To spank, or not to spank!?!

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McKnightAM
McKnightAM Posts: 125 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

someone please help!

AND PLEASE,, NO RUDE COMMENTS, OR HEATED STATEMENTS, I'M JUST POKING AROUND FOR NEW IDEAS, NOT START UP ANYTHING, PLEASE, IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DONT POST IT:flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • McKnightAM
    McKnightAM Posts: 125 Member
    Options
    I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

    someone please help!

    AND PLEASE,, NO RUDE COMMENTS, OR HEATED STATEMENTS, I'M JUST POKING AROUND FOR NEW IDEAS, NOT START UP ANYTHING, PLEASE, IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DONT POST IT:flowerforyou:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
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    SPANK!!!

    Hokay, now what's the question? LOL
  • McKnightAM
    McKnightAM Posts: 125 Member
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    SPANK!!!

    Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

    LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"
  • cassangelidy
    cassangelidy Posts: 304
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    I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

    someone please help!

    This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

    NAUGHTY WATER!!!

    Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

    My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

    Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

    This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

    I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
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    I've taken my kids to the bathroom when they were little and we were in a public place and they had a fit. I've only had to take each of them once. After that I had no problems. When my kids were 6, 4 and 2, I would have people come up to me almost every time we ate out and tell me how well behaved my kids were. I have also had grocery store check out people comment on how well my behaved, because if they ask for something in the check out line and I say no, that is the end of the discussion. I hate when people let their kids just run every where, and I especially hate when I'm somewhere eating and someone elses kid shows up at my table. Just because the parents think its cute doesn't mean everybody else thinks they are.

    I don't endorce spanking daily or beating. But if the kid isn't responding with any thing else a pop on the but don't hurt.

    The other day I was somewhere and this ladies little girl was being such a brat and wanting a sucker and the lady had told her no several times and the kid just kept whining and finally the lady gave her a sucker. I just sat there and thought. Yep the kid won. You will never win that battle again.

    Your just trying to start arguement aren't you.
  • heartshapdworld
    heartshapdworld Posts: 323 Member
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    I don't have children, so I am not expert.

    I know all a lot of people that will say spanking is child abuse and about as many that will say every child needs to be spanked once in a while. But I do believe children need consistent boundries, lots of love and for their parents to be their parents (as opposed to their friend). I do believe that every family is different, and how one chooses to raise one's family is a personal choice.

    Be careful about inviting other people into this kind of discussion as they may come to belive it will be alright for them to tell you and your husband how to raise your family and/or undermine you to your child. Whatever you deceide to do, it should be a choice that you and your husband agree on and will be consistent with.

    Good Luck-that is just my $0.02:flowerforyou:
  • jackeh
    jackeh Posts: 1,515 Member
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    ummmm my opinion would be...
    I wouldnt spank... i think you need to make sure you are consistant... with my 3 kiddies Time out was the answer and i made SURE that i was consistant with the time outs... if they did something wrong they went in the corner EVERY time!!! it came to the point that if they did something that they knew was wrong like hitting they would sit themselves in the time out without me even saying anything lol.
    When it comes to him hitting and biting himself i think he is definately trying to get your attention ... when you go over and say noooo dont hit yourself he is getting what he wants ... when my kids chose to hit and bite themselves i would pretend i didnt even notice and walk in a different ... lemme tell you they stopped pretty quick because they didnt get a response from me and it hurt when they did it ....
    I have often gotten the looks like i am a bad mother in the malls but again this is when the child thinks they can get your attention right .... like what as if you will stick me in the corner\spank me here.... sooooo i would find a corner IN the mall and sit them down in it ... that behavior stopped quick too lol
    and really who cares what others think about your parenting skills in the mall, they arent in your shoes, It doesnt matter what they think!!!! I have even had people in the mall come up to me and say bad things to me like make your kid stop crying (my youngest is special needs and thats all he ever did in the mall is cry) and then i have had people come up to me in the mall and say "good for you sticking him in the corner" ...
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I really think it depends on the kid.

    I am 11 years older than my sister and 17 years older than my brother, and have been babysitting since my sister was born. With my sister I feel like much more than just a sister...like a mom too, like I need to be there to take care of her, and like a disciplinarian. I'm not as close to my brother because I haven't lived with him as long and moved shortly after he was born.

    However, I can tell you that they needed to be dealt with VERY differently. My sister rarely got spanked because I only reserved it for when she was REALLY bad, but when she did get a swat on the butt, she shaped up. Mostly I used the corner with her because she wanted to be around me, so being alone was really bad for her. Both were useful.

    My little brother can be SO crazy, and he'll throw some incredible tantrums and definitely hits others. However, when he gets spanked, he doesn't react. He'll either hit back or laugh about it...he doesn't understand what it signifies, and I have REALLY swatted him on the butt before, and it didn't do anything. For him, the only thing that has meaning is the corner. I don't send him to his room with all his toys, I put him in the boring corner of the dining room and ignore him.

    My mom used to spank me a ton, and that type of discipline became a problem when I was older and she became more physical, so that influences my opinion. I think a spanking only works when used sparingly so it maintains its meaning and stays effective. Otherwise, ignoring their tantrum teaches them that they will get NO attention from you, negative or positive. I feel that's a longer-lasting and more desirable effect.
  • McKnightAM
    McKnightAM Posts: 125 Member
    Options
    I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

    someone please help!

    This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

    NAUGHTY WATER!!!

    Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

    My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

    Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

    This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

    I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.

    never in my life have i heard of that!! very creative, very unique!! lol
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
    Options
    Spank!!!

    Also just to give you some parenting advice you need to be consistant. If you say you are going to do something you need to do it not just give empty threats cause then your child will know that your just saying it and not goin to do it. Also you need to understand that your child cant fully express himself to you which causes frustration which in the end causes fits.

    As far as timeouts- If he gets out you need to put him back in there its all about consitancy (spell check) You want to gain respect now cause it just gets harder as they get older terrible 2's horrible 3's sassy 4's well you get the point.

    Parenting is very exhausting.. I too am I young mom Im 25 with a 2nd grader and Pre-K'r- Keep your head up stay patient and ignore what the people in the stores think cause your damned if you do and damned if you dont- cause either they look at you like you dont know how to handle your kids and need to spank them - or if you do spank them they have something to say about that as well-
  • cassangelidy
    cassangelidy Posts: 304
    Options
    I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I guess you could say I'm kind of a pushover (which I am trying to get out of), and i know this is a kind of heated subject for some but i really need some advice!! Me and my husband were both raised in Texas, oklahoma, where we were both brought up the old fashioned (spare the rod spoil the child) kind of way, my lil one is now at the stage where he is absolutley taking control! When he doesnt get his way he screams, and bites himself, or pulls his hair, or hits himself, and if he's feeling really brave he will bite/hit us,, we dont know what to do, spanking doesnt seem to be working anymore, and when i turn to my family for advice, they just keep telling me to spank him and make him do what I want and eventually he will get it! Than when we are in public, i get so many stares when he throws his tantrums, like i am a bad mother, or not doing something right and it breaks my heart, it doesnt help that i am so young so "that just has to be the problem", its very frustrating, and exhausting! making him sit for timeout has become a joke, its more stress for me trying to make him sit than it is even phasing him!! i have no idea what to do, i am all out of ideas, and his anger is not getting any better! :frown: :frown: :frown:

    someone please help!

    This is going to sound really bizzare, but I asked my doctor and its doesn't hurt them.

    NAUGHTY WATER!!!

    Its vinegar with water in it; but mostly vinegar. I have a little syringe that I put just a little in...half a teaspoon or so and make my daughter open her mouth. It only takes a few times of getting naughty water for her to really straighten up.

    My daughter is very strong willed, (as it sounds like your son is) and I strongly believe that strong willed children NEED TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS. Its going to be tough at first...but you can take back control. When my daughter does something she knows is wrong I get right down at her level. Have her look at me and I sort of stick out my neck a little and have a very serious, not mad, but serious look on my face and tell her. Reagan it is not okay for you to do _____. Mommy does not like when you do ___. This is your warning. If you do ____ again you will get naughty water. Then I give her a hug and pop up like nothing is wrong. She has had her warning and now its her choice. I use the word choice a lot because even as toddlers they know what is expected (if you set up expectations for them) and they know when something they do is wrong.

    Then if she does that thing I warned her about. I grab her hand and walk her over to where the naughty water is. I fill up the syringe and tell her why she is getting naughty water. I make her open her mouth and take it. I don't force her with my hands, but I tell her to do it and I wait for her. Believe me it is going to take time.

    This is just want has worked for us. And its just a thought.

    I wish you much luck because those strong little wills are tough...but properly molded...strong willed children grow up to be the leaders of our society.

    never in my life have i heard of that!! very creative, very unique!! lol

    My best friend told me about it. She too has a very stubborn boy and she started using it when he was about 18 months old. I started using it when my daughter stopped responding to spanking. Its worked for her, its worked for us.

    ::shrugs:: it is kinda funny, but Reagan knows what naughty water is and she doesn't want any part of it. So she listens to mommy.
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
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    You may want to check out "Love and Logic". It's a great way to look at parenting.

    I ran a day care for 9 years and of coarse you can't spank there. We used that there. It's pretty creative.
  • zoepane
    zoepane Posts: 209
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    spank, and beleive me, you wont have to do it often, sometime you need to shock them back into reality, and letting him know your in charge....take care of it now, before you have an out of control 13 year old,......hope this helps, (nanny for 15 years) Zoe
  • monica5237
    monica5237 Posts: 450
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    I think not giving them the attention they are wanting is the key.
    I can remember when we would go out in public and my kids would throw a fit I would walk away (keeping them in site, but they could not see me) they thought I had left them so they would stop and then if they did it again i would walk away again. soon enough they got it.
    (I was a spanker when needed but only if it was really bad)

    Don't let them know you are watching the fit.

    it is just attention they are wanting and if they see it don't work they will stop.

    As far as the talking back I have teenagers and I have NOOOOO advice there, I could probably use some :laugh:
  • cspatzer
    cspatzer Posts: 7
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    I can completely relate to what you are saying!! My husband and I were both brought up by spanking (with my hubby he got a paddle!!) and now a days the looks we get from people. When my youngest who is now 6 was younger she was the SAME way especially in public. People honestly cannot tell me their child is 100% good 100% of the time. I agree with the spanking. Like you, I never did it in public because of other people's looks and/or comments...UNTIL... my then 11 year old son was stealing from our house and to prevent it from going elsewhere we called the sheriff's dept to come and talk to him and he told my son and two other girls that we, as parents, have every right to discipline our children. And they also pointed out that if my son was their kid not only would they have gotten a spanking but their mouth would have been washed out with soap too. So from that point on I disciplined my children no matter where I was and no matter the comments or looks. There is a HUGE difference between one or two spanks to "whaling" on your child! Beleive me once or twice of that and your child will know you mean business. I have even left stores in the midist of shopping because of my daughter. To this day she is no angel but far from where she used to be!! Sorry this was so lengthy, I could just relate and wanted you to know it is ok to discipline your child as to how to see fit (again line between discipline and abuse, but you get where I'm going!!)
    Chris!! :tongue:
  • mrsyac2
    mrsyac2 Posts: 2,784 Member
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    SPANK!!!

    Hokay, now what's the question? LOL

    LMBO!! right... i just get so uncomfortable when I am in public, because of the controversy over it, and everyon is so quitck to judge, i live at an army post, and because most of the wives here are so "perfect" they dont have to spank their child cuz theirs would "never act like that", i couldnt count the times someone has said something to me, or just loud enough for me to hear, about me spanking him, all the while i'm thinking,"unless you have a child, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!"

    Dont think army wives are so perfect- and which post are you at cause Im at one too. As far has dealing with it in public you can take your child in the bathroom- Now Im not saying that every little thing needs a spanking cause thats not the case-- also when kids dont get attention they will do what ever it is to get some form attention even if its getting yelled at- Also not entertaining the fits works as well alot of times kids do it to get a reaction.
  • jackeh
    jackeh Posts: 1,515 Member
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    im actually a little surprised at how many people said spank.... apparently im the only non-spanker:huh:
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
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    I'be tried everything from spanking, taking priviledges away, silent treatment, time out... The thing that is working for me is telling them if they want to act out, do it in their room. nowhere near me.

    It's working!

    ~Joanna:flowerforyou:
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
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    I agree with a pat on the butt or if he is touching something he shouldn't a pat on the hands, not hard, just enough to get his attention or a loud clap of the hands,just loud enough to startle him.

    Let me tell you what worked with my son, when he was about 2 or 3 we were in the store and he started throwing a fit because he wanted something (my mom always bought him anything he wanted and I was trying to stop it). Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!

    When my kids got a little older, I would use a water gun for inappropriate behavior. This was especially effective for bad table manners. Whenever they would chew with thier mouths open, or talk with food in thier mouth, I would squirt them with the water gun right in the mouth area. My kids have the best table manners now that they are grown. I, too, used to get compliments when we were out in public about how well behaved my kids were.

    Memaw
  • jackeh
    jackeh Posts: 1,515 Member
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    . Well anyway, he threw himself down on the floor and proceeded to throw a major fit, so..................I did the same thing. I laid right next to him in the middle of the crowded grocery store and did EXACTLY what he did, just to show him what he looked like. Do you know he NEVER threw another fit in the store!!!!


    Memaw



    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAA i would have sooooo liked to be there to see that one:laugh:
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