This is a bit of an adult topic

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  • mrjason
    mrjason Posts: 61 Member
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    I had that issue once and it turned out that I really just wasn't into my girlfriend anymore. I thought it was because of my weight gain, but it turned out the weight gain was more due to my unhappiness with the relationship. Not implying you're in the same boat, but just sharing my experience. (and years in therapy it took me to "break free")
  • jtgill
    jtgill Posts: 48
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    When I gained weight (even though it was pregnancy related) my self confidence in that department went out the door which made me not interested nearly as much, mostly because I didn't think my hubby would find me as attractive if at all....Now that I have lost some weight I am back in the saddle and interested more often! Unfortunately though we have so much going on there is little time for us and when there is sleep is more important...Its a battle! lol I hope things get better for you!
  • 2bfitforever
    2bfitforever Posts: 87 Member
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    Your profile page says you moved in with your boyfriend's parents. Could that be part of it? A lot of people have good points here and it could be a combination of a few or all of them. Exercise will make you feel better about yourself and give you more energy so definitely workout. Your profile also says you want to be a runner. I am 43 yrs. old and just started running for the first time in my life. I suggest trying the Couch 2 5k program. Just google it and you can also dowload that or other similar program through iTunes to signal when to walk and when to run. You can get your exercise in AND spend time with your boyfriend. Good Luck!
  • KristenAnn711
    KristenAnn711 Posts: 783
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    Wow thanks for all the responses! I didn't realize so many people were in the same boat. I'll have to try the wine, and maybe find some kind of clothing that makes me feel good.
  • Annista
    Annista Posts: 59 Member
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    I can relate, losing the added weight has made me feel sexy again and I enjoy it way more!!! Try not tobe self conscience though because you can ask a man and they all say that they reallly don't notice the fat they focus on the 2 main areas, lol
  • mlemonroe2
    mlemonroe2 Posts: 603
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    Having sex when I don't want to makes me feel gross. This may not be the way to go. But it does burn calories!! Is that listed in the database??? I'm going to look :love:
    [/quote]

    It's not lol!!
  • barefootbeautiful
    barefootbeautiful Posts: 144
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    I think it depends on why you've lost your drive. If it's because you're tired from exercising (or cutting extensive calories/protein), then maybe you could use it as a warm-up before workout. If your sex life generally happens at the same time (before bed, etc.), maybe changing that schedule will help.

    If it's because of a body issue, then that's something you'll have to examine. Make an effort to do something that makes YOU feel good - fixing your hair or doing your nails, buying a new negligee.... And remember that body issues aren't just a woman thing. Try complimenting HIM, telling him something really specific you like about his body, and you'll probably get one in return. Trading those little compliments, especially the specific ones, can do a lot for your ego... and libido!
  • velix
    velix Posts: 437 Member
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    there was an Oprah episode (years ago) about weight gain and sex drive, and part of the decrease in drive is related to body mass and blood flow among other physiological issues.

    http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=56044

    and of course, there is the emotional / mental side of things such as body image (that was my problem) and self-esteem / confidence issues ... if possible, be open about your reasons with your partner - I knew in my couple, we didn't talk about it as I gained weight, and it became a source of tension, which didn't help the lack of desire.

    Working out sure does wonders for one's libido - it increases blood flow, endorphines (sp?), and many other benefits both physical and mental -

    Good luck!
  • KristenAnn711
    KristenAnn711 Posts: 783
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    I think I need to do some shopping ;) And maybe a hair do. I've had the same one forever and its just so BLAH
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    My problem is I want it and cant have it.Untill our lease is up in 2 months our 3 yr old daughter sleeps in the room with us.definatly a mood killer.she is a really light sleeper a mouse could fart in the kitchen next door and she wakes up.it really really sucks:sad: :sad: :sad:
  • ♥jewelchristian♥
    ♥jewelchristian♥ Posts: 3,666 Member
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    my sex drive has gone through the roof since i began exercising regularly! My wife says im like a rabid dog, lol.

    Do you foam at the mouth too? *Giggle* I'm kidding, sorry.
  • jimmydeanbakker
    jimmydeanbakker Posts: 333
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    I won't get into details but I feel like since I've gained the weight things have fizzled out. My boyfriend is the same, but I just never want to, and it's starting to become a problem. Maybe this isn't the place, but I just feel like there has to be someone who can give me some kind of advice here.

    If you want the sleek, sexy body then eat less calories, exercise, and look at yourself in a positive way. You can lose all the weight you wanna lose, but still have a negative body image. If you simply need to lose a few pounds to be happy about your body, then don't hesitate to do it.
  • KariQuiteContrary
    KariQuiteContrary Posts: 274 Member
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    Do it anyway (but don't let him know you're not that into it). The more you do it the more you want it. Plus, sex burns cals!!!! And works weird muscles you didn't know you had (no, not just those! ;))!!!! I think if you just start doing it anyway you'll get back into it.

    That's what I do, but I just feel guilty that way.

    Agreed!. I use to "just do it anyways" with my ex husband. Honestly made the whole thing worse and ended up with me not only feeling guilty but used as well. Guys aren't entirely stupid....eventually they'll get the fact that you're not into it and may even be upset that you tried to fake it...or...like my ex, not care and do it anyway just cause he wanted it. Either way...no win.

    For females sex tends to be more a mental thing. That's why the weight gain has had so much an affect on yours. And YES I felt the same way. My discomfort with my body made it impossible for me to enjoy. Once you start to drop the weight and the boyfriend notices....you'll be surprised how much it'll rev up your sex life! My boyfriend and I of 4 years had a fabulous sex life before but I've noticed that as my weight loss and toning becomes more noticeable (only 16 lbs thus far)....the 'romps' (if you will) are more frequent (by my choice lol) and leave me with even more to smile about because I'm in a more positive mental state now. Sex toys, 'movies', and role play are fun but.....can do nothing for you if you don't first change your mind. Don't worry. It will happen :)
  • KristenAnn711
    KristenAnn711 Posts: 783
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    If you want the sleek, sexy body then eat less calories, exercise, and look at yourself in a positive way. You can lose all the weight you wanna lose, but still have a negative body image. If you simply need to lose a few pounds to be happy about your body, then don't hesitate to do it.

    I am in the process of losing weight. I'm doing 2 of jillian michaels dvd's. Wish it would happen overnight haha
  • kevanos
    kevanos Posts: 304 Member
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    Bring a vibrator bed too, that always adds some fun.
  • lilmissy2
    lilmissy2 Posts: 595 Member
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    I'm honestly surprised to hear people say 'fake it'. Maybe I'm a selfish fiance - but I think it's unhealthy in a relationship to be doing things because I feel I have to (not to mention kind of gross when you think about it). If I need time without sex to process my emotions then I explain that to him and take as long as I need. If he denied me that, I don't think I'd still be in the relationship.
  • KristenAnn711
    KristenAnn711 Posts: 783
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    Bring a vibrator bed too, that always adds some fun.

    wow right to it. no inuendos here.
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Do it anyway (but don't let him know you're not that into it). The more you do it the more you want it. Plus, sex burns cals!!!! And works weird muscles you didn't know you had (no, not just those! ;))!!!! I think if you just start doing it anyway you'll get back into it.

    That's what I do, but I just feel guilty that way.

    There isn't any reason to feel guilty. Which is a more loving act, making love only when you feel like it, or making love sometimes simply because your partner would like it? I would bet that often even though you didn't feel like it beforehand, after the fact you had a good time and were glad you did.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    I'm just going to say your guy doesn't care that you gained weight, and still finds u sexy and would be happy anytime/anyplace to have sex
    You need to feel good about yourself..sexy....even though u may not be at your goal weight, buy a cute outfit, outfit for the bedroom that makes u feel good
    It could also be a sign of other things going on outside the bedroom?
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Bring a vibrator bed too, that always adds some fun.

    *just spit my tea out at the computer screen*
    LOL
    :glasses: :drinker:

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