Why are some members so mean here?
Replies
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I’d also say that age and experience on the internet are major factors in (a) how people respond to posts and (b) how people interpret forum responses. If you have been hanging around in internet chat rooms, blogs, digg, reddit, or any other forum where people are obsessed with a singular topic—weight, games, pregnancy, baby names, infertility, celebrity gossip—for 15+ years (like I’ll admit I have), you can get used to a certain kind of rapid-fire, deliver-answers-make-friends-later style of conversation. If most of your internet use has been personal (a la Facebook) this style of conversation can rub you the wrong way.
I’m a geek, but a former English major, and I try hard to balanced, thoughtful, and articulate in my responses—but that in no way means that other people read my words the way I intend them. Discussing things in the impersonal world of the internet requires a thicker skin, but it doesn’t have to be so thick here on MFP.
All in all, this is hands down the most loving internet community I have ever participated in (get pregnant and hang out at babycenter.com and you will encounter some of the craziest posters to ever grace the internet). But, it is true that there isn’t really great guidance for new people. There’s a general assumption (probably because the sites creators are geeks) that you know how to read FAQs, search forums, and crawl through al the sticky posts before you log a single food or post a single thread.
OMFG..I'm a babycenter refugee! I have been on the internet for a long time and hung out in some serious hole in the walls with rowdy boys and men and in dirty bars ..but babycenter took the CAKE on the -worst- behavior I've ever seen. So bad I deleted and ran away. I've never done that. It was also the most women oriented site I had ever joined. I'm a serious feminist but wow after that I never mentally complained about men or boys on a site again..ever. I never want to join an almost exclusively female site again. I'm practically scarred for life hahaha :]0 -
The person that commented on that suggestion has been a member since 2007. I bet they have seen similar questions or suggestions thousands of times and sometimes seeing the same thing over and over can make people irritable. :devil:
Don't worry, most people are nice most of the time. You just have to hope none of us are posting before we've had our coffee for the morning!
How long you have been here does not give you a free pass to being a jerk lol infact why even comment if the topic annoys you to the point of coming off like a jerk
Agreed. I see quite a few posts that read like the author feels like they have some kind of longevity rights. We are all just members, there is no heirarchy.0 -
I’d also say that age and experience on the internet are major factors in (a) how people respond to posts and (b) how people interpret forum responses. If you have been hanging around in internet chat rooms, blogs, digg, reddit, or any other forum where people are obsessed with a singular topic—weight, games, pregnancy, baby names, infertility, celebrity gossip—for 15+ years (like I’ll admit I have), you can get used to a certain kind of rapid-fire, deliver-answers-make-friends-later style of conversation. If most of your internet use has been personal (a la Facebook) this style of conversation can rub you the wrong way.
I’m a geek, but a former English major, and I try hard to balanced, thoughtful, and articulate in my responses—but that in no way means that other people read my words the way I intend them. Discussing things in the impersonal world of the internet requires a thicker skin, but it doesn’t have to be so thick here on MFP.
All in all, this is hands down the most loving internet community I have ever participated in (get pregnant and hang out at babycenter.com and you will encounter some of the craziest posters to ever grace the internet). But, it is true that there isn’t really great guidance for new people. There’s a general assumption (probably because the sites creators are geeks) that you know how to read FAQs, search forums, and crawl through al the sticky posts before you log a single food or post a single thread.
OMFG..I'm a babycenter refugee! I have been on the internet for a long time and hung out in some serious hole in the walls with rowdy boys and men and in dirty bars ..but babycenter took the CAKE on the -worst- behavior I've ever seen. So bad I deleted and ran away. I've never done that. It was also the most women oriented site I had ever joined. I'm a serious feminist but wow after that I never mentally complained about men or boys on a site again..ever. I never want to join an almost exclusively female site again. I'm practically scarred for life hahaha :]
Wow now I want to check it out to see for myself lol0 -
The person that commented on that suggestion has been a member since 2007. I bet they have seen similar questions or suggestions thousands of times and sometimes seeing the same thing over and over can make people irritable. :devil:
Don't worry, most people are nice most of the time. You just have to hope none of us are posting before we've had our coffee for the morning!
How long you have been here does not give you a free pass to being a jerk lol infact why even comment if the topic annoys you to the point of coming off like a jerk
Here, here!0 -
I’d also say that age and experience on the internet are major factors in (a) how people respond to posts and (b) how people interpret forum responses. If you have been hanging around in internet chat rooms, blogs, digg, reddit, or any other forum where people are obsessed with a singular topic—weight, games, pregnancy, baby names, infertility, celebrity gossip—for 15+ years (like I’ll admit I have), you can get used to a certain kind of rapid-fire, deliver-answers-make-friends-later style of conversation. If most of your internet use has been personal (a la Facebook) this style of conversation can rub you the wrong way.
I’m a geek, but a former English major, and I try hard to balanced, thoughtful, and articulate in my responses—but that in no way means that other people read my words the way I intend them. Discussing things in the impersonal world of the internet requires a thicker skin, but it doesn’t have to be so thick here on MFP.
All in all, this is hands down the most loving internet community I have ever participated in (get pregnant and hang out at babycenter.com and you will encounter some of the craziest posters to ever grace the internet). But, it is true that there isn’t really great guidance for new people. There’s a general assumption (probably because the sites creators are geeks) that you know how to read FAQs, search forums, and crawl through al the sticky posts before you log a single food or post a single thread.
OMFG..I'm a babycenter refugee! I have been on the internet for a long time and hung out in some serious hole in the walls with rowdy boys and men and in dirty bars ..but babycenter took the CAKE on the -worst- behavior I've ever seen. So bad I deleted and ran away. I've never done that. It was also the most women oriented site I had ever joined. I'm a serious feminist but wow after that I never mentally complained about men or boys on a site again..ever. I never want to join an almost exclusively female site again. I'm practically scarred for life hahaha :]
Wow now I want to check it out to see for myself lol
Me too!:laugh:0 -
I will stare at babies disapprovingly till they cry!!!
<Evil Laugh>0 -
I will stare at babies disapprovingly till they cry!!!
<Evil Laugh>
bwahahaha!! :laugh:0 -
I will stare at babies disapprovingly till they cry!!!
<Evil Laugh>
LMAO0 -
::raising hand::
Another BabyCenter refugee! When they switched over to the new version, I just left. I really only visited one board and a bunch of us formed a private on on ProBoards anyway. But yeah...if you want some delicious internet popcorn, its address is: www.babycenter.com :laugh:
However, the crazy at BabyCenter taught me to step away from the drama, so unless someone is being mean to one of my MFP peeps, I keep pretty quiet. Same goes for threads that are carbon copy upon carbon copy of something that's been hashed and rehashed to death.
/my pointless post0 -
If we beat too many horses PITA will begin picketing MFP World HQ.0
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I recently started a new topic and one particular member immediately attacked what I thought at the time was “good advice” I then I made a suggestion on how to improve MFP and again received a sarcastic reply.
I am curious to know if anyone has ever felt that you were under siege for making a suggestion or comment on this website?
ohhhh boy have i ever! i posted a simple post regarding posting appropropriate posts on appropriate boards. i wasn't angry, i wasn't being vicious and i wasn't being rude. you should've *seen* some of the comments i got! at first i was irritated and wanted to tell everyone to piss off, but i was tactful and then just watched the insanity - all 11 pages and 266 comments! it started to get comical, but there were still a few who had to turn it into an ugly drama fest. i'm guessing they were bored or just lame and had nothing better to do.0 -
You will always get the occasional "keyboard warrior" who thinks their opinions are fact!, in general though this place is brilliant and full of motivational people so don't let it put you off!
Ben.
I agree with Ben!0 -
Ignore people who aren't helpful and report their comments. Just like in any real life situation, there are mean people everywhere, and the same way you ignore them out there, ignore them here too0
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Honestly...if you are talking about the post I think you are talking about....I see nothing wrong with how people responded. In fact, a certain someone (no names...right?) seemed to be very defensive.
Some people are so self-indulged and judgemental of others that they they refuse to look at the fact that they can also be sarcastic and mean in their response. So, who is more to blame for their actions? A negative, snotty, sarcastic remark back doesn't make one any better.
If someone is looking for help on a public message board, put on some thick skin. Of course there are jerks out there. But, there are a lot of people who take time to try to help with the knowledge they have after months and years of research. They might present the straight up facts, but wouldn't you rather have facts from someone who has the knowledge and has taken the time to do the research? If not, I suggest that you do the hard research on your own and don't rely on message boards for your facts. And I know I'm coming off kind of like a brat-- But, I feel bad for people who put themselves out there to help, and try to do so sincerly, and just because people take offense easily they feel that they shouldn't help anymore for fear of offending someone else. I am grateful for those who have given me the facts, especially during times when I was confused and needed some answers. Sometimes I received tough love...but I wouldn't have learned to change my ways had it not been for some of the people on this site. My advice would ultimately be: put on thick skin, or do your own research.0 -
I recently started a new topic and one particular member immediately attacked what I thought at the time was “good advice” I then I made a suggestion on how to improve MFP and again received a sarcastic reply.
I am curious to know if anyone has ever felt that you were under siege for making a suggestion or comment on this website?
ohhhh boy have i ever! i posted a simple post regarding posting appropropriate posts on appropriate boards. i wasn't angry, i wasn't being vicious and i wasn't being rude. you should've *seen* some of the comments i got! at first i was irritated and wanted to tell everyone to piss off, but i was tactful and then just watched the insanity - all 11 pages and 266 comments! it started to get comical, but there were still a few who had to turn it into an ugly drama fest. i'm guessing they were bored or just lame and had nothing better to do.
I don't think this is the appropriate board for this posting. :laugh: 0 -
I recently started a new topic and one particular member immediately attacked what I thought at the time was “good advice” I then I made a suggestion on how to improve MFP and again received a sarcastic reply.
I am curious to know if anyone has ever felt that you were under siege for making a suggestion or comment on this website?
ohhhh boy have i ever! i posted a simple post regarding posting appropropriate posts on appropriate boards. i wasn't angry, i wasn't being vicious and i wasn't being rude. you should've *seen* some of the comments i got! at first i was irritated and wanted to tell everyone to piss off, but i was tactful and then just watched the insanity - all 11 pages and 266 comments! it started to get comical, but there were still a few who had to turn it into an ugly drama fest. i'm guessing they were bored or just lame and had nothing better to do. I don't think this is the appropriate board for this posting. :laugh:
i'll deal with you on another board, mister!0 -
shake them crazy-mouthed haters off. for better or for worse, we're all in this together! (it reminds me of some tough love post someone will put up, some else will reply with "you tell them!" and i always want to ask the responder, aren't you a them too?) if we could figure this out on our own, we would've already! keep on keepin' on 0
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Some people take advantage of the fact that they can pretty much say anything or act any certain way with the security of being basically anonymous behind a computer screen. I have definitely seen some people that probably could use a dose of reality in their lives.0
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If I am sick of a topic I just don't read it, and just because it is a repeated question is no excuse for anyone to be rude about it. New people join everyday and they are going to ask the same beginner questions.
i'm with you on this sister! i had all the same questions too at first, i wouldn't be surprised if we all did. and i read and read and got some info, now i don't read them anymore.0 -
People are passionate both in the way advice is given and received. There is an old saying, that there is nothing worse than the preaching by the converted. I am sure that people genuinely believe they are helping ( and 99% of the time are). Let's face it, the written word doesn't have the subtlety of a face to face conversation.
Focus on the 99% of great comments and support and ignore the 1% that doesn't make your journey a happy one. 0 -
No, I've never experienced anything negative here. You didn't provide details of the so-called "attack" so I'm going to assume it really wasn't that bad. Don't be so sensitive, grow up, and just ignore people who are "mean."0
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I’d also say that age and experience on the internet are major factors in (a) how people respond to posts and (b) how people interpret forum responses. If you have been hanging around in internet chat rooms, blogs, digg, reddit, or any other forum where people are obsessed with a singular topic—weight, games, pregnancy, baby names, infertility, celebrity gossip—for 15+ years (like I’ll admit I have), you can get used to a certain kind of rapid-fire, deliver-answers-make-friends-later style of conversation. If most of your internet use has been personal (a la Facebook) this style of conversation can rub you the wrong way.
I’m a geek, but a former English major, and I try hard to balanced, thoughtful, and articulate in my responses—but that in no way means that other people read my words the way I intend them. Discussing things in the impersonal world of the internet requires a thicker skin, but it doesn’t have to be so thick here on MFP.
All in all, this is hands down the most loving internet community I have ever participated in (get pregnant and hang out at babycenter.com and you will encounter some of the craziest posters to ever grace the internet). But, it is true that there isn’t really great guidance for new people. There’s a general assumption (probably because the sites creators are geeks) that you know how to read FAQs, search forums, and crawl through al the sticky posts before you log a single food or post a single thread.
OMFG..I'm a babycenter refugee! I have been on the internet for a long time and hung out in some serious hole in the walls with rowdy boys and men and in dirty bars ..but babycenter took the CAKE on the -worst- behavior I've ever seen. So bad I deleted and ran away. I've never done that. It was also the most women oriented site I had ever joined. I'm a serious feminist but wow after that I never mentally complained about men or boys on a site again..ever. I never want to join an almost exclusively female site again. I'm practically scarred for life hahaha :]
Wow now I want to check it out to see for myself lol
Me too!:laugh:
Sometimes we just have to throw hand in the fire and get burned. If you wake up having nightmares from hanging out a babycenter, just remember…you were warned!
:noway: :noway: :noway:0 -
oh no! i hate to hear that - i've never experienced that here. now the old weight watchers online...that was a different matter! bugger them! stay the course! :flowerforyou:0
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I try to be as nice as possible (we're all in this struggle together, right?), but there are certain times when I am (admittedly) pretty rude...
1) when I see someone being rude/mean/condescending to another member, I generally let them have an earful!! :grumble:
2) when I see individuals with eating disorders trying to encourage others to do the same (or do it even more severely)
3) when I see terrible advice (in any situation) such as recommending diet pills, illegal prescriptions, etc.
I've seen all of the above! And responded accordingly, lol. Maybe that makes me mean, but I hope not! :laugh:0 -
Honestly I think this is one of the nicest forums I have participated on in years. I think like most places, if you are posting a new topic it helps to research to see what previous discussions have covered. But all in all I've felt very encouraged by the niceness here even though I don't post a ton.0
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p.s. i personally think being sensitive is a great trait! i would much rather kick it with sensitive people than with callous ones!! 0
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Even though it is the internet, it is still real life. You will always encounter all sorts of people: helpful people, supportive people, comedians and rude people.
Ignore the rude ones. After all, you can't punch them and hitting your computer screen isn't very good for it.
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So I went back and looked through your posts and came across this response to your question. If this is what you're referring to, I would agree with you that this is a little rude and snappy. To call this person's message "helpful" is being overly kind I think. They left 22 question marks after their last statement. Why bother to answer a question if you're annoyed by its presence? Just move on to another question and let someone who wants to help, do so.
No, it's just people don't read THE DIRECTIONS.
I mean, we are adults, the process is very simple and straight forward here. If that isn't enough, there are sticky posts in the start of the forums that explain this a hundred times. Just because people don't read.....
Plus: When you sign up the instructions are pretty clear. THEN the food diary reiterates it several times.....
If that's not enough, there is a HELP at the top of every page.
If that's still not enough there's a search engine.
Really? You think there's not enough explanation?????????????????????? huh0 -
I've seen some pretty sarcastic reply's, mostly on diet fads and topics of eating back exercise calories. Honestly, I just tell myself they are on a diet, because I can get a bit snarly with people lately, but that's in real life. People are passionate about certain subjects and some people have been around here for so many months or years that they get tried of seeing the same questions (but they do need to be reminded that new members aren't going to get a hang of the system right off the bat and need to be more supportive and less judgmental). Just ignore them and don't reply. You'll just be playing into a fight, which is what they want most of the time. Don't show them they are getting a rise out of you.0
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Everyone has the option of moving on. There are hundreds of post all the time. If you've read the same kind of post before, then leave that one for the new members. I'm new from November, I'm not going to "search" the archives for a question that I have, I'm going to post it and encourage everyone else to do the same. I think a good rule is....if you find yourself getting frustrated...move on. We are all here for support and that's it. If you think someones opinion is wrong....well, that's why they are opinions. On that note...cheers to all the happy members:)0
This discussion has been closed.
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