calories and portion size. Is there any chance he can start to make some of the changes with you so he understands a little more of what you are accomplishing?

    I have done P90X and he saw it and was like NO WAY!! lol... I wish I could get him into that. :)

    lol! I don't even think I could handle P90X from what I've heard. Actually I have invited him to join me in my workout vids. He has attempted twice, and I have to give him credit for trying.

    Trust me it's not easy for him! In fact, so far I'm kicking his butt on most things :bigsmile: Luckily I'm blessed with a hubby who wants to be on the journey with me and is willing to endure some pain along the way.
  • davish28
    davish28 Posts: 34
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    I don't have this problem with my husband. It's my coworkers. I always feel like they are trying to sabatoge me. lol! Maybe I'm just paranoid.
  • davish28
    davish28 Posts: 34
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    I don't have this problem with my husband. It's my coworkers. I always feel like they are trying to sabatoge me. lol! Maybe I'm just paranoid.
  • liscar
    liscar Posts: 311 Member
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    my first husband use to do that because he thought I would get all in shape and OTHER people would find me attractive. Insecurity.
  • liscar
    liscar Posts: 311 Member
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    I don't have this problem with my husband. It's my coworkers. I always feel like they are trying to sabatoge me. lol! Maybe I'm just paranoid.

    No - you make them feel bad about themselves because you are changing for the better and it's for them to bring you down with them, then they don't feel so bad about themselves. bummer, but I don't even think they realize they do it.
  • appleshells
    appleshells Posts: 165
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    Since my husband is right along side of me doing the weight loss, I also don't have that problem.

    I do however have the co-workers problem. They bring in so much junk.
  • Nigel99
    Nigel99 Posts: 498 Member
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    As my gf and I have been together for nearly 11 years, I feel like I can ring in on this even without the official paperwork. ;)

    If having "bad" foods around is too much temptation, then the OP's husband shouldn't be bringing the food in the house. Let him know why.

    My gf doesn't like many fresh veggies, doesn't care for fish, and many other things that I'm eating as part of a healthier diet. That isn't so much of a problem, as we have come up with some options for both of us. The problem comes when she wants to make chili or soup. She'll make enough to serve 8, but there will be enough things added in that the sodium level ends up being more than I prefer for a meal (even with a couple of low sodium elements in the recipe).

    It is ok for me to plan a day where I'm eating less sodium to allow for a high sodium meal, but I would prefer not to have to try to re-arrange my eating for 4-5 days to fit in the soup/chili. She isn't intentionally sabotaging me, but I just need to get her to make fewer portions of things like that.
  • mattcoop
    mattcoop Posts: 30 Member
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    I understand... I've lost 60 lbs and I ask my wife not to buy things that sabotage my good eating habits but she wants nothing to do with eating healthy. In time, I imagine she will change. I hope so, but its hard ... that's why I might as well be in this forum with like-minded people (I don't care no matter what stage you are on here... the biggest part is recognizing that fitness and nutrition is the best start to a happy, healthy long life.
  • klmay999
    klmay999 Posts: 3 Member
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    Well, I've been married of 31yrs and I am the hubby on the diet/exersise program to get my health back.

    And it's my wife that brings all the junk food into the house usually. I had to add that "usually" cause sometimes you do have to give yourself some kind of bad treat. :) Just to keep sanity.

    She is almost as trim as she was back when I met her at age 15, now she's 49. When we met I was 18 and 128 lbs. Of course those days are gone, but I do deal with the "enabling" spouse.

    I just say - shame on you honey - stop it. :)

    Kevin
  • daddyratty
    daddyratty Posts: 305 Member
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    I started to create another reply to this and decided to make it a fresh post instead ... it's here:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/183674-some-thoughts-on-spouses-not-yet-on-board

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